This is a book Im writing. This is just the first part. Just give me your opinions of what you think of the book including detailed critiques. If you would like me to do the same for you then just pm me. Ill reply more parts as it comes to me.


Standing on top of the hill behind the palace where she was a drudge Talitha looked up at the line of people heading to the palace to drop off the gifts for the princes' birthday party. She sighed some thinking of all the work that was to be done. O to be a princess and to have people wait on her, that would be the most wonderful thing ever. She headed back down to the palace her slight frame covered by a red dress so dirty that it looked almost mud colored. She was a sweet girl and had no problem working hard for others. She was in charge of doing mediocre chores for the kitchen workers. She smiled as she thought of dante, the princes' serving boy. Dante was the most handsome guy she had ever seen. She hoped one day to be able to talk to him but always felt that she was to lowely to be able to approach one so wonderful. In this world she lived in status was everything. She headed back to the kitchen and got to work scraping the ashes out of the fireplace so that when the coal was to be delivered it would be clean and ready. "I don't care if you have it or not" came a voice behind her "The prince insists on getting a glass of milk and 3 honey cakes in exactly 20 minutes. If he dosent get what he wants hes threatening to have everyone in here fired" Talitha shivered with pleasure. It was Dantes voice behind her. She always thought he had such a handsome voice full of spirit. She smiled as she heard the kitchen cooks complain that honey cakes took a full hour to bake and there was no way for her to get them in 20 minutes. "I'm sorry but the prince insists." Dante said dejectedly. "And good morning young Talitha" Talitha stood up and turned around. Her dark red hair falling messedly around her shoulders and framing her face making her beutiful green eyes almost invisable behind the mess. She made a little bow and smiled up at Dante loving the sound of his voice saying her name. This was the first time she had ever heard him speak to her and she was thrilled at the fact that he knew her name. "Hi Dante" She said meekly. Dante smiled some and walked over to her pushing her hair back "You have some beutiful green eyes." He turned around and headed back upstairs to help the prince for he had just been called. Talitha got back down and went back to work on the fireplace her mind dizzy with the excitement of the fact Dante had touched her and called her pretty. She couldnt believe that he would actually call her pretty. When she finished with the fireplace she went outside to her special spot and thought about what to do now. Her special spot was behind the palace by a river. She had a rock she would sit on and when it was hot enough she would go swim in the river. She sighed and laid down on the nice cool grass watching the clouds. She closed her eyes and fell into a deep sleep.

When she woke up it was dark and she got up and ran back to the palace. She snuck back inside the kitchen hoping no one noticed her absence. She started washing the vegtables in the sink and listened to the music knowing that in there Dante was probably sitting next to the prince dressed in a fine outfit having fun. She sighed some and putting the vegtables on the table she went up to the head cook and asked what he wanted her to do. He smiled and motioned for her to put on a clean dress hanging up by the table and to grab a container to go collect dirty dishes at the princes party. She quickly changed and grabbing a dish bucket she walked out the kitchen door. All around her she saw beutiful dresses on gorgeous girls twirling around and really handsome guys doing the twirling. She went through the crowds and collected the different dirty dishes blushing when dante winked at her. The prince grabbed hold of her hand as she was about to move on and pulled her to him. "What is your name?" He asked her. Putting her eyes downward she mumbled "Talitha" The prince tipped her chin up to look into her eyes and smiled "You are so pretty. Come with me." He made her put down the container and pulling her by her arm dragged her upstairs. Dante followed closely as he was assigned to watch over the prince. The prince pushed her into a bathing room and told her to strip. He left the room with Dante and closed the hanging curtain so she would have privacy. She stood there confused until three bustling maids showed up and stripping off her dress pushed her into the pool of water. They bathed her for a good half hour rubbing her hair with sweet smelling oils to make it shine. Then they gave her a new outfit to wear. A long flowing dress of a deep red color. It was decorated with rubys to make it shine. They gave her a pair of red boots to wear. Not that anyone could see the boots because of the length of the dress. Then they pushed her out of the room to show the prince and see what he thought. The dress was long and straight. It showed off her perfect hourglass figure and reflected wonderfully with her black hair falling to her waist and her big dark green eyes. The prince inspected her completely peering closely at her sensuous curves. He smiled some and pulling her into her arms kissed her passionatly on the lips. "Now you will be my wife." He said "Start preparing for the wedding" He yelled to the servants. "I will marry her in one months time." He pushed her into a room and said " This is where you will be staying. Come Dante Lets go tell mom and dad." He said leaving. Talitha looked at dante pleadingly and after the prince had left he gave her a quick hug saying "Talitha you are going to be so happy." He turned his back and left. Talitha laid down on the bed and sobbed into the pillow.

*this is all for the first part. Opinions please."