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My mom and my grandfather both know that I am not a believer, and mom does keep the prayers short, which I appreciate.... but it makes me feel just... wrong, and I think it's because my dad is always there. As far as my dad is concerned, I am still firmly in the closet and we all agree that it is better this way as his reaction would most likely not be anything that should be seen in polite company. I feel weird having to sit there and pretend to pray for the purpose of not outing myself... not to mention that it bothers me that they only insist on praying on holidays. They never ever ever say grace otherwise and never have.
I hate having to keep quiet about my beliefs and opinions when they aren't hurting anyone... but I know that his reaction if I were to tell him would certainly hurt. I feel like such a spineless sack of s**t... I'm a grown a** woman who doesn't live with my dad, but he's still able to manipulate me effortlessly without even realizing he's doing it.
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