what do you think of this idea?

[chickie94]

realistic fiction, a girl (yes she's based on me) lives in a small town, but she dreams of becoming an archeologist, she travels the world and has a lot of fun, but she's lonely, then her fiancee dumps her, she gets fired and she gets sick all in like a week and the only one who comes is her best friend from her hometown, a guy who is in love with her, but she doesn't know, they end up getting married and it's really cute, what do you think of this idea, would it make a good book or is it too cheesy?  

[5 to midnight]

I'm not sure that it's cheesey but that this kind of story has been done before. However, I think if you work at it and make the characters interesting then it does have potential. Plus, it is pretty cute. heart  

[penandpaper67]

I don't necessarily think it will be cheesy if it's written in the right way, but it doesn't seem to have much to the plot. Like Mimika says, it's been done before and is actually quite overused. Some suggestions... Don't make her misery so concentrated; make it last a year rather than a week. Also, I think it's less conventional if the man who loves and helps her and eventually marries her actually lives in the same place as her, instead of coming from her hometown. These are just ideas to maybe make it a bit more interesting and unique. I think that Mimika's right though; if the characters are well-developed and interesting, it will be cute.  

[chickie94]

plot summary

The main character, Nickie, gets sick and her boyfriend Randy breaks up with her while she's still in the hospital. After talking to her friends they decide to go to the beach to get away from it all. Once she gets there she spends hours in a bookstore which is followed by her first encounter with the prince, Viktor. After laying on the beach for a few hours, she steps in a hole and twists her ankle, Viktor gives her a piggyback ride to her beach house. They date casually, movies one night, make lunch together another, and he teaches her how to fish the next. Randy and a few of his friends come and sees Nickie and Viktor walking together on the beach. She gets mad and they all leave. Viktor has to leave to go back to Russia and he offers to take Nickie and her friends with him. She agrees after a while. When they get there, he hands her a credit card that has no limit and tells her to go shopping while he talks to his parents. They go to a party that night and she meets his parents, friends, and his ex girlfriend. They go to ballets and parties for about a month, then she sees his ex, Tatianna, stumbling out of his room and 4 in the morning half dressed, Nickie gets mad and she and her friends leave. She gets depressed and she gets back to gether with Randy, three years later she graduates, she still hasn't heard from Viktor. She goes to college to become an archeologist. She's somewhere in Egypt working when she's told a man is there to see her, it's Viktor, they talk and she finds out he wasn't seeing his ex, his family hated her so they payed Tatianna to break them up. He proposes, they get married. She finds an important tomb and makes millions from it. She becomes the Queen, they have two kids. Happy Ending  

[penandpaper67]

Could you write it in actual sentence form? That makes it easier for anyone critiquing it to read and it might help you in the long run when you're actually trying to write it out. And maybe give your characters temporary names; it got confusing with all of the pronouns.  

[chickie94]

thanks, you're right it would help, how's this?

The main character, Nickie, gets sick and her boyfriend Randy breaks up with her while she's still in the hospital. After talking to her friends they decide to go to the beach to get away from it all. Once she gets there she spends hours in a bookstore which is followed by her first encounter with the prince, Viktor. After laying on the beach for a few hours, she steps in a hole and twists her ankle, Viktor gives her a piggyback ride to her beach house. They date casually, movies one night, make lunch together another, and he teaches her how to fish the next. Randy and a few of his friends come and sees Nickie and Viktor walking together on the beach. She gets mad and they all leave. Viktor has to leave to go back to Russia and he offers to take Nickie and her friends with him. She agrees after a while. When they get there, he hands her a credit card that has no limit and tells her to go shopping while he talks to his parents. They go to a party that night and she meets his parents, friends, and his ex girlfriend. They go to ballets and parties for about a month, then she sees his ex, Tatianna, stumbling out of his room and 4 in the morning half dressed, Nickie gets mad and she and her friends leave. She gets depressed and she gets back to gether with Randy, three years later she graduates, she still hasn't heard from Viktor. She goes to college to become an archeologist. She's somewhere in Egypt working when she's told a man is there to see her, it's Viktor, they talk and she finds out he wasn't seeing his ex, his family hated her so they payed Tatianna to break them up. He proposes, they get married. She finds an important tomb and makes millions from it. She becomes the Queen, they have two kids. Happy Ending  

[penandpaper67]

May I just say one thing? I do not like your ending at all. It's okay if he proposes and they marry, but the rest of it is way too out there. Some of the things you had in there seemed really unecessary, like the credit card. I'd want to see a sample, but it really doesn't interest me that much. It still seems really typical.  

[teleportation]

I think its quite a cliche' idea, but if you really work on it, it can be pulled off.  

[DeMoNxDaVe]

I don't think I'm certified to comment on this because I'm a guy but I will anyways.

It has an okay premise but some of it doesn't make a lot of sense. It all seems so abrupt. And the ending is just ridiculous. Unless she's a freelance archeologist and doesn't pay anyone, she's not going to make millions, and "becomes the queen"? Isn't this supposed to be realistic?

You need to work out some major flaws but if you write it well enough it could be good.

Probably.