Two Half's From One

[Isniffapples]

Joy, oh joy

This day is the brightest. Smiling upon the simplest things...a true pleasure. A joyous smile to wear everyday! The beauty of happiness flowing through every soul and body. I think that is the most prettiest picture in the world. I could go on forever with this and never think it boring at all. Even if I have a few friends...they are all so wonderful and unique. I think my smile is getting larger everyday! Memories are building more and more. I hope this never ever ends. I'll lock it all away and look back it all one day. Maybe when i'm old or even right now. I'd die of smiling too hard. My whole family seems to be getting along better. Mother is seeming to smile most of the days now. I love seeing her smile. She's just a real wonderful person and I hope I become like her one of these days. My older sister is still a pain in the butt...though she is tremendously nice. My soul feels like its set on fire. Not those burning, demonic looking fires. It's a sweet, strong burning fire. Fire of joy that I would burn for a eternity...i'm sure I will. Playing video games and watching anime with my brother is the best. He's always seeming like a loner these days. It's nice to see him light up when I offer to play one of his favorite games. Gah, it makes me feel like a sweet heavenly angel and not some crazy demonic beast or lonely fallen angel or something like that. Just a pit of happiness.  

[Isniffapples]

Dear, sweet Pain

I'm afraid of causing destruction even though I do it everyday. Blind sided by pain isn't what I want to be forever, but I keep going that way. This same sad path is driving me insane. I'm blaming you and everyone else. They all caused this while being blindsided. Selfish, careless, and cruel, but you want to shine light on me when i'm in the darkest hour. And i'd take it like a fool! No more...no...more. I give up. I give up to what is being right. I give up to who my true self is! Burn her heart up and throw the ashes away. She's the past and i'm forgetting it all, starting today. I'v never been seriously selfish...thinking about others was a natural instinct. Couldn't live without it. Now i'm going to be selfish. Selfishly kind. I'll start doing this whole thing for myself and for no one else. Mother can go to hell! Mandatory love is all i'm giving her...I could never actually love her. She's just another person whose stuck with me for a while. I'll smile upon those eyes each and everyday. Though...what will it bring me? This loneliness? Nothing. Right. Doesn't matter. They'll all leave one day and i'd cry. Cry because I was the fool who thought happiness was a eternity. What a beautiful lie that was and a funny joke. I'll laugh upon this one day. One day... To weak to become stronger. Smart enough to know what's wrong with me. This life of darkness will no
longer have a bright side. If a tiny piece of light ever showed up I won't duck and run away. I'll just darken it up. I shall walk blindsided forever! This is what
I shall want for a eternity. Expecting nothing...