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Se-combe 3 (Science Fiction)

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Lord Redtail Rathan

Invisible Genius

PostPosted: Sat Apr 24, 2010 2:54 pm
A/N: Nocam is pronounce "Knock-um." Se-combe is pronounced "Seh-come." And Oonalia is pronounced "Ooo-nahl-e-uh."

Se-combe 3

Prologue

The mediator’s voice rang clear throughout the trans-aluminium dome, competing with the volume of the cheering crowd

“Ladies and gentlemen! We are proud to bring you – the 28th annual Inter-Galactic Marathon! For those of you unfamiliar with this race, this is how it works. From here at the lovely Trans-Orbital station, these brave pilots will race towards their destination, the galactic center. Once there, they will collect dust samples from the massive cloud, and bring it to Los Angeles, capital of the United Earth Federation. But not all will return. Many a racer has been lost to pirates and asteroids. Can they come back? We will find out won’t we?”

The crowd began cheering even louder as the small crafts began taking position along a lit strip of fiber optics. But mainly, they were here to see 32-year-old Nocam Davis, and 34-year-old Michael Bacheson, the two crowd favourites. Michael was born into racing, and his lithe, agile figure showed it, as did the many sponsor insignias plastered on the hull of his ship. Nocam on the other hand, was once a drop-trooper for the United Earth Federation Marine Corps, as well as a fighter pilot. His lightning fast reflexes, honed from his time in the cockpit, made him perfect for races such as this.

The crowd watched the last remaining digits count down. When it hit zero, all the racers reached over their head and turned a power key to the right; firing up their ion boosters and sending them rocketing off into the depths of space.

Chapter One

“Biorillium core reads 100. All systems normal,” the computer’s feminine voice reported.

Nocam reached to the right and flipped a switch, bringing the small racer back into manual control, then brushed the hair from his eyes. His medium, dirty blonde hair always seemed to get in the way, and always grew faster than normal. As he brushed the hair away, a scar running almost parallel to his hairline was revealed.

They were now passing through an asteroid cluster, nearby the star WK-14462, after stopping for a resupply at the battleship Wessex, which was patrolling the area for the usual bandit. Nocam glanced at his scanners to check his position, cranked up the power to the engines, and blew full force into the cluster. Weaving in and out of the giant rocks like a nuclear powered weaving loom, Nocam was able to save a few seconds by passing through it, rather than going around.

When he finally exited the cluster, a small, gaunt trading vessel obstructed his path. Nocam groaned as he recognised the insignia upon the belly. It belonged to his younger cousin, Sharlene, whom flew throughout the developed star systems, scamming people out of their belongings, and selling them at high prices on more underdeveloped worlds. She had once invited him to join her business venture, but he turned it down, deciding that he would rather earn his living the hard way. He allowed her vidcom to come through.

“Hello Sharlene. How nice to see you out on this side of Alpha Centauri.”

Sharlene had somewhat of a ‘Plain Jane’ face, with shoulder-length brown hair, but had what seemed to be a perpetual sneer on her face. There was no love lost between the two.

“Nocam. Losing another race I see. Tsk tsk. I told you. Sign on with me, and I can provide you with a new racer, a new thruster, anything you need to give you the edge in any of these races. Still care to say no?”

“As always. I want no part in your scams, Sharlene. Because unlike you, I have a sense of morals, and do not like to separate innocent people from their hard earned monies,” Nocam’s voice had become condescending.

Sharlene began laughing. Her high-pitched, schoolgirl laugh filled the small cockpit of Nocam’s racer. It hurt his ears to hear it, so he turned down the volume.

“Sense of moral? HA! Coming from a trained killer like you, it sounds funny. How about this. Just up ahead is a miner’s base. First one there buys lunch?”

Nocam flicked a switch on his right, and his racer blew past a startled Sharlene.

“I like fried ryu!” he called to her.

***

Nocam Davis awoke from his deep sleep to the sound of a soft beep. He reached over, turned off the alarm, and stretched out as best he could in the cramped cockpit. The passenger seat, located behind his, had more room, but it was impossible to get into while in the vacuum of space.

“Where are we?” he asked of his computer. A brief whirring noise emitted from the dashboard.

“Approaching UEF accepted galactic center,” the computer's cool feminine voice announced. Nocam raised the sunblocks on his viewindow to reveal a spectacular sight.

A massive twisting wall of gasses and clouds was almost two miles from Nocam’s current position, yet the forces of gravity within the cloud pulled at the shielding of his ship. Nocam switched the controls to manual, and carefully guided the ship toward the wall. When it was within range, he activated his tractor beam, and slowly pulled some of the material toward him. The sample was almost to him when it happened.

“Warning! Gravitational anomaly detected.” The computer warned him. Nocam dropped the sample, whirled his ship around, and punched the thrusters. But the pull had him. A hole opened up in the wall as his racer was sucked inside. The wormhole was almost a perfect circle on the inside. His ship blasted forward as he attempted to slow it down. After what seemed like an eternity, the wormhole ended, and Nocam was deposited back into open space. Yet there was a star nearby. A medium-sized yellow star; like Sol.

Nocam pulled up his nav-maps, yet his location didn’t register. He was in an unknown sector of the galaxy. He turned his ship around. Yep, the cloud wall was still there. He didn’t understand. The entire area around the center had been both explored and mapped. He set the autopilot toward the star and leaned back to relax the best he could. That’s when all hell broke loose.

Green bolts of energy lanced through the ether toward his racer. Only the autopilot’s debris-field navigation system prevented the ship from being blown apart. Nocam switched to manual, and faced his attacker. It was a small fighter, shaped like a bird with dipped wings, at the each was a mean looking weapon. There was a double-triangle with a diamond between them perfectly placed on the side of the hull. The pilot within was hidden behind the tinted viewscreen, but Nocam was sure he was being sized up. He was getting edgy, but didn’t move for fear of being shot at again. The strange fighter was shaped almost like a metallic bird. Nocam started broadcasting his codes over all local channels, but got no reply. Whoever this pilot was, they either didn’t have their radio on, or didn’t care.
Nocam was about to flee when a deep, harsh male voice came over the radio.

“Unidentified reconnaissance fighter. You have entered a restricted military sector, controlled by the Se-combeian Empire. I am to escort you to the nearest Royal Navel Port, where you will be detained for further questioning.” The fighter moved into formation right behind him, weapons fully charged and locked.

Nocam cursed his stupidity. He had obviously stumbled onto a pirate base, and they were probably going to hold him for ransom after reading his creds. He thought about firing his ion boosters until another fighter flew right out in front of him. Giving himself up to fate, turned on the auto-follow, sat back, and began assessing the situation.

If these pirates called themselves an empire, then they must have a very large and powerful force of ships. If they brought him to their base, he would be out of luck. However, he did have one option. Obviously, their scanners must not be very accurate, or they would have sensed the energy weapons secreted in the hull. After all, why call a ship The Silver Bullet, if it wasn’t able to do any damage. He could destroy the ship in front, hit his ions, whirl around to destroy the tail ship, and then head for the cloud wall.

Then the plans were wiped from his mind as a massive ship took up position over them. You didn’t have to be a genius to realise that this was a military capital ship. It was shaped like a cigar, only with a bow that looked like a water vessel, and had a large squat tower, obviously the bridge, and the hull was bristling with turrets and missile launchers. Nocam erased the thought of pirates. To have a ship that big, with that many weapons, they had to be a rebel force. There had been many of them since the creation of the United Earth Federation in 2026. Then his scanners erupted with information.

Multiple capital ships orbited around a pink-purple gas giant. These people were dangerous. Then he saw it. One of the moons around the planet had an atmosphere, and it was heavily populated. There was a spaceport, similar to the one found derelict at Templar, the home of a disbanded group of religious zealots. And on every ship, and one the outer hull of the spaceport, was that insignia. Two triangles separated by a diamond. Whoever they were, they seemed to organised for piracy.

As they approached the spaceport, a sleek, silver-blue ship, like a whale with wings, took up position with them, causing the capital ship, and the lead fighter to break formation, and return to their patrols. Nocam gave in, and docked with the personnel tube assigned to him. The remaining fighters then left as well, but the newcomer docked alongside him. When Nocam left his ship, he was surprised to find that the two soldiers waiting for him didn’t even have weapons. They wore blue uniforms with gold trim, and one-way helmets. One of them bowed to him.

“Sir, we have been instructed to escort you to the transport, where you will be flown planetside. Her Royal Highness would like to speak with you personally.”

Nocam raised an eyebrow. Her Royal Highness? These people went all out. Nocam inclined his head, and followed them down the corridor. They walked in perfect step with each other. These people seemed to be well organised. As they entered the sleek ship, Nocam was greeted with purple cushions. Her Royal Highness must be very strict to keep them in line, and to stuff a transport with purple cushions. Nocam sat down, and a safety harness enclosed on him. Nocam raised his left eyebrow. Not many ships had self-operating harnesses, and most of them that did were reserved for civilian VIP transports, and government officials. Nocam looked at the viewport and was surprised to see that the transport had already left the spaceport. There hadn’t even been the slightest bump. Now that was a luxury even the President of the Free Nations didn’t have. Nocam leaned back into the comfortable cushions, and relaxed on the trip down.

The transport glided smoothly into the atmosphere of the third moon, and not a single jolt was felt among the passengers. Along with Nocam were the two soldiers, and a pilot wearing the same uniform as the soldiers, yet had no helmet. Instead, his head was enclosed in a giant metallic shell with wires going in every direction. The more advanced military ships had them. All the visuals you needed were projected right in front of you, so focus was in one spot, instead of all over. Nocam abhorred them though. It took away the talent of pilots, and made them all fly the same. He preferred to fly without even a helmet, as sometimes they give you a blindspot.

Nocam caught sight of the vivid blue ocean rolling beneath the transport. Something leaped out of the water. It resembled a dolphin, yet its upper body seemed distorted, almost human. Then something flashed by. Nocam craned his head to see what it was, and his jaw dropped. It was a dragon, straight out of the storybooks. Its fearsome face turned to look at the transport, yet paid it no heed. The soldiers didn’t even seem to care. They just waved as the transport passed it. The dragon nodded its head, then barrel-rolled with what seemed like joy of flight. Nocam laughed. He knew what it felt like. One of the soldiers smirked at him, reminding him that he was a prisoner on this strange world. Then they started flying over land. Trees soared over the flat, rolling plain. Horses ran along the fields, and a distorted shape burst from the branches of one of the larger trees. Nocam’s eyes bulged as he recognised the creature. It was a gryphon. Its golden feathers glistened in the sun as it followed the path of the transport, before shooting down back to the tree. Nocam shook his head in amazement. This was a magical world these rebels inhabited.

After almost ten minutes of flying, houses started shooting past on the ground. Nocam was unable to determine their style with the speed of the transport, but he was sure they would be strange looking as well. The transport slowed down, and began to descend. Nocam looked out the front viewscreen, and was amazed to see a massive castle. It was not like the crumbling ones found on Earth, it was more like ones found in children’s storybooks. When the transport settled down onto the landing zone, the airlock opened, and seven soldiers stood outside.

“Visitor, please step outside and await further instruction,” one of the soldiers on the transport ordered him. Nocam rolled his eyes and disembarked from the transport. The other soldiers had weapons slung over their shoulders, or cradled in their arms, but not pointed at him. Nocam wondered what the odds were of getting out of this situation when a trumpet sounded, and the announcement told him the odds were against him.

“Presenting, Her Royal Highness, Princess Meriah, House of Oonalia!”  
PostPosted: Sat Apr 24, 2010 4:10 pm
Hey you're in this guild too!!

This is really great! There's just a lot to read! But I already knew you were a good writer. I really enjoyed this keep it up!  

Miss_Comet

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Lord Redtail Rathan

Invisible Genius

PostPosted: Sat Apr 24, 2010 4:25 pm
COMET! XD Apparently I'm in lots of guilds that BURNites are in. XD

And this is an Eight book series. XD So....yea.  
PostPosted: Sun Apr 25, 2010 7:17 am
FINALLY SOMEONE WITH A REAL CHAPTER LENGTH!!! : D

Haha, I love length in books. This one obviously has it. And eight? Hm. Might have to buy it when you get them published(: Anyways, it was good. It kept losing me though. You have to keep the reader focused and unfourtanately that didn't really happen with me. There was enough good in it to keep me from closing the browser but every once in a while I was still like 'why?' Also, there are a few spelling and grammar errors. I'm an OCD kid though so after writing for so long I notice these things unless I do them.

Oh, and another thing [Sorry if I'm being terrible. I'm a critic.] is that it is obviously sci-fi, yes? Well towards the end it went to mythological to fairy tale and fantasy. I suppose all three of those go together but still. Look, I get what you're trying to do and I've read sci-fi books-or book since I'm not big on the genre-that does the same thing. You just have to find a better way to incorporate it. The way it is in here it's kind of like 'Um, did I pick up another book?' Obviously you tried to keep it with the who sci-fi thing by describing the ride and speed and stuff but all of the creatures-and castle, but nice touch there-were just over-whelming and took away from the main point.

All and all I liked it though. Sorry how harsh I might sound...I hope it's all constructive though!
 

Cassandrahaven


Lord Redtail Rathan

Invisible Genius

PostPosted: Mon Apr 26, 2010 5:23 am
Cassandrahaven
FINALLY SOMEONE WITH A REAL CHAPTER LENGTH!!! : D

Haha, I love length in books. This one obviously has it. And eight? Hm. Might have to buy it when you get them published(: Anyways, it was good. It kept losing me though. You have to keep the reader focused and unfourtanately that didn't really happen with me. There was enough good in it to keep me from closing the browser but every once in a while I was still like 'why?' Also, there are a few spelling and grammar errors. I'm an OCD kid though so after writing for so long I notice these things unless I do them.

Oh, and another thing [Sorry if I'm being terrible. I'm a critic.] is that it is obviously sci-fi, yes? Well towards the end it went to mythological to fairy tale and fantasy. I suppose all three of those go together but still. Look, I get what you're trying to do and I've read sci-fi books-or book since I'm not big on the genre-that does the same thing. You just have to find a better way to incorporate it. The way it is in here it's kind of like 'Um, did I pick up another book?' Obviously you tried to keep it with the who sci-fi thing by describing the ride and speed and stuff but all of the creatures-and castle, but nice touch there-were just over-whelming and took away from the main point.

All and all I liked it though. Sorry how harsh I might sound...I hope it's all constructive though!


No worries. If I didn't want it, it wouldn't be up here. But there's a reason for the mythical creatures. It's revealed later on, so I can't tell you now. And no worries, there is absolutely NO MAGIC in the entire series. Not one tiny simple spell. The dragon in the chapter is not magical. I have a scientific way of making a real dragon who flies and breathe fire. But I should stop before I give it away. XD  
PostPosted: Mon Apr 26, 2010 5:27 am
Chapter Two

Nocam gazed around as the soldiers immediately snapped to attention, weapons held firmly in their grip, a reminiscent of the present arms of Earth’s past. The trumpet sounded again, and Nocam was able to point out its source. A young boy, no older than eight, held a long golden horn, longer than he was tall. The boy wore nothing but a blue poncho-like robe that dangled inches above his feet. Next to him stood an elderly man Nocam could only discern as a herald. But before he could get a good look at the herald, the massive double doors began to open. They were covered with strange runes, and laced with gold.

The doors finally swung fully open, and more soldiers exited the castle. Sunlight poured into the hallway, though it did not make a difference. Full-length windows covered the halls, letting all within bask in the sun. The soldiers strode right up to his face, then formed two lines, with an extensive gap between them. And at the end of the formation was a woman, who began slowly making her way to him. Nocam’s left eyebrow rose as he got a good view of her. She had purple hair; so long it reached her waistline, hidden beneath a voluminous pink gown. An azure stone was attached to the front, just above where her knees would be. Her eyes were large, seemingly innocent, and her steps were dainty. All of this topped with a large pink bow behind her head. She was, Nocam thought, decidedly beautiful.
When she finally stopped in front of Nocam, he mocked a bow toward her.

“Your Highness I presume?” he asked of her. She cocked her head slightly toward the right, then turned to the officer behind her, speaking a bizarre, fluidic language. She addressed him again, but was still speaking in her tongue. When Nocam shook his head, she did something he least expected. She kissed him. Put her hands on his cheeks, pulled him close to her, and kissed him, full on the mouth. Nocam pulled away sharply when she released him.

“Good Lord, woman! Have you gone mad?” he asked her.
“I must apologise for that. We have never before heard your language, so I had to learn your language. Through oral contact, we can learn the language of any species. And now that we both can understand each other, allow me to welcome you to Se-combe 3. I am Princess Meriah, House of Oonalia, and sole Ruler of the Secombeian Empire. And since your ship’s design and your language are alien to us, I assume that you are not from this system. Now please, who are you?” she asked, her voice retaining the sweet fluid-like nature of the other language.

Nocam stayed wide-eyed throughout her introduction. Who did these people think they were fooling? Saying they had no idea where his racer came from, and not speaking Galactic. But he decided to play along. For now.

“I am Nocam Davis, former UEF Marine, and the fastest man this side of Betelgeuse. As for my ship, it was made at a shipyard near the star cluster Wolf 359, at great personal expense, with authorization by the UEFMC for a few minor additions. And if you want to test it, go ahead. I guarantee that I can lap any and every ship you throw at me.”

One of the soldiers stifled a grin when one of his superiors glared at him. Or at least it may have been a glare. All the soldiers wore one-way faceplates that revealed only their mouths. It made them seem too much like automatons. At least all except Grin over there.

“Well Mr. Davis, allow me to escort you through the royal palace so that we may go over a few things. Though seeing as you are unfamiliar with us, I would like us to take the scenic route. Will you accompany me?” she announced. She beckoned to Nocam, and started off towards the castle. He noticed that Grin and two others, one apparently an officer, followed at six paces behind. Perfect military style. As Nocam entered the castle behind Meriah, he noticed that the soldiers outside formed a cordon around his ship, that had just been towed in by a transport. Nocam thought that was a waste. He discreetly pulled a small remote from his pockets, pushing two buttons. One successfully locked the ship from anyone that did not have his DNA. The other he would worry about later. Then he tossed it into a bush, making sure no one saw him.

Then his mouth dropped open as he entered the hallway inside the castle. The golden walls were covered with tapestries and oil paintings depicting a variety of scenes. The price of one of those alone would have been more than able to let him retire a very rich man. One of them had what seemed to be a very complicated, advanced, and ancient city floating on the waves of a blue ocean. Another was, strangely enough, an Egyptian pyramid burning in mid-air, surrounded by strange ships. Nocam’s eyes were working overtime trying to take everything in. Soon, he gave up, paying more attention now to the guards and the path he and Meriah were taking. The guards’ backs were ramrod straight, and if their helmets weren’t on, Nocam probably would’ve seen their eyes following. Their weapons looked like ovals with a pistol grip. Strangely, they had no sights or optics. They took a left, two rights, and went up an elegant, spiral staircase.

They arrived at a giant single door that looked to be able to survive quite a lot. At either side of the door were computer interface panels and an armed guard. The guards bowed to Meriah, and stepped aside, placing their hands on the pads. A beep sounded, and a third panel revealed itself on the door. Meriah pressed her hand to it, and spoke in that fluidic language. The computer responded in kind, and the door slowly rumbled its way into the floor. The inside of the room was pitch black, and seemed to Nocam that it was the doorway into infinity. Meriah again cocked her head to the right.

“The lighting is the way it is for a reason. Once we step inside, and this door closes, the lights will turn on, and another door will open. Come, step inside,” she explained. Nocam stepped into the blackness, trying to calm his nerves. They kept telling him to fight. Then a thought hit him like a rifle bolt.

“You almost had me for a second there. You said you didn’t speak my language, yet your soldiers and herald knew it. As a matter of fact, your soldiers knew it all too well. Explain that.”

Meriah laughed, the sound was almost musical, as the second door opened, revealing another hallway, this one made of stone, with plants growing along the walls, and guards every few feet. The windows were no longer full-length, and there were no tapestries on the walls. Meriah started forward, and two armed guards snapped to present arms.

“The Navy monitors all radio transmissions that come in from all over the galaxy. Any new language is translated and shared, so if we meet the people that speak these languages, we would be able to communicate with them. However, being stuck down here prevents me from learning new languages. Unless of course someone comes to visit from topside, then I can learn it from them.”

Nocam exhaled loudly through his nose. She just wouldn’t give up. Just as they were passing an intersection, a tall fellow with dark skin stepped in front of them and grinned at Nocam. Then he removed his helmet and Nocam’s eyes grew wide with disbelief.

“Laërtes?! What the hell are you doing here?” Nocam was shocked. Laërtes had disappeared over twelve years ago on a routine patrol mission. He looked at the black Greek, grinned, and embraced his friend.

“I’ve been here, man. Twelve years. Taught me their language, technology, hell, I’ve even got me a wife and kids. It’s weird to be the only black man here, but I still love it.” Laërtes explained. Then he noticed Meriah, and snapped to attention.

“Your Highness! I apologise. I didn’t see you there.” He managed to get out.

Meriah simply smiled and began walking again. Laërtes beckoned to Nocam, and the two of them followed Meriah. Nocam noticed that as she walked, her hips swayed seductively from side to side, and her gait was more of a graceful glide. Laërtes noticed where his friend’s gaze was, and nudged him.

“Don’t even think about it, man. She’s the Princess. She has almost absolute power here, but that’s only because the people love her. Don’t mess with her if you have any sense left.” He advised.

Nocam just grinned. He liked a challenge, but the leader of a rebellion wasn’t exactly his type of woman, and was far from his mind. What was on his mind however, was gathering as much intel as he could, then hightailing it back to the courtyard to his ship, and fighting his way back to that wormhole. He doubted that they had disabled the weapons on his ship, if they’d even found them, especially the ancient Browning M-2 .50 caliber machine gun. Although, those capital ships would prove problematic. They seemed to be in extremely good shape, and his ship had few missiles left.

He was so lost in thought that he almost slammed into Meriah. They had stopped in front of another pair of giant doors; only the two guards were backed up by two nasty looking turrets, each with a guard eyeing them down the barrel. The writing on the door was unfamiliar, to him, the meaning was clear. No one entered this room with ease. Meriah went through the identification process again, and the guards changed their position of aim.

“I am about to show you something that few of my subjects know exist, and even fewer have seen. Laërtes, you saw nothing.” She ordered. Laërtes bowed, and then winked to Nocam. This was going to be good.

“Welcome,” Meriah announced, “To the Map Room.”

At that moment, the doors opened to reveal a cavernous room full of scrolls, with a large platform in the center. Laërtes gazed around the room at the scrolls as Meriah glided over to the platform. Nocam followed her, keeping a close watch, looking for any valuable information. Meriah placed her hand on a raised pedestal, and spoke in her fluidic language.

The room exploded with white light. Nocam ducked and instinctively reached for the weapons he had forgotten to bring. When the light subsided, he looked up, and gazed in awe, his mouth wide open.
A giant orb of stars was being projected into the air, with what seemed to be a system of planets in the center.

“This is the Xohn system. The medium-sized yellow star, Xohn, supports three planets, and five moons.” Meriah explained. Nocam stood next to her, and paid close attention.

“This first planet is little Aile. Aile is 90% water, with one large continent, and small scattered islands. The land on Aile is barren, so all the wildlife lives in the ocean. The planet’s main inhabitants are sentient aquatic beings called the Mer. Many of the Mer live here, but the main population is located on Aile. The planet has one small, ice-covered moon, Arka.

“The second planet is known as Quarnar. Some time ago, a massive catastrophe occurred, ripping the crust off, exposing the core. Semi-intelligent creatures inhabit the molten sea, somehow surviving in that hellish environment. We have a permanent scientific outpost in orbit around the planet and its creatures. Quarnar has no moons.

“The third planet is a gas giant called Se-combe. Se-combe has four moons. The first two and the fourth are bare and uninhabitable. The third moon is where we are located now, Se-combe 3.”

Meriah pointed at the moon, and it enlarged to fill the entire orb. The moon had two large continents, a strip of land to the south, and an island at the center.

“We live mainly on the main island. The capital of the Se-combeian Empire is our current location, the city of Zeina,” she continued, pointing at the island, enlarging it.

“At one point, the capital city was Dom, but it sank beneath the sea with a good portion of the southern end of the island during our civil war. I won’t give you many details about the island yet, but I can tell you that this island is a historical landmark, discovered by Elias Dom, founder of the Se-combeian Empire, over 87 million years ago.”

That grabbed Nocam’s attention.

“Lady, you must be behind on your history. Humans weren’t even around that long ago. So there is no way in hell you can tell me that you were alive then. Next thing you know, you’re going to tell me that ya’ll had space travel during the time of the dinosaurs, and that ya’ll helped shape the planet for our evolution.”

Nocam knew he had her there, yet for some strange reason, she smiled.

“That’s where you are mistaken. Humans may have evolved afterwards, but we are not human. As a matter of fact, we did cause a major portion of life to die; long ago on a planet we called Terra. Afterwards we made sure that we preserved the planet’s delicate condition, so that new life could flourish. After all, it was by complete accident.”

Nocam raised his left eyebrow. This woman was trying to tell him that her people had caused the extinction of the dinosaurs, and they had done it accidentally.

“Bullshit,” he replied. “There is no way in hell. The UEF searched for over a hundred years, but never found any sign of life other than that on Earth.”

And to prove his point, he grabbed Meriah’s hand, pulled a small cylinder from his pocket, and shoved Meriah’s finger in it. The cylinder was designed to take blood samples, and it did its job in seconds. By the time Meriah yanked her finger away, the machine had already analyzed the sample. Nocam’s eyes almost dropped from his head at the results.

Her DNA was thousands of times more complex than normal. It wasn’t even a double helix. Her DNA had so many strands; the computer couldn’t even count them.

“Holy s**t.” Was all Nocam could say.

Meriah placed a shapely hand on his shoulder.

“I should also tell you that for over twelve thousand years, we’ve been at war with another race. And we are slowly losing.”  

Lord Redtail Rathan

Invisible Genius


Lord Redtail Rathan

Invisible Genius

PostPosted: Wed May 12, 2010 6:51 am
Cassandrahaven
It kept losing me though. You have to keep the reader focused and unfourtanately that didn't really happen with me. There was enough good in it to keep me from closing the browser but every once in a while I was still like 'why?' Also, there are a few spelling and grammar errors. I'm an OCD kid though so after writing for so long I notice these things unless I do them.


Hmm...Would you care to show me which parts you're talking about? I'm actually hoping to publish it, and it would help to fix things along the way instead of waiting till the book is complete.  
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