huge important decision

[Faeletti]

ok guys listen up.
i'm supposed to be making my confirmation in October.
i don't think my parents know i'm an atheist, and my relatives definitely don't.
my entire family, especially my extended family, is very religious and they will be looking forward to my confirmation. i know it means alot to everyone but i don't know what i should do.  

[Crooked_Lamb]

If you go through with it just to make your family happy, it isn't worth it. Plus once you do come out religiously (or non so here) They will just pull they...you accepted jesus into your heart....What about your confirmation? Did that mean nothing to you? From experiance...that just hurts them more.

If you want to prolong telling them, you should say you need more time to think about such a big decision. Though depending on your parents even that might not go over well.

Likelyhood is if you tell them now, later they will just be grateful they don't have to feel their time was wasted or something.


My bottomline is, if it's not you, or what you want to do. You shouldn't feel obligated to go through with something just to save them family from something they may not be able to accept.  

[Sanguvixen]

I do agree with Lykoto's statement, but....

If you choose to not go through with the confirmation, and you come out, you may have to deal with rather cruel consequences. I say this as a warning because many a time a family has kicked a member to the curb, alienated them, or institutionalized them for coming out and admitting to not being religious or being atheist.

So you need to think about what is best for you by looking at your family, and looking at your current situation. Are you in High School? Are you going to go to College soon? Do you support yourself? Are you capable of supporting yourself soon? Does your family support you?

You have to be able to deal with the consequences if your family blows things out of proportion. So, if coming out and avoiding hurt right now by telling them what you are means damaging your future, by being kicked to the curb or having funding for college yanked from under your feet, that it is probably not a good idea. It would be a better idea to just go ahead with the Confirmation....and later on if you come out and they are hurt, you can tell them that you only went through with it because of the pressure you felt, and you didn't want to hurt them, and you were afraid of how they would react, or something similar.

Anyway, in my personal opinion Confirmations should be done away with. I don't like them, and your kind of situation is the reason why. You should try to get a good grasp on how your family might react to having an Atheist in the family before choosing what to do.

Tactically fishing for information might help if you are good that. I wish you the best of luck on what ever it is you choose to do.  

[Faeletti]

i'm not sure exactly how it would go, but i know that nothing awful could happen like getting kicked out or shunned. i think my dad might even be an atheist because he never talks about religion or goes to church. idk. my mom though, she might get really upset.

i suppose i'll tell her that i don't want to go through with it, and come out if i need to.  

[Crooked_Lamb]

Faeletti

i'm not sure exactly how it would go, but i know that nothing awful could happen like getting kicked out or shunned. i think my dad might even be an atheist because he never talks about religion or goes to church. idk. my mom though, she might get really upset.

i suppose i'll tell her that i don't want to go through with it, and come out if i need to.

Don't assume your dads an Atheist, but mabye hes a good start...trying talking to him.


Great points Sang!  

[Serendipity Splendor]

I went through something similar, except with my bat mitzvah whee
Anyway if it means a lot to your family and you don't have a problem with it, there's no harm in going through with it.

However, if you intend to come out to them about your atheist anytime in the near future, it might come back to haunt you later.

Just ask yourself what you feel comfortable with.... and how long you intend to keep your beliefs (or lack thereof) a secret.  

[Tornado_Creator]

Faeletti

ok guys listen up.
i'm supposed to be making my confirmation in October.
i don't think my parents know i'm an atheist, and my relatives definitely don't.
my entire family, especially my extended family, is very religious and they will be looking forward to my confirmation. i know it means alot to everyone but i don't know what i should do.

Don't do it.

Standing up there in front of all those people. Lying to your family, your friends and allowing yourself to become a suppressed minority. Surely you respect your family enough to not lie to them even if they are too blinded by faith and delusions to see it, and surely you respect yourself enough to not allow yourself to become suppressed and indoctrinated just because its the expected norm.

Keep your dignity, keep your pride, don't be ashamed of showing that you are a rational person, even if other people are ashamed of you for it. They're simply too stupid to be worth your time if they are that bothered by it, and as heart-wrenching as it may be to look upon loved ones and say to yourself "You're self deluded idiots", you know that I'm right about this... trust me, I've looked at people I've sincerely loved and thought "You're quite literally insane", and it hurts, but you should be honest to yourself, or you'll loose any respect you have for yourself.  

[Edi Gammon]

Faeletti

i suppose i'll tell her that i don't want to go through with it, and come out if i need to.

I've been watching this thread for a few days and I think everyone has good advice. I came out to my parents in a pretty horrible way. And I wish I could go back and do it differently... Specifically I would have been as gentle as possible. But I let my emotions get the best of me, and it has really royally screwed up any kind of normal relationship I could have with my father. He was the least accepting and understanding of anyone, and because of my retaliation and lack of compassion for his state of mind at that moment, there has been bad blood between us for years.

If you do come out to your family, which I think you should... Understand that it could be really devistating to them, and they might react with all kinds of heightened emotions. Don't do what I did. Have it in your mind before you even say a word that you will be compassionate towards them no matter what. But stand your ground, and be honest without attacking them. If theres someone in your family who you feel could empathize with you, it might be a good idea to go to them first and ask for advice.  

[Sanguvixen]

Faeletti

i'm not sure exactly how it would go, but i know that nothing awful could happen like getting kicked out or shunned. i think my dad might even be an atheist because he never talks about religion or goes to church. idk. my mom though, she might get really upset.

i suppose i'll tell her that i don't want to go through with it, and come out if i need to.

There are many religious people out there who don't go to church and who don't talk much about religion. So, it's not always a safe assumption that a person is atheist because they don't talk much about religion and don't go to church.

You could ask your father why he never talks much about religion. You could ask him why he doesn't go to church and further gauge him based on his reactions.  

[Explosive Effects101]

I didnt go through with my confirmation, so I suggest you tell your parents. Why do something your not comfortable doing? Be happy.  

[AnonymouZ]

Faeletti

ok guys listen up.
i'm supposed to be making my confirmation in October.
i don't think my parents know i'm an atheist, and my relatives definitely don't.
my entire family, especially my extended family, is very religious and they will be looking forward to my confirmation. i know it means alot to everyone but i don't know what i should do.

Start asking REAL questions, like... some atheist-minded questions towards your teacher/confirmation person. If he/she gets the hint, and depending on whether he/she accepts or rejects your "religious" stance, you may not have to break the news yourself, when this person just labels you as "not ready" for confirmation.

But then again, we all know you're gonna go thru with it so... bleh. heart