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So I've been quiet lately and not on Gaia alot as is but I dunno, sorta at a wierd spot with my life and in my own head so I sorta need a vernt and 'call for help' and ideas and such for well, what next.
Cold night in Pennsylvania again, looking for a new place to go since its simply time I -have- to go because Im going to be without a roof over my head shortly. Lotta blagh lately, what with my mums health declining slowly, and her recent decision to leave a douchebag boyfriend which is the reason Im loosing the roof over my head. Pa jobhuntign Sucks, and jobhunting in general sucks. So I've been pestering all the friends I have that I trust abit to see if I can bounce anywhere and the majority of reasons for a lack there of is either parents, lack of space, or simply slim hope of getting there or ect. Some friends wanna but cant, others would but lack the ability, some Ive attempted to get ahold of I just well, cant.
Another joy in my life, and I'll note the dripping sarcasm, is that the day prior to Thanksgiving my german shephard who was nine and had been with my for the recent eight years of my life had made it up in his mind that it was his time, and he couldnt go on so I had to put him to rest. Still trying to get over that but..yeah..
I'm at that point of year eighteen of my life where I've realised 'oh ********, I'm almost nineteen, and Im still thinking Im sixteen' Lack of personal motivation to do a whole hell of a lot, and a horrendeous recent job experience have my social skills with strangers to be severly lacking, Im a dropout from my own arrogence of being 'too smart for this lame crap' and it ended up biting me in the a** pretty hard. I dunno how to drive cause of my dear mothers fantastic area of from how she was born or paperwork flaws of 'not existing' and someone that 'dosnt exist' cant be used to learn to drive huh. So I intend to get my G.E.D. when I get a job and such, I actually kinda have a mind fer wanting to be a game programmer/designer or whatever. hasnt been high on my list to look into what with imediate impending homelessness and whatnot. Being lazy sucks, and offers no help.
So, my mother has some wierd affliction where she had a stroke that took the usefulness of her left eye, I deffinately make funny faces at her when she diserves them and she cant see it. She has heart disease aswell as the aftereffects of the stroke and has something ontop fo that afflicting her other then massive stress levels which is a big reason why her and her current boyfriend are parting ways. Me n her are parting ways just from it'd be easier for us to find our own ways seprately..in theory. My sides nto as easy.
Hmm..quite a bit fo ranting and venting but like, I'm sorta confused as hell as what to do.. having my own bad choices abruptly jump in my dace and knock me back a good bit kinda sucks alot.. especially when I knew I was making them and thought I knew better.
So..advice, ideas, conversation? My antisocial ways of mine are what get me towards this spot right now anyway and being more antisocial wont help so this is some wild attempt to jump into the wild and crap like that..ugh I wish there was ehat on this floor..I cant fee my hands~
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