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lucyVUITTON

PostPosted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 6:48 pm
[Author's note: I'm not going to post anything other than the prologue and the first chapter, considering that I want to publish this. sweatdrop It leaves you a cliffhanger, so if you don't want to be left hanging until (if, that is) I get it published, don't bother reading.]


Prologue





This girl had material. She could become something great. The way she carried herself, the determined matter she completed all of her tasks, and the loyalty she bestowed upon her acquantiences was exactly what Chris was looking for.
The girl--Tessa, as Chris had learned--was playing frisbee with one of her less impressive friends in the park as Chris sat on the bench contently, disguised with an elaborately scruffy beard and raggy clothes: no, Chris knew better than to show Tessa his face this early in the game. Even if she didn't talk to him directly, he knew she'd recognize his face from somewhere when they started talking. It was better to play it safe than to be sorry.
"C'mon, Lynn!" Tessa yelled as she gripped the frisbee to her perfect, flat stomach, running underneath a tree and sliding onto the dewy grass. Chris caught a glimpse of a shining stone on a golden necklace, something that sparked his interest even moreso. "I'm tired. Let's take a break." Lynn smiled and, in a less hurried and energetic motion, rested next to her. "What do you want to do next? We could probably take a bus to the mall, or to the beach, or we could probably just walk back to your house and pig out." She stopped for a moment as she leaned against the trunk of the tree. "Oh, I know! We could get all the blankets and pillows in the house and just sit and watch movies all night. We could walk down to Wal-Mart and buy worthless crap; two-litre sodas, a bunch of chips, and a lot of ice cream. Wouldn't that be great?"
"Tess," Lynn whined as she attempted to brush the grass stains off of her jeans. "you know Mom's not gonna like me spoiling you all the time. Why don't you try to find some friends at school?"
"Have you seen Rottwood? Everyone there's either a deliquent or a druggie." She paused before letting out a dreamy sigh. "Sometimes I just wish I had some adventure in my life, though. Something away from school, away from all this stress. Some life-changing experience that would make me a better person. I mean, maybe not saving the world, I'd probably break some laws if I had to."
Chris jotted down Rottwood High School on a notebook as he stood up. His work here was done.





Chapter one





Tessa nervously scurried through the halls, keeping her head down and hiding her pale, freckled face in wildly curly red locks of hair. She hugged her books to her chest, watching the people fly past here without a care.
"You new here?" a boy asked in the hall, bumping her against a wall and stopping in front of her.
"Well, yeah." she answered shyly, returning his curious gaze as she stared into his big brown eyes.
His eyes were deep and dark, stern and tough. A hint of endless mischievousness sparkled in his bright eyes, with long, dark lashes and chestnut hair grazing right below his eyebrows. His sweet, charismatic voice laced with a playful Boston accent; his soft skin lightly sprinkled with a natural Californian tan. He had thin lips that seemed to be drawn into a permanent smile, as though life was all a game.
"I'm Tessa." she continued, holding her hand out for him to shake.
"Please to meet ya', Tessa." he said, ignoring the hand and giving her a long hug instead. She felt his warm hand around her neck as he continued to speak. "Just call me Dave. You could say I'm new here, too." He paused, accidentally brushing up against the hood of her jacket as he fidgeted with his baggy sleeve. When he looked back at her, releasing the hug, he grinned. "I better get going. Nice talking to ya'. Later, then."
When she got home that night, her diamond necklace was gone and there was a notecard in her hood.

Even now, as Tessa stretched out on her bed at night, she couldn't help but to read the card over and over, obsessing over it like a new sibling.

You're either the hero or the villian. Which would you rather be?
Meet me at the park tonight at 2:00.
Love ya,
Dave


Though she was disappointed at Dave for taking her necklace, she couldn't help but to wonder what he wanted. It was all shady--sneaking out in the middle of the night to meet someone you hardly knew--yet, at the same time, Tessa couldn't help but wonder, even if she knew it was all bad. Now that she was in a small city--compared to downtown Seattle, which she had moved from just months ago--she felt safer, even if she thought everyone her age would be future convicts. Surely someone would hear her if she were to cry out for help or, even if something did happen to her, there were only so many suspects the police could choose from in the neighborhood.
"Honey?" Tessa's mom poked her head in Tessa's room, snapping Tessa away from her paranoia.
"Hey mom." Tessa said plainly, watching her mother sit down at the edge of her paisley bedspread with concerned eyes.
"You've been in here all day," she told her daughter slowly, stroking Tessa's frizzy orange hair. "is anything wrong?"
"No, can't I be in my room without anything being wrong?" Tessa snapped meanly, surprising even herself. "I was just doing homework. Don't worry."
"How could you be doing your homework when your backpack is out by the door?"
Tessa froze.
"School's just been really rough, okay?"
"Tessa." Her mom said softly, giving her a long hug. "I know how hard it is to change schools. My dad worked in the army, so imagine how much I had to move! It's had to get used to, but you'll make friends." She gave her a quick peck on the forehead. "You're going to find the perfect friend soon enough, I promise. How about you and I go out to get some ice cream and we can talk it over? McDonald's is open all night long, and I know how much you love their sundaes."
After a short pause, Tessa shook her head. "No thanks, Mom." She gave her a little smile. "I should probably get to sleep. It'll be hard to wake up in the morning if I don't sleep soon."
Her mom returned the smile, nodding. "I understand. Sleep well, honey. Love you." She gave her one last huge before leaving, shutting the door behind her. Tessa glanced over at her alarm clock. It was 1:12; only 48 more minutes until she unraveled Dave's mystery.
The clock has struck 2:00, and her eyes became unfocus and her eyelids heavy. She decided to leave what to do with Dave for tomorrow, letting herself drift off into wonderland.

Tessa stepped off the bus anxiously, jumping down from the last step and onto the sidewalk as she looked at the giant, brick building. Groups of students stood outside, patiently waiting for the first bell to ring before they would enter the stale, empty building.
"Do you normally blow off dates, or is this a one time thing?" A playful voice said from behind her. Tessa instinctly spun around, accidentally slapping Dave in the arm. "That was real smooth." He added with a grin as he looked into her eyes with a smile.
"Sorry, I got really tired." She said lamely, turning her attention to the girl next to him. Wavy sandy blonde fell over her shoulders in thin clumps, with a dark tan and full, red lips to accentuate her features. "Who's this?"
"I'm Cheyenne." the blonde said with a smile as Dave put his arm around her waist, giving her a quick one-armed hug before looking back at Tessa.
"So what'd you want me for anyway?" Tessa asked, feeling a wave of relief that she fell asleep just in time to meet Dave. Talking to him with people around--many, many witnesses--made her more secure and open, not to mention less curious. Now it wasn't a secret meeting with a stranger, but rather an innocent discussion with a fellow classmate.
"Oh, it was just a little offer." Dave said dismissively as the first bell rang in the background.
"Shouldn't we start getting to class?" Tessa asked nervously, watching the masses of high schoolers begin to saunter into the building enduringly.
"Wouldn't you rather have this?" In one fancy gesture, he pulled her prized necklace out of seemingly nowhere. "One day's education, or a priceless necklace. Take your pick."
"I'd..." Tessa furrowed her eyebrows as she tried to swipe the necklace out of his hand, but he drew away before she had any chance. "I want my necklace, but I don't want to skip class."
"Well, alright." Dave said with a dramatic shrug as he stuffed the necklace into his inside coat pocket. "I guess we won't see each other ever again then," He grinned and gave her a low bow. "so I guess this is a formal goodbye, m'lady."
"Wait, why can't you just give it back to me now?" Tessa asked quietly as the ominous sound of the last bell pierced the silence.
"Well, we should probably go somewhere before one of the walkabouts sees us just standing here, y'know?" Cheyenne said in a slur with a sloppy smile. "It's less of a punishment to have an absence than to get suspended for cutting class." Tessa ran her fingers through her hair as she slowly nodded.
"That makes sense," she said, "but where would we go?"
"We could probably go over to my house," Dave said, watching the alarm grow in Tessa's face. "don't worry, my dad's home. We couldn't do anything to you."
"I'm not sure." She said blankly, "I mean, you could easily be lying..."
Dave rolled his eyes and he withdrew a Nokia from his pocket. "Want me to call him so you can talk to him? Seriously, we gotta' choose kind of fast. Want to go, yes or no?"
"You don't need to call," Tessa told him decidely, nodding. "I'm fine. I guess I'll go to the park with you, but not your house."
"Last time I did that, people always asked why I was there." Cheyenne said hurriedly, giving her a doubtful look. "I don't think we could pull it off. A bunch of kids in the park during the middle of school is kind of suspicious. I got suspended when I tried that."
"And your dad would be okay with this?"
"Yeah, 'course." Dave said, smiling. "He's a chill guy. He doesn't have any problem as long as I'm truthful. You'd love him."
"Okay," Tessa said hesitantly, letting out a huge sigh as she saw a security guard round the corner of the school. "We should go soon, look over there." She lifted her head and gave a nod towards the direction the guard was in.
"Where's your house, anyway?" Tessa asked once she felt the ache of overworking her thigh muscles from walking. "I don't even know where we are anymore. I don't think I've ever been this far in town."
"Chill out, girly, it's only a few blocks away." Dave said, glancing at her out of the corner of his eyes. "What, want me to carry you the rest of the way?" She gave him a disgusted look and quickened her pace as she listened to the laughs of both Dave and Cheyenne behind her.
"Is this it?" Tessa asked as she wrinkled her nose in disgust, staring at a single, lonely house in an opening in the trees. The outside reminded her of a shed, with plastic covering as windows and a rotting wood exterior.
"Yeah, this is it." Cheyenne said, kicking open the door, with Dave and Tessa following her.
"There's my main man!" Dave exclaimed happily, shoving Tessa over to a man in a dirty polo shirt and jeans, tapping away on a Blackberry with one hand, a Heinekin in the other. "Chris, meet Tessa."
"You're Dave's dad?" She asked in surprise, with Chris looking up at her with dull eyes before looking back to his Blackberry.
"Watch your steps." was all Chris said. Glancing down, Tessa's was struck with amazement as she surveyed the creaky floor. Broken beer bottles and empty cigarette cartons scattered the area around the only piece of furniture in the entire room; a beat-up sofa that Chris was sprawled across.
"So," Tessa said, trying her best to ignore the disturbing setting Chris has set up for her. "is there anything to do here?"
"Well, not really." Dave said with a pathetic smile, eyes glistening as he put his arm around her. She immediately backed away, shivering at the thought of what happened last time his arm was around her. "You're a really bright lady, you know that?"
Something was wrong.
"Yeah," Tessa told him with hesitation as she gave him a confused look. "why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did you just tell me that?"
Dave gave her a grin as he grabbed her hand and gracefully swung her over to the couch, sitting down at Chris' knees and he patted the spot next to him. She slowly sat down next to him after dusting down a spot to sit at. "I bet you're looking for a little adventure in your life."
Something was wrong.
"Not really." Tessa said, shaking her head synonymously. "I once told my sister, Lynn, that I was hoping for some adventure, but I don't think I could actually go through with any adventure." Chris' eyes sparkled as he sat up from his slouch.
"You said that you'd do anything for some adventure, even if it meant breaking a few laws." Chris told her, watching her face distort in amazement as he smiled with satisfaction. He looked down at his Blackberry before reciting her exact words. "'Sometimes I just wish I had some adventure in my life, though. Something away from school, away from all this stress. Some life-changing experience that would make me a better person. I mean, maybe not saving the world, I'd probably break some laws if I had to'."
"How did you--" Dave cut Tessa off before she could ask anything equally damning.
"Here's your chance, girly!" Dave told her before leaning on her shoulder with wide, innocent eyes. "An adventure."
"What are you talking about?" Tess asked in bewilderment as she looked up at Cheyenne.
Something was wrong.
"We could rule the world, baby." Dave said with a crooked half-smile, grabbing her hands with determination. "People do whatever they have to to catch a criminal." Tessa's throat tightened at the word 'criminal'. Something was wrong. "It'll be easy, too. Rob some convience stores for practice before moving onto the banks."
"You want me to do what?" Tessa exclaimed, standing up before looking over at Cheyenne, who was quietly leaning against the locked door. "That's not adventerous that's just stupid!"
"Stupid, adventurous, the line between the two is so thin." Dave said simply, standing up and giving her a gentle shove towards the bathroom. "Come with me." She shook her head defiantly, hearing footsteps behind her before she felt Cheyenne's long fingernails dig into her shoulders as she pushed her into the bathroom.
"Let me go!" Tessa said, hoping to sound agressive, yet, even to her, she sounded more unsure than assertive. She moved her shoulders, trying to shake Cheyenne off of her, yet her grip only got tighter, tighter.
"Just need to shut the ******** up and listen!" Cheyenne cried out as she dragged Tessa into the bathroom, pushing her into the bathtub before locking the door after dave and Chris had made their way in. Tears shined in Tessa's bright emerald eyes. She knew something was wrong.
"C'mon, girly, this is a great offer!" Dave said with a grin as he shoved himself down on her, playfully leaning against the end of the tub as he drew a lighter and a cigarette out of his pocket.
"Can you not smoke here?" Tessa asked lamely, trying to scoot away, but Dave's weight anchored her in the position she was in.
"It's my house, I say let him." Chris said simply.
"Oh right, and Chris isn't my dad." Dave said with the biggest grin yet, and Tessa lifted her hand up to instinctly push him off, but Cheyenne grabbed her hand before she could even try, digging into her fragile skin.
"Okay, I'll stop!" A single tear slid down Tessa's face as she watched Cheyenne draw away, a thin line of blood streaming down Tessa's palm. She looked over at Chris as she wiped the blood on the shower curtain, nodding to show him she would listen.
"Pick one, life or death." Chris asked, lending her a sympathetic hand as he reached into a cupboard and pulled out a bandage for her to use.
"Life," Tessa said with a boggled mind, sticking the Band-Aid onto her hand and smoothing it down as tears silently poured down her freckled skin. Dave stood up and climbed out of the tub as Tessa wiggled into a more comfortable position. "but I'd rather die with dignity than with a guilty conscience."
"Well, that's that then!" Dave said with an entertained smile as he reached into the heater vent, pulling out a handgun and pointng it at her. "Nice knowing ya', girly."
"Well, wait!" Tessa said hurriedly, hugging her shaking knees to her chest as she held back the sobs in her dry throat. "What would I have to do? You're not specific. I can't make a decision without the specifics."
"You won't have to hurt anyone." Chris said slowly as he sat on the edge of the bathtub with a smile. "If you don't want to, anyway. It's just a money thing. You'd gain a lot out of it. I mean, you've already displayed the perfect traits... you're determined and won't give up unless something's in it for you."
"I don't like being told I think like a criminal."
"Oh, you don't." Dave told her, tossing the gun carelessly from one hand to the next. "You want adventure, right? That's what's in it for you. The money'll be split between all of us, too, it'll be a pretty good deal."
"Why me?"
"We've narrowed it down." Chris said with a one-shouldered shrug. "It's pretty simple. We need about six or seven people, so we just go to places like the beach--which is where we found you--and find people with the right characteristics. We watch them and narrow it down for people with strong strength, physical and mental, the drive and determination to pull this off, greed, and the sheer geniosity."
"Wait," Tessa said as she tore pieces of her chapped lips off and letting the dry skin float to the ground. "I'm not greedy, or a genius."
"You in or not?" Dave asked boredly as he took a drag off of his cigarette. "This is getting lame."
"Alright," Tessa said silently, watching Chris with disgust. "I'm in."  
PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 1:19 pm
I love it!
Its so cool, it seems like a real book, you should publish it!
lol
sorry, but my name is Tessa xD
so i was a little suprised when i saw my name in this but its awesome!  

KiraKiraDeath

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Kasi Karra

PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 1:56 pm
You said it left off at a cliffhanger so I only read the prolouge
But I loved it and am trying not to read the first chapter crying  
PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 9:17 am
this is pretty cool. I didn't read through the first chapter (because i don't have a lot of time and I don't like cliff-hangers too much). I like your style, but I would be a little careful with it. The prologue feels like it might go over the top, a little too dramatic (for lack of a better word).

I'm mainly talking about the parts where we're in Chris' head (from the beginning to "to be sorry" roundabouts). It sounds a little like he's trying hard to be mysterious, and I get the feeling he might not have a good reason to be. Just be careful with that.

Another, tiny (seriously) thing is that...this is a little hard to read for me because of the formatting. I know gaia steals my indents, so I make spaces for each paragraph (internet paragraphs, I think they're called). It makes it less daunting and helps distinguish one paragraph from another (especially when the last sentence goes to the end of the line).

Overall, though, I think this is going to be something pretty awesome. I like the movements you put into the dialogue, like "Tessa yelled as she gripped the frisbee to her perfect, flat stomach, running underneath a tree and sliding onto the dewy grass." I think things like that show some promise.  

in the flicker.

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