 |
okay i need yall to know one basic thing about me before so that way u dont get a heart attack from anythin ive got to say im not that bad a person and im not that hard to get along with!
Am I To Blame??
Before I start tellin i have to put in that when my unlce was a kid he was rape by a older guy....im not sure who if it was his fathter, or a friend of his father.My unlce two years older than me and my aunt is one year older then me. My mom was also by her step father *why my nana got married again i think**Bobby is my step father who an a** most of the time and picks on me and no one likes him.....About three almost four years ago my uncle *Daniel*, aunt*Kara*, and nana *Jane* came down to south carolina to live closer. when they first got here they live with us. At first me and my uncle weren't that close. Then one night me my uncle and my aunt play truth or dare....well it was my aunt trun to ask and she ask *Daniel* uncle truth or dare he pick dare. she dare him to sleep with me. i said no i don't want to....he said its okay just this once, and if you really don't want to we don't have to.Let me remember you i was just goin into the 6th grade when this happen the summer before. i said fine, so we did. well it started this thing between us. So he had the freedom of makin out with me the whole nine yards. he said if you tell anyone this i will hurt you but he never said how. he never hit me or even yell at me. after about a year then found a place a mile up the road and move down there. he did date other girls but unlike me he was hittin them, and would make out with them when they didn't wanted to. one girl it tape to a bed with his friend and me and kara in the house but she got out no thanks to him. they broke up the next day. another girl he dated they kept goin out for a while and she got both the sweet and bad side of him. at this time him and i was still goin on but he stop with the sleepin with me so this other guy wouldn't cut me like he did. At first *when this started* i want people to fine out so that he had to stop....but then as time went on i didn't b/c he give me this feel and i didn't want that taken from me. this feelin was a loved, wanted, needed feelin. I kinda want them to find out so they could see how he did care and that he was a good person. This girl and i were datin and he went over to her house. the short story on that is that she got rape by him cuz he was to into the moment to stop. the first words out of her month was Jazzy told me not to, it wasn't no, it wasn't stop, it was Jazzy told me not to. after he was done she asked what are we goin to tell Jazzy? he said you don't have top worry about me im not goin to tell cuz i don't got a little voice in my head tellin me i should its you we have to worry about.he know we were datin! what he was think was bond me...im not sure if he made it seem that way or if he really did.I ask my teacher a question on how it would be counted if someone did find out. It got out somehow that him and i. He can't leave his house, be within 1000 ft in me and the other way around.If i would of told soon then none of this would have happen to any of those girls right?.i do have questions for him that are killin me inside but until im 18 i won't get an answer. is it wrong to want to know?i could tell him anything and he would care and try to pick me up when i was down. he is/was the reason i haven't cut or the pills. the cuttin begin because of bobby and the pill because of headacks. I lost a best friend. they took him away because they thought it was best but it just hurt me that much more. i can't see him but mom, jade, angel, you, kara and even bobby if he wanted to can see him....and its not fair i won't be able to see him or even talk to him until im 18! i have to wait....i just know before i die i will get those questions answered!!! i know my family and friends love me, it doesn't seem like it most the time. everyone, the law says it was wrong but to tell you the truth i only think so thing were...i got a lot out of it. i could were anythin and felt good about it, i could say my thought and not have to worry about what people say, i could come home cry and know thing would be okay once i was on the phone, i know someone did care and wanted me to live life to the fullest and to fight for what i wanted, my dreams.... i can't do that now im back to block one and im start to get to the ponit where i am goin to block everyone out and i won't let anyone back in! he help with bobby when he was bein an a** and now he not here and im goin to go bad to my habbits and i will lose everyone and i won't care im start to get to that point! "IM GETTIN TO THE PONIT AND I WON'T CARE WHO STOP TALKIN TO ME IF I GET TO THAT PONIT IM LOCKIN EVERYONE OUT AND NO ONE COMIN BACK IN" Everytime i turn around there something that remind me of him....tonight i cry, I CRY! i have write a letter thing well now it thought that i was thinkin...i was never goin to give it to him but i still have it. i have written sents i could see/talk to him anymore. i feel a bit sorry for my nana, she has to tell your mother and she has to deal with that thought. If grainne does die from that i have to live with that the rest of my life. *My grainne has had hreat attack for the last few years and is gettin old* and if she doesn't she will have this look in her eyes, give me a look, and im not sure i can deal with that.... for christmas break im just want to stay lock in my room and don't come out. I told Josh *Lenora boyfriend but is a great guy* that and he said "no im comin to your house no matter what and pickin you up and takin you somewhere don't know yet but i will take you somewhere! your not stayin in that house all break!" My mom ask everyday if me and him were and i lie everyday and i felt bad everyday. when she found out i cry and told her i was sorry i lie and didn't tell sooner. My nana and kara went to fl for a week with Daniel at home. well he not a mornin person and so i was sent over there to wake him up for school the naxt day....bad idea tell me about it. well that thing with that girl i was seen happen that tuesday i think...well he got me that monday *got me as in made out with me thing on those lines* and that thursday...or friday when everyone found out......Okay I think thats it......so on all that please leave your comments on this tell me all your thougth don't hold anything back.
|
 |
Reply
