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Reply Writing: Prose
The Chronicals of Gweneth Night

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5thmarauder

PostPosted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 11:18 pm
Ok so this is my newest story idea. I know this isn't much but I haven't typed up the rest yet. I'll have more up asap ok? Let me know what you think please! Oh and remember it is just the prelude so there isn't much detail in it.

Prelude


“I don’t understand why we even bother,” Craysix said pulling twigs and leaves from her brick red hair, “I mean what’s the point of even trying to help him if he’s just going to lead us to a dead end.” Marvel rolled his eyes as he led them forward. “It’s not like we really have a choice.” He said. He stopped and looked around them. The were in the middle of Faithloric forest somewhere close to the spirit city of Pract and as usual they were completely lost. He sighed and pulled the small leather pouch that hung around his neck over his head and tugged at the drawstrings until it opened. He then tipped the bag upside down into his hand. Out of it fell four different colored stones, one for each of the four elements. He smiled as he looked lovingly at his guidance stones. He could feel their magic pulsate in his hands as it reacted to his own.
“We’re lost again!” Craysix said eyeing the stones in outrage. “Oh shut up Craysix.” Narvis said coming up behind them. “I’d like to see you try and do better with an Impling like you buzzing nonsense in your ear every second of the day.” Craysix bared her teeth at him and shot a fireball at his back as he passed her. It hit her target perfectly causing him to fly three feet forward into the closest tree with a loud bang. The tree splintered at Narvis’ impact and pieces flew every where. Narvis pushed him self off the tree and was on his feet an instant later. “You’ll regret that Craysix.”He said through clenched teeth as the ground began to shake and his eyes went from being a vivid emerald green to being pale and milky. “What are you doing Narvis?” Craysix said beginning to panic as a crack began to open beneath her feet.
“Enough both of you,” Marvel snapped at them. “I know where the child is.” Both of their heads snapped in his direction and the ground beneath Craysix closed again. “Where is he Marvel, my love?” Craysix said walking to Marvel with bloodlust filling her eyes. Marvel smiled at her showing his sharp teeth and put his hand under her chin. “Patience darling, you’ll have your revenge soon enough.” He said soothingly as he traced the long pink scar that ran the length of the right side of Craysix’s face. “The child is just over that next hill according to my guidance stones and you can kill Gweneth the second we have the child in our hands.” He turned her around and pointed northwest in the direction of Pract as he spoke. Craysix’s eyes lit up as she spotted a thin plume of grey smoke from a fire rising in the distance. Narvis shook his head in disgust at their affection for each other. “Fine then lets get moving.” Narvis said breaking up the two of them. “Oh and Craysix, don’t think this means I’ll be forgetting the beating I’ll be giving you for that fireball stunt.” Craysix smirked at him and turned into a raven which immediately took to the skies in the direction of the smoke. Marvel and Narvis looked at each other for a moment and the followed her example and disappeared into the night.  
PostPosted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 7:05 pm
I like it. It's a little hard to follow, as it is mostly one huge paragraph, but the idea is entertaining, and I'd like to learn more about the characters.
Unfortunately, I'm a grammar freak and I have to point out a couple of errors: the misspelling of "Chronicles" and confusing "Prelude" with "Prologue" ("Prelude" refers to music- but maybe that's what you were going for...?). But I definitely like it and I hope you have more of this to share with us. smile  

JaelValentine


5thmarauder

PostPosted: Thu Oct 23, 2008 3:03 am
yeah i actualy just read it again an realized i did it. i was like half awake when I posted it. I was typing it from my note book and i had a hard time reading my own handwritting. I lost internet for a while so now is the first time i've been online since. i plan on fixing things tomarrow.  
PostPosted: Sun Jan 11, 2009 7:18 am
I agree with aelValentine.

Also, before names use a comma... like "Oh shut up Craysix." ---> "Oh shut up, Craysix."

Great job, keep it up! [:  

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Writing: Prose

 
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