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bb3000ae

Desirable Lover

PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 9:53 pm
Well seems as this place is dead, I thought I would bring in my fanfic to get this going. Be warned I wrote this like 4 years ago so it not my best work. Anyway, hope you all enjoy it. If you do say so, cause thats wht keeps me writting. I'll only post the first 10 chapters to see if anyone even cares. Now lets begin.

This FF takes place about 25 years into the future of the anime, and all the original genin are in there late 30's and they had kids and this is those kids story, and all the original cast has paired of with each other and had kids there are a total of 10 characters but mostly you’ll see a lot of Kiyoshi, Akira, Ronin, and Masumi because they are on the main team of this story. Enjoy



Chapter 1: The Night Before


It was a dark night in the village of Konoha. The moon both full and bright shinned down upon this peaceful village, and in it’s glow you can make out a figure of a person perched in a tree in his backyard staring into the endless abyss of space. He had brown hair and eyes the color of lavender he sat there reflecting on the events of the day and the ones to come. “Tomorrow is the final exam,” he said to himself in a quiet yet excited voice “I can’t wait till I become a genin” he sat there imaging what it would be like going on dangerous missions and fighting strong ninja. But his train of thought was broken when he herd “Kiyoshi, time for bed” he turned to see his mother Tenten on the porch “Kiyoshi did you hear me come on in” she said in an agitated voice “ok I’m coming” with that said Kiyoshi jumped down from the tree and walked inside but before he went in he looked up into the sky and said to him self “once I become a genin the real fun will begin”

The next morning Kiyoshi woke up to the sound of his mother banging on the door “Kiyoshi wake up! Your exam is in 15 minutes and Akira is waiting for you down stairs.” Akira is a member of the Uchiha Clan and has been Kiyoshi’s best friend since they were little. Kiyoshi sat up and looked out the window next to his bed that faced the street, it was a beautiful day not a cloud in the sky. He looked down and saw Akira waiting for him “Kiyoshi hurry up we have 15 minutes to get to the academy” he said in an irritated voice. “Ok, man why is everybody always rushing me these days” Kiyoshi jumped to his feet put on his black shorts, his gray jacket, and his shoes he then ran down stairs and was about to leave when he herd “wait Kiyoshi” he turned around to see his mother standing there she was wearing her pink short sleeve shirt with the red around the end of the sleeves and her long black pants “aren’t you forgetting something” she said

“No, I don’t forget things” he said in a confident voice

“Are you sure?”

“Ok I’ll check, lets see got my shirt, my shorts, my shoes yeah that’s everything.”

Tenten put her hand on her forehead, lowered her head, and shook her head in disbelief. She then pointed at the corner where two twin swords sat.

“Oh that’s right my swords” he said in a surprised voice.

“I swear you would lose your head if it wasn’t attached to your body” Tenten said

“So because I forgot one thing that doesn’t mean I forget all the time.”

“Really then catch” Tenten tossed two small pouches at Kiyoshi.

“What are these?” Kiyoshi asked confused.

“Your weapons” said Tenten

“What?!” Kiyoshi looked into the pouches to see they were filled with kunai, shuriken, explosion tags, and smoke bombs.

“Ok so I forgot a couple of things today doesn’t mean I’m forgetful,” said Kiyoshi starting to get annoyed.

“Kiyoshi” a voice from out side was calling “come on we only have 10 minutes now”

“ Oh man, I forgot about Akira,” he said in a panic

“Well isn’t that the understatement of the year” said Tenten in a smug way “you better hurry before your late”

“Ok mom” said Kiyoshi while putting on his weapon pouches and putting the swords on his back and then he walked out the door. Akira was standing there looking at Kiyoshi with a frown on his face

“We have to go now Kiyoshi if we miss this exam we’ll have to wait a whole year to retake it and I don’t want to be a Ninja academy student for a whole other year” said Akira.

“Ok, ok don’t get your Sharingan in a bunch we’ll make it” said Kiyoshi.

“How, we have less then 10 minutes to get there and the Academy is on the other side of the village”

“Just relax and do what I do” Kiyoshi raised his hands to his chest and made a seal, and chakra began to flow from Kiyoshi’s feet “You ready” said Kiyoshi.

Akira also raised his hand to his chest and made a seal and he said with smile “Yeah, you know you’re lucky I put up with you”

Kiyoshi smiled and said “I could say the same about you” and with that they both raced off to the Academy.

To Be Continued...  
PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 9:54 pm
Chapter 2: The First Part of the Exam


Kiyoshi and Akira arrived at the academy right, as they were about to go over the rules for the test. They busted through the door of the classroom, they saw a person with a chunin vest and a black ponytail standing in front of the class.
“Your late” he said in a strong and firm voice.

“We’re sorry Konohamaru-sensei” they pleaded, “We had to…”

“I don’t want to hear it just take your seats”

“Ok” they said as they walked to their seats in the 2nd row, they sat down and heard a voice behind call out them. “Well look who decided to show up.” They both turned around to see a girl with black eyes and long black hair staring at them. She was wearing a long red kimono with the Uchiha symbol of the sleeves, it was non other then Tomiko, Akira’s twin sister. “If your not going to take this seriously why did you both even bother to come,” she said.

“To watch you wall flat on your face when we pass and you don’t” Kiyoshi said jokily

“No one asked you” she yelled at Kiyoshi

“Well you just did” Kiyoshi said

“ I swear Kiyoshi I am going to get a rusty kunai and use it to cut off your…” She was then interrupted by a loud voice coming from the front of the class “ Be quiet up there you three” they all turned around to see an angry teacher and class looking strait at them.

“Now before I was so rudely interrupted” Konohamaru started to say “This test will consist of two parts a mental test and a physical test. The mental test will be a written test made up of 100 questions, and the physical test will be an obstacle course but more on that later. This test will determined who will move on to the 2nd part, so out of the 56 of you taking it only 27 will move on. Now everyone make sure your pencils are sharpened and the test will be passed out now, you may start when you get it”

The test was passed down the row and Kiyoshi and Akira each took one “Ok lets see” Kiyoshi thought to himself as he read the first question “ If a ninja is at point A and throws a kunai at point B which is 30ft away and is traveling at a speed of 7mph how long will it take for it to reach the target.” Kiyoshi stared at it and very quietly said to himself “I’m screwed.”

After three hours everyone had handed in their test, Konohamaru asked everyone to wait in the hall until the test were all graded. Kiyoshi was the last person to turn in the test he then walked into the hall and saw Akira at the end of the hall he walked up to him and they started to talk
“That test was hard” Kiyoshi said looking exhausted

“Really I thought it was easy.” Akira said cheerfully

“How was that easy.” Kiyoshi said confused

“Well I just used my Sharingan.”

“ You mean you cheated” Kiyoshi said with a shock on his face

“ I wouldn’t call it cheating, lets call it creative learning” Akira said

“No fair when you use your kekkei genkai no one can tell, but when I use mine I get those big veins on the side of my face.” Kiyoshi said

“Sucks to be you” Akira joked to try and cheer up Kiyoshi

While they were focused on there conversation a figure appeared behind them, it got right up next to Kiyoshi’s ear and shouted “Hi Kiyoshi!” They both jumped up and spun around to see a girl with light blue hair with eyes just like Kiyoshi’s and she had on a short sleeve black shirt and long navy pants she was just standing there smiling at them.

“Yoko don’t do that,” Kiyoshi yelled at her (Yoko is Kiyoshi’s cousin and the daughter of Hinata and Naruto.)

“I’m sorry I’m just so excited I can’t wait to find out how I did, I know I passed” she said excitedly

“I hope I pass, those questions were hard” Kiyoshi said with a little dought in his voice.

“Well I know I passed and that got a perfect score” Akira said with a grin on his face.

“How did you manage that” Yoko asked

“Easy I just copied off of Sorano” Akira said (Sorano is the daughter of Shikamaru and Temari)

“You did what!” a voice yelled from behind Akira, he turned around just to see a punch hit him right in the face. The punch knocked him back; he hit the wall and fell to the floor with his back propped up against the wall. He lifted his head up to see a girl with black eyes and short black hair she also had on a black short sleeve kimono with a red sash around the waist, she also had a large fan on her back which was as big as her. He stood up and walked back over to her, “What was that for” he yelled at her, and without a word she punched him in the stomach. He fell to his knees and after a couple moments he stood back up

“Sorano what’s the matter with you, you can’t just going around punching people like” He said to her getting frustrated.

“And you can’t just go around coping other peoples test papers” she yelled back

“Oh, You herd that” he said “Well it doesn’t matter it won’t effect you”

“Really and how is it going to look when I get the same score as an idiot like you.” She then pulled back her arm and threw a punch at Akira, he ducked and the punch missed. But what he didn’t noticed was Sorano’s kick coming right at him, and by the time he saw it was too late and the kick landed right in the crouch. Akira let out a gasp of pain and fell to the floor holding his crouch. Sorano turned at walked away leaving Akira in pain. Kiyoshi and Yoko looked down at Akira who was still on the floor

“Now you see what happens when we cheat Akira” Kiyoshi said just trying to be a pest

“Shut up Kiyoshi” Akira yelled still in pain

“Well” Yoko interrupted “The results should be up soon we should…” but before she could finish talking she was interrupted by a group of girls screaming


To Be Continued….  

bb3000ae

Desirable Lover


bb3000ae

Desirable Lover

PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 9:55 pm
Chapter 3: The Second Part of the Exam


Kiyoshi and Yoko ran down the hall to see where the screams were coming from. They then came upon a door with the words “Girl’s Restroom” where the screams were coming from.

“I’ll check out what’s going on” Kiyoshi said “Byakugan” he said he then peered into the room, but then he felt a fist punch him in the head he looked over to see Yoko looking mad

“Kiyoshi you perv what do you think you are doing, you just can’t look into the girls restroom” Yoko said to Kiyoshi

“I wasn’t doing that to be perverted I just was trying to help.” Just then the door flew open and a young boy ran out with a dog and followed closely by a group and angry girls. They boy took off running down the hall right where Akira was, the boy then turned around to see how close the girls were and accidentally tripped over Akira’s body and fell to the floor and before he could get up the girls tackled him. A cloud of smoke appeared where the boys were and a few moments later the girls departed. Kiyoshi and Yoko ran down the hall to see if they could help but by the time they got there the girls were gone and all that was left was the strange boy and Akira laying on the ground with the dog laying next to the boy. The Strange boys rose from the ground and dusted him self off and looked at Kiyoshi. The boy had blue eyes with spiky blond hair he also had some strange red marks on each side of his face; he was also wearing a black leather jacket and long black pants. Kiyoshi looked at the boy and smiled

“Taro should have figured it was you, what were you doing in the girls bathroom” Kiyoshi asked even though he knew the answer. The boy reached down and picked up the dog

“Akamaru. Jr ran into the restroom and I went to get him back,” Taro said in his defense

“Sure you were” Kiyoshi said sarcastically

“ I was” Taro said “I just…” he then looked over and saw Yoko “Oh hey Yoko didn’t see you there” he said to Yoko trying to act cool.

“Taro don’t even try it, if you want to grow up to have kids you better back off” Yoko said

“Why do you have to be so cold Yoko” Taro said just they a pretty girl with long yellow hair and bright blue eyes walked by them and turned the corner.

“Well got to go” Taro said hastily he they ran after the girl who just walked by.

“Man what is going to happen next here” Kiyoshi said

“Aggh” a sound came form below them to looked down to see Akira still on the floor “Oh sorry Akira forgot you were down there” Kiyoshi said leaning down to help him to his feet, Yoko also helped. They lifted them to his feet and then they herd the voice of their teacher.” The results are up, to those who past the 1st part congrads and to those who didn’t better luck next year. The 27 of you that passed follow me to the next part of the test.”

“Well let’s check them out” Yoko said, Kiyoshi and Yoko helped Akira over to the results. It was a huge board with each persons name on it in numerical order. “Lets see” Yoko said looking up and the board “Found it…I got 13!”

“Hmm…I got…27!” Kiyoshi said, “Yeah I passed”

“Barely” Akira said, “Now…I got… Oh no” Akira said in shock

“You didn’t past did you” Yoko said,

“No worst I got 1st” Akira said,

“How is that bad” Kiyoshi asked confused

“Look who got 2nd” Yoko said. Kiyoshi looked up the board and scrolled to the 2nd place slot and it read “Sorano Nara.” A low grunt sound came from behind them they turned around to see Sorano Looking straight at Akira with rage in her eyes. “Well look at the time, got to get to the 2nd part” Yoko said, she then let go of Akira and took off running. “Me too” Kiyoshi said letting go of Akira, Akira fell to the floor and Kiyoshi also took off running. “Don’t leave me alone with her” Akira pleaded, but they were already gone he then noticed a dark shadow leaning over him, he turned to look and saw Sorano cracking her knuckles “Why me” Akira said

Meanwhile at the 2nd stage (just behind the Academy), “Do you think we should have left Akira” Kiyoshi said

“Trust me you don’t want on get on Sorano’s bad side” Yoko said

Kiyoshi lowered his head to the ground “True, but I still think we should have…”

“What is that” Yoko interrupted Kiyoshi raised up his head and saw a large two story black building that had no windows but several doors. “It appears to be some sort of maze” Yoko said

“What makes you think that” Kiyoshi said looking over at her, it was then he saw the vein on the side of her face “Oh, that’s how” he said realizing who he was talking to.

“This is strange take a look Kiyoshi”

“Ok…Byakugan” Kiyoshi shouted, the veins around the side of his face began to grow and his pupils became more visible. He looked at the building and noticed a blue stream flowing through out the building “Is that…is that chakra” Kiyoshi asked confused

“ I think so, but it’s different somehow” Yoko said taking a closer look. Then without warning they were both struck on the head hard and fell to the ground, then both turned around to see Akira standing over them.

“Hi Akira what’s going on” Kiyoshi said nervously

“ What’s going on! What’s going on! You two left me alone with that psycho chick” Akira yelled at them

“Well at least you’re not hurt” Yoko said trying to calm him down

“Yeah, only cause a couple of medical-nin happen to walk by and help me out” Akira said

“Well at least you still pasted the test” Kiyoshi said getting up from off the ground
“ I guess but I’m still mad at you and another thing…What’s that?” Akira said pointing to the big black building

“It’s the next part of the test, which you three are late for,” said a voice from behind them. They turned around and saw Konohamaru-sensei with his arms crossed staring at them “They are about to go over the rules” he said “So if you don’t want to fail I suggest you hurry” “Ok” they said running to the front of the strange black building.

To be continued…  
PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 9:56 pm
Chapter 4: The Maze of Chakra


When they reached the front everyone was waiting there for the instructor “good where not to late “ said Kiyoshi they joined the group and as they did a man appeared out of the building. He was a tall man wearing a black suit that covered his whole body even his hair, the suit had a half yellow and half orange circle on it, he also had some sort of purple make up on his face and he was wearing a sand village headband which was odd.

“Ok listen up you maggots” he said in a firm voice “ My name is Kankuro and I will be your instructor for the 2nd part, and the 2nd part of the test is about survival, out of the 27 of you here only 9 will make genin, the rest will be weeded out. Now what you will do is enter this building through one of the 27 doors behind me and you will make your way through till you get to the center of this place, but until you get there you can not use any chakra or jutsu, those who do will be automatically disqualified. You will face obstacles on your way there such as traps and your fellow ninja. So without further ado pick a door and good luck”

“You herd the man, at least I think he is a man, lets get going” Kiyoshi said excitedly all three walked up to the building side by side and each one stood in front of a door they all looked at each other
“Well good luck you two” Yoko said starting to open the door

“Yeah what ever” Akira said still mad at them

“Good luck to both of you two” said Kiyoshi and with that said they each opened their door and walked into the building ready to face whatever and whoever was waiting for them.

Kiyoshi walked down the narrow corridors of the building, there was not much light so it was hard to see. As he walked he began to hear footsteps coming from up ahead, but he didn’t worry because they seemed far enough away to wear the person wouldn’t notice him. He kept walking until he came to a fork in the path, to the path to the right he could hear the footsteps but he didn’t know which path to take. He could take the left path but chances are there are traps set up in that direction, or he could take the right path where all he had to worry about was the strange footsteps.

Since he couldn’t decide he reached into he pouch and pulled at a kunai and tossed it high into the air. It hit the ground with the tip pointing to the right path; he then picked up the kunai and continued down the path to the right. It wasn’t long before he could hear the footsteps again and they were getting louder, cautiously he walked down the path and as he turned the corner, up ahead around the next corner he saw a dark figure turn to the left path. Kiyoshi silently and stealthily moved fast down the path until he was at the edge of the path. Kiyoshi then unsheathed his swords and stuck one out into the path and tilted it until he could see down it and down a little bit he saw the figure of a person standing there.

Kiyoshi pulled back his sword and pressed himself against the wall, his heart was pounding, his mind was racing on what he should do. Should he go around, wait till he leaves, or confront the person head on. Kiyoshi looked down and the ground trying to think he then saw the swords in his hands and remembered all the training he did, and with that he griped his swords tight and darted around the corner straight to where the person was. But when he turned the corner the person was gone, he looked around to see where he might have gone but he couldn’t see him anywhere.

He walked over to where he had original saw the figure and looked around but saw no one. He wondered where he had gone but the thought left his mind when he felt the cold steel of a kunai at his throat and the warm breath of the attacker on his neck. Kiyoshi froze in fear as the kunai’s grip got tighter around his neck

“To slow” the attacker said in a quiet low voice.

“That’s what you think” Kiyoshi said as he brought his left leg back and wrapped it around the attacker leg knocking him off balance, the attacker did a cartwheel backwards to put a little distance between the two. Kiyoshi turned around to where he could final get a good look at the attacker, he had black spiky hair and was wearing a small ripped up black jacket. He also had bandages around left arm and had silver gauntlets on both arms. But what caught Kiyoshi’s attention the most were the attackers eyes, his eyes had no pupils they were just completely white.

“Not bad” the attacker said getting up from doing his cartwheel “But lets see if you can fight” he said holding out his arm and gesturing for Kiyoshi to attack. Kiyoshi took a fighting stance and charged at the stranger, he got right in front of him and raised the sword in his right hand high and brought it down fast and hard. But the stranger raised his left arm and stopped the attack with his gauntlet; Kiyoshi still determined took the sword in his left hand and swung at the stranger’s side. The stranger then jumped up in the air and brought his right foot down on top of the sword knocking it to the ground and with his free leg kicked Kiyoshi in the face sending him back and causing him to drop his swords.

Kiyoshi landed on his back and slide down the hall, he then raised himself up and wiped the blood coming out of his mouth he then saw that he was missing his swords. He looked around to see where they were but couldn’t find them he then herd the voice of the stranger “Looking for these”. Kiyoshi look to where he was to see him holding his swords.

“Give those back” Kiyoshi demanded getting angry at the sight of his prized possessions being held by him.

“I think I’ll hold on to these for awhile” the stranger said “But I’ll give them back if you can catch me”, then he dashed off in the opposite direction laugh as he did. Kiyoshi fueled with rage ran after him he followed him for a while they made a left, then a right, and then two lefts, followed by three rights. It started to seem hopeless but then Kiyoshi noticed the stranger was starting to slow down “But why?” he thought. It was then Kiyoshi was right on his heels and then as Kiyoshi followed him around the corner, the stranger jumped out from behind it with his swords raised high and he brought them down on Kiyoshi.

To be Continued...  

bb3000ae

Desirable Lover


bb3000ae

Desirable Lover

PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 9:57 pm
Chapter 5: The Boy Named Ronin

Kiyoshi showed a smile and said to himself “Got ya”, for the swords were aimed at Kiyoshi’s shoulders but before they made contact they were repelled back by some unknown force. Kiyoshi took this opportunity and gave the stranger an uppercut strait to the face causing him to rise into the arm and letting go of the swords. Kiyoshi grabbed the swords and jumped up in the air and got right above the stranger and kicked him in the chest sending him to the floor. Kiyoshi then landed over the body and placed one of his swords at the stranger neck.

“What just happened my attack was dead on,” the stranger said in disbelief

“The blade will never turn on its master” Kiyoshi said, the stranger looked up at Kiyoshi in confusion. “Let me explain” Kiyoshi started to say, “These swords have a sort of fail-safe if they are used against me, I have had these swords for over two years and over that time I have poured my chakra into these blades to the point where they have the same wave link as my chakra. And when the blade comes within a certain range of me they act like magnets of the same charge so they repel.”

“Clever” the stranger said, “Ok now finish me”

“What!” Kiyoshi said making sure he herd right

“You have won the fight, so finish me,” The stranger said. Kiyoshi then took the sword and raised it up high, and the stranger closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see it. Kiyoshi then turned the sword around and slammed it into the ground right next to the stranger. The stranger opened his eyes and saw Kiyoshi with his hand out offering to help him up, the stranger took his hand and Kiyoshi helped him to his feet. “Why are you helping me? “ the stranger asked

“I don’t believe in senseless killing, besides this is only a graduation exam” Kiyoshi said

“Well by the code of my clan my life now belongs to you,” the stranger said taking one knee. Kiyoshi looked at him a little uneasy not knowing what to say. But he managed to get out “How about we find our way out of here first, by the way my name is Kiyoshi”

“And my name is Ronin, Ronin Boyukochi” he said raising himself up.

“Well we better find our way out of here” Kiyoshi said looking around for a way out.

“Is that it” Ronin pointed to the light coming from around the corner up a head.

“ I think it is” Kiyoshi said, the two ran to where the light was coming and from and saw a large opening with a bright light shinning through. “We made it” Kiyoshi said in excitement

“But the real test is about to come” Ronin said in a mysterious way. Then they both walked into the light

Kiyoshi and Ronin entered into a round room that had black walls and a white ceiling and floor. They looked around the room at the openings in the walls; they were like the one Kiyoshi and Ronin walked through to get into the room. There were also a few people in the room they were just standing around talking; it was then Kiyoshi heard a familiar voice call out to him “Looks like you made it.” Kiyoshi turned to his left to see Yoko and Akira right behind her leaning his back against the wall.

“Hey you two looks like you both made it, but what’s even more surprising is that Akira made it here without cheating” Kiyoshi said just trying to make Akira mad. “I swear if you mention that one more time I’ll…” Akira said, and then he turned to Kiyoshi and made a fist. It was then he noticed the person standing next to Kiyoshi.

“Who’s that?” Akira said pointing to Ronin

“Oh that’s right I haven’t introduced him yet, everyone this is Ronin” Kiyoshi said gesturing to Ronin.

“Nice to meet you all” Ronin said in a calm voice.

“So where did you two meet?” Yoko said trying to be funny.

“Well” Kiyoshi started to say, “We got into a little fight and he stole my swords, he then ran and I chased after him. He tried to jump me but I beat him and got my swords back and he wanted me to finish him and I said no, and then he said he owns me his life or something like that. But long story short were friends now.” Kiyoshi finished with a smile.

“Oh” Akira said looking at Ronin he stared at him and couldn’t help blurt out “Ok if no one else is going to say it I am, what is with those eyes?”

“Akira” Yoko yelled and then hit Akira on the back of the head “Don’t be rude.”

“It’s ok” Ronin said “This is a trait from my kekkei genkai the Boyukogan”

“Boyukogan?” Akira asked confused “Never heard of it.”

“Not surprising, in fact nobody has really even heard about it for over 30 years.” Ronin said “It is like the Uchiha Clan’s Sharingan Eye but instead of copying the move exactly it converts it to a water based attack. In fact our clan was specially designed to battle against the Uchiha Clan because with our kekkei genkai we were immune to the hypnotic effect of the Sharingan. My clan was originally from the Village Hidden in the Mist but about 30 years ago one of the members of the Uchiha clan wiped out all but one of them, and since they were mostly all wiped out our clan was considered useless and were kicked out of the village. When I was born my parents left me in the woods for dead and I was found by a person who lived in this village and they brought me here and I have been here ever since.”

“Ok” Akira said backing away from Ronin.

“What’s his problem” Ronin said to Kiyoshi

“He’s part of the Uchiha Clan” Kiyoshi said

“Really” Ronin said looking over at Akira with a look in his eyes. But the silence was broken by the voice of another familiar person.

To Be Continued....  
PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 9:59 pm
Chapter 6: Masumi, a girl after my mind


“Well looks like you two aren’t complete losers.” Both Kiyoshi and Akira turned to see Tomiko coming towards them.

“Speaking of Uchiha’s,” Kiyoshi, said “Look whose coming.” The girl approached the group with a frown on her face and anger in her eyes.

“If you two made it then they must be making this exam to easy.” Tomiko said with her usual stuck up tone.

“I could say the same for you.” Akira said,

“Now Akira, you shouldn’t speak to your elders like that,” Tomiko said.

“You’re only 4 minutes older then me,” Akira yelled at her.

“But that still make me older so you better…” Tomiko then noticed Ronin standing behind Akira. She then pushed Akira aside and walked up to Ronin “Now who is this cutie” Tomiko said getting closer to Ronin.

“Uhh…My name is Ronin,” he said in a nervous voice.

“Ronin huh, I like that name by the way my name is Tomiko. Tell you want maybe after this exam is over with you and me can go out for some ramen, what do you say.” She said in a sexual voice.

“Well…Uhh…You see” Ronin was muttering, he then noticed a small moving object on Tomiko’s shoulder. “You have something on your shoulder” he said to Tomiko.

“What?!” she looked at her shoulder and saw a small six legged bug “Ahh!!” she yelled swatting at her shoulder. At the same time another bug crawled on her other shoulder, she screamed and then began to swat at the other shoulder. After she swatted both the bugs off she felt something moving on her back. She proceeded to turn around and saw her whole back covered in the small crawling creatures. She fell to the floor and began to roll back and forth attempting to get the bugs off.

The gang broke into laughter at the sight of Tomiko on the floor screaming “Get them off, get them off.” After a few moments out of the shadows a boy appeared he raised his arms and the bugs departed from Tomiko and flew to him and disappeared into his shirt. Tomiko then raised herself up and looked at everyone “That wasn’t funny!” she yelled and then stormed off away from everyone. The boy then approached the gang; Ronin looked over at the boy he was wearing black sunglasses with a black shirt, long gray pants, and a gray jacket with a hood. “Thanks Subako I owe you one.” Ronin said to the mysterious boy. (Subako is a member of the Aburame Clan and the son of Shino.)
“Anytime, that was the most fun I had this whole exam” Subako said with a grin on his face.

“Same here” Kiyoshi said still laughing.

“Well the most fun I had was seeing Ronin’s face when my sister was hitting on him” Akira said laughing, he then looked at Ronin who had a look of anger on his face, needless to say Akira then started to back away.

“I think you all were a little too mean” Yoko said. “She might be annoying but she didn’t deserve that.”

“If you have known her as long as I have you would think differently” Akira said,

“Well if you ask me…” Kiyoshi started to say, but then was interrupted by the scream of a girl followed by the girl yelling, “Pervert!”

Kiyoshi turned to see Taro getting kicked in the face by a young girl. “Not again” Kiyoshi said holding his hand to his forehead. “One sec everyone I’ll be right back.” He said as he walked over to where Taro was. When he got there he saw Taro on the floor facedown he had a few shoe prints on his back and face but other then that he looked ok. Kiyoshi then saw the girl that was attacking Taro but he only saw her from behind.

He walked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder she turned around and it was then that Kiyoshi got a good look at her. She had green eyes and short green hair to match. She was also wearing a green t-shirt that was covered by a blue long sleeve open jacket with yellow around the end of the sleeves and around the collar of the jacket. And she had on long blue pants and black ninja sandals. Kiyoshi stared at her with a dazed look on his face for the fact that he thought she was very cute.

“Yes?” the girl asked in a curious voice.

“Oh” Kiyoshi said snapping back into reality “I was wondering if my friend here was bothering you”

“I didn’t mind that, but it was the fact that he was saying perverted things about me” she said.

“What!” Kiyoshi said with an angry tone. He then picked Taro up by the collar and pressed him up against the wall. “What did you say to this girl?” Kiyoshi said to Taro.

“Nothing I swear all I said was hi” Taro pleaded with Kiyoshi.

“Don’t lie to me,” Kiyoshi said pressing Taro harder against the wall.

“Well technically he’s right,” the girl said. Kiyoshi then turned to the girl with a look of confusion on his face. “You see my kekkei genkai the Kokorogan allows me to read minds, and this one’s mind is well...”

“Perverted” Kiyoshi said finishing her sentence.

“Yeah, so it’s not all his fault since he didn’t actually say anything” the girl said.

“I guess” Kiyoshi said letting Taro go “But try and keep it clean”

“I will” Taro said, but then another pretty girl walked by “well got to go” Taro said chancing after the new girl.

To Be Continued…  

bb3000ae

Desirable Lover


bb3000ae

Desirable Lover

PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 10:01 pm
Chapter 7: The Pit of Darkness


“I don’t think he’ll ever learn” Kiyoshi said. “Anyway I apologize for my perverted friend, we’re think about getting him neutered” Kiyoshi said to the girl trying to make things right.

“It’s ok no harm done thanks for the help though, that reminds me I never got your name my name is Masumi Dekata” the girl said with a smile.

“Masumi, what a pretty name” Kiyoshi said dreamily.

“Yeah thanks, now what’s your name” Masumi said.

“Oh that’s right, my name is Kiyoshi Hyuga” Kiyoshi said.

“Well it was nice meeting you Kiyoshi, maybe I’ll see you around” Masumi said starting to walk off.

“Yeah see you around” Kiyoshi said smiling and waving. Kiyoshi stood there for sometime just staring at Masumi who was at the other end of the room.

“Having fun,” a voice said from behind him. Kiyoshi turned around to see Yoko standing there.

“Yoko” Kiyoshi said in surprise “How long have you been standing there.”

:”I came in right about when you threw Taro against the wall” Yoko said.

“Well you see I was just” Kiyoshi started to say.

“Save it lover boy, anyway I think there about to start the final test,” Yoko said,

“What makes you say that?” Kiyoshi asked

“Let’s call it women’s intuition” Yoko said

“No really” Kiyoshi said

“Well I might have overheard the proctors talking” Yoko said

“Did you happen to hear what the test is about” Kiyoshi said.

Yoko shook her head “Nope, no idea” Yoko said.

“Figures, how many people do you think are taking the test?” Kiyoshi asked,

“Let’s see, counting you and me that makes seventeen” Yoko said

“Make that eighteen,” a voice said on the opposite side of the doorway that was next to them. They turned to see a young boy with short silver hair and blue eyes, he wore a silver jacket with a black shirt underneath, and long silver pants with silver ninja sandals and silver goggles with yellow lens on his forehead. He walked through the thresh hold of the door carrying a copy of (Icha Icha Paradise for young adults.) “Sorry I’m late everyone” the boy said “I stopped to catch up on my reading and lost track of time.”

“You stopped right in the middle of a test to read a book?” Yoko asked

“Yeah, why not” the boy said

“Wasn’t it a little too dark to read” Kiyoshi asked

“Not really” the boy said, the boy then held up one of his fingers and the tip of it began to emit an electronic aura that lit up the surrounding area. “I have a built in light bulb,” the boy said lowering his finger.

“Well at least you made it Shiro” Yoko said (Shiro is the son of Kakashi and is a master of electric based attacks)

but there conversation was interrupted by an announcement from the proctor (Kankuro) over the intercom “Attention now that all the remaining students are here we can start the final test. The final test will be a survival test in which only 9 of you will be left and will earn the rank genin. So at this time I will have to ask you to step away from all the doors” The doors then slammed shut. “Now prepare everyone the final test is about to begin” they all looked around for where the test was.

“Uh…where is the test” Kiyoshi asked, suddenly the ground beneath them opened up and sent them all plummeting into the darkness. Then all hit the floor with a thud but no one was injured, they looked around to see what was down here but the only light was from the opening where they fell so there was not much visibility. But that changed when the opening above them got smaller and smaller until it was completely shut and the entire area was consumed in darkness. Kiyoshi then stood up from the fall he took and look around.

“We’re not alone” a voice said, Kiyoshi turned to just make out Yoko in the darkness.

“What do you mean?” Kiyoshi asked

“What do you think I mean, there is something down here with us” Yoko said

“Byakugan” Kiyoshi shouted, the veins on the side of his head began to get bigger and he could see more clearly. He looked around to see what was hidden in the darkness and what he saw were figures but they weren’t human.

To Be Continued...  
PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 10:02 pm
Chapter 8: What Lurks in the Darkness


“Everyone be on guard, we’re not alone down here” Kiyoshi shouted.

“I know we are here” Akira replied.

“ I mean someone other then the students, there is something not human” Kiyoshi said.

“ You mean Tomiko and Sorano” Akira joked, then he saw a light behind him and he turn to see a fireball jutsu coming at him, and he ducked just in time for it to miss. “Got to do better then that sis” then he hears someone shout “Wind Scythe Jutsu” the fireball goes back at him and it is bigger and it hits Akira and he is on fire. “Ouch, ouch, ouch” he rolls on the ground and the flames goes out. And someone walks up to him and lifts him by the shirt.

“Your lucky I don’t beat the crap out of you” Sorano said, then she threw him to the ground. Then all the figures turned their attention to the group.

“Great now they know we’re here,” Yoko said.

“Who?” Akira said puzzled.

“ The non-human figures” Kiyoshi yelled.

“Oh, you were serious about that” Akira said.

“Yes!” Kiyoshi yelled.

“Sorry, well how many are there?” Akira asked.

“Uh…30 no wait 40, no 50. .... There is to many to count” Kiyoshi panicked.

“ Now there can’t be that many” Akira questioned.

“ Well do you want to take the time to count them, cause I would like to see you try” Kiyoshi dared.

“Ok children focus” Yoko said getting irritated. Suddenly a barrage of needles came shooting out of the darkness and at the students.

“What the hell” Kiyoshi said seeing the needles coming at him. He pulled out his swords and yelled “Eight Trigrams: Whirlwind Blade” he then started spinning around fast creating a tornado with him in the center and he knocked the needles away. Then one of the figures runs at them from out of the darkness grabs a kid (no one important lol) and drags him off into the abyss.
“Oh man, there are starting to attack. Every man for themselves!” Akira yelled, and then every one scattered and ran off in different directions.

“Akira you baka, get back here!” Kiyoshi said turning to where Akira ran, when one of the figures came up behind him and grabbed him with it’s 4 arms. Kiyoshi turned and stared into the 3 eyes of the figure, then it’s mouth opened and a spike came out of it. “.... This isn’t good” Kiyoshi said looking at that spike. Then the figure was about to stab him when he heard someone yell “Back off”. He turned to see a foot come flying at the figure and it hit its head knocking it off, and the body became limp and fell. He looked to see Yoko looking at him.

“Oh were you scared little baby Kiyoshi” Yoko said laughing.

“Shut up, I could have had him” Kiyoshi protested, then suddenly the limp body got up and grabbed Kiyoshi and the head raised and came flying right at him. “Not this time” Kiyoshi said pulling out both his swords and stabbing the head. Then he spun around throwing the body off, and he ran up and stabbed it several times. And finished it by throwing tag bombs at it blowing it up and catching it on fire. “Done” Kiyoshi said “but what was that thing?”

“You baka, did you pay attention in class, they are puppets” Yoko explained,

“Yeah…but just tell me again what they are,” Kiyoshi said

“Well they are…” Yoko began to say when another one came up behind her.

“Look out” Kiyoshi said, then he threw his sword at it hitting it in the head.

“Thanks I owe you one” Yoko said in relief.

“We’re even,” Kiyoshi said walking over and pulling the sword out of the puppet, they then looked around and saw they surrounded by several of the puppets. “Ha, then think they can mess with us. What do you think if we show them what the Hyuga clan is all about Yoko?”

“You read my mind Kiyoshi” Yoko said smiling, they then got back to back and took a fighting stance as the puppets readied there attack.

“Ready sis?” Kiyoshi asked (The Hyuga clan refer to there cousins as sister and brother)

“You know it bro” Yoko replied, and then the puppets moved in for the attack.

“Ok lets do this, Gentle Fist attack,” they both yelled out as the puppets got in range, they then delivered several gentle fist punches and kicks to all the puppets until they were surrounded by nothing but pieces of them on the floor. “Well that was a nice work out” Kiyoshi joked.
“Yeah” Yoko said looking around “And looks like the other students got a work out to,” She said looking at all the puppet parts on the floor.

“Well we better see if any one is left” Kiyoshi said walking into the center of the area “Hello, is anyone still alive” He yelled out.

“Shut up we’re right here” Sorano said stepping out of the dark with Tomiko. Then they heard a women cry out.

“Pervert!” followed by a kicking sound and Taro comes flying out of the darkness with Masumi and Akamaru Jr right behind him. “If he doesn’t stop that he won’t be alive anymore,” Masumi said irritated. Then you can see a small light coming out them and someone yelling.

“Cut it out” you see Shiro come out with bugs over him and Subako following him. “Subako get them off me”

“Sorry” he said holding out his arms and they return, “They were attracted to the light” he explained.

“Well that’s 8 of us, but I don’t see Akira anywhere” Kiyoshi said looking around.

“You mean this loser,” Ronin said dragging Akira who is unconscious. “He fainted as soon as he got face to face with one of those puppets, just like an Uchiha to not be able to fight,” He said dropping the body in front of him.

“Well at least it is all over” Kiyoshi said in relief.

“Not quite” Ronin said “There are 10 of us left, and only 9 can pass, so the test is still on.”

“We already defeated all the puppets, what could be worst then 100 puppets?” Kiyoshi asked.

“I thought you said there were to many to count?” Akira said getting up from the ground.

“Morning sleeping head, and you know what I mean,” Kiyoshi said, suddenly all the puppets pieces rose off the ground. “Great now what?” Kiyoshi said looking at all the pieces. Then they all started moving to one place and combined together to form one giant puppet. “Ok so now we have to fight one giant puppet, just great”

...To be Continued  

bb3000ae

Desirable Lover


bb3000ae

Desirable Lover

PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 10:03 pm
Chapter 9: The Final Test: Genin or Bust


“Or how says we do” Tomiko questioned, and everyone looked at her with suspense. “All we need to graduate if for one of us to lose, so what if we make someone lose. I vote Akira”

“No I say Tomiko” Akira said as the two argued until Kiyoshi stepped in.
“Look nobody is sacrificing anyone,” Kiyoshi said, but if we want to beat it, we are going to have to work together.

“Well I’m not working with her,” Akira said.

“And I’m not working with him” Tomiko said.

“You know I’m starting to like the sacrifice idea,” Kiyoshi said.

“Fine” Akira and Tomiko said.

“First we need some light,” Kiyoshi said looking at Shiro

“Coming right up” Shiro said holding out his hands “Lightning Ball Jutsu” a ball of electricity gathered in his hands that lighted up the whole room.

“Ok, now in order to stop this thing, we need to slow it down. Any suggestions?” Kiyoshi asked.

“ I got this” Ronin said, he then walked up to the puppet and started doing hand signs. “ Water Style: Ice Cloud Jutsu” He said shooting out clouds of ice at the puppets feet, freezing them there.

“Great job Ronin, now Yoko find the weak spot on this thing,” Kiyoshi said.

“Got it” Yoko said using her Byakugan looking over its body, but right has she tried to look, the puppets swung its hand at Yoko about to hit her but then it’s hand was stopped by a wall of bugs. Then Subako came up behind Yoko with Masumi next to him.

“Thanks for the tip Masumi” Subako said,

“Sure, reading this thing’s movements is easy cause he is so one track minded” She said with her eyes glowing bright green

“So how do you like my Bug Shield Jutsu?” Subako asked.

“Well I like it” Yoko said then looked back to read it’s weak points “Ok found it, it’s right in the center of the chest” she said pointing to his chest.

“Great job” Kiyoshi said “Ok Taro, Akamaru. Jr your up”

“Ok, but I want a kiss from all the girls when I’m done” He said making a kissy face.

“How about do it, or I’ll get you both fixed” Sorano said.

“Ouch, ok we’re up Jr (Taro’s nickname for him)” he said making hand signs “Ok, Beast Human Clone” Akamaru turned into Taro’s clone, then Taro did more hand signs “And for some fun, Four Legs Technique” He got on all fours and he grew claws. “Now for the finisher” Him and Akamaru. Jr ran at the giant and started spinning “Double Piercing Fang” Then they started to spin at a ferocious speed and they flew at him hitting him in the center creating a giant hole.

“Ok now were cooking, so Akira light this sucker up,” Kiyoshi said

“Ok now watch me take this out with one hit” Akira said holding his hand up to his mouth “Fireball Jutsu” He shot a big fireball into the puppet through the hole. But nothing happened.

“As usual little Akira needs his big sis’s help” She laughed then did hand signs “Fire Style: Oil Flame Bullet” She then shot a bunch of oil into the puppet and the center caught on fire. “Now that’s how it is done”

“Great now Sorano, put some put some gas on this fire,” Kiyoshi said.

“Did you just order me to do something?” Sorano said pulling out her big fan.

“No, no, no it was just a suggestion” Kiyoshi said nervously.

“You got that right” She then waved her giant fan “Great Cutting Whirlwind Jutsu” a giant gust of wind blew the fire all over the puppets body and it was covered in fire.

“Now mine turn” Kiyoshi said pulling out his swords “Katana Support” Blue chakra covered the swords making them harder and stronger. He then ran up, and jumped in the air “Now it’s over” He hit the puppet in the head and cut with both swords all the way to the bottom. Then he put his swords up and the puppet collapses into a pile of burning wood. “Ok so who brought the marshmallows?” Kiyoshi said laughing, but it was interrupted by the appearance of Kankuro.

“Well congrads you beat my best puppet” Kankuro said and they all smiled “But one of you still needs to fail, so which is it” He said and they all looked in shock. They stood there in awhile in silence until someone stepped forward.

“I will” Kiyoshi said rising his hand and lowering his head.

“Ok well congrads the rest of you pa…” he said but was interrupted.

“If he fails then so do I” Akira said putting his arm around Kiyoshi “Where he goes I go.”

“And the same goes for me” Ronin said stepping forward.

“And I’m going where ever my sweet Ronin goes” Tomiko said getting closer to him.
“And since Tomiko is the only one I can tolerate, I go where she goes” Sorano said

“ I own Kiyoshi a favor for getting Taro off me” Masumi said stepping forward

“Well he might be childish sometimes, but he is family so same goes for me: Yoko said

“And the same goes for the rest of us” everyone said stepping forward.

“But you can’t…. I mean…you” Kankuro tried to say then sighed “one sec” he disappeared and after a few minutes reappeared “Ok by order of the Hokage (Naruto duh lol) I am pleased to inform you, you all passed. Report back to the academy tomorrow to decide teams and to get your jonin” he then disappeared and a door opened up in front of them that led outside. They all stood there in disbelief and looked at each other and cheered.

“ I can’t believe you all did that for me” Kiyoshi said

“We couldn’t have done it without you” Yoko said

“Besides we always got your back” Akira said smiling

“Well then how about I by ramen for all the Genin in this room” Kiyoshi said, and they all laughed as they walked out the door and were a step closer to their destiny.

...To Be Continued  
PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 10:04 pm
Chapter 10: Teams Are Formed, Friendships Are Made


The next day, Kiyoshi left his house and headed off to the school. Wearing his new leaf headband proudly on his forehead thinking to himself. “Wow I’m finally a genin and today I get my team and my first mission. This is going to be so cool.” He kept walking to the school think “who will be in my team, will they be any good, and for the love of god please don’t put Tomiko or Sorano in my team.” Finally he made it to the school; he then walked in and down the hall to his old classroom and opened the door. He saw everyone that passed talking with one another and waiting for the teacher, then he saw Akira and walked over to him.

“Hey Akira” He said “Hard to believe they let a cheater like you in here” he joked, trying to get on Akira`s nerves. Akira looked up at him and gave him a look.

“Ok Kiyoshi that is getting old fast so cut it out already” Akira said in an agitated tone.

“It was just a joke Akira, chill out already” Kiyoshi said.

“It was funny the first time; actually it wasn’t even funny then, and it’s not funny now so stop it or else” Akira demanded.

“Or else what Uchiha boy” he said getting right in Akira`s face.

“I’ll knock the Byakugan right out of you” Akira threatened making a fist.

“Oh yeah” Kiyoshi replied with his Byakugan activated.

“Yeah” Akira said getting his Sharingan ready. The two stared at each other and started reaching for there weapon pouches, but before they could draw there weapons Yoko walked up to them.

“Will you both cut it out before I’m forced to get physical with you two” Yoko said. But they both kept staring at each other and reaching for there weapons. “I said” Yoko said and her hands started to glow “Knock it off” She gave them both a Gentle Fist attack to the chest and they flew back and hit the wall, then slide to the ground. “Now are you two going to be nice” She said holding up her glowing hands “Or do I have to hit you a few more places.”

“No, no, no were good” they both said in a panic.

“Good” Yoko said smiling the most innocent smile to them.

“Man Kiyoshi, your cousin is tough” Akira said getting up.

“I know she is up there with Sorano and Tomiko” Kiyoshi stated getting up also.

“I’m scared of all 3 of them now” Akira laughed.

“Oh she means well” Kiyoshi said rubbing his chest “She just doesn’t know the right words sometimes.”

“True” Akira replied. They both laughed, and then Konohamaru walked in the room.

“Ok everyone settle down, settle down” Konohamaru announced to the class. “I congradulate you all on passing, and now you will be divided into 3 teams. But since there are 10 of you, one team will have 4.” He said looking down at his list “When I call your name come down and I’ll introduce you to your jonin. Ok team 1 will be Sorano, Tomiko, and Yoko.”

“Alright” they all three said walking down to the front of the class.

“And now for your Jonin” Konohamaru said “You will get…Temari Nara” After he said that Temari walked in the classroom.

“Hey mom I mean Temari-Sensei” Sorano said

“No need to be so formal Sorano, mom is fine. The rest of you call me Temari-Sensei” Temari said to them jokingly. They all laughed and returned to there seats.

“Ok team 2” Konohamaru started to say “Taro, Shiro, and Subako.”

“Oh great bug boy is on my team” Taro said “Can I be in the team with the 3 girls.”

“I wouldn’t be talking dog boy” Subako replied “Besides the only bugs you should be worried about are the fleas on that dog of yours.”

“Don’t make fun of Akamaru Jr” Taro barked at him.

“I was talking about your mom” Subako said back to him. But before Taro could reply back a man dressed in black appeared in between them.

“I won’t have my students fighting with each other…yet” The man said to them.

“Team 2, meet your Jonin. Sasuke Uchiha” Konohamaru said gesturing to the man. The 3 of them stood there silent, then Sasuke point to there seats and they sat back down. “And now, the 3rd and final team” Konohamaru said “Kiyoshi, Akira, Ronin, and Masumi.”

“Oh yes” Kiyoshi said with a smile.

“Oh ****, the psycho Uchiha killer is in my team” Akira said lowering his head.

“You know what its worth” Ronin said appearing behind Akira. “I have never killed an Uchiha…well” he pulled out a kunai and put it to Akira`s throat “just not yet.” Akira`s eyes got wide, and he jetted to the front of the class and hid behind the teacher. Kiyoshi, Ronin, and Masumi all laughed as the approached the front of the class.

“Now” Konohamaru said pulling Akira out from behind him and putting him with everyone else is “Team 3 your jonin is…” before he could finish, a man with all green walked in the room.

“Me” the man said looking at the 4. They all stared at him until finally Kiyoshi broke the silence.

“What are the odds, my old sensei is my new sensei” Kiyoshi said laughing.

“You know this guy?” Masumi asked him, and Kiyoshi nodded.

“Gang, meet my old sensei, long time friend of the family, and the handsome devil of the leaf village, Rock Lee.” Kiyoshi announced. The man looked at them and smiled, then gave them the “Nice guy” pose.

“Thank you Kiyoshi, you are bursting with youth. Just as I expect from my pupil” he said still smiling. The other 3 just keep staring unbelieving this guy was there Jonin.

“Ok teams, go with your Jonins to your designated training areas, until we give you your first missions” Konohamaru said dismissing them.

“Ok then” Rock Lee said to them “Lets go, and last one there has to do 5000 push ups.”

“Yes Sir” Kiyoshi said running off with Rock Lee. Akira, Ronin, and Masumi just stood there still in shock, before they slowly walked off to there training area muttering. “It’s going to be a long few years.”


To Be Continued……

Next Time on “The Razor’s Edge” (In Masumi`s voice)

We got our Jonin, apparently he knows Kiyoshi. What’s this? They have some score to settle? What?

Next Time Chapter 11: Taijutsu Showdown: The Green Beast of Konoha vs. The #1 Sword Boy of Konoha  

bb3000ae

Desirable Lover


Dii of Babylon

Divine Associate

PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 11:45 pm
Super Duper Dawg.
B]
 
PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 11:47 pm
NICE NICE STORY
I LIKE IT
CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HOW YOU MAKE ROCK LIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ps...........
ADD GRASS NIN!!!!!!!! AND MASUMI VERSUS REAL MASUMI WELL MASUMI'S RPC
AND ADD ME TO BREAK YOUR SPIRITS I MEAN HAVE FUN>>

STILL GOOD STORY
 

Naito_Are7

Anxious Genius


Ronnel no Fenniksu

PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 11:51 pm
Lol Sorry. This is a good story, a little heavy on talking at the start, but still good. Can't wait to start seeing the other villages make appearances in here.  
PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 11:55 pm
Umm... I bet he wants this area for His story not posting.

If you like it PM him. smile  

Masterharper of Pern

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bb3000ae

Desirable Lover

PostPosted: Wed Jul 29, 2009 12:02 am
Masterharper of Pern
Umm... I bet he wants this area for His story not posting.

If you like it PM him. smile


Actually I want people to post lol, i love comments. It's wht keeps me going  
Reply
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