I've failed - a coming-out story

[Eccentric Detective]

This could get kinda long, so prepare yourselves...

So I've been working on gradually emerging from my cocoon in little steps. I started with my sister because I have the closest relationship to her in my family, and I knew she'd understand. We had a few discussions, and neither of us hated the other because of our different beliefs.

Next came my brother. He didn't take it so well. He sort of stared at me for a moment, then shook his head. "You're just confused," he said. Which, of course, hurt me deeply. I didn't become an atheist needlessly! It wasn't meant to be simply a rebellious action.

But unfortunately, I didn't get as much time as I would have liked for telling my parents. They're still a little sore over my oldest brother turning out atheist. One day my sister let it slip, forgetting my mother was in the room. I'll never forget the look on her face. It was horror and dislike and betrayal. "That's a nasty surprise," she eventually stated. I tried to talk to her more about what exactly it was that scared her about atheism. She didn't give me a chance.

I avoided her for a couple of days. Then finally my parents sat me down and told me straight out that I was stupid and ignorant for not believing in a god, and if I refused to pray with them I wouldn't get any dinner until I did. They forbade me from using the word "atheist" or even "agnostic" in the house ever again, because, they said, they would send me to public school immediately. To them, the only reason private education is better than public school education is the inclusion of "God" into the curriculum. Why, they thought, should they waste their money if their little daughter was a rotten little disrespectful atheist?

I had so much to lose by expressing myself freely. So now I've been shutting myself up and paying lip service to their Catholicism, (and though I don't like to admit it) secretly hating them.

I plan to get a job as soon as I can, save my money, and strike out on my own after college. If they don't want to keep the peace with me, why bother keeping the peace with them?

Any advice from you guys? Anyone gone through a similar experience?  

[Revolutionary Justice]

Hmm....Well my coming out was much more simple. My mom said "Come on we're going to church," and I told her," No mom I'm an atheist, I'm not going to church." First she laughed like I was joking but when she saw my serious look on my face she exclaimed," Are you ******** serious?" Then she went on to take away about everything she could, video games, computer, music, tv, even my books(!)and I was grounded. I already go to public school so they couldn't pull that one out on me. So I just stood my ground and said fine, I won't break to that bs. Surprisingly my dad, who is probably the most conservative one in my family took it the least hard. We live in separate houses so when he found out about a week later he gave me a look like confused and then went on treating me like normal, not threatening to do anything against me. My big sister looked at me kind of weird and said," Why are men so cold inside," and that was kind of a slap in the face, but now I know how that b***h feels about me.

Eventually they let me have all my s**t back because I didn't give in to their bs persecution. If you don't have much more schooling to go through just take their s**t, you wouldn't have much time after that anyways.  

[Raticiel]

Oh my, I feel sorry for you emo
this is terrible. But don't be depressed: show your parents you're a good and responsible person and you don't need any religion in order to be so.
Actually I never heard a similar story so it's a little shocking to me.  

[Raticiel]

Oh my, it's always darkest under the lantern. Of course I know a similar story. My brother, 10 years ago he got married but it was a civil wedding, no church involved (they didn't have that much of money to make such a fest). Half of family hated him for that, even now when they just "fixed" that problem they're still hated. And what's more: after the 2nd wedding they started breaking up a little. A bad omen?  

[Eccentric Detective]

Raticiel

Oh my, it's always darkest under the lantern. Of course I know a similar story. My brother, 10 years ago he got married but it was a civil wedding, no church involved (they didn't have that much of money to make such a fest). Half of family hated him for that, even now when they just "fixed" that problem they're still hated. And what's more: after the 2nd wedding they started breaking up a little. A bad omen?

Perhaps all the strife related to their relationship strained it. If it was tenuous to begin with, though, maybe it couldn't be helped.
I hate how much the church claims not to be secular, yet it still begs and wheedles for your money even more pathetically than an infomercial.  

[Eccentric Detective]

Revolutionary Justice

Hmm....Well my coming out was much more simple. My mom said "Come on we're going to church," and I told her," No mom I'm an atheist, I'm not going to church." First she laughed like I was joking but when she saw my serious look on my face she exclaimed," Are you ******** serious?" Then she went on to take away about everything she could, video games, computer, music, tv, even my books(!)and I was grounded. I already go to public school so they couldn't pull that one out on me. So I just stood my ground and said fine, I won't break to that bs. Surprisingly my dad, who is probably the most conservative one in my family took it the least hard. We live in separate houses so when he found out about a week later he gave me a look like confused and then went on treating me like normal, not threatening to do anything against me. My big sister looked at me kind of weird and said," Why are men so cold inside," and that was kind of a slap in the face, but now I know how that b***h feels about me.

Eventually they let me have all my s**t back because I didn't give in to their bs persecution. If you don't have much more schooling to go through just take their s**t, you wouldn't have much time after that anyways.

I wonder every day if it would really be that terrible to go to public school. Is sacrificing my beliefs and peace of mind actually worth it for the marginally better education I might get? I can't shake off the feeling...
It's horrible to feel like you're the enemy. I almost got used to being treated with respect. Now I'm out in the real world and it's rather hard to take. sad  

[brainnsoup]

I'm sorry. That's really rough. ):

My advice to you is to try to forgive them.
I don't know the whole situation, but they're probably just scared.

If you have to keep up with certain rituals to continue a lifestyle, then that's one thing and it's a tough decision that you have to make on your own.
But don't ever let anyone make you feel guilty for your beliefs.

Anyway, if you ever want to talk openly about atheism without being judged, we're always here.


As for my family though we haven't really talked about it.
My mom is still under the impression that I really believe in a god no matter how much I deny it.
And I'm pretty sure my dad thinks I'm just going through a phase, though I believe that he's agnostic himself and doesn't want to admit it to himself.
And I don't think my brother knows, but he doesn't think about these things.  

[Eccentric Detective]

Heh, I have to remind myself that this isn't the LD forum... Anyone wants to see the topic I originally posted there can probably access it. It's been moved to the Recycle Bin, but I think there's a way you can view all my topics. Eh.
They were pretty mean, I must admit. There was a predominant "Haha, should have kept your mouth shut and you wouldn't have all this trouble now, would you?" sort of attitude.
Not exactly uplifting or encouraging, but what else can you expect from a rabble of gold-hungry Gaians? *shrug*  

[Prince Rilian]

I suggest that you refuse to pray with them and be completely honest about everything you think. They will either reveal that they were bluffing about not feeding you or you will call CPS and say, "My parents are refusing to feed me," and your parents will probably start feeding you at that point, but if they don't you get to go to a foster home! But if your parents are violent people, I'd suggest telling the CPS that you don't feel safe there and getting placed in a foster home right away.

Unless you are 16 or 17. Then you'd probably get emancipated. And unless you are 18+. Then you should still say everything you think, because they are probably bluffing but if they are not, then just move the ******** out of there.  

[Eccentric Detective]

Rilian Sharp

I suggest that you refuse to pray with them and be completely honest about everything you think. They will either reveal that they were bluffing about not feeding you or you will call CPS and say, "My parents are refusing to feed me," and your parents will probably start feeding you at that point, but if they don't you get to go to a foster home! But if your parents are violent people, I'd suggest telling the CPS that you don't feel safe there and getting placed in a foster home right away.

Unless you are 16 or 17. Then you'd probably get emancipated. And unless you are 18+. Then you should still say everything you think, because they are probably bluffing but if they are not, then just move the ******** out of there.

Trouble is, I'm too much of a coward to do anything more than "NOOOO! DON'T TAKE ME OUT OF MY SCHOOL WHERE ALL MY FRIENDS ARE!"
Truth is, they weren't saying they would refuse to feed me absolutely, I just couldn't eat dinner.
Plus, it wouldn't solve my problems if I went to a foster home. Who knows if they'd be nice, or let me see my sister, or let me go to my private school?
The only thing holding me back is my want of a good education. I'm terrified of public school because I've never been there. Strange, eh? I've gone to Catholic school all my life and I still turned out this way.
And I'm 15. D: I want to leave...
But right now the thing that will do me the most good is staying right where I am.  

[=X-Sparker + AquaKiller=]

I got off the hook easy since my family is
atheistic/agnostic (it's not completely why I'm an atheist,
though. It's part of the reason). Anyway...

Let them send you to a public school!!! Isn't it
perfect? If you go to a public school you don't
have to listen to all that "god" stuff anymore!!!

I wouldn't piss them off, though, just 'cause they're
putting food onto the table. But yea, I agree with you,
once you get to college, shoot for scholarships and
take off without them. If they can't accept you for
who you are, I doubt they are worth the time (no offense
if you feel like so. This is just the way I usually give
advice. I have a friend who's Muslim and had problematic
parents as well, and she also wanted to get out when
she's 18. I always tell her she should).

If they ask you to pray/say grace, just pretend that you
are going to, but don't actually do it if it makes you
uncomfortable (stare at the lights!
or the ceiling! ...or... or... the food!)... duh.

 

[Prince Rilian]

tearingXheavenXdown

Rilian Sharp

I suggest that you refuse to pray with them and be completely honest about everything you think. They will either reveal that they were bluffing about not feeding you or you will call CPS and say, "My parents are refusing to feed me," and your parents will probably start feeding you at that point, but if they don't you get to go to a foster home! But if your parents are violent people, I'd suggest telling the CPS that you don't feel safe there and getting placed in a foster home right away.

Unless you are 16 or 17. Then you'd probably get emancipated. And unless you are 18+. Then you should still say everything you think, because they are probably bluffing but if they are not, then just move the ******** out of there.

Trouble is, I'm too much of a coward to do anything more than "NOOOO! DON'T TAKE ME OUT OF MY SCHOOL WHERE ALL MY FRIENDS ARE!"
Truth is, they weren't saying they would refuse to feed me absolutely, I just couldn't eat dinner.
Plus, it wouldn't solve my problems if I went to a foster home. Who knows if they'd be nice, or let me see my sister, or let me go to my private school?
The only thing holding me back is my want of a good education. I'm terrified of public school because I've never been there. Strange, eh? I've gone to Catholic school all my life and I still turned out this way.
And I'm 15. D: I want to leave...
But right now the thing that will do me the most good is staying right where I am.

So I still think you should be honest about everything. Are you saying they will feed you breakfast and lunch ever day but not supper? That's weird. But I don't think they would follow through. Actually, I don't know your parents and there are a lot of nuts who kill their kids, so that's one reason I think you should leave. Like, you shouldn't let them push you around and you should be watching for signs of them beating the s**t out of you or killing you and run away if necessary.

But if catholic school is really that important to you .....  

[Kidrahs]

Is there any way you could contact your older brother? From what you said, it sounds like he went through the same s**t you did. So ask him for help.  

[In Search of a Dream]

Ask your brother what he did when your parents found out. If he was already out of the house by then, ask him anyway. He knows your parents better than we do, and he would know how to handle them.  

[Eccentric Detective]

Rilian Sharp

tearingXheavenXdown

Rilian Sharp

I suggest that you refuse to pray with them and be completely honest about everything you think. They will either reveal that they were bluffing about not feeding you or you will call CPS and say, "My parents are refusing to feed me," and your parents will probably start feeding you at that point, but if they don't you get to go to a foster home! But if your parents are violent people, I'd suggest telling the CPS that you don't feel safe there and getting placed in a foster home right away.

Unless you are 16 or 17. Then you'd probably get emancipated. And unless you are 18+. Then you should still say everything you think, because they are probably bluffing but if they are not, then just move the ******** out of there.

Trouble is, I'm too much of a coward to do anything more than "NOOOO! DON'T TAKE ME OUT OF MY SCHOOL WHERE ALL MY FRIENDS ARE!"
Truth is, they weren't saying they would refuse to feed me absolutely, I just couldn't eat dinner.
Plus, it wouldn't solve my problems if I went to a foster home. Who knows if they'd be nice, or let me see my sister, or let me go to my private school?
The only thing holding me back is my want of a good education. I'm terrified of public school because I've never been there. Strange, eh? I've gone to Catholic school all my life and I still turned out this way.
And I'm 15. D: I want to leave...
But right now the thing that will do me the most good is staying right where I am.

So I still think you should be honest about everything. Are you saying they will feed you breakfast and lunch ever day but not supper? That's weird. But I don't think they would follow through. Actually, I don't know your parents and there are a lot of nuts who kill their kids, so that's one reason I think you should leave. Like, you shouldn't let them push you around and you should be watching for signs of them beating the s**t out of you or killing you and run away if necessary.

But if catholic school is really that important to you .....

I grew up with these people, and I know enough to think that they're really serious. I didn't let them starve me at all though - the night I refused to pray with them was the night I tried (unsuccessfully) to smooth things over with them.
They're not completely crazy, though. I doubt they'd kill me. Sure, there's random kicking me and slapping me involved, but it's not a legitimate attempt to hurt me.
It's weird that I'm holding onto my school. But that's where a lot of my friends are... They're so important to me, and the worst part of transferring would be trying to fit in. I've always gone to a tiny school, it would be such a shock. (Plus there are people I have horrid memories of that go to the public school.)