...Some help, please, anybody.

[ThisAccountIsDeadIgnore]

So, I'll spare the long background stuff and whatever.

After years of being alone, sad, and single, I actually found somebody in real life. She's amazing. She's incredible. She makes me smile. She's given me hope that I will find love.

She's perfect.

Except for one thing. She's Mormon.

While I have a minor dislike for Christianity, Mormonism, to me, is just a heaping pile of...yeah. It makes her happy. I'm fine with that. But I'm not happy with the problems I see arising from it.

Her parents are crazy. Her dad's a drug-user (and he was actually high-ranking in the church, until they found out he was a drug user.) She's kept up in there, she can't do anything, she always has to be with somebody when she goes into public, she can't talk to guys, etc. All this crazy stuff. Also, she's kept inside on Sunday, because the Mormon faith says that you can't do anything on Sunday except for read the Bible and listen to worship music.

Long story short, I think they've brainwashed her (not just in Mormonism, but other things, as well.) They tell her that because she's a girl she needs to learn to cook and clean. She's in her junior year of high school, so I think she's too old for me to have any chance of helping her and healing the wounds her family and society itself have inflicted on her. I want to help her. I really do.

I love her more than I've loved anybody else. I see us being a happy couple for many years. I just see her faith being a huge barrier between us. Now, she's a sweet girl, and she would never try to convert me.

I love her, she loves me. It shouldn't affect me like it does. It just...

It feels like it's going to cause problems. And I don't want it to. Because I love this girl more than anything else.  

[dl1371]

try to make a compromise with her
something like, i dont shove my religion in your face, you dont shove yours in mine
but i wouldnt know cause ive never been in a relationship like that  

[brainnsoup]

I'm sorry. ):
Have you tried talking to her about it?

 

[[-Erik-]]

Ask her what she loves more: you or religion?

I'd definitely go to -insert name of generic hell here- for the lady I love.

 

[Vorn Frost]

dude,
bummer.mormons (aside from beling yet another rediculos religious story)cant drink coffee , have caffein(the ones i know) or have sex  

[alteregoivy]

I'm sorry to say, this will (I'm 99% sure) cause problems in your relationship. If you really, really love her, though, you have to believe that it is never too late to try to help someone. A junior in high school is too old to change? Not by a long shot. Actually, she's just reaching the age where people do most of their changing.

Ask yourself this: if you are able to help her to change and heal wounds, she will be a different person. Will you still love the person she becomes? In my first relationship, I did a lot of changing, and my partner's answer to that question was "No." In my second relationship, I did a lot more changing, and the answer was an emphatic "Yes!" We've been happily married for 3 years now. heart

I know this sounds harsh, but hiding your head in the sand isn't an answer to this problem. It's going to grow over time, especially since you are already effected by it. Your emotions are going to build up until the explode.

Erik, sorry to disagree, but an ultimatum is the exact wrong way to go about this.

You need to tell her how strongly you feel about her beliefs. That's obvious from your post. What you also should probably do is make it clear to her that you are concerned about her; you feel badly that she gives up so many freedoms.

Good luck.  

[brainnsoup]

Vorn Frost

dude,
bummer.mormons (aside from beling yet another rediculos religious story)cant drink coffee , have caffein(the ones i know) or have sex

...Then how do you make little Mormons?  

[MiniSiets]

Oh they definitely can have sex; in fact it's encouraged quite vigorously, but only after marriage.

Alteregoivy is right. Age 18 was about around the time when I did a complete 180 on my thoughts and views about the world. It's not too late to change. If you really care about this relationship, you're going to need to talk to her about it and tell her that this religion is going to get into the way of the relationship. And yeah, definitely bring up that this isn't just about you; you're concerned about her and how much her religion is taking away her freedom. She may not take it the right way at first, but it's either that or you're still going to be trapped in a position where you love her but can't be with her. If she really loves you as much as you love her, then she should be able to overcome this problem, but it's definitely going to be an uphill battle.  

[alteregoivy]

MiniSiets

If she really loves you as much as you love her, then she should be able to overcome this problem, but it's definitely going to be an uphill battle.

It may be an uphill battle, but love is worth fighting for. heart Again, good luck.  

[brainnsoup]

MiniSiets

If she really loves you as much as you love her, then she should be able to overcome this problem, but it's definitely going to be an uphill battle.

Of course, theists have a different love that we tend not to notice- Love for God.
Could you be happy if she still worshiped God and practiced her religion but was separate from the church?
Would she be able to leave the dogma behind and still be a theist?
I wouldn't recommend trying to force her to be an atheist.  

[ThisAccountIsDeadIgnore]

brainnsoup

MiniSiets

If she really loves you as much as you love her, then she should be able to overcome this problem, but it's definitely going to be an uphill battle.

Of course, theists have a different love that we tend not to notice- Love for God.
Could you be happy if she still worshiped God and practiced her religion but was separate from the church?
Would she be able to leave the dogma behind and still be a theist?
I wouldn't recommend trying to force her to be an atheist.

I won't force her to become an atheist.

I just don't want her believing that she and I will become gods and rule over planets one day. I don't want her to adamantly spend every Sunday going to church then reading the Bible ALL DAY LONG. I don't want to have a Mormon wedding or get sealed in a temple. I don't want to deal with any of that.  

[Lyonette]

It doesn't need to be addressed right now I don't think. Just let the relationship run its course until something religion-related comes up.  

[[-Erik-]]

alteregoivy

Erik, sorry to disagree, but an ultimatum is the exact wrong way to go about this.

You need to tell her how strongly you feel about her beliefs. That's obvious from your post. What you also should probably do is make it clear to her that you are concerned about her; you feel badly that she gives up so many freedoms.

Good luck.

Did it sound like an ultimatum? Sorry, I tend to be a bit of an extremist at times. And I often never go onto details.

What I meant was... she might need to make that special person see that too much religion is bad for her. You know, she should try persuading her, I don't know how mormon faith works, all I know is missionaries are annoying.

 

[Lethkhar]

Lyonette

It doesn't need to be addressed right now I don't think. Just let the relationship run its course until something religion-related comes up.

I would agree with this. Nurture your love for each other, and deal with it when it comes up or when you feel like it's the best time.  

[MiniSiets]

brainnsoup

MiniSiets

If she really loves you as much as you love her, then she should be able to overcome this problem, but it's definitely going to be an uphill battle.

Of course, theists have a different love that we tend not to notice- Love for God.
Could you be happy if she still worshiped God and practiced her religion but was separate from the church?
Would she be able to leave the dogma behind and still be a theist?
I wouldn't recommend trying to force her to be an atheist.

Certainly. The problem here seems to be her interaction with organized religion. It would probably go over a lot more smoothly if she was simply convinced to practice privately.