Woud you want to keep on reading this story? (Sci-Fi genre)

[Quzo]

1. On a Festo ship bound for Thrae

* Though it not nescicerary, you might want to read the prologue (introductuon) first-which can be found here: http://www.gaiaonline.com/arena/writing/fiction/vote/?entry_id=101978675#title

Twenty five (Earth) years on*, a great war is raging with enemies of the Festo, as the determined emperor continues in his search for his long lost son. Vast amounts of recourses had been poured into scouring the seemingly endless void.
"No stone should be left unturned", the emperor ordered military officials.
Or in the eyes of the soldiers on the ground, "Ransack every known planet until you find what I'm looking for."
In this time many great cities have been purged of those seen as sympathetic of scientists cause though the secret police would listen in to see if anyone might have information leading them to the baby. About a year after the baby’s disappearance the emperor decided to start the search to find his lost son. In spite of the emperor’s sense hope resuming, many were still wondering why the scientists had been brushed under the carpet so abruptly.Ordinary citizens had no idea what became of the scientists. Previous experience told them the emperor would have got fed up with them and perhaps cut the string if something did go wrong.

However, even after the scientists had gone, in the time the emperor grieved, there had still been some whispering amongst the people closet to the emperor about what actually happened to the baby upon disagreement with their given version of events. Perhaps someone else knew what the scientists had planned prior; maybe someone knows where the baby ended up; or maybe someone is secretly looking after the baby? For the past twenty four years it has been the job of officials like Captain Gwent of the imperial Festovian navy to find out.

He was a loyal commander and expert tactician. The emperor once hailed him as one of the imperium's finest. This sort of credibility along with his devoted, almost slave like, crew has earnt him a reputation many others of his rank had come to envy; leading him to be a potent and highly influential force in the military. Like many others his level he was a tall man of a robust stature. He also bore a rough scaly pink hide all over, ominously large limbs, with an equally big brain to match his muscle. His face meanwhile, frequently indicated that he was a determined warrior who would stop at nothing to achieve his aim. This determined attitude could also be seem just by his dress as the black jackets he always wore crammed with medals attained from his long list victories.

His crew didn't always like that he was a hard taskmaster, despite enjoying generous bonuses from superiors resulting from his often ruthless efficiency. It was a well know fact to Festovians that since day one of his captaincy he had been sent on numerous strategically important missions that the emperor just would not have been able to trust anyone else to execute with such precision as does he. One such mission was his deployment on the edge of the far reaches of the Festo empire in a place appropriately known as simply, 'The Badlands' to the people of Festovia, in an attempt to find a rebel leader coined as the most notorious.

Gwent gazed out of the huge windows of his ship's cabin tentatively. The planet that could be seen up ahead was a welcome sight for he and his crew who had been travelling months to reach it. Great lush green land masses dominated surface of the seemingly virgin rocky body. It appeared a majestic sight compared to the background of stars the quintessentially nomadic crew had been used to, but Gwent knew full well of the dangers it might harbour.
"Well, here we are," he stated in his typical stern tone of voice.
Gwent looked around the room at all the faces of the pilots that had got him here. Some looked a him briefly but most stayed focused on the objective.
"Looks good doesn't it sir?" Said one.
Gwent turned to give him a leer. His black beady eyes momentarily fixed on the fresh recruit as he thought of what to say in response.
"Do you not know what perils lie below us?"
"No I don't captain. We've been flirting with death so much recently, with all those pirates and the matter of that small black hole, that I forgot," responded the young soldier hesitantly.
"Rebels. Lots of rebels. We are here not just because our great emperor Nityas demands we must look for his long lost, but still beloved son, but also to capture the infamous rebel Ligna. Ligna is what stands between me and getting that new medal."
The young man cast his eyes on Gwent's black jacket with its vast array of medals. He gave an expression of contempt as he hopelessly tried to count all of them.
"Don't you have enough of those?"'
Gwent brushed his left hand along the top row of medals then spoke.
"These are proof of my loyalty. When you become as high ranking as I, you'll begin to understand the pleasures of owning these."
He gave a grunt as he veered away from him. When he did the man immediately went back to his job helping pilot the ship.

The ship was a thing of 'unmatched beauty' to Gwent, who would do anything to preserve it. And with good reason too. It was a true behemoth of the navy's fleet; with its massive body-a sort of long pentagonal shape with four roughly straight edges. Most of the ship was taken up by the huge engines but a third or so was used as equipment storage and the living quarters, whilst he and the pilots would reside in the rounded frontal point at the top, away from the rest of the crew. When in his personal fighter Gwent would often watch in complete awe as his pride and joy propelled endlessly through the empty black ocean. Even inside, he would quietly stand overseeing as the crew urged his oracle forward.

Gwent glared out of the window briefly to sneer at the planet below, and then turned to speak to the pilots. His sixth sense told him it was now time to release the landing pods.
“Sound the tannoy. It is time. Tell them to get the landing craft ready,” he shouted furiously.
The chief pilot nodded his head confidently and that was enough to reassure him.


Any feedback on my writing? Writers write to be read.  

[Fiat Lux Aeterna]

Is this the story you wanted to be edited? No offense, but if it is, you might consider hiring a new editor. I counted eighteen mistakes in the first paragraph (I stopped counting at that point).  

[Quzo]

Fiat Lux Aeterna

Is this the story you wanted to be edited? No offense, but if it is, you might consider hiring a new editor. I counted eighteen mistakes in the first paragraph (I stopped counting at that point).

EDIT: I have send you a PM regarding this.

Sorry about the mistakes there was a last minute change, so I know what part you mean. It is quite frustraiting and embassiring what I put because I actualy just got a high A grade for the creative writing section of my English course (23 out of a possible 26 marks). No it has not been edited yet. Even so you have not given me an e-mail to send you work as I asked. And I'll have you know my proofreader is actually the person who invited to this guild in the first place. So I cannot get a second opinion as promised.  

[Priestess of Neptune]

Quzo, please read the most recent announcement about posting etiquette.

After reading this once through, I was unsure as to what had happened between the scientists and the ruler, regardless of having already perused the prologue.

Even before having someone else edit this, you need to choose a tense- you have switched from past to present within every paragraph, occasionally several times within the same one.

As a note, 23/26 is approximately 88% (I suggest checking that with a calculator, as that is only a rough estimate).