Let's talk about sex BABY

[Iakun]

SEX. It's a fact of life. Insert tab A into slot B. It's how more of us pop out. xd But it's interesting to see how attitudes about sex has changed over the centuries. Many would argue that today we're more sexually liberated, open. But there's another side that says we're oversexed and out of control.

One curious thing about sex is it often forms some sort of bond between two people. There's a common belief today that sex and love are mutually exclusive. But is this really true when the vast majority of humans that do screw end up having some sort of emotional connection develop? Ok maybe that's just my opinion creeping up into this post now.

What I want to know is people's view on the treatment of sex. Are we too open? Are we not open enough? Do we treat it like trash or do we treasure it? SHOULD we treasure it? How do you feel about this?  

[Moonracer]

This is some topic bro. Okay my views...well I think for one it depends on where you come from. I know from my parents that in other countries sex is far less "taboo" I guess you could say then it is here in the states.

Why I say the U.S. (I can't and won't speak for anything outside my own country since I've never been outside my own country.) Anyway, why I say the U.S. is "taboo" about sex is because at least when I was growing up it's like you break up the word and suddenly there were gasps and mothers covering their kids ears...it was like a dirty word. As I grew up I noticed that naked bodies were something to be hushed and covered you do not look at a naked body, yet later I would be told it is something beautiful and should be admired. Talk about giving me mixed messages here. This seemed to be a constant in my life, mixed messages that is.

Now days I've listened to younger kids...I'm talking anywhere from teens to 7 years old talking about sex. Now teens talking about it nothing new there. I know teens talked about it in my teenage years, so that one doesn't surprise me. However, the younger kids talking about it that surprised me. After all at 7...I guess I was far to innocent for the world I was a weirdo, I was knowledgeable about the workings of the world but when it came to sex I was completely innocent till some of my friends came along.

Now days sex seems far to little of a deal so to speak. Kids, teens, and even adults see it as nothing more then pleasure of the skin and something to be done to populate the Earth. "Something we must do to solidify our species" so to speak or more often it's just an act. It seems that it's just a pleasure that's talked about and people want to experience it but not experience the other things that can go with it.

Me personally...I believe sex should be between two people that love each other. I believe their should be some kind of bond something deeper between two people. I think it could take time before one reaches that point, but I also believe in love at first sight and sometimes things can and do work faster. However, I just believe wholeheartedly that there should be some kind of connection between the two people before something like that is shared. I believe it is a very intimate and deeply meaningful thing between two people. I think it is something that should be treasured not just given away freely to the first guy that gets our loins/crotch burning/throbbing. I mean after all dark ones above only know where they've been and with what and I'd rather make sure this is going to be something more then just a one night stand before I'm forgotten to the wind or measured up against the next lay the person gets.

That's something I've noticed too sure during my time there were always those people that talked about their sexual exploits. This was all to come girl or guy I've heard both sides though more the guys then the girls, but that's probably because I hung out with more guys then girls. Anyway...now days that seems to have bumped up even more. Use to it was certain people you'd hear talk about it now it's almost anyone that can get you to stop and listen. I'd personally rather not be another notch on some guy's/girl's bed post and nothing else about me is remembered except how I measure up to others or how others measure up to me.

I maybe alone on some of my thoughts but they are mine and my feelings towards this subject. At least for now though it's getting late and I'm kind of losing where I'm going with some of this so I'll leave it at this for now.  

[purpleravenhawk]

Yeah, kudos on the topic choice. xd

I think people are both too open and not open enough; it just depends on the people you're looking at. Humans take things to extremes, and sex is a good example of that. Personally, there's a gulf between sex and love, and I think that's the way it should be. Certainly they can and should go together, but I see nothing wrong with enjoying sex by itself until you find the love to go with it.

I do think that whether you agree with any of what I just typed or not, we as a people need to discuss sex in a more open and frank manner with the children. Too many kids grow up learning everything about sex from internet porn and hearsay these days. Experimentation is great, but it should come from facts and knowledge first. Half of parents are too closed minded about it, and the other half are so flippant on the subject that they don't consider it important enough to discuss in an honest way. I could link you to a website that's trying to do just that: teach people about real world sex in an honest way. But it might break the ToS. sweatdrop You can check it out anyway by typing "makelove" and "notporn.com" in your address bar, tho. xd  

[Iakun]

It takes some 1337 ninja skills to give us that url doesn't it purple? lol Just teasing. Well, now I get to finally share my opinion on sex.

Like Moon, I can't speak for other countries but I can give my opinion on North America. Personally, I believe there's a paradox currently in place: we're both oversexed and religiously repressed. There's so much sexual imagery in the media and I fear that this is heavily influencing younger minds for the worst. But what's even more terrible is how parents stay so hush hush on the topic. I don't believe sexual education should be left up to schools. This is such a sensitive and private topic that parents should be educated on and should educate their own children.

When I think about sex, I've always accompanied it in my mind with emotions. I don't really think of "casual" sex as bad necessarily but I think the argument of nature and reproduction isn't enough to justify casual sex completely when we have evolved to be an extremely social, emotional, mentally developed species.

While experimentation has its merits, one area that sex educations fails at is in the emotional component. The facts and mechanics of sex are always taught but rarely do classes go in depth about emotional effects and relationship dynamics. I think we're still really immature about sex, as a society, when we don't speak frankly about everything it entails.

I think one of the things I'll never understand is casual sex actually. The idea of exposing my body to another human being is such a private and intimate affair. I just couldn't do that for the sake of pleasure alone because it'd also feel empty. But then again, that's just how my heart and mind work on this matter.

On the topic of sex education though, what is up with a lot of places in the U.S. teaching abstinence only? The areas that teach that method only have reported the highest pregnancy rates in the country. I think it's pretty obvious teens are gonna have sex no matter what so it's better for them to be educated on how to protect themselves from disease and prevent any pregnancies.  

[purpleravenhawk]

Fear my 1337 skillz. xd

I agree that there's a paradox, and that parents should be at the forefront of sex education. But I'll have to disagree with you about humans evolving into a social, emotional, and mentally developed species. I think as a whole we haven't really gotten that far. So if we're immature about sex, that may be why. I wish we were more evolved, but I don't know many people that I could call that.

I'm sure casual sex is a matter of personal preference. Some would be cool with it, and some wouldn't be. That's cool. 3nodding

I read somewhere that all those teens who join those "celibate until marriage" religious clubs just do it to make their parents feel better, and even the ones who intend to stick to their vows think that any kind of sexual activity is okay as long as it's not "real" boy-girl, vaginal-penetration style sex. blaugh Considering I have a younger cousin from an uptight family who recently got his girlfriend pregnant, I find the abstinence-only method hilarious.  

[Iakun]

The religious repression doesn't help. It's controlling and makes sex so taboo that naturally young people especially will be curious and want to rebel and unfortunately they'll have no knowledge to keep themselves safe. And parents continue the cycle by saying "oh no we can't provide condoms or teach them about sex because it'll just promote more of it!"

Thus the ignorance continues and pregnancy rates and disease skyrocket.

Actually about the providing condoms bit, I believe if you're mature you can go to the drugstore or whatever and buy your own damn condoms. Good lord I'm glad I'm not straight though. Just the fear of the possibility of getting a girl pregnant would be enough to keep me celibate till marriage which is why I just don't get how men get laid so much with total abandon. Teen males of course obviously aren't thinking about how drastically their lives would change if they got someone preggers. Sexual urges sure are a powerful thing...  

[purpleravenhawk]

No argument here. My parents were the same way, which makes me wonder how I ended up so pragmatic on the subject. confused

I'm actually in the middle of a little personal survey of sorts on the subject of sexual urges and perspectives. I'm trying to get a variety of honest opinions and answers from different people. If you'd be willing to answer a couple of simple questions, it would be a big help. I could PM you so I don't clutter the topic with any additional extraneous messages (beyond this one) and so you don't have to answer personal questions in the forum. I'm trying to get honest answers from people from all walks of life. You could be my representative gay guy! surprised I only know three other gay men; one's my supervisor at work, one never gives serious answers about anything, and one I lost touch with years ago. sweatdrop But if you don't want to, just say. I'll understand. 3nodding  

[Iakun]

I don't mind being asked the questions right here in the thread. I doubt this thread will live much longer and least this would give it an excuse to go on. lol As for the gay thing, I doubt my perspectives will be that of the majority. I've often never felt very much a part of the gay community. But we can go in depth when you ask me the questions hehe  

[purpleravenhawk]

Well, you're my best gay guy anyway. xd I've never felt like a part of any community, either. Maybe most people don't, and we're really normal. eek

Okay, basically, I'm trying to get a lot of answers to compare. I'm hoping to be able to put together some kind of graph eventually and chart myself on it. It started as a personal growth kind of thing and has turned into a research project. xd

We've already covered your feelings on sex itself, so the first question is - How often do you think about sex?

Is the frequency of your thoughts affected by the people you spend time with? If so, how?

How important is sex to you in the parameters of a relationship? Would you be happy without it?

Has thoughts about sex ever taken over your mind so completely that you couldn't focus on anything else for long periods of time?

Anything you don't want to answer, just say. My phrasing has gotten more clinical since I started this survey, so if it seems too impersonal, I can rephrase in more colloquial terms. 3nodding  

[Iakun]

purpleravenhawk

We've already covered your feelings on sex itself, so the first question is - How often do you think about sex?

Oh damn this is hard to answer actually. I mean, I've never counted or anything. I don't think I think about it any less than the average male though. I guess I'd say... quite a bit?

Quote:

Is the frequency of your thoughts affected by the people you spend time with? If so, how?

Oh sure. Like if I spend time with a friend or when I'm chatting away with my sister, my mind's totally off the subject of sex because my mind's just totally on the conversation and interaction with the person around me. Though oddly enough when I chat with Moonracer I'm as pervy as ever... wtf... lol

Quote:

How important is sex to you in the parameters of a relationship? Would you be happy without it?

To answer this question would be very complicated for me. I've never been in a relationship and I have major self-esteem issues. But if I imagine a relationship I see a healthy sex-life attached to it because I think I'd need that physical intimacy. But to be really positive of my relationship needs I'd have to experience one first.

Quote:

Has thoughts about sex ever taken over your mind so completely that you couldn't focus on anything else for long periods of time?

No. If that ever happened I'd be really worried actually. lol  

[purpleravenhawk]

*jots stuff down* Cool, thanks. 3nodding

Follow-up:
When you meet new people, how often is one of your first thoughts about them sexual in nature?

Lastly, do thoughts about sex keep you occupied whenever you're not doing anything that requires concentration on anything else?  

[Iakun]

When I've met new men, if they're physically appealing to me I'll acknowledge that. But upon first meeting a good looking guy I rarely think about anything naughty, I just think, "oh wow that guy's so cute" lol

When I'm bored, I'll either daydream up some fictional stories or think naughty thoughts. lol  

[purpleravenhawk]

Thanks for the help! whee I'll let you know when I'm done collecting answers so you can see how you chart against everyone else. 3nodding