S-Dude's Sadistic Stories - NEW STORY - THE ISLAND

[Bass Beatdown]

My strongest memories are of those days.

XK7

The Island

Yeah. I'm trying to get into writing. I wrote this for English, and everyone loves it. I plan to write more.  

[The Rawk Hawk]

It's well written.
Good job.  

[nerdyninja]

very well done, has a twist without being predicable.  

[l-Kriel-l]

That.
Was.
Amazing.  

[Ennokni]

I really like it. Can I say though, maybe back off on all the similes and description. The things like "sapphire blue", "sewerage green", "emerald green", etc. It was fantastic, just a little frequent if you know what I mean. But I'm not a professional, so you don't have to take my word on it.  

[Bass Beatdown]

Ennokni

I really like it. Can I say though, maybe back off on all the similes and description. The things like "sapphire blue", "sewerage green", "emerald green", etc. It was fantastic, just a little frequent if you know what I mean. But I'm not a professional, so you don't have to take my word on it.

We're forced to do this kind of thing at school. XD  

[Ribbin]

I like the second one, your writing style is interesting. There's a couple things you could brush up on though. Dialogue is a hard thing to do without making it sound forced. All of the dialogue seemed good except for the first line.

Quote:

“We are adding the drug into your body.”

It seems like you were trying for a euphemism, but I don't think 'adding' is a word anyone would use for that sentence.

Sometimes your writing is a little redundant, and you repeat things.

Quote:

Steven had changed. He had the look of a crazed beast in his eyes. He’d changed.

Saying that he had changed twice just sounds repetitive. And sometimes the wording of your sentences come off as a little confusing.

Quote:

Who… who is this creature? He smells… smells of… waste. Waste… waste must be… destroyed! This creature must ALSO BE DESTROYED!

The 'also' in the sentence doesn't make sense. But, all of these problems are small mistakes that are as easily fixed as a typo. So having someone read your work to notice things you might skip over would fix something like that. =) All in all, great work, keep it up.  

[Bass Beatdown]

New story get.