Love my enemy

[lil lost angel]

The night was thick with the pale menacing fog, and the light rain was to no help either. My mother gripped the steering wheel with pale fingers making her knuckles look like ghastly bones than slender knuckles and pianist fingers. My mom was pale and shacking with me her gothic teen sitting next to I am the complete opposite of my mom, with dark lips and eyes circled by smoke. Then I looked
At my mom and opened my mouth "Mom you know I can drive, just pull over and I can get us the rest of the way there “I said quietly breaking our silence "No sweetie, see there’s an exit I'll find us a place to stay for the night"
Her voice was littered with anxiety and tension; I finally saw the sign for the exit 'LaPorte 2 miles' wow LaPorte! How exciting
Nothing is out here since we moved out of Houston and we were making our way to California for mom to go get her dream job
Whatever that is... I guess it’s my fault we are out here this late. I decided top delay me and my mom moving, I had spent the
Day partying instead of helping mom back up the van for the movers.
After wandering the town for a few minutes we arrived at a bed and breakfast. As I grabbed our bags from the trunk
SHINK CLICK I looked to the ground and saw that my necklace had fallen off, due to my laziness to fix the catch "but oh well I will one day." I muttered to myself. The large uncut garnet shimmered beautifully in the dim light "Don't move" a sultry voice whispered into my ear, "come my dear and I'll show you a new life..." A wave of pain erupted starting at the base of my neck and flowed all through my body as a something wet, warm, and sharp clamped down on my neck... And then my sight slowly faded to black as I saw my mom going into the motel room not noticing me.

My eyes slowly opened, wincing against the light. As I tried to sit up a hand was gently placed on my stomach and pushed me back down with care. "My pet if you do that you'll regret it" murmured the sultry voice; It must be a man since it had the slight baritone hint to it. My lids finally opened fully giving me a sight to look at, I am right it was a man although he wasn't the type of guy I would expect to kidnap me... He was lean and sinewy; his face was even more shocking. Jade eyes were set perfectly in a crème colored face with semi-full pale peach lips that curved softly up into a grin.
I tried to sit up slowly and cautiously fighting the wave of nausea, the man reached toward me with a pale hand "Don't I need to sit up" I grumbled at him, the nausea was too much for me to even be panicked that I was alone with some strange man I never met before. "Let me help you" he said pouting out his lower lip in concern, ha! Concern this man just took me away from my life! As panic flooded my mind a single thought took flight before it could be crushed by my panic "Don't I know him? He seems so familiar..." Then everything went black again…

I could see fluorescent light from my closed eyes and I rolled over mumbling “Mom please turn off the light..” when I didn’t hear a retort from her I lifted my head a massive headache flowing into my head and nearly knocking me back on the bed… Wait… I don’t remember going to bed last night. I frantically tried to remember if I brought in the bags to the motel room and said goodnight to my mom. Then it came back to me, my garnet’s clasp breaking and me hearing the sultry voice and the pain. I slowly ran my fingers up to my neck not wanting to open my eyes and worsen the headache… Yep it was bruised I flinched away from the tender spot on my neck and held it softly then it clicked. I’m not with mom then! My eyelids flew open letting in the bright fluorescent light in and worsening my headache and making me woozy and sick to my stomach, I wanted to throw up and lay back down I felt drained of all energy and all I wanted to do was sleep. But never less I sat up with one arm propping me up and the other holding my stomach to ease the ache away from it. And instead of being in some dungeon I was laying in a beautiful golden and crimson bed that was a tier bed and it was mussed apparently I wasn’t sleeping very well but I looked around the room had no windows but a solid wooden door, it might have been my way out of the room but it looked locked. I continued to look around the beautiful room though the were no windows there was a bright light a fluorescent light bulb was in the ceiling inside of an ornate casing that looked impossible to open and there was no light switch… Great just what I needed a light I can’t turn off. My head throbbed harder as I looked around the room was fully furnished with matching gold and wood combo all around even gold brushes and a mirror set on the chest of drawers they were beautiful but why would all of this magnificent stuff be just lying around for a prisoner? I stood up and rolled out of the bed and onto my feet, I noticed there was another door it didn’t look as solid as the other one and there was a closet. Sitting on the chest of drawers though was a folded piece of paper I picked it up and read the elegant script on the scrap dearest Elizabeth please freshen up and relax all your questions will be answered in due time please wear a dress from the fine selection I have for you- yours truly.. I decided I guess I should at least get some answers… Then I started wondering if he was just some pervert who wanted to sell me on the market as a whore or something… I opened the other door to behold a huge bathroom with a Jacuzzi bath and a glass shower filled with shampoo and conditioner’s along with several different body washes in every scent I could imagine and some I couldn’t. I decided that I wasn’t going to take a bath since I wouldn’t want to take my time and make him wait and probably make him do something to me and I don’t want to make that man mad with me and I certainly don’t want to give him a chance to sneak in a take a peak at me in le nude.
I found a robe hanging in the closet and I took it into the bathroom and looked in the cupboard and found several towels and set up the shower, I noticed I wasn’t wearing my outfit that I was in the last time I remembered… I was now in a silk dress with a beautiful black E embroidered onto the chest and I looked into the mirror and I found that my hair was let down out of the tight bun that I had it in and it was hanging around my face which no longer had the black makeup on it, but I shuddered my fears off and prayed that the man had a maid or a female accomplice who dressed me and I stepped out of the gown and panties and into the shower picking up the pomegranate body wash and shampoo set along the way and tried to rush myself but it was so luxurious that I couldn’t help but relax and let my mind slip away as I cleaned my body and moved onto my hair as the hot water poured down my curvy body and down the drain. As I climbed out of the shower and wrapped myself into a soft blue towel and began drying myself off I looked in the mirror and moved my hair away from my neck to check for a bruise and saw the remains of a yellow bruise so faint it looked like it was about a week old and still healing.
I started looking through the cupboards looking for something to dry my hair with and I found a full set of makeup and a full set of hair care products and brushes and dryers and other things but I dried off and put on the robe and continued to dry off my hair brushing it out and then I pulled out the blow dryer and continued on making myself pretty, I’m not going into small details but I blow dried it straightened it and put on makeup and none of it black. Then as I exited the bathroom and made my way to the closet something crimson and gold that wasn’t the furniture caught my eye, I turned and saw a beautiful gown laying across my bed and my bed was made and on top of the gown lay another note.
I picked up the note and saw the same handwriting as before Dearest Elizabeth- dinner will be served soon I hope you like the dress it’s one of my favorites Gerveise will come to get you soon- Yours truly… I picked up the dress it was truly pretty and oddly enough my size, so I slipped it on and looked in the mirror. It was a sleek crimson and gold trim dress that fit to my curves and flowed down to the floor along with my golden hair flowing down my back and down almost to my stomach.
There was a knock on my door and a old mans voice floated through the heavy door “Ma’am it’s Gerveise the butler is it okay if I come in?” I was shocked that it was so odd that they were polite even though I was taken without my permission “surely you may come in.” and I heard the door being unlatched and opened as I turned to the door and saw the older man standing in a nice suit and holding out a hand to me. “Hello my lady please follow me the master would like to see you now”  

[Fiat Lux Aeterna]

Whoah! Perhaps it's just because I don't have my glasses on, but I think you're missing a few commas and periods. Your thoughts seem to run together - what should be several sentences become single sentences. That was a little distracting, but I did notice that everything was spelled correctly, which is good.

I've got a question, though... you said near the end that there was a note with handwriting that was the same as before, but I don't remember you mentioning any other notes or anything like that. Did I just miss it?

Also, what was the point of this story? You're driving with your mom, then suddenly abducted after being knifed in the neck, and somehow not dying. Where does this lead, what is the point?

Your description wasn't bad, though. Fixing the sentence structure will make this more noticeable, too, which would help.

I don't know whether I liked this or not... I think it would be better if it had a point, or some sort of ending. Did you forget to copy and paste that bit, maybe?  

[lil lost angel]

No this is the first draft there is some errors but it is not even close to being done  

[Fiat Lux Aeterna]

Could you maybe please post the final version when it's done, then?

I would rather read it when it's more complete, so that I can say more nice things about it rather than negative things. smile  

[Kasi Karra]

Moved to Writing razz rose subforum