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Dreams or Reality (A Short Story)

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XI S i l v e r IX

PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 2:59 pm
I wrote this two weeks ago, before going into my college english class. I hope you all enjoy it, cause I plan to have it published some time very soon.

The story of a boy who meets a girl. Her mysterious nature leads him into an adventure that's completely unseen, with a surprise ending.

Thank you.

--------------------------------------------

Dreams or Reality
By: L. C. Roman


Terry was a young boy in an Oklahoma town. He was always alone, and barely spoke to anyone. Perhaps because Terry always wore black and seemed intimidating, despite his thin face and fair features.

One day, Terry left school, carefully avoiding the school bullies, who often tried to beat him for pleasure or money, and found a body lying down at a park. He rushed over, his heart beating fast, and realized that it was a girl with long blond hair. He turned her around and gazed, awed, at her beauty. He had never seen this girl before. Who was she? Terry wondered. What is she doing here?

The girl was wearing a red shirt and a blue jean mini skirt.

Terry lightly slapped her face. "Hey." he began. "Are you ok? C'mon wake up. Hey....Hey!"

"Ow!" the girl suddenly shoved Terry."What hit me?" she groaned.

"My name is Terry. Can you remember anything?" he asked, obviously concerned.

"I don't remember..." she said rubbing her head.

Terry examined her head. "It's just a bump, you'll be fine."

"Thank you, I guess..." she looked at Terry with her stunning blue eyes. Terry thought her to be more beautiful than anyone on the planet.

"You shouldn't stay here by yourself...C-come with me." He dared say.

"Oh...I-I...just...don't know..." she replied, hiding her slight blush.

"It'll be ok, I promise." he assured her, putting a hand over her shoulder and smiling slightly.

"Ok..."

So Terry, with the girl, went over to his house. His house was as normal and average as any other Oklahoma home. One garage, a two-story building with windows and a wooden front door.

"I hope its not too boring for you." Terry said to the girl, as they walked over to the front door of the house.

"It's fine." she replied, uncaring.

They went inside and Terry went over to the house phone on a table nearby, and pressed in his father's cellphone number.

"W-what are you doing?!" the girl panicked.

Terry turned around, slightly alarmed by the outburst."Calling my dad..." he said, frowning.

"Uhh...uhh..."

"Hey Dad." Terry went on."Yeah, I'm good. You?"

"Wait...if I could only -" she tried to tell Terry.

Terry gestured for a moment and turned around.

"Yeah. Well, um, dad. I, uh, found a girl at the park." he paused."No dad, not like that. She was unconscious."

Terry paused.

"No! Not like that either!" Terry blushed a little."She's lost her memory and doesn't remember who she is."

He paused again.

"I don't want to deal with cops by myself Dad, you know how stiff they are." Terry said.

"Ok. I'll get dinner ready, see you later."

Now when Terry turned around, the girl had disappeared! He rushed outside, opening the door with more strength than intended, and looked around from one end of the street to the other. The girl was simply gone. It was all very strange for Terry.

Terry could've gone out to look for her, but since the sun was now setting, going out late at night wouldn't have done much good. So he stayed home and began fixing dinner for his dad, his only family.

When his father arrived, some hours later, in his four-wheel pick-up, Terry went outside and hugged him and greeted him. "So where is this girl?" his father asked.

"I don't know, as soon as I call you to tell you about her, I turned around and she vanished." Terry shrugged.

"Hmm..." Terry's dad didn't sense this was a lie, and he knew his son well enough to know that Terry wouldn't play silly games. The father smacked his lips."Well, let's just forget about it for now. How was your day?" the father beamed.

That night, Terry had cooked delicious lamb chops covered with with honey barbecue and steamed rice with red beans, and for dessert...brownies with nuts and extra chocolate inside with two kinds: unwarmed milk chocolate pieces and white chocolate. Of course, the father got less, cause he was on a diet. According to Terry at least.

Terry and his dad had a usual night of father and son time. They would talk about movies, school, work and even cool things to do on vacation.

The next day at school, it was homeroom, and the teacher, Mrs. Phelps, a kind of husky lady with an owl-ish appeal, presented a new student that day. It was a girl! And not just any girl, the same girl from yesterday!

Terry couldn't believe his eyes.

"Her name is Jessica Mainer. Let's all make her feel very welcome, ok class?" said Mrs. Phelps, smiling.

Jessica stood at the head of the class, beaming, still as beautiful as before.

Terry wondered if she would even remember him. Why would she? She being so beautiful, and Terry being a pathetic loser. And what are the chances of them having anything in common? What chance would he have at all? So Terry tried to ignore her.

"You sit down..."Mrs. Phelps looked around the classroom. "...Right there, next to Terry. He's always managed to to do so well in class, I'm sure that if you have any questions, he'd be able to clear them up, ok?" the teacher beamed at Jessica.

Terry slouched down, slightly embarrassed by the teacher's praise.
He was never one accustomed to praise, and whenever one did so happen to exalt him, he would turn away from it, as he was a humble boy.

Jessica casually sat down next to him. "Hello." she said.

"Oh...uh, hi." he said shyly to her.

The teacher then went on with her class.

"I hope we can both have good grades at the end of the semester, I'm so nervous." she said quietly.

It wasn't long before Jessica had grown into the school, and made many friends, except for Terry, who was too shy to say anything. For months it went on like that, until one strange day, Jessica didn't go to school. It was very strange not to see her around, for many people adored her.

Terry, aswell as some of his classmates, wondered what happened to her. Then it remained that way for one full week. Something was wrong, Terry knew it. After school was over, he went over to the principals office to ask the secretary for her address.

"Where does Jessica Maine live?" he asked the horse-faced secretary.

"Young man, that information cannot be revealed without permission from a teacher or principal." The secretary said haughtily.

"Oh...uh, I just wanted to give her the homework she's missed in the past week...is all." He forced a smile.

That was Secretary Whitmore. Always a grouch, never liking kids, and never liked by kids in return. She eyed Terry."Very well." she said, then gave him the address, and Terry was off in a slight dash.

It didn't take him long to find the place. Jessica's home was like a palace. Two balconies on each side, a long white picket fence and a big red door with a mail insert. It was a very strange home.

Terry looked at the address on his note, then he looked around. This was it, there was no mistaking. There was no mail box, which Terry found odd, and the place smelled like flowers. He passed slowly through the white picket fence and walked over to the door and knocked. No answer. He knocked again, but slightly harder.

"Just a minute." said a gentle and melodic womanly voice.

A few minutes later, and the red door opened slowly, showing blue gentle eyes."Who is it?"

"Um...I'm Terry." he said.

"Are you here for Jessica? She's sick, so you'll have to come some other time." the lady said kindly.

"Oh I'm just here to give her her homework." Terry said quickly, before the lady shut the door.

The door closed for a moment, then, after a click, it opened to reveal a beautiful maiden wearing a simple blue gown.

"Just leave it by the table over there." She gestured to a small circled table next to a door behind her left. The whole house was strange. There was unique wall paper of clouds and rennaissance battles all around. What an odd fascination they have...Terry thought.

Terry took out some of the homework and left the papers over the table and turned to leave.

"Thank you for coming, it's so nice to see how much Jessica's classmates care about her." said the woman, beaming at Terry.

"Sure, I'll just be going now." Terry said, and he left for his house.

After weeks had turned into months of Jessica not coming, Terry decided to investigate. He went back to Jessica's house and watched and waited during the night. Suddenly, something strange was happening. Lights began flashing in all the windows of the house, then disappearing.

He decided to sneak inside and find out what that was all about. Terry went around to the house's right and began climbing up a vine growing up to the balcony. He made his way up, as quietly as he could, and stepped down to balcony floor. He tip-toed to a screen door and carefully opened it, revealing a large room with a king-sized bed and a table with a lamp. It was slightly dark inside, and Terry could hear arguing on another room in the house. But something caught his eye, some glowing green thing.

Terry stepped inside and gazed upon a cauldron on the chimney to the left of the room. Odd as it was, something compelled Terry to look inside it. When he moved closer and looked inside, there was something glowing green and bubbling inside it.

"Hey! You!" said a man who opened the door to the room Terry was in.

But then, something caught hold of Terry. Space and time; all sense of reality, suddenly flew over Terry. The lights of the universe swirled and finally, at the end of the universe...he landed in a swamp.

"Agh!" Terry cried, covered in the slimy waters of the swamp. "Where am I?! What is this?! What's going on?!"

Terry looked around and saw the life of the place. The chirping birds, the croaking frogs, the blowing air. Where could this be?

Terry made his way through the swamp. After some hours, he found a wooden platform, where he rested on top. He sighed and felt only regret. He missed his home more than anything, and wanted nothing more than to be with his dad. Was this all worth it for a girl? This girl had never given Terry the time of day, why should he? Unfortunately, that didn't matter now. He was lost, and with no way to get back home.

"Ullo there." said a deep voice behind Terry. He turned, startled, and saw an old and ugly man covered in dirty rags, or could they have been furs? Terry couldn't tell because of the mud."Ar' you new?" asked the man.

Terry was too stunned for words. "I-I..." he stammered.

"Y'ah, I know. Da first time's always shocking." The ugly man stood seven feet tall over Terry. The man had a very bulky body and hair in every part, except the face, where he only had a big long brown beard.

"Whoa..."

The man suddenly sniffed. "Stranger...ya smell human."

"Huh?"

"I s'ppose that happens the first time too. Out 'ere we can be free, so try to keep your 'human-ness' back in da human world."

"Um...where am I?" Terry asked.

"Why this is Licanthia, of course! You made the trip just fine." The ugly man smiled with some missing teeth.

"Uh...huh. And where is Licanthia?" Terry asked again.

"It's da planet next to da southern star. But surely your parent's would've..." The ugly man narrowed his eyes. "Come wit' me." he said finally.

"Um...that's ok, I'll just- " Terry began, but stopped as soon as the man glared at him."O-ok..."

The man led him out of the swamp and over long open plains, reaching a city of white marmol. It had many towers and it was over a mountain, surrounded by a very deep crevice, connected by a bridge over the bright green plains. Terry looked awed, but frightened. This was truly a strange world.

Guards wearing wolf-like armor waited by the entrance. "What's this?" one said.

"A human." said the ugly man with a snort.

The guards looked at each other, then stood aside to let the man and boy through the shining white gate.

Terry passed through the gate, pushed along by the ugly man, into the city. All of it was strange and different. People wore cowls and robes, bartering and haggling and calling out for those interested in their wares. Probably the merchants quarter. It was very busy and very full of life. A few hours of passing through and Terry and the old man walked right in front of the castle gates. They were let through without a glance from the guards, and Terry was finally brought into a court room, where everything was decorated in wolf-like forms.

Inside, there was much debate and conversation between five judges sitting at the end of the room staring down at Terry. Each one had a white beard longer than the other. But the only the oldest had the biggest, most pointy blue hat. And still hours passed before a verdict was nearly reached.

"Human!" said the eldest head judge at the tallest chair. "You have invaded our home and defiled our sacred land!"

Terry stammered, trying to say something, but nothing came out. He finally said."I-it was an accident!"

"Nonsense! Lies!" the judge roared. "You are a spy from the human world. This court finds you...GUILTY!"

Terry's face went white. He had never done anything wrong in his entire life, other than entering into another person's home without permission."B-but I'm here looking for Jessica Maine!"

"The Maine Clan? preposterous! Take him away!" he gestured off to one of the guards. Then two guards came up to Terry and held him by the arms and dragged him away, Terry's face still as white as ever.

Terry soon found himself in the city dungeons. It smelled like moldy dead rats. And there was little light...and Terry's heavy breathing sounded loud in the small and murky prison. His right foot was chained to the wall, and there was an ominous growl deep within the darkness.

Terry's eyes were wide with fear. What manner of place could this be? The floor was dirty, the walls were slimy and everything just seemed devoid of hope. Night time finally grew into Licanthia, and Terry was beginning to feel very sleepy. The world around him spun, and sleep and darkness began to take him away. He fell down by the stone wall. When he woke up, he was on his bed.


THE END  
PostPosted: Sat Apr 03, 2010 2:21 am
Ok, this isn't bad. I like the ideas you've had, which are interesting enough to keep things ticking along. The trouble is, it's very much a case of A happens, then B happens, then C happens... There's no strong sense of character, and I think the details you've put in aren't always what the story needs.

The final section of the story, where dreaming and reality is messed with, could also benefit from being expanded a lot. There's some great stuff in there, but it all happens far too quickly, with nothing being explained or properly resolved. That's the part of the story that the title, and your opening comments, place emphasis upon, but it only lasts for about a quarter of the story. The ending also...it's not really a surprise to me. I've read so much like this that end with waking up in bed, and you'd have to do something much more surprising with the rest of the story for it to really work.

Focus on developing this last section of the story, and it'll be great, but development is a must.  

charbookwyrm


Belle Carter

PostPosted: Tue Aug 24, 2010 3:40 pm
One thing I noticed was that the sort of NPC characters, like his father, teacher, and the judge were kind of cliché. Teachers are often introducing a new kid at school with pretty much that same sentence in books, but rarely in school. They don't seem to have any personality, which sort of detracts from the story for me.
I think maybe details might fill out your story more, too. For most things, it's a simple, single sentence to describe things - such as Jessica's appearance and her house, for example. If you elaborated a bit more, and used more complex sentences, for me it would make it more cleverly written. But not just descriptions - it needs to show his emotions, in my opinion. If we're going to connect with the character, we'll need to know what he's feeling, so it's easier for us to understand.
However, even though usually I don't like the 'It was all a dream' endings, this one was unusually sharp and short at the end, which I liked, and I did like the detail of the secretary, who had a bit more personality than the other NPC-ish characters.
I hope that helped :]
 
PostPosted: Tue Aug 24, 2010 7:32 pm
I feel like this has potential, but not at this point in time. It just feels like everything is rushed. There is no development of characters (as noted by other poster's commentary on NPC characters), nor is there any sort of appreciation for the character. I mean, it's kinda like, why should I really care what happens to Terry?

It all seems too...straightforward? As said earlier, the whole A --> B --> C is unpleasant and this is coming from a math guy. I just feel like the whole thing drags on, with no explanation of anything. The whole thing seems more like a summary of a longer book (or maybe one of those things you find in the back of the books) than an actual story. Need a lot of work, mostly just expansion.

Lastly, the ending. I dunno. I felt it matched the entire feel of the story - it was rushed. It almost comes like you were thinking, "Well, I've done as much random stuff as possible and I've grown bored of writing and can't think of a way to stop, OH! Let's make it be a dream!" Then again, I hate dream endings with a passion. I feel like they are completely anti-climactic, so I'm biased.  

Culex Xeluc


forevermyself07

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 01, 2010 1:05 pm
You have some great ideas in your mind. I can tell that you're a REALLY creative person. Although, you had the ideas I kind of felt as if you didn't know how to right them down and went crazy. I don't know why. It felt kind of Awkward like you didn't know how to describe everything.
Also I felt as if this passed very quickly. You had some details you didn't exactly need but also I find that you needed to add more details.
But, I thin this was nicely done. Good job!  
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