*Cry Blackheart

[StickyHighFive]

Character Name: Cry Blackheart

Physical apperance: http://heysayanime.kokidokom.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/guys05_gokudera.jpg He lets the end of his jacket flow in the wind.And his pants sag a small bit.The pouch on his arm s used to store ciggerates.He attached the pouches himself for more pockets thus more storage.The other pockets hold money and such ingredients to make bomb matrial.And other such things.He now has a huge revolver like gun sticking out of his bandages to the left it has a decent sized handle and trigger the barrel can be seen slightly under the bandages.It can be seen clear as day aslong as his black coat doesnt cover it.It is a black gun afterall.

Personality: He usualy is calm.And doesnt care about much. He judges other people by the way they walk.The way they talk if thier to cheery.He isnt a fan of cheery people.He lieks more calm people like him.He is some what inteligent.Street smart postly.He lieks peace and quit you know mor erelaxing situations.

Occupation: He's a travaler he wonders the world.If nessasry he'll take on jobs as a body guard.And he must he will mug someone if thier are alot of shadows in the area.

Biography: When he was younger.His family got into some trouble with some bad people.Payments and such they couldnt pay so one day they came to Cry's house and killed all his family members.Cry was hiding in fear in his kitchen cabnet.Under the sink.He saw through a small crack while his father was fighting off the mobsters with a black sword he was slicing them all blood filled the room Until he was shot.He fell to his death.And the mobsters left.Cry was petrified He left the cabnet minutes later after the mobsters left He stepped over thier dead bodies and blood splattered through the wall,the floor and fluries on the ceiling.The dead bodies of his family were scattered through the house.He walked back to his kitchen and picked up his fathers sword out of his hand and went to find the sheath.He found it took it and put the sword away and went to his room And took only His outfit but eventualy got new cloths.And such and he just wnaders around amilessly walking.That day when his family died he died with them and somthing new was born.Somthing that didnt care about anything he couldnt cry,he couldnt feel fear nor pain.His heart died but his body kept moving. And he just travles the earth.He goes with the flow like a cloud.And now he just goes where the wind takes him.Whether it be the harsh deserts or the green forests.And if must the sea.

Weapons: His sword.Which he uses constanty if he must. And as a resort for escaping semi smokebomb attached to his side. If he runs out of stamina and cant shadow jump.And his revolver.

Name of weapon: Blackheart.Its called blackheart because thats his family name it was passed down through generations.And holds the pride of his family.Sparks is the name of his revolver.It was custom made by his brother but was stolen in the mass murder of his familyHe discovered it on a strange beastmen creature.
Number of Points: 10
element: Darkness.
Weapon Skill: Blackheart is sharp enough to cut dimand and can deflect lightning do to its experience.Sparks can blow a hole through anything do to its imence power and large bullets.
Description: The blade is black as is the hilt but the hilt is in the shape of round shuriken with small blades in a curved motion.The handle Is strong and study the the leather rapping and round is solid black.Sparks is solid black with a small slim line going down the barrel.Its hadndle had oak wood on each side with a small balck cloth wrapped around it.


Talent(s)/Ability(s): Shadow control
Name of ability: Shaow jump.
Amount of points: 15
Description of ability:Since his ability is darkness he can control shadows at will if he touches a shadow he can transfer into any other shadow in a mile radias.He transports through shadows.Because the shadow absorbs him and then another shadow spits him out.If he does this constantly in a row he will get exhausted.And becomes slow.


Elemental magic:N/A

Fire: 0
Water: 0
Wind: 0
Lightning: 0
Earth: 0
Light Or Dark: 0  

[Yokai Manekineko]

Okay, I know I'm not usually the person to review profiles, but I've been asked to do it this time. Let me say first that the entirety of the profile lacks description, especially considering that the font size is in 12, and not 9 like a number of other long profiles.

For the Physical description, a picture is all well and good, but please add in a written description, tell us how tall he is, if he wears any other clothing, if he has scars, tattoos or piercings. Expand.

For his personality, the general "He usually is calm, and doesn't care about much." is not exceptable. You need to describe his personality in detail, like how he views different people, how his past has shaped the way he acts, and add any of his idiosyncrasies.

Please fill out the occupation section.

For the bio, you have numerous grammatical mistakes. Please fix those if you can, which includes spacing between sentences. If English isn't your first language, then I'll be more lenient, but you should still be proud of your profile and try to have the best descriptions you can.

For weapons, the first entry there makes little sense, I think you meant to separate the sword sentence and the smoke bomb sentence. As for Blackheart, same thing as before, more description.

As for his talents, Shadow Control also needs more. If he can control shadows at will, is it only if he touches them to travel through, or not? Also, how does the ability to Shadow Jump allow him to have incredible speed and reflexes? What are the limitations of this ability? Will it make him pass out after so many uses, or what?

Finally, elemental magic is not explicable if you have points under Darkness.  

[StickyHighFive]

Ouch tough break.Sorry im alil tiered so more description ok.  

[Awesome Sensei]

and your shadow jump, is not shadow control. I mean it is just a name that kinda confuses me. Anyway, ya it is fine, but remember! more points= better.  

[Awesome Sensei]

Points Available: 62

Weapons:

Blackheart: 10

Talents/abilities:

Shadow Jump: 15

elements:

N/A  

[StickyHighFive]

Thank you sensei.*bows*