Jokes

[LittleTnCo]

Hey everyone! This section is devoted to jokes. If you know of any; please feel free to post your jokes. And it's okay to make comments in this section. So; what are you waiting for? Make us laugh already!

dramallama dramallama dramallama wahmbulance wahmbulance dramallama dramallama dramallama  

[Music of Insanity]

Michael Phelps was swimming in the ocean, and he came across a mermaid. The mermaid saw him, and said, "I thought you were just a myth!!"  

[Music of Insanity]

This animal joke is kinda corny. Bear with me here. xd  

[Music of Insanity]

1. How do you put an elephant in a refridgerator?
A: Open the door, put it in, and close the door.

2. How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
A: Open the door, take out the elephant, put in the firaffe, and close it.

3. The Lion King is holding a meeting, and all of the animals are there except for one. Which one isn't ther?
A: The giraffe; he's still in the fridge!

4. You need to cross a river, but it is home to a large group of hungry crocodiles. There is no bridge, and it is too wide to jump across. How do you cross??
A: Just swim across, the crocs are at the Lion King's meeting!  

[LittleTnCo]

Thanks Lola. Those were some funny jokes!!  

[LittleTnCo]

UPON COMPLETING Army Airborne training at Fort Benning, Ga., I was granted leave and waited at the local airport for my flight. A teen-ager approached and told me that he was about to go into basic training. Eyeing my dress-green uniform and Airborne wings, he exclaimed, "Wow! You actually jumped out of an airplane?" "No," I sheepishly admitted. "I was pushed five times."

--Contributed to "Humor In Uniform" by Pvt. Kenneth M. Busler
 

[LittleTnCo]

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well.....?"

She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God...'."
 

[LittleTnCo]

WHEN OUR SON was in Marine boot camp at Parris Island, S.C., we received this cryptic note from him: "Dear Mom and Dad No time to write. Please send a few things I need alarm clock, nail clippers, panty hose. It's cold down here. Love, Rob." I agonized over what size panty hose a man six feet tall, with a 30-inch waist, would wear. What style? What color? Support? Sheer? Control top? Does 'One Size Fits All' really fit all? I decided on queen size, opaque, in suntan, with a reinforced toe. Hoping they would keep our handsome Marine warm, I mailed the package. It wasn't until Rob came home for Christmas that the mystery was finally solved. "How did those panty hose work out?" was one of the first questions I asked. "Thanks, Mom, they were great! They're the best thing for putting a super shine on my boots."

--Contributed to "Humor In Uniform" by Linda W. Carlson
 

[LittleTnCo]

Fishing on Sunday

A village pastor, known for his weakness for trout, preached against fishing on Sunday.

The next day one of his members presented him with a fine string of fish and said, hesitatingly, "I guess I ought to tell you, parson, that those trout were caught on Sunday." The minister hesitated, gazed appreciatively at the speckled trout, and then said piously as he reached for his gift, "The fish aren’t to blame for that."  

[FTGenikit]

Q: Why is it so hot in a Stadium after a Football game?
A: All the fans have left.

Q: Why is a lost Dalmation easily found?
A: Because he's always spotted.  

[LittleTnCo]

rofl Thanks Geni. Those were pretty funny.  

[LittleTnCo]

If Noah built an Ark in 2008

And lo, in the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."

"Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard, but there was no ark.

"Noah! I'm about to start the rain! Where is the ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."

"I needed a building permit."

"I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system."

"My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision."

"Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it."

"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl."

"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls, but no go!"

"When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."

"Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."

"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew."

"Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work."

"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with ark-building experience.

"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species."

"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly, the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

Obtained from BeliefNote  

[Jade Shark]

Four cows were standing in a field. One mommy cow and three baby cows.
Baby Cow 1 asks, "Momma, why am I named Daisy?"
"Because when you were born, a daisy petal fell on your head."
Baby Cow 2 asks, " Momma, why am I named Rose"
"Because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
Baby Cow 3 asks, "GIKEDU CUEN BLARGFLATY?"
" Shut up Cinderblock!!"  

[Hazumu-san]

That was cute Jade!