Workshop #3

[Collote]

I did a sonnet which, according to a website I found, has 10 sylables per line, every other line ryhmes and there are 14 lines. It also looks like the last 2 lines ryhme.

Anyways, I wrote to a strawberry. It's sort of hilarious, sort of not. I wasn't trying to be funny... I guess it just depends on how you look at it. xD

Oh, and if you don't get the "rich kid" part... I was trying to imply that he/she was with all of the "perfect" strawberries. Make sense? Good...

Ah, and the second to last line doesn't really work and I know that. =/

[Title]

I hunt for you at your harvests each year.
There is always a disappointing fruit.
Once I find you I stab you with my spear.
Into the basket you go all too mute.

Blue you only get to be with rich kids.
I think that is strange; you are very red.
You all go into bottles, each with lids.
I slowly eat the population dead.

Why do I do it? It is quite simple.
Your taste is like no other; that is why.
I eat you when it destroys your dimple.
I even do it when it makes you cry.

You will be in heaven with no daughter.
Soon more strawberries will join the slaughter.  

[serephemeral]

I like this one, Collote! The only thing I would say is to add a comma after go in the first stanza. I get the thing with the second to last line, but you're right. Most people probably wouldn't make the seed connection (that is what it was, right?). But it works, i guess, so no hurry on fixing it.

Congrats on your first sonnet! blaugh  

[Collote]

Veiled Seraph

I like this one, Collote! The only thing I would say is to add a comma after go in the first stanza. I get the thing with the second to last line, but you're right. Most people probably wouldn't make the seed connection (that is what it was, right?). But it works, i guess, so no hurry on fixing it.

Congrats on your first sonnet! blaugh

Thanks.

Yeah, I guess that's what I was getting to. Heh...