Chapters
-critiques are loved-
-critiques are loved-
p.s., sections with green text have had things change in the paragraph. Sections with blue text are new additions to the chapter.
Beautifully Broken
The First Chapter
The First Chapter
The room seems to be almost always pitch black. A blue glow emanates from the stereo system as it blares John Lennons melodic voice. In the faint blue light, the dramatic furnishings are barely visible. In full light, however, the mahogany wood furnishings of the large bed, cluttered dresser, and bookshelf set gave great contrast to the bright red carpet and wood-paneled walls. It’s been three years since the first time I saw it and yet somehow I still haven’t gotten used to it. Yet, when the light is shut off and you lay on the large twin bed, you think you’ve fallen into heaven. The comforter is so soft it swallows you in its folds while you sleep. It feels so safe in his warm bed, so comforting to be able to come here and forget about the rest of the world. You can hide from all of your problems when you pull these sheets over your head and close your eyes.
It’s a room perfect for a cluttered mind to relax in. Although it’s practically bare, it holds something fantastic. Eric Lou Warren, it’s his birth name and what everyone calls him but me, to me he’s known as LouLou. Unfortunately, he moved away when I needed him most. This room is his world away from the world, his sanctuary, and my safe haven.
Twirling my cherry red hair around my long fingers I sighed. I looked down at the joint in my hand and inhaled, watching the end burn a dazzling red as the weed turned into smoke. It was such a beautiful thing, how something so natural could make you feel so good. A loud noise came from the other side of the room, breaking me from my trance, glancing up at Eric; his attention was on a pile of CD’s that had crashed to the floor. He turned his head, caught me looking, and smiled. I could tell by his expression that he was worrying about me. I tried to smile back in hopes he'd stop worrying so much, but it came out as a weak twitch at the corner of my lip.
It never used to be like this, I never used to be like this. I used to be in control of my life, and okay with my life, or at least happy enough to enjoy some of it. That was before everything happened, before the events that made me feel as if I lost control happened. In a full year I was emotionally ruined, trashed, broken. I started feeling more, and my hard shell had cracked. Being cold was so much easier; not caring about the things that didn’t benefit me was simple. Ignoring my parents was simple. But, somewhere I let the wrong person in, and they peeled away my outer layers and exposed me emotionally to everything. Everything wrong in my life began to hurt me. I am so weak now, so fragile. I am nothing but a forgotten emotional wreck.
Taking a long drag, I let the smoke escape slowly through my nostrils. When I was a little girl people would tell my mother that I was the one kid in town who would turn out alright. I don't think that was saying much though, after all we did live in a crime run city Champagne Wisconsin, and nobody knew my mother for what she truly was. If this stuff wouldn’t have happened I think they would have been right I mean even when I was stuck up, I never broke the laws or the few morals I did have, but after that s**t went down, they were all lost to me. I know what happened, and I know what made me change. If I think back to when this change started, before my life turned to crap and I decided the only solution to fix it was absolute, I could never turn back; if I think back that far, it begins with me sitting on the beach on a hot summer’s day…
The sand had twinkled yellow; it was soft and warm to the touch. Children laughed and played in the crystal clear waves that splashed onto the beach. Bright sunlight burnt unprotected skin, tanning the bikini-clad teenage girls lying on their towels. Guys ran around with Frisbees and soccer balls, competing for attention. An ice cream truck’s music mixed with the sound of conversation as it drove by on the park road. In the mist of the laughter and activity lay four teenage girls, each on their own bright patterned beach towel, chatting away. That’s where I was, between two of those girls, lounging on a bright pink beach towel in a lime green bikini with not a care in the world. I wasn’t what you called the 'hottest girl around,' or the 'most popular girl,' but I must have had something, because I always got the guys I wanted, and I chose the friends that interested me.
I was perfectly happy sitting on that beach with three of my best girlfriends: Betty, Danielle, and Felecia. Back then, they were all I needed for entertainment. They kept me out of trouble, always keeping me on my schoolwork. I guess although they were always there, they did give me room for myself and that was all the room I needed to mess things up. They should have known better. Every time they gave into my ideas or let me do something that they wouldn't it always ended badly. Yet maybe they just thought I was more like them than I actually was. Maybe I believed it too. I knew I wasn't as smart as them when it came to schoolwork, and I wasn't as wise when it came to making decisions
I had no clue that I was with three best friends who were nothing like me at all. There was Danielle, tan with long blonde hair flowing gently down her back. She loved to complain and bitching was her favorite pasttime. Danielle cared for nobody but herself with the exception of me. She practically worshiped me, because I could talk to guys so easily. The only benefit I had from keeping her around was simply to have someone under my full control. I was a total stuck up b***h so naturally I loved how she treated me, and I took full advantage of her as much as I could. When I needed something done, she would get it done. If I was mad at someone she made their life a living hell without me having to lift a finger. It was like having my own little puppet.
Next was Felecia Misty Miles. I could never, no matter how different she was from the rest of my friends, bring myself to get rid of her. She was my best friend since kindergarten. She was very overprotective, perfect in class, and a straight A student, Felecia followed all of her parents' rules. She tried to guide us in the right direction every time she got the chance. Her intentions were good, but her attempts to keep us in control failed horribly on the majority. Although she was a nerd, she was hot, and I must admit if I was a lesbian, I would have dated her. She had long dark brown hair, pretty blue eyes, a warm chocolate skin tone, and a perfectly toned body, I have to admit, I was jealous of her.
Someone I was not at all jealous of was Ms. Betty Richmond. She was rich because her daddy was ******** swimming in money. She was the ugliest, and the slut in our group. How guys could kiss her bent teeth, stare into her droopy gray eyes or touch her pimply pink face was beyond me. But she knew how to have a good time. If I got in trouble I was always in the company of Betty. I always considered getting rid of her, and if I had to get rid of someone in our group it would be her, but somehow she seemed important or rather important enough to keep around. And that’s who it began with, my three friends and me just lounging on the beach on a very hot summer day.
“It’s too hot out,” Danielle sighed, playing with her long blonde braids.
“That’s why we’re here, chicky,” I stated. “It’s never hot enough to swim, so we have to take advantage of the warm weather while we can.” I popped open another Pepsi and sipped, staring at the cute boys in their swim trunks. Kyle, a boy from school, waved to me as he ran after a lost volleyball. I waved back and smiled.
“Ha! We both know you’d rather be hanging out with Billy Rogers,” Betty teased, spreading tanning lotion over her pale shoulders. Giving a small smile, I ran my hand through my hair. Billy Rogers was a badass to say the least. He had just gotten his ankle bracelet off and rumors were he was already growing three new pot plants in his back yard. He was a flavor of man I'd never had the pleasure of tasting. This bad boy drew me in like a bug to a fluorescent bulb.
“Billy’s one cool guy,” I said, a smile spreading across my face with just the thought of his name. I could instantly see the distaste for Billy appear on Felecia’s face.
“Are you kidding me? He is the biggest wannabe around, I mean honestly, he’s just a druggie who wants to get laid, honey,” she said disapprovingly. Her nose surprisingly found its way out of her latest book.
“Say whatever you want about him Felecia, you know she won’t listen.”
“Yeah, Betty’s right.” Danielle’s mischievous giggle turned heads in our direction.
“Hey, I’m going to head out. I’m already as tan as I’m going to get without looking like a potato," I said, more to myself than anyone else.
Danielle and Betty seemed to have paused. Their faces were directed toward the beach parking lot. Felecia’s face was yet again stuck deep within the pages of Margaret Peterson Haddix. Turning to see what was going on, a wide grin spread across my instantly flushed face. “Billy Rogers.” I sighed heavily.
“Billy Rogers,” Betty mocked in an overly excited tone.
Flashing a look of distaste in her direction, I grabbed my beach bag as he waved me over. Slowly, I started a sexy jog across the beach. Right before I was out of ear shot of the girls I heard Felecia cry out.
“Be safe Jude, you don’t know what kind of things he’s capable of.” Smiling I was glowing with excitment. He wanted me, and I, like every other dimwitted girl who craved danger and a rush, wanted him.
“Hey Billy,” I said. I flashed him a cute smile trying to calm my nerves and act cool. I wanted him to feel as if I didn’t need him, want him, or think about him. He needed to come to me to play the game, win me and score me. I wasn’t sure how far he had to go; I had never been in this situation before with a guy like him.
“Hey, what’s up?” His tight black shirt over his slightly toned tan body almost made me shiver. His deep voice didn’t help much, either.
“Not much; I was just heading out.” A smirk crossed his face as his dark brown eyes seemed to suck me in.
“Really? So do you have to be somewhere, or can you go for a ride with me?” Tempting, it was very tempting. It was either getting on the back of Billy Rogers motorcycle or go home. It only took a moment to make up my mind.
“What about my bag?” As soon as the words came out, I wanted to smack myself upside the head. What about my bag? Ugh, this was Billy Rogers, the Billy Rogers; this was not time for baggage.
“No worries, drop it back with your friends and hop on.” Sighing, I looked at the walk to my friends. Biting my lip, I felt the heat of the day messing with my head. I was crabby and hot. But, I told myself Billy Rogers only comes once in a lifetime.
“Alright hotshot, I’ll be back in five.” Crossing the parking lot and making my way across the warm sand, I reached my friends.
“So, did he ask you out yet?” Betty asked excited. Rolling my eyes, I set my bag down.
"Oh please, Betty chill. It's not like this is the first guy who liked her," Danielle snapped, rolling her eyes. Jealousy was practically putting her into a mad rage.
“Come on Betty, calm down. I don’t want Billy knowing I hang with freaks. Now girls, I’m going to go play with the big boys. One of you take my bag with you when you chicks leave,” I ordered smoothly.
“I’ll take it with me, as long as you promise me you will stay out of trouble,” Felecia argued. Again I rolled my eyes. Turning my back, I walked forward towards the guy who would soon ruin me, but at the time I didn't even have a clue.
