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Reply Writing: Prose
White Room

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Crew

PostPosted: Mon Oct 20, 2008 12:52 pm
Read please... [:


You had never seen a room like that one. Only in immature houses… not a house that had been around for so long it seemed ancient. It was monstrous, too. Either the owners were too sluggish to paint it, or they didn’t have the money. You knew the residents well enough to know that wasn’t the case. They had a decent amount of money and, when they wanted some thing done, it was taken care of.

Then, why? Why leave such a gorgeous room plain?

You thought it was so bland; who didn’t have enough character to glue at least one poster of a band or movie on their walls? They reminded you of robots, and not the cute ones from Wall-E. No, more like your typical sci-fi robots who have no personalities… because they’re all programmed to do the same thing. It was even worse. These ‘robots’ were human beings. People who had the choice to express themselves, but took a whole different option. The option of being living, breathing robots lacking character.

You stopped there, sticking with the ‘these-people-are-disgusting-robots’ conclusion.

But if you looked deeper -just as Dr. Seuss found Whoville in a simple snowflake- you would’ve seen the opposite. Such as how they saw a great deal in, instead of on, those white walls. The color white reflects light giving the room a bright, cheery atmosphere. It is almost overused on one of the most joyous days of a person’s life; their wedding. White is a pure color, even more so than the cleanest of lakes. Doesn’t that mean some thing to you? When that ‘robot’ walks into their room, they feel a sense of being different just as you do! Their simple, untouched room is just as symbolic as your room is. And you are too naïve to see that. If you would have thought a few moments more, you would’ve understood. You would’ve given these people a chance.

Of course you didn’t, there was no time to stop and think; you needed to save these people from themselves. Honestly, you wanted to save yourself from them. You stalked into the blinding room, catching a glimpse of its disturbing possessor sitting, carefree, in a corner. Looking at the flawless walls made you want to vomit. Just one scratch and the room would darken. That’s all it took. Smirking at the innocent being’s now-hurt eyes, you dug your nail into the wall, dragging it from one end of the room to the other. You stepped back, taking in your beautiful destruction. Letting out a horrific cackle, you left the room leaving the human alone to drown in their misery. Their identity shattered, giving birth to the true robot.
 
PostPosted: Thu Nov 06, 2008 3:53 pm
I do like constructive criticism, you know.  

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Crew


5 to midnight
Crew

PostPosted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 8:15 am
umm well I liked it but I was a little confused when I started reading the third paragraph. I think it was the use of the word "you". I couldn't understand who you were talking about. But yeah, nice!  
PostPosted: Wed Dec 17, 2008 3:50 am
Mimika Rose
umm well I liked it but I was a little confused when I started reading the third paragraph. I think it was the use of the word "you". I couldn't understand who you were talking about. But yeah, nice!


I have "you" in the first paragraph...

Hmm...  

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Crew


Tsuki_Hana_Chan

PostPosted: Fri Dec 19, 2008 1:22 am
I think the "you" was just fine when I read it. Maybe reread it just to make sure.

Anyways, I found that very well written. heart It made me think of something in a whole different perspective entirely, which, I'm guessing, was what you were aiming for. I couldn't find any grammatical or spelling errors. I might be wrong. *Shrug*

One thing that I did find confusing, well, more like it thru me off, was the whole nails in wall thing. It made me think that "you" was some kind of monster for a second. I don't know about your wall, but I wouldn't be able to do that to mine, so might I suggest them using a sharp object instead, like a pair of scissors or one of those metal rulers.  
PostPosted: Sun Jan 11, 2009 7:42 am
Tsuki_Hana_Chan
I think the "you" was just fine when I read it. Maybe reread it just to make sure.

Anyways, I found that very well written. heart It made me think of something in a whole different perspective entirely, which, I'm guessing, was what you were aiming for. I couldn't find any grammatical or spelling errors. I might be wrong. *Shrug*

One thing that I did find confusing, well, more like it thru me off, was the whole nails in wall thing. It made me think that "you" was some kind of monster for a second. I don't know about your wall, but I wouldn't be able to do that to mine, so might I suggest them using a sharp object instead, like a pair of scissors or one of those metal rulers.


Huh, that's interesting... I never though of the nail thing as a monster... yeah, I'll look that over.

Thanks!  

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Crew

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Writing: Prose

 
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