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 Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 11:20 am
I personally love any music related jokes and I love to share them. So here's mine...
A 'C', an E-flat, and a 'G' go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.
Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
Share some of yours too. smile
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Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 11:35 am
Man is condemned to be free. ~Jean-Paul Sartre Haha, yeah, I've heard that. Mine is actually much simpler, and somewhat of an inside joke between members of my choir...
But now, if something appears to be going wrong, I'll just say, "it's all F-double-sharp."
I'll leave you to figure out the ramifications of that specimen of my geekiness. A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic. ~George Bernard Shaw
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Intellectual Elocutionist
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Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 11:36 am
ok. this is a joke a flautist told me
how many flute players does it take to change a light bulb?
5. one to try and completely fail, one to do it, and 3 to complain how they could have done better xD
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Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 11:40 am
hehe...
Q: How many trumpet (or flute, violin, etc.) players does it take to change a light bulb.
A: One, he just holds the light bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around him.
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Intellectual Elocutionist
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Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 11:41 am
Man is condemned to be free. ~Jean-Paul Sartre On that note, how many sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb?
I dunno, they need to call an alto for support!
This is coming from a (somewhat self-loathing) second soprano, mind you. A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic. ~George Bernard Shaw
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Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 6:37 pm
I snaped a g-string while fingering a minor.
Guitar joke.
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Posted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 3:09 pm
Heard around the choir room:
Snarky Baritone: Uh, how would you like that note, Steve?
Fearless Leader/Conductor: I'd like it in-tune and supported, please.
**
Heard on tour:
Blindly Fearless Leader/More Different Conductor: Argh! In tempo means in *my* tempo!
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Posted: Sat Aug 09, 2008 7:15 pm
Oh dear, conductors.... I actually keep a list of particular gems that they misspeak in my folder during the year. I think my favorite was when our orchestra conductor, frustrated that the horns were always late, turned to them and yelled "Horns! You're still breathing! STOP IT!!!"
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Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 8:33 am
Heh, me and my lame friends came up with this gem one music class:
"Are you going to the store? Don't forget your Chopin Lizst. Be Bach soon, and don't be too Bizet for me..... SIBELIUS!"
The 'Sibelius' part was added because.... we're awesome like that. :/
Me and my friend also spend our times insulting each other, due to our instruments. (At my school, the brass players hate the saxophone players. I don't know why.... it's just how it works) So he calls me a brasshole, and I call him a sax-obsessed freak.
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Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 5:26 pm
metamorphize Heh, me and my lame friends came up with this gem one music class: "Are you going to the store? Don't forget your Chopin Lizst. Be Bach soon, and don't be too Bizet for me..... SIBELIUS!" The 'Sibelius' part was added because.... we're awesome like that. :/ Me and my friend also spend our times insulting each other, due to our instruments. (At my school, the brass players hate the saxophone players. I don't know why.... it's just how it works) So he calls me a brasshole, and I call him a sax-obsessed freak.
Lol! Ah, that spastic "sibelius" was a gem.. ;D
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Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:03 am
Robert Huw, our darling of a conductor (spoken with Welsh accent):
"Fugues are like dogs -- they can sense fear."
*while waiting for us to quiet down before warm-up* "Stop talking or I *will* kill you. Do you know what the term 'decimate' means, my dears?"
JohnnyChuck Eagle-nose (as I like to call him) our theory professor (Italian):
"One day you're going to be out with your boyfriend or girlfriend, and all you're going to be able to talk about is how when it's diminished you put a circle and when it's half-diminished you put a line through the circle, and she's gonna think, 'THIS is the guy!'"
*talking about the Virgin Mary* "And then the angel came down and told her, 'Young lady, you're going to be very famous.'"
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 4:47 am
I Love this story! I read it in a Book I like to call "The Book Of A Thousand Truths"... but realisticly it's about 30 years old, and is false in some places. It's a book about everything really. Anyway. There's some stories about Churchill and his Witty comments and remarks. Some stories about music. There's this one that I loved though. Heard "The Devils Trill Sonata"?
Dream Of The Devil.
The Italian violinist Giuseppe Tartini (1692 -1770), threatened with arrest for eloping with a 15-year-old girl, Elisabetta Premazone, sought shelter with the Franciscan friars at assisi. One night in the monastery he dreamt he had sold his soul to the devil, who in return played a violin sonata of incredible beauty. Tartini later tried to recapture the sonata he had heard in his dream. The Result, The Devils Trill sonata, was, he felt, only a shadow of the dream music. But violinists ever since have felt the sonata - with its intricate trill in the last of its four movements deserves its name, only because it is fiendishly difficult to play.
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 10:36 pm
latest joke told to my friend and I by a not-as-musically geeky friend:
Query: What's Bach's favorite fruit?
Response: Ba-na-na-NA! Ba-na-na-NA!
We cracked up twisted
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Posted: Thu Aug 28, 2008 2:16 pm
How may members of a German brass band does it take to change a light bulb?
- The whole band. One is holding the bulb, the rest drinks till the room starts to turn.
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Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 6:11 pm
Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet. ;D
Why couldn't Mozart find his piano teacher?
He was Haydn.
Why wasn't J.S. Bach at the classical concert?
Because he was Baroque.
What does Max make the Orchestra?
He makes them horn-y. (Max is a French Horn player) sweatdrop
What did the musician say to the tightrope walker?
You better C sharp or you'll B flat!
What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft? '
A flat minor!
As I walked past the grave stones I heard an odd sound. Someone was playing some classical music backwards. "What's that sound?" I asked a random Goth. "Oh, that's Ludwig Van Beethoven's grave. It sounds like he's de-composing."
What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.
Why are Violas larger than Violins?
They're not. It's an optical illusion. Viola players have small heads.
What do you call someone who hangs around musicians a lot?
A Viola player.
Why don't Violists play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
Why shouldn't Violists take up mountain climbing?
If they get lost, no one will look for them.
....
Yeah, that's my music class for you. xD I have tons on violas. Because everyone just loves them so much. rolleyes And since we are on the topic of light bulbs:
How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can't get up that high!
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