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in some cases, litterally. stressed

you know how when you go months and months and months with all most no Sex at all.... and you start feeling so cold and lonely and depressed... that feeling?

yeh. I had felt that way pretty much all of last year. around Christmastime, certain events happened which broke me out of my slump there.

but my Sex-life still had only barely improved. leastways I was feeling better, but not like I was getting much of any. so when I'm at the Medieval Faire this weekend I manage to flirt my way through an empty wallet and still come out on top. making use of my emotions, aye?

I get my hands on a bumper sticker that says "I heart Circus Freaks", two free swings at one of those strength-test things (and realy impressed the girl working their who didn't expect it from me. I was wearing my vest, see, so my ribs were quite visible), TONS of free food and sweets, the works.

note for future reference; when you flirt with Carnies, Rennies, Gypsies and teh like you are gonna have to pay up one way or the other.

now, as I mentioned earlier, I impressed a nice young lady at the Faire. so, when I was offered a nice night of companionship, I accepted the offer eagerly. a session in the late afternoon, a session efore bed, a session in the morning, and another around brunch. this is the kind of something I have not had for over a year.

so, I expected the warm, happy, contented feeling to last. but I get home around 1:30-2:00 in the afternoon, and then everything before that faded. it elt like a dream I woke up from. I'm probably never gonna see that girl again, and I realized that despite the fun night I had I was still sitting in my bedroom alone, cold, still left waiting for the time to call someone (like Shan, or Holly). that time wouldn't come for a while.

I somehow feel even worse than I did before that happened. I've got a Migraine, my nose is stuffed up again (and I JUST recovered) and my throat is so full of phlegm and mucus I can barely talk.

Holly called me around 2:30. that made me happy, you've know idea how much. but I couldn't realy keep up a conversation, and I was busy anyway...

:sighs.: I dunno, I just needed to rant, get it all off my chest, and maybe vent in a physical way too. I'd punch something, but I'm still a little relaxed from last night. and somehow it just doesn't feel good right now. it feels irritating, weakening...

I start getting that lonely feeling if I haven't cuddled with my hubby enough. It's kinda pathetic to "miss" him so much when I'm married and he's RIGHT HERE, but there you go; I do.

I really hope you feel better soon. Wish there was something I could do. heart

it's perfectly alright for you to rant here too. that's what this subforum is for.

but yeh... for me, it's that I'm missing specific people (mostly Shandrel, Holly, and Lauren) and so I'm trying to fill that gap. and I had a fling and it was great while it lasted (which was still CONSIDERABLY longer than any I've had in like a year)... but at the end of it I'm still sitting in my bedroom alone.

I got to wake up next to somebody. that feels AMAZING! it's one of the most important feelings to me, that I can open my eyes and see a body next to mine. there's a person there. evidence that I realy wasn't alone last night, that the company I shared realy existed.

so I though I'd enjoy it even after I left. but it was like waking up from a dream anyway. it was like I imagined the whole thing. you know all those Celtic stories of men who have dalliances with Faeries, and then they go home after years and years and it's like the whole experience fades? or like the Chronicles of Narnia stories where those kids spend years in this fantasy dimension only to come home and find that only seconds had past, and they can grow up and blow it all off as childish games of pretend?

I took a hot shower last night and that felt realy amazing. and I got to talk to Holly on the phone on and off. so it realy cheered me up. what I think it is is I'm just stressed right now. it's all the little things adding up. I should be fine, but I just needed to vent. I think I'm gonna try to cut back on some of the extra-curriculars (I'm very stubborn about it though xd ).



thanks for returning my call and checking up on me Scarlet. :hugs you tightly.: I would have asked you to stay and talk, but I had school this morning, and it was like midnight. xd I was exhausted and ready to sleep. sweatdrop

but yeh, folks can call it silly all they want, but that cuddling time is both precious and nessesary. we are a species that cannot survive without companionship, and the comfort and security of physical affections.


heh sweatdrop c'est le vie. small world, and that's life.

still though, that's pretty amazing. but I broke the first rule of unprotected safe sex. xp

aye, I feel exactly that way, as do plenty of folks I kow. xp

but, on the other hand, folks who can find a means of travel can meet people globally (or leastways internationally) after first meeting them online. smile that much is good. I just realy think the way we as industrious and social people realy need to rethink how we use our technology. >.>

seriously, think of all the eager hard-working employees in the world who got laid off as robots and machines took their places. and all the kids who finished their educations for the sole purpose of getting a job that now sees them as obsolete compared to computers and robots. it's not good for an economy, despite what so many rich folk think or say.

one of these days though, they won't be able to ignore it. =.= President Obama has some great ideas and plans (like replacing no-child-left-behind with race-to-the-top), but as much as I like the sound of a Progressive "Sputnik Moment", I still think his faith in technology over Manual Labour is going o plunge the economy even deeper into the hole. >.<

heh. xd and the irony of that Pride is that it's a cultural view of Pride. I think of those folks as lazy spoiled brats, and I'm Proud to be a hard worker! but then they call US the lazy ones, and also uneducated, unsophisticated, uncivilized, ignorant... stressed ******** silver-spoonfed rich-folk....

I don't get how they can be so proud of laziness... whatever happened to Pride for a hard days work and an earned living?

I keep being told that... I realy wanna come visit some time. L.A. is where my Fave Authors are from. some of my Fave Musicians too. even some of my Fave Modern History Personalities.