 |
If I had told him I loved him more, would he remember me…?
Life is as fragile as a newly formed blossom, and can slip from our grasp at any moment. Faster than the blink of an eye, we can die. Many choose not to, but at one point, we must all face our humanity, our mortality. I faced my mortality far before my time, in place of the one I loved most.
“Hailey! Wait, come back here!” Felix’s voice pleaded from the other side of the slammed door. Hailey wiped the weak and unwanted tears from her cheeks as she stormed over the front lawn. She hated when she got this jealous of the other women in Felix’s life. Even though they were just co-workers, when he talked about one of them looking him over more than politeness called for, or saying things to him in too friendly a manner, it sent hurt and rage through her with crippling speed.
The streets were empty, which meant she could be alone and think in the silence of a suburb. Setting slowly behind a wall of houses, the sun illuminated the streets with a dim light. Hailey pulled her arms around her as the heat from the setting sun vanished a little more every minute. Her t-shirt and shorts weren’t going to get her very far.
Yet, there was a part of her that didn’t care at all where she walked, or how far she went. She just wanted to be away from him. He always hurt her, or upset her without meaning too. She didn’t want to be a jealous person. It was the last thing she wanted, but, as she realized a long time ago, Felix was a lot to lose. Their love was the best thing that had ever happened to her. It took her a whole year to figure out that she loved him, and even longer for them to jump through hoops to be together.
He was so much to lose and yet at times like this, she wished she’d never met him. Sad though it would be, her life would be far easier and not nearly as full of worry. She would become physically ill at times just thinking about where he might be, who he might be with. It was a horrible way to live, but she couldn’t help it. She could only wonder why he had bring things up that upset her and if it was because the fact that she loved him so much and was jealous made him feel good about himself.
At this thought, she ground her teeth and wiped away a newly forming tear. She didn’t want to say she hated him, but sometimes the word was right there in her thoughts and right on the tip of her tongue. But, then she’d be lying if she said it…
I lift my head. The room is silent once more. I realize I have fallen asleep at my desk again. My head spins a little as I stand. I miss him. I miss him more than anything in the entire world. I gather my papers, stack them neatly and pick them up. The work seems to pile up more each day. I have been falling behind lately. He has been haunting my thoughts again.
I wonder as I walk down the stairs, if he ever thinks about me anymore, or if he has a new love, and new dreams. I wonder where he lives now, if he ever wishes we could be together again. Walking through the sliding doors, I realize as I have many times before, how foolish I am being. He can’t remember. He won’t remember. I’m a distant memory to him now. A far off dream.
The bus comes late again. I pull myself together and compose myself as I step up onto the stairs. Selecting a seat with no other occupant, I sit with my papers on my lap. The engine roars, the bus pulls forward. I lean my head against the window. The stress and fatigue dominate me with sleep. I fall into a light twilight of reality, the former memory ensues.
Felix leaned back against the wall by the door. He sighed and stared at the floor. He ran over the conversation they had been having just before it turned into an argument and Hailey storming out of the house. All he had mentioned about his day was how Maria had complimented his shirt and how it brought out his muscular structure. At that moment, he realized how much deeper the compliment really was and why Hailey was so upset.
He rubbed his forehead and wondered why she had to get so jealous and upset about everything he did or said. Shoving his hand in his pocket, he continued to think about her actions. He wondered why she couldn’t just trust him and let go of all this foolish jealousy. She knew he loved her more than anything. Right? He questioned his own reasoning for a moment. Thinking over an expanded period of time, he realized he had never really told her he loved her. Even though he had displayed it in many ways, and said it in different ways, he had never once come out and told her straight up, I love you. Though she had told him those three words many times at his request. He remembered every time she said it, how his heart seemed so full and complete, how those words could send brief moments of bliss washing over him as they slid off her tongue.
Just then, a large crashing boom shook Felix from his thoughts. He looked up and realized that he wasn’t mad at Hailey at all. He loved her more than anything at that moment. Another thunderous crash filled the air and lighting filled the darkening sky with a fierce blue flash. Felix grabbed his jacket and hers and opened the door. The storm coming in was going to be bad, and there was no way he was coming home without her.
|
 |
Reply
