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Coconut wood--
characters:
Phillip Whitmore: CEO marketer (Farthing Company)
Jane Daniels: CEO marketer (Henigens company)
Debbie: Phillip's secretary
Jillian: Jane's representative
Mr. Juno: Cellphone marketer
Mr. U: coconut wood marketer
Charles Farthing: Boss and founder of Farthing and Henigens new york marketing companies.
Scene 1:
Debbie: Mr. Whitmore!
Phillip: yes…what is it Debbie? (Rolls his eyes)
Debbie: Mr. Whitmore. (Fixes the back of his suit) Mr. Farthing is here.
Phillip: Charles? Why is he here?
Debbie: you have a conference! Remember? Five people are coming in to introduce their presentations, so you can decide if you would like to market them or not. Mr. Farthing and four other marketers have already checked in! And two of them are Ms. Daniels and Mr. Humphrey!
Phillip: Oh God! (Runs to his office and grabs paper and pens) He grabs his clipboard)
Debbie: you must hurry Mr. Whitmore!
Phillip: I’m hurrying! I’m hurrying! (Grabs everything and begins running down the hall to the elevator)
Debbie: Oh, Mr. Whitmore! Don’t go down that hall! Take the stairs!
Phillip: (stops) why? (Turns around to look at Debbie then see orange cones surrounding the area of which he stands)
Debbie: because—
(Suddenly Phillip falls through the floor. Debbie stands there in shock. Phillip lands on a table in the conference room and everybody in the room is shocked to see Phillip lying on the table covered in dust. Everyone hears Debbie’s voice)
Debbie: That’s why! If you listened the other day, you would’ve known that they were fixing the floors!
Phillip: (winces in pain and tries to get up)
Debbie: Not all of the floors are stabilized.
Phillip: God! I think I realized that by now! God…
Charles: nice of you to drop in Phillip.
Phillip: ugh…hi Charles.
Charles: And now the chocolate doughnuts are powdered doughnuts.
All: Aw…not the donuts! No! Not the donuts!
Charles: Mr. Whitmore, have a seat! Mr. Juno was giving a presentation.
Phillip: (crawls over to his assigned seat and slumps in the chair) where’s Ms. Daniels?
Charles: Don’t worry yourself.
(A woman knocks slightly and barges into the conference room)
Jane: sorry I’m late Mr. Farthing.
Charles: ah…that’s all right. Have a seat.
Jane: (sees Phillip all dusty and the hole in the roof) wow…I wish I could have seen this. A company’s own CEO has fallen from the sky. What an act! (Claps her hands together and grabs her assigned seat across from Phillip)
Phillip: (scowls at Jane)
Mr. Juno: so for those who weren’t here? My company and I want to market our newest addition to cell phones across the world. It’s an adaption from the blackberry along with—
Jane: what’s your product?
Mr. Juno: a cell phone.
Jane: What are you planning to accomplish?
Mr. Juno: a new type of brand and a cell phone for business people.
Jane: so are you planning it to be more complicated than the blackberry?
Mr. Juno: why no. It just has more programming, storage space, and it even will have a full adaption of Microsoft word, excel and PowerPoint. Not only that but it has a built in laser pointer (Puts the laser pointer on and flashes it in front of Jane’s face)
Jane: not funny. (Fixes her glasses) I am the CEO of Henegin’s marketing company and I can send you out of here as quick as you got in here. I like the word idea and I know that it can be done, excel would work too, but PowerPoint would be an issue.
Phillip: oh critique later! Let the man finish his presentation!
Mr. Juno: thank you. With this cell phone, more storage, files—
Jillian: I’m Ms. Daniels’s representative and first in command. I think that this is very similar to the newest addition to business cell phones.
Jane: yes, what makes this phone so significant? What makes it so different?
Mr. Juno: well, it’s just—
Jane: poor presentation. I’m not going to market it.
Phillip: fine, I will. How much?
Jane: Oh, why waste your time? Want an adaption to business cell phones? Go to the company that creates them and settle some business there!
Phillip: I think it’s great! People want to consume more—
Jillian: You’ve gone mad. I’ve seen you make better decisions than this.
Jane: want more? Yes someone wants to consume something of which was marketed by a man who falls from ceilings.
Phillip: that was an accident—
Jane: an accident caused by your stupidity
Phillip: I will market that cell phone! Mr. Juno, I will give you $250,000 and 30% percent equity.
Charles: 30% percent!
Jane: no you won’t. Not for this project!
Charles: Will you two stop it!! Does anyone else besides Mr.
Whitmore find this fitting?
All: (shake their heads)
Charles: Mr. Juno. Mr. Whitmore has declined. For further business, talk to Mr. Whitmore; I have no interest. Please leave the room immediately and thank you for your presentation. We’ll have a ten minute break. This will give you time to clean up Phillip, you two stop bickering and after you finish cleaning up, we need further discussion.
***
Charles: What is with you? Did you fall that hard? You were about to embarrass your whole company!
Phillip: That was Ms. Daniels? I haven’t seen her in years.
Charles: Jane Daniels. I don’t understand why you two hate each other. You two have only met each other once. She’s gotten very wealthy and has a successful marketing business exactly like yours.
Phillip: She got wealthy through manipulation!
Charles: But she is successful. I really hope you know what you’re doing and I hope you know what you want to market because if you’re not successful in any way, money will be wasted and none will be made. You didn’t listen to that whole presentation. I even agreed that, that cell phone shouldn’t have been marketed.
Phillip: But she didn’t either.
Charles: You’ll market something…something better. Now get rid of that deal before you embarrass yourself.
***
Jane: so Mr. U what are you marketing?
Mr. U: coconut wood.
Phillip: Never heard of such a thing to market. What are you going to use that for?
Mr. U: coconut wood is essential in various ways such as flooring, kitchen—
Mr. Humphrey: it’s soft…too soft. The flooring would break if too much weight is on it.
Mr. U: ah…which is good for kitchen necessities such as cupboards, boats and most importantly bungalow flooring. It can be placed in basements if an individual owns a two story house or bungalow. Or one story houses with no basements. It’s soft on the feet and has its own unique smell.
Jane: Do you own your own company? If so, how much have you sold?
Mr. U: Yes, quite famous, but yet small. We are very famous in the Caribbean islands. We have sold over two-million dollars.
Phillip: How much do you sell?
Mr. U: five hundred dollars for five sheets.
Phillip: is this wood hard to get?
Mr. U: there are not a whole lot of coconut trees where we are located. Its, softness, texture and color is good, we just need to be marketed so that our business can go world wide, besides tropical places in the south.
Jane/Phillip: I’ll market!
Charles: (shakes his head)
Jane: i called it!
Phillip: I'm taking it!
Jane: what do you know? You marketed a useless piece of crap!
Phillip: i gave up that bid!
Charles: what is with you two? You’ve only met each other all of two times! you are fellow marketers--
Phillip: rivals more like it!
Charles: In one day?
Jane: two major marketing companies in the same cities isn’t that easy to manage. not with that (points at phillip) lurking around.
Phillip: that!?
Jane: My marketing company is ten times as successful as your’s! Or it will be!
phillip: vise versa!
Jane: oh i bet!
Phillip: id rather shoot myself!
Jane: cell phone!
phillip: You piece of s---
charles: okay you two! you've only met each other all of twice, you have your own marketing companies, and you've turned yourself into rivals trying to be the best of eachother...in one day!!
Mr. U: so who's marketing my coconut wood?
Jane/Phillip: I AM!!!
Charles: okay....how about this. you two will go test the coconut wood and see if you can compromise something together. this has the potential to be a great group project, but you two need to shut up before i throw you out of here. Phillip, it was embarrasing enough you trying to market that useless cell phone and falling through that roof. But what’s worse is now the donuts are all ruined!
All: (grumbling)
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