Promp #11

[Firstpoke]

The Farmer's Field

Brushed by wind,
Fed by grain,
Combed by tractors,
Watered by rain,
Worried by drought,
It does not yield,
For it lives on,
The farmer's field.  

[Kasi Karra]

Good
I liked the imagery that you gave in the beginning of your poem.

Maybe it's just me, but I didn't like the use of the word yield towards the end of your poem. After contemplating it I finally got that you meant it doesn't move (at least I hope you did >.<), but when I read it the first time I thought of yield as in what it gives/produces.

other then that I loved it blaugh  

[Fiat Lux Aeterna]

Hey, I like this. It definitely meets the prompt.

This makes me think of "the red wheelbarrow" by William Carlos Williams. If you haven't already read it, you ought to - it's an epic poem, in a super-short kinda way. It's a pretty rockin' poem, in any case. You really ought to read it.

But back onto this...
I like especially your good use of diction - all of your words are about the farm, so the whole poem just fits itself. Well executed. My favorite word in this has got to be "worried" - it really just fits the emotion of a rural lifestyle, what with all of the hard work and weathering and bad times and old things and whatnot. But maybe that's just what I think of when I see that word in this.

The only edit I might make to this, or might suggest, is maybe something to do with the punctuation on the second-to-last line. I don't think a comma is as hot as it might be there, but I don't really want to suggest anything to you, 'cause it's your poem. I dunno. Just think about it maybe. Other than that, all of your other punctuation...uh-oh. They're all commas. And they all give just the right speed.

Well, I guess you could change just the one, and hope that the reader doesn't... well, actually yeah. Changing that line's punctuation will draw even more attention to it, and since it really is the most important line in the entire poem, that could be really strong.

Or you could go ahead and alter all of the punctuation, so that you have a mish-mash of all sorts of marks, which could also be really good if you get the right ones in the right places.

So overall, this is like a gem that has been mined, cleaned, cut, and polished, but is now under the display case after being handled, and could really use just one final polish so that it can gleam really well at all of the customers. It's got just a couple specks of dust that the attentive or connoisseur would notice. So yeah, that's just what I think.