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 Posted: Mon May 03, 2010 7:02 pm
i just needed a place to pour a little of myself out... Disregard this if you will.
So I used to cut. Well, the proper term is self-mutilation because i didn't cut so much as burn, pull hair, pick scabs, scratch till i bled, ect. I got over it.
I'm failing social. the only class i have to pass to graduate. yay me. I wasn't paying attention for the first half of the semester due to depression, which makes me lazy, tired, agressive, and passive. I'm now on anti-depressants.
I also have a play to do this week. I am in charge of the makeup and am also an actor. I'm actually quite excited about this, but i'm missing three days of school to go to the festival at which we will be preforming.
I work at a lawnmower repair shop on friday after-schools and saturdays. It's not much, but at least it's income. This leaves sudays for me-time... which are usually spent doing chores or homwork, or going out with friends when i should be doing one of the previous.
I work out for an hour on mondays, wednesdays and fridays at 5:15 AM. I just started this last week, and it's making me quite tired, lol.
There is barely time in the day to do homework. I also have math to worry about, but I do not need it for my deploma.
And i'm failing social.
I can barely breathe, and it's taking everything i have right now to not go back to afore-mentioned bad habits.
Does anyone have a cure for bad habits?
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Posted: Mon May 03, 2010 7:07 pm
For one just thing about how much further you can get in life without cutting. If you make goals for yourself for things you really want to do and focus on it that could help you. Think to yourself if I don't cut myself, when I do my acting (which I love) I won't have to answer the questions I know will come and I can just enjoy myself.
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Posted: Mon May 03, 2010 7:15 pm
I used to burn myself... But thats just coz i'm a Pyromaniac... Uhhh... Ummm... WEEEEELL... what i think you need to do is... Well if math isn't important to your passing maybe you should drop it? I also used to pick scabs as a kid... but that just coz i used to be savaged by Mosquitos so it is still itch even once it's bleed and scabbed.
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Posted: Mon May 03, 2010 7:42 pm
------------------------------------------------------------------------- ...as the wind whistled past it whispered in your ears...
Aaah... scab-picking... an old habit that I still struggle with e.o It doesn't help that I enjoy the sight of blood ._.;
In the end there's not really much that I can say. For me it's a mind over matter kind of thing. If you will yourself away from such habits then eventually the urges should pass and it'll become much easier to resist. But that's not very hopeful.
My suggestions would be... For the scabs, put a plaster on them, cover them up, whatever. Out of sight, out of mind. Scratching... chop your nails and/or wear gloves. For the other two, well, you could chop off your hair and remove any and all sources of fire or heat, but I doubt those are really good options.
Still, good luck dear, and we're always here to listen if you need us to.
...then the words drifted away, never to be heard again...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Posted: Mon May 03, 2010 7:50 pm
"I don't know how i can help, I still wana make pretty images in my skin with knifes...BUT I stopped to, so it is possible, and 'if it doesn't get better in the end..it's not the end' To copy a saying I like".
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Posted: Mon May 03, 2010 7:57 pm
oh boy, here is a flashback moment! xd
yes, i have been severely depressed from the ages of 13 on up to 18. the symptoms realy started to show up when i was 11 (after the 9/11 incident), but it had it's roots from my childhood... even today i struggle with alot of th ehabits hen i get too stressed.
anyway, i know that when you hold yourself back from doing the things that you are familiar with to cope with your depression or anxiety, you begin to seriously lose your composure and sanity. it just kills you to not let out the agression somehow. you'll want to scream, hit something realy hard, hurt another person, or hurt yourself. it is unbearable.
now, i would suggest taking hot showers, enjoying the occaisional pleasure-food, and taking long walks. primal scream therapy works wonders, but it's difficult to get the privacy needed in most situations... i wish i could give easier or better solutions, but the sad truth is that the only ways to solve the problem have consequences or difficulties that can be irritating.
prioritizing is also a big important one, and easier. i agree with th eidea of dropping or slacking in less important classes if you can, but also in looking at other things in your life that you can put aside to focus on your more important activities or obligations.
another big thing is to try to get sunshine, and orange juice. the vitamin C helps you to feel a certain "happiness" feeling, and helps fight depression. also, laughter is a godsend. if you hav eto, force it until you start to realy laugh on your own. it will help you insanely, and will even help to burn the extra calories of pleasure food. smile and finally, you can just take every oppurtunity to do your favourite fun things whenever you see it.
don't forget to tae the occaisional break from life too. sometimes that's all we realy need to cope with life's hectic chalenges. you have the support of all your friends here in this guild (and any that you have in real life). *hugs you tightly.* we will always be her eto listen to your rants, and cheer you up with our impractical and useless advice! mrgreen
e
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Chieftain Twilight Captain
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Posted: Mon May 03, 2010 9:29 pm
thank you all for your help... but the urge is still strong. I've been able to ignore it for almost two years now, but today is near my breaking point. I will still try my best to make mind beat matter, but it's rough.
Thank you all again smile
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Posted: Mon May 03, 2010 9:35 pm
I see you have allot on your plate. I agree with everyone about dropping the unnecessary classes, if there are any.
Also with the sunshine, OJ, Vitamin C thing, If I were you I would add a bit of Vitamin D as well. Just 5 minutes in the sun should do wonders if you aren't getting any to begin with. Twi is DEFINITELY RIGHT with this idea.
Also, if you aren't getting some relax time, you could be doing more damage than good. A day to relax is very important for a person's mentality. When you don't rest, your body can't balance itself, and even people who aren't prone to depression
begin to feel it.
You might be able to find someone in your class that could help you by going over what has already been done in class this year. Most of the time there is someone who would be happy to help another person out, and you could have a new friend besides.
I wouldn't stop the exercise. After a few weeks, your body should become used to producing extra endorphines and you should begin to feel better, some.
You know... When I was in school, it always helped me to have someone to explain what I was learning to. I would basically RP like I was the teacher, and whoever was listening to me was the student. Sometimes, my "student" would come up with a question that no one else had in class. I would either search out those questions and learn the answer, or I would ask the question in class myself. Either way, I had new insight, and understanding by the time I found the answer. If you have someone around to be a "teacher" too, then this might help you.
The best cure that I have found for a bad habit is finding a new bad habit sweatdrop The next best thing (and more preferable) is having people who will support you when they know you are having a problem. If you have someone near you that you feel you can confide in, maybe you should let them know what is going on.
My only other suggestion is putting thimbles on your fingers and mittens on your hands. xp
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Chieftain Twilight Captain
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Posted: Mon May 03, 2010 9:52 pm
hey, i like those ideas Eltanin. smile i'll definately adopt them myself.
anywho, yeh, and i'd like to add that pretending you are happy can help too, if you try to kid yourself more thanother people. you know tha saying "fake it till ya make it?" it works, if done properly. i'm not talking flat out denial, but rather try to act like you are happy and healthy. it's more of a self-hypnosis thing.
it combines well with staying active, and as Eltanin pointed out, your body will keep up on it's own. your brain is capable of being tricked by itself, and this is a great adaptive quality that we have. we can basically fool our own brains into thinking that we are healthy, and trigger a release of the right chemicals to actually make it so. ^_^
if you need anything else, you can E-Mail me you know, at twilightinsanity@gmail.com
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Posted: Mon May 03, 2010 11:00 pm
I have never been a chronic cutter, but I am well acquainted with the pits of despair that can cause that kind of behavior. I spent the first 6 months of my pregnancy in absolute misery. So here's what I do every night to keep from slipping back into that--
Scarlet's Remedy for Stress Reduction Through Positive Thinking:
1. Become physically zen--Get the physical right before you attempt the mental, emotional, or spiritual. Twi had some great suggestions. This is going to sound retarded, but I'll say it anyway. Eat healthy. Exercise a bit. Take time to watch fish swim or something to lower your blood pressure. It will pay off. When you neglect your health, it makes EVERYTHING 10 times worse. (Plus, I've discovered that the chore of meal planning and recipe hunting to ensure healthy food distracts me from my problems. razz )
2. Worst Case Senario--Take a moment to think about how bad things could be. It might sound like a depressing exercise, but it will make sense with you read the next steps. For me, things could be a lot worse. I could have no job. My daughter really could need growth hormones. Which I would be obligated to the State to obtain because I'm frankly broke. I hate my math class, and I'm borderline failing--which is made even worse because all my tuition is covered by student loans, so even if I fail, I already have over $10,000 in debt for my first year!!! I have scaling red lumps on my arms and chest that could be invasive warts or cancer, or warts caused by the virus that also causes cervical cancer. My husband could have a heart condition. He could even have broken a leg today, while we were hiking (it's really banged up, and quite honestly could be cracked). We could loose our apartment because of the psycho owner. Our car could break down at any moment. Etc, etc.
3. It's Not Really That Bad--Take a moment to think of the good things. Count your blessings, as the cliche goes. Think about positive things--especially those that contradict the Worst Case Scenario. Using my life as an example, I have a job, which makes JUST enough money to pay all the bills. Our car is still in pretty good shape for a 12-year-old hunk of junk. I can write and paint--and I just got a $150 commission. My daughter is beating kids older than her at reading and counting. My husband is working miracles with the property, and he can walk, so his leg can't be damaged TOO badly. Oh--and I started my quilt tonight! ^_^
4. Peter Pan Thoughts--Take some time to savor your dreams, accomplishments, goals and priorities. Sometimes even just weekend plans or daily victories or pipe dreams can give you hope and courage. Even just remembering your core values, why you believe in them, how they affect your life, can have a positive effect. They don't have to be the things other people might think are cool. They just need to be happy, comforting thoughts. My happy thoughts involve horses, ranch estates in Colorado, quilts, paints, and book deals. ^_^
5. Commiserate--which is what you're doing here. It's ok to turn to others for support, help, and coping strategies. Humans are all about connections, and without them, we wither inside.
Steps 2, 3, & 4 are supposed to give you prospective. You could even change 5 to 6 and insert "Look at the rest of the world" and consider how much better off you are compared to most of the people in the rest of the world. Shifting focus from your problems to try to view the bigger picture can turn things like failing social into small pebbles on the shores of life. Then it doesn't seem like much to cut or scratch or pick or burn about.
Sounds too easy to be true, right? Try it. It's kinda like meditation, a mental exercise to put things in perspective. It does take focus, but it works. You'll feel a little better, and a little better, and a little more better. It's something little to do to change your thinking from negative to positive.
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ScarletFrost Vice Captain
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Chieftain Twilight Captain
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Posted: Tue May 04, 2010 6:37 am
out of curiosity, is it wierd that i sometimes take a shower and shave to help myself feel better? sweatdrop the idea i have behind it i that if i take the time do something seemingly inconsequential but which has to do with taking care of myself, being clean, it helps me to get in a mind set that everything is ok. even just washing my hands gives me an instant cheer-up.
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Posted: Tue May 04, 2010 7:44 am
Chieftain Twilight out of curiosity, is it wierd that i sometimes take a shower and shave to help myself feel better? sweatdrop the idea i have behind it i that if i take the time do something seemingly inconsequential but which has to do with taking care of myself, being clean, it helps me to get in a mind set that everything is ok. even just washing my hands gives me an instant cheer-up.
Doesn't seem that unusual to me. Indeed, it would seem rather normal to me if you have attached a feeling of well-being to the action(much like more commonly used stress relief manners such as listening to music).
Not sure I can really be much help in regards to this as I am hardly ever really that stressed. I have been known to remember certain events from some of my favourite TV shows(either happy or sad), but I usually do that to feel somewhat intense emotion rather than to relieve masses of stress.
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Posted: Tue May 04, 2010 1:09 pm
Chieftain Twilight out of curiosity, is it wierd that i sometimes take a shower and shave to help myself feel better? sweatdrop the idea i have behind it i that if i take the time do something seemingly inconsequential but which has to do with taking care of myself, being clean, it helps me to get in a mind set that everything is ok. even just washing my hands gives me an instant cheer-up. It doesn't sound to strange to me. If I am having a very off day, I gussy up, and it makes me feel better. Just feeling clean makes me feel lighter. My actual favorite therapy is watching funny stuff on Youtube. Especially treadmill, trampoline, bicycle, and cheerleader accidents. They make me laugh so hard, I cry. I also like to watch funny animals, too.
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Posted: Wed May 26, 2010 8:49 am
Ms Madness Does anyone have a cure for bad habits? So I used to cut. Well, the proper term is self-mutilation because i didn't cut so much as burn, pull hair, pick scabs, scratch till i bled, ect. I got over it. Keep yourself occupied. I do cross stitches and puzzles or read. (Or browse the internet.) Or you could always do your homework, I know it's lame but you'll feel much better when you get it done. Ms Madness I'm failing social. the only class i have to pass to graduate. yay me. I wasn't paying attention for the first half of the semester due to depression, which makes me lazy, tired, agressive, and passive. I'm now on anti-depressants. Ah yes, I remember this. I was failing like everything and I literally had to go to summer school every year to move on to the next grade. It was mostly because of depression which gave me a serious lack of motivation. It was also due to the fact that I was bored because the classes were too easy. The classes being too easy caused me to not feel the need to do my homework because I already knew the material. Talk to your teacher (or have your parents talk to your teacher) and explain the depression issue. Teachers deal with things like that all the time, he/she will understand. Ask what you need to do to pass. Make sure that the teacher knows that you are trying and he/she might bump your grade up to a C-. Ms Madness I work at a lawnmower repair shop on friday after-schools and saturdays. ....... I work out for an hour on mondays, wednesdays and fridays at 5:15 AM............... There is barely time in the day to do homework. I also have math to worry about, but I do not need it for my deploma. And i'm failing social. A-ha! You are overworked, sorry I like to state the obvious. You should focus on your social. Make sure to do EVERYTHING you need to do in that class first because it is more important. Math can be put aside if need be but I would just go ahead and get it our of the way as soon as possible. Force yourself do all of your homework every day for a week and you'll start to feel better. This will also get you into the habit of doing all of your homework. This sounds really lame but you could also fill out a time management sheet.
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Chieftain Twilight Captain
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Posted: Mon Jun 28, 2010 5:12 pm
havn't seen you post in this thread again in a long time. i hope that's a good sign, have things worked out alright dear?
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