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Reply Writing: Prose
chapter 1 of my book, please read & critique :)

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chickie94

PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2010 11:35 am
One of the dozens of fluorescent bulbs flickered an off white color right above me and the incessant sound of the fly buzzing somewhere in the room was driving me crazy. The walls of my class were covered in pastel sheets of paper that were peppered with quotes written in someone's elegant handwriting. I swallowed hard as the once familiar faces and prose of Thoreau, Emerson, and the like seemed to peer down their glasses at me condescendingly. I knew it was going to be a long day, but I was looking forward to the next day, the first day of Spring Break. Despite the dire location, I was completely lost in thought, chewing on a pen cap absentmindedly and wondering what I was going to do about Matthew Louis, my latest obsession. I'll be open with you now, and admit, that I, like every teenage girl in America, changed my mind a hundred times each day when it came to love. Love wasn't my strong suit anyway, but Matt was making it difficult for me. No more difficult than the teacher, Mrs. Harper.
She was a particularly odd looking old woman. No more than five feet tall with frizzy gray hair that was long enough for her to sit on. She looked me up from her roll sheet and down again, then she rolled her eyes to herself. I held my temper, I've never had that effect on people, as long as I can remember at least. I brushed my hair out of my face and smiled politely anyway. I was the sort of girl that was in your head one minute then out the next. You can be enjoying my company one moment then forget me the next. I was just invisible like that. So there I was, sitting back there chewing on that pen cap when someone tapped me very lightly on the shoulder, I sighed softly. I could smell the odd combination of air freshener and smoke in the room, and it was really starting to give me a headache.
I knew exactly who it was, I could sense it somehow. That was just one of my many superpowers. He slipped a note into my outstretched hand. I opened it up carefully. In his neat, small lettering it said, "What are our spring break plans this year?" We spent nearly all of our free time together. That could have something to do with the fact that his sister was my best friend and my brother loved her, it was complicated, but my philosophy is to put the fun in dysfunctional whenever possible. I took a green marker from my messy, over-sized purse and wrote in all capital letters ROADTRIP!!!! before passing it back to him calmly. He laughed a little to himself. "Where to this time, boss?" he replied simply. I replied with a very eloquent, very large question mark.
While Mrs. Harper droned on about mandatory books for the year, I noticed the girl in front of me was already dozing off. That girl happens to be my aforementioned best friend, her name's Sherrie Louis, yeah that's Matt's sister. I kicked her chair in an attempt to wake her up then passed her the note Matt gave me, I wanted to know where she stood on the road trip idea. We've been best friends since we were playing in the sand box. I knocked the toy out of her hand, she hit me in the face with it after she took it back, that's how friendships are cultivated, don't let anyone lie to you about kindness or tolerance or any of that other bull that you just don't ever see in people. I soon joined Sherrie in slumber though, waking up only when Ethan shook my arm. Sherrie and I walked down the hall together arm in arm gossiping about the people we hate. Well I hated them, she ignored them because I hated them. That's a good friend for you. She's fantastic, she's tall, almost a foot taller than me, and so pretty. She has a voice you wouldn't even believe, it's so gorgeous. That's why she got into the music business.
Ethan and I had Chemistry together next period. I was always nice to him because not only was he gorgeous, my ex-boyfriend, and on his way to becoming Prom King, he was my Prince Charming's best friend. They played football together, they worked out together, they sneak into movies together, they went on vacation together, I know it's a little silly, but when he and I had been dating I was kind of jealous of Matt. He dragged me along to our next class, ruffling my hair playfully, I rolled my eyes as I took a seat in the back row next to him.
My mind drifted back to my first day in that class, it was so obscure. We sat just where we were now and waited for the teacher. A few minutes later, a small balding man walked in. He turned on his computer and sat on the lab table. "Alright, I know that none of you want to be here, but you're stuck with me for the time being. Get over it you horny little losers. So I'm gonna be talking the most about evolution and cells this semester. Any problems with that?" one girl raised her hand. "That was a rhetorical question, I really don't care if you have a problem with the curriculum." he assured her condescendingly. I smiled to Ethan thinking something along the lines of, I love this class already. "Hey you! Yeah you with the hoodie, young lady, if you're so amused back there, why don't you tell me the four organic compounds?" he said glaring at me intensely and pushing up his glasses, which ruined the intimidation attempt, by the way.
"Proteins, Carbohydrates, Lipids, and Nucleic Acids." I answered simply. He continued in his attempt to stare me down, I didn't even blink. I refused to be even the slightest bit afraid of a grown man in a sweater-vest.
"Give me examples of each." he barked. I silently asked myself if I was indeed in Biology or if I had wandered into ROTC by mistake, but I didn't have time to ponder that, I had a teacher to show up. That was sort of my favorite past time. I love the look of shock on their face. Some teachers were more amused than others, but all were surprised.
"Nucleic Acid can be either DNA or RNA. Lipids are waxes or oils. Carbohydrates are sugars. And Proteins are found in enzymes and the hormones that you think we all posses an overload of." I said back, not even blinking as I said it. Somewhere to my right a student gasped slightly, but it didn't phase me at all. He was absolutely livid, I could see it in his eyes, but he was trying to keep himself together. I still didn't panic, I worried incessantly about things of little to no importance, but it was rather hard to make me panic. He opened his mouth to ask another question but then closed it and turned around to face his board. He cleared his throat before he continued talking to me directly. "Then you won't mind coming up here and teaching my lesson for me?" he said. I didn't know how to answer that one. He walked to the back of the room and handed me a marker. "It's on the structure of the typical animal cell. Draw a diagram of it and you won't have to take our next test." I nodded and took the marker from his hand. I looked over my shoulder at the class and swallowed hard. This was the weirdest first day I think I've ever had. I quickly jotted down the basic components of the cell, deciding not to go into too much detail for fear of really looking like a know-it-all. I cleared my throat nervously and began to draw. "So, the cell has eight basic parts. I'll start with the cell membrane. It's made mostly of proteins and lipids. Then on to the nucleus, which contains genetic material, DNA. The cytoplasm is a sort of jelly that keeps everything where it's supposed to be, it's made of primarily water. The endoplasmic reticulum, acts as a sort of packaging system for the Nucleus when it replicates DNA. It works closely with these two, the Golgi apparatus and the ribosomes. These things, they're lysosomes. They contain enzymes that help sever chemical bonds when they need to. And last but not least, the mitochondria, these carry out cellular respiration, the energy needed for the cell to function." I put down the marker and walked back to my seat silently. Mr. Everett watched me. He looked at my depiction carefully and smiled. I was surprised to be honest, I thought that a smile would crack his face.
"Class, you tell me, should this young lady have to take our next test, which is on exactly this?" he gestured to the board. "Raise your hands if you think she should, don't be shy now." there were nineteen students in the class. Nine raised their hands, nine kept them down including myself, one person slept peacefully. I elbowed Ethan to wake him up. He looked around, startled. "What about you Mister Jacobs?" He looked something like a deer in headlights as he continued to look around. "Today would be nice." Mr. Everett sighed.
"I-I agree with Ava." he stammered, Mr. Everett raised an eyebrow at him. "She's very rational." he explained clumsily. I smiled, and thought, good answer sweetie.
"Very well then, consider your test grade one hundred." he nodded at me. I put my hand on Ethan's shoulder lightly. He smiled sheepishly and looked at the board.
"What the hell is that?" he said, yawning.
"That's what got me out of his next test. Not too bad, is it Ethan?" he didn't answer, he had already dozed back off. That's what you get when you spend all night on Facebook instead of getting some sleep. Mr. Everett came back to where I was and put a note on the table in front of me. It said that he needed to speak with me after school. I swallowed hard and nodded curtly at him.
I came back to the present day quickly as Mr. Everett, Lou, called my name out. I answered the question then I decided to pay attention the rest of the class. The bell rang not long after that and I walked lethargically to lunch where I sat with my four best friends. Sherrie, Matt, Ethan and my big brother Sam. I skipped a grade, which landed me in his class. I was a seventeen year old senior. Sam was pretty much the opposite of me. He was tall and muscular. He played nearly every sport and was fantastic at them all. He had short blond hair cropped close to his scalp and a tan that made a Ken doll look albino. He sat with his arm protectively around my shoulder and a harsh look at Matt. He overheard Sherrie and I on the phone one night and found out about my little crush, okay my moderately huge crush. Now I blushed every time they were in the same room together. Sam never liked Matt much anyway, but that really set him off.
"So Cali this year?" I asked, welcome to a change in subject. "We need to figure out where to, we're leaving tomorrow."
"Yeah, and I'm so not doing all the driving this time. I did over Christmas and we remember what happened there." Matt said with a little laugh.
"You did all the driving?" I asked quickly. He nodded back. "I think you're more delusional than usual. That was me. You said that I need the practice. I said you were full of s**t but I said okay anyway."
"Damn your memory.” he groaned a little to himself, maybe he had forgotten that I didn't miss a trick. “I'm still not driving." Matt said stubbornly folding his arms across his chest. I smiled at him and rolled my eyes. Typical Matt. The bell rang for us to go to our next class. PE for me. I walked into the small cramped health room and was immediately tackled by Keri. All-star athlete, honor roll student, and she still managed to look flawless everyday. I envied her for that, to be honest. I barely managed to roll out of bed, put my hair into a ponytail and brush on a little foundation. My mom isn't ever that way, she takes an hour to put on her makeup, and she never leaves the house without it all caked on. I might not look as pretty, but I look ten times more natural. She sat beside me in my seat and we talked for the duration of the class.
I've found that teachers are as miserable as the students are on the Mondays, but the fact that we were all anticipating spring break helped ease that misery some. After the bell rang I got up and walked lethargically to the art building, which was down a hill toward the back of the school. I looked out over the football field as I walked slowly down the ramp. The Riverside Rams were infamous in the state, the last five seasons we went undefeated. I heard someone call my name as I got to the bottom but I didn't look to see who it was. I opened the door and went inside.
Paintings, presumably by students were all over the walls and a few even on the ceiling. The walls were a bright green, unlike the bland beige of the others. I sat at a table in the back left portion of the room, away from the line of sight of the teacher. I disliked electives, I didn't see the point in this class, I knew it would be of no help to me in the future, maybe I was over thinking it, once again. I pulled out a book and started to read while I waited for the late bell and the arrival of my classmates. The chair beside me squeaked as someone sat in it. I looked up at them and my heart skipped a beat.
"Hey Ava, long time no see." he said lightly, just sitting there looking something like a demi-god. "you still coming over today?"
"As far as I know." I said lazily, "We can't miss movie night!" I added dramatically.
He smiled with an amused little smile and replied; "your choice tonight. So I'll get out the Jane Austen." I laughed a little to myself. We chatted casually over the course of the class. I attempted to flirt but apparently failed, seeing that as soon as he left the class I saw him kissing his girlfriend. She was the ultimate threat to me. She was the president of the junior class. She looked like a Barbie doll too. I walked on to the parking lot where I got into my brother's car and turned on the radio, up loud to a song I liked as he started the engine.
"I just talked to mom, she says we need an adult with us." he said closing his cell and putting it back in his pocket. It vibrated again, he checked it, sighed and put it back. "Matt just got dumped by that annoying girlfriend of his. I swallowed hard and nodded, but got back to the first topic moderately easily.
"Ugh, who the hell would willingly go on a road trip with a bunch of teenagers?" I groaned to him. Just then a teacher walked past us, the wheels in my head started turning. Mr. Everett I knew everyone might not like that idea, but it was perfect to me. That man was my mentor, I couldn't think of an adult I'd rather have with me on a road trip. I stuck my head out of the window, he had become sort of a big brother to all of us, me particularly. "Don't forget, its movie night Lou!" I yelled.
"And spring break plans need to be made!" Sam added even louder. He blushed, looking around to see if anyone else had heard our calls. I bet now you're wondering what happened that first day after school, well I knocked timidly on his door. He called out for me to come in, I obeyed calmly.
"You wanted to see me sir?" I asked softly as soon as I got up to the front desk.
"Yes," he said, "Please, take a seat." he said to me, somehow he seemed different this afternoon. I nodded and did just that. He set down his clipboard and took the seat beside me. That threw me off, it was like he was treating me as a peer, not as his subordinate. I appreciated that. "I see you have a strong interest in science, have you given any thought as to what line of work you're going to pursue?" he asked, seeming genuinely interested.
"I'm going into medicine, sir." I answered confidently, not what I want to do, or what I'd like to do, but what I'm going to do. That seemed to surprise him a bit, I think it would have had the same effect on me in his position.
"Please, call me Lou, I'll have none of this sir nonsense when I'm dealing with someone equally as capable as I am." he said, rolling up his sleeves and pushing his glasses back up on his nose.
"Alright, Lou it is then." I answered. This was just getting a little to odd for me.
"I'd like to help you along the way, anything in this class that interests you, come to me after school and we'll go into more detail than I'd ever go into in class. Was there anything today?"
"Well it was actually something we touched on several months ago before you came to this school. In immunology,” I began and continued to ask a long drawn out question of him. He stood up and turned on his projector, her flipped to the page he wanted and started drawing diagrams for me. I was fascinated, completely. Before I knew it, it was five, that was when Sam and Matt were supposed to take me home. I shook Mr. Everett's hand and walked out to the parking lot where I was met by all my nosy friends, asking what he said. Ethan and I were going out at that point, and were in fact the hottest couple in school, which had nothing to do with me. Anyway, I got a fantastic back rub on the way home, much to the chagrin of Sam, not that I cared at all about that.
I got a text from Lou, movie night was switched to my house. I popped some popcorn and went upstairs to change into a more comfortable outfit. At least that's what I told the guys, who just arrived, Sherrie was at home, probably doing the same. We're neighbors, isn't that convenient. Well not as much as you'd think. My bedroom window is adjacent to Matt's, that's right, only three feet of grass separate us. I pulled on some very slutty cotton shorts along with an over sized t-shirt. I messed with my hair just a bit to give it a sexy bed head look. I walked down the stairs slowly and dove on the couch, landing on top of Ethan, purposely of course. He kissed me on the cheek, that's when I attacked. He is quite possibly the most ticklish guy you'll ever meet, and I knew the spots that were the worst. Our little tickle fight had grown into a full blown war by the time Lou came in. Tears were streaming down our faces, I don't think either of us had laughed that hard in a long time. Lou pried me off of Ethan and sat in between us with a puckish smile, that scared me a bit but I ignored it. Suddenly the most amazing smell started wafting from the kitchen. I walked slowly to the archway and peeked in.
"Leave it to Matt to be cooking while World War III is going on out here." I said smiling, I stepped closer to him. "I heard about you and Tina, I'm really sorry. Is there anything I can do?" I whispered. Suddenly Ethan was right behind me.
"We all know what she'd like to do." he said to the people in the living room. I turned around to strike him across the face, he grabbed my hand in the air and twisted it behind my back. He picked me up and dropped me on the couch beside Lou.
"Good try kiddo." he said ruffling my hair playfully, I wrinkled my nose at him. "What're we watching tonight, Ava?"
"Well, Matt's expecting Jane Austen, so I'm going to pick Saw. After we eat of course." I replied leaning back and stretching my legs across Ethan's lap. I was picked up again by Sam who needed a place to sit, that place just happened to be underneath me. "So, Lou, our mom insists we take an adult with us this time, probably has a little something to do with that harmless little pregnancy scare last time. Thanks a lot for telling her Matt! And anyway, we were all kinda hoping that you could come with us and supervise?"
He didn't answer, he was thinking about it though. "Please?" Sam added, "If I have to go to another gas station at four in the morning because my only baby sister thinks she's pregnant, I may have to shoot the guy who thinks he may have put her in that condition."
"Alright, so we don't add a felony charge to your extremely long permanent record and so we don't dash Ava's hopes of getting into MIT, I'll go."
"Oh damn, that reminds me, I need to get the mail." I said quickly. I sprinted out to the mailbox and back inside in no time flat. There were four letters in my hand as I sat down in the middle of the floor. I opened the one on top first, it was from one of my backup choices, Duke. It's an excellent school and everything, one of the top pre-med programs, but I intended to get far away from home. Very far. I got accepted. I smiled a little, at least I knew I was going to be in a good college, whatever that may be. I opened the second, it was from Berkley. I knew that if I got into that one I probably got into MIT, being that they're equally as difficult as far as admissions go. I smiled when I read that I'd been accepted into that one as well. Ethan was now sitting on the floor beside me with his arm around my waist. Sam was on my other side, his hand resting on my shoulder comfortingly. My hands shook as I opened the letter from MIT. I prayed silently as I clumsily opened the thick manila folder. I was too nervous. I handed the letter to Sam. I buried my face in Ethan's shoulder and told Sam. "Read it out loud."  
PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2010 10:42 pm
Please peruse the "Posting Etiquette" announcement, and re-evaluate your post.  

Priestess of Neptune
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Writing: Prose

 
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