Toderp's the derp

[Cabron the Swan]

I can balance three stories on my thread at once.



"Hulk! Help!" The Incredible Hulk stopped squashing frogs and turned around. Two kids ran towards him. Wait, two kids? Well, that's what it says here... Okay, so there were three kids, but the black one was mistaken for a frog and thrown head first into the shallow pond.

"Can you help our pony?" the kids asked. Hulk got a sinister look in his eyes and nodded, mumbling "Hulk Smash!" under his breath.



The horse was in trouble. Hulk had been staring at its a** for the past five minutes, and it was starting to get nervous. Then Hulk declared he would hold up the bridge (no doubt to get a better look), and "swam" over... in ankle deep water.



Hulk ripped the bridge in two.

The kids pulled their pony to safety — physically speaking. The mental scarring was a different story, and it would take years of therapy before the pony could look at a bridge without crying.

Hooray for Hulk!

 

[Cabron the Swan]

Another generic trio of children laughed as they played in the sandbox. Unbeknownst to them, the Hulk crept closer, arms outstretched, a look of murderous glee on his face. But before Hulk could strangle a single child "accidentally" — hey, it worked for Frankenstein's monster — some witnesses older kids ran up.

"Time to go home to your mommies, this is our park now!" Sounds reasonable enough. If it's the bullies' park, the kids probably should go home to their mommies.

But the Hulk, too filled with rage and ignorance, is unable to grasp such simple concepts as property ownership. "Hulk say park is for everyone but mean people."



Hulk ripped the bullies in two. THE END

 

[Cabron the Swan]

It was Derek's turn for show and tell, and he was determined to show all the kids who laughed when he brought in his lingering Pokémon collection. This time he had something almost as cool: the Incredible Hulk.



After Hulk was stumped by a simple math problem, Derek decided to interrupt. "Um... He's really strong."



Hulk picked up a desk, the big showoff, and clearly failed to impress Derek's 30 year old classmate (lower left). Derek droned on: "He can also leap higher than anyone else. Show him, Hulk!" In one fast leap, Hulk flew out the window… and over the flagpole!

...A flagpole? That's it? Superman can leap tall buildings. Just what kind of a superhero is Hulk, anyway? He gets mad and smashes stuff – big deal! So does my brother. You don't see anyone bringing HIM to Show & Tell.

Now, at this point the rest of the children would be laughing at that pathetic display. Derek smiled, oblivious to the glares of disgust. "Want to hear something?"

Hulk screamed at the top of his crybaby lungs.



The classroom was silent... but only because Hulk had blown out everyone's eardrums. The children were rushed to the hospital, except for Derek, who wanted to stick around and show off his burgeoning collection of busted eardrums, and Hulk, who was shot in the face for being such a big green idiot. The end.

Or is it?

 

[Trenn Flashkill]

"Stop pulling my n****e!" the Hulk exclaimed.  

[Cabron the Swan]

Trenn Flashkill

"Stop pulling my n****e!" the Hulk exclaimed.

oh god can't unsee

 

[CYBERPUNK PANDA]

Too much coffee that day? blaugh