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I don't even know how to describe how I am feeling.
basically I want to cry and scream and break things and lay on the floor in darkness until I die.
why the ******** do girls have to be so ******** stupid sometimes. think about what you are ******** doing and saying. you think it's a good ******** idea to flirt with everyone when your boyfriend is standing next to you? you think it's a good idea to talk about you new guy best friend all the damn time and tell your boyfriend he's funner than you, to freaking say how much you love that guy and talk about how amazing he is?
use your ******** head. you're in a god damn relationship. act like you're in a ******** relationship! <******** fix things if you mess up, don't just say you're ******** sorry. that doesn't do s**t. if you only apologize for something, and then just keep doing it, it doesn't mean anything. in fact, it's worse than saying nothing at all because you're lying about being sorry. if you were really sorry you would ******** ******** show affection for your damn boyfriends. I can't just sit there and take insults that are supposed to be jokes all damn day. ********, I can't remember the last time she said something sweet to me. she's sometimes nicer to her ******** friends than to ******** girls are ******** dumb sometimes.
guys are stupid too. really ******** ******** people, they are all ******** stupid and they freaking suck.
this really isn't making me feel better at all ._.

you guys don't suck btw, love you guys. you're actually nice and intelligent.

but someone is ******** stupid and I hate it so much. I ******** try so damn hard to get her to change, and she says she will and she doesn't! she's ******** cute and amazing and nice and s**t when we are alone but I can't ******** stand when she is around other people or when we text or the things she does on facebook. I hate my life. College sucks, someone is making me a depressed person, and I have like no friends to hang out with and no one likes me or wants to talk to me. I'm also apparently scary.
fuuuuck I want to just take a break from all these a** holes and ******** heads and go somewhere nice and happy and actually intelligent...

If she freaking loved me wouldn't she be trying to be ******** better?
shouldn't she be trying to make things better or at least trying to do something other than make it worse? =/

I would never yell at you Dx
that's not what I want to hear right now but I know. I just don't understand how she can be like this....
I don't understand a lot of things.
gah Dx I'm stupid, why am I stupid, I need to be smarter...so I can do things on my own, and figure out stuff.

I'm going to be brutally honest with you, kay? Kay.
It was.. a terrible mistake on your part to get back with her in the first place. Usually when you've broken up with someone multiple times that is a sign that THE RELATIONSHIP IS NOT GOING TO WORK. Save yourself some pain and misery and stop getting back with that person! O_O She sounds like the typical girl who does what typical girls do, and that's flirt and be surrounded by men and be the center or.. token of attention and affection. She's an attention whore. She's doing her own thing and she doesn't care who she's hurting in the process. If she's happy then she's happy. She doesn't need to be in a relationship in that case. She doesn't need to be tied down and she's probably only dating you just for the sake of saying "Yeah, I have a boyfriend" You're her anchor and nothing more. x| Sure, she's 'normally nice and sweet and cute' to you and what not, but she is a GIRL. Girls are all about ACTING. She's probably 'nice and sweet and cute' to her other guy friends as well. Like I said, you can do so much better than that. You don't need to be in a relationship right now and I suggest you break up with her FOR GOOD and be single for a while. Being single is NOT a terrible thing, you know. I actually enjoyed being single. I wasn't seeking out a relationship. It just happened on it's own. If you want to gain your independence then you'll have to start looking out for yourself and yourself only or people will take advantage of you. SHE IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU. You have to learn from your mistakes or your next relationship will be just as bad. That's all I'm going to say. You can choose whether or not you want to listen to me. But keep in mind that I AM a girl, so I typically know girls better. And I don't like the sound of her. I never did. I never supported your relationship to begin with, just so you know. But it's not really my place to say who you can and can't date, is it?

The point is.. if she makes you feel like this then I don't see why you're still with her. You're basically torturing yourself, you know. Are you that afraid of being single? - -;

Also, you're not going to make friends in college right away, you know.
Most people in college have the same mindset as I do "Get the hell out of here as soon as possible"
We don't have time for 'friends'
You do meet cool people as you go along, though
But typically freshmen year, unless you are dorming or in a fraternity/sorority, you don't make new friends.

lol Berry you're funny
idk why o:
also, I know being single isn't bad. I was single for most of my life and I enjoyed it too o:
well she's been trying to make it up to me, like yesterday, she had a birthday cake from someone and it was like a pokemon ball with pokemon on it. it was amazing. and delicious. but she like wouldn't let anyone else ahve some but me and she was being really nice and doing stuff for me and stuff. and she promised she would change and this is the last time and stuff. She ahs been changing but not much, like she's a lot better than she was several months ago, but was still doing crap.
uhhh anyways, I know I'm probably not going to make friends. what makes me mad is that my other friends are making a lot of new friends. coincidentally when I'm not around D:<

well is this alright? if I just like wait and see what happens? I'm not gonna be getting all lovey or anything unless I know it's different. if she starts being crappy again I'm just gonna break up with her and be done for good. Just lemme make this mistake ];

also, I know all that, and I tryyyyy but no one seems interested in talking to me Dx people don't like me for some reason. Like someone sat down at the table with me and my friend, and he was getting frustrated with his laptop and me and him were just sitting and talking and she started joining the conversation and basically ignored me. I kept trying to talk to her but she wasn't like listening to me or anything. It's always that way with people. I talk and try to get peoples attention but no one wants to listen most of the time. most of the friends now I got because they started talking to me in class and I met all of my other friends through them. and eventually because of them I met Kim, and then went into theater and met all those people that don't talk to me either.

damn I type a lot ]:<

alright, told me she wanted to just be friends on the day of her birthday party.

I can't decide if I should get her a nice present like I was going to, jsut get what she told me to, get her nothing, or even go at all...