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The Losing Edge

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KiraKiraDeath

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 5:27 pm
I'm hanging by the thread,
The thread that binds our souls forever,
Laced by those fragile hopes.
This is the begining,
of what never began.


I'm on the losing edge.
Hoping for a better tomorrow,
living on shattered faith,
Trying to apologize for those
honest mistakes left unnoticed.



Spiraling out of control,
we will fall.
Through those clouds,
We believe to intertwine
our greatest lies and dreams.
Those broken hopes cradle
the fears we never grasped as reality.



These dark twisted thoughts
of suicidal dreams bind me to
The remains of those beautifully tainted memories,
Of the you I once loved.
Please don't forget my broken truths.
Remember my lies as you heard them slipping through
these unfaithful lips.



Sorry for my obscene trust,
My open heart, my hand outstretched.
Fool me once, break my heart.
Fool me twice, I apologize.



Like that bad fairytale,
Where your obscurity
Picks me back up and kisses me goodbye.
Just to knock me back down again.



A chest full of doubt,
A hand full of tears,
and my eyes full of hope,
that the shattered faith
I depend on, puts me back together again.
 
PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 5:31 pm

Description~
Heartbreak can be devastating.
Especially so when the two roles of man and woman are filled with unfaithful lovers.
Any who~~~
Decipher as you wish ^^
 

KiraKiraDeath

Tipsy Fairy

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Spastic waffles
Captain

PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 5:31 pm
Quote:
Sorry for my obscene trust,
My open heart, my hand outstretched.
Fool me once, break my heart.
Fool me twice, I apologize.


I loved this stanza. Absoultey loved it.  
PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 3:38 pm
:3
Thanks!
I love hearing about what people think,
but I could use some criticism. sweatdrop
Maybe I'm too hard on myself. -nods-
Anyways Thanks!  

KiraKiraDeath

Tipsy Fairy

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Chrysanthemum Moon

PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 6:21 pm
Poetic Ego

Through those clouds,
We believed to intertwine
our greatest lies and dreams.


I think you meant "believe" there...

Poetic Ego

Remember my lies as you heard them slip through
these unfaithful lips.


Slipping maybe?

Poetic Ego

Sorry for my obscene trust,
My open heart, my hand outstretched.
Fool me once, break my heart.
Fool me twice, I apologize.

Like that bad fairytale,
Where your obscurity
Picks me back up and kisses me goodbye.
Just to knock me back down again.


I want to combine these two stanzas together. Don't have a clear reason yet; just a vague feeling.

Poetic Ego
Eyes full of hope,
that the shattered faith
I depend on, puts me back together again.


A bit awkward, the phrasing.

Poetic Ego
Through those clouds,
We believed to intertwine
our greatest lies and dreams.
Those broken hopes cradle
the fears we never grasped as reality.


Favorite lines. My poetry usually revolves around the subject of blurring fantasy and reality. And I can't write any unless I am really really sad. crying Very good, overall. Nice tone and imagery.  
PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 12:47 pm
:3
Right!
Thanks I'll get right on that.  

KiraKiraDeath

Tipsy Fairy

13,925 Points
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Infinite possibilities-A writer's guild

 
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