[火] Obsidian Valley || » Natural Dojo [Fort]

[Lanfaer]

[火]____O b s i d i a n____V a l l e y____[火]
N a t u r a l_____D o j o

______________A r e a tab D e s c r i p t i o n ||
tab The Natural Dojo is in a great deal of disrepair, with columns that have collapsed and the roof having caved in long ago. The residual chakra that has been expended over many, many decades, or centuries, has simply built up into something that can be feasted upon by the wildlife, thus mutating them into something...else. The building itself is a dome made of chakra-enriched obsidian, with a tower sticking up out of the top that bears four floors. These floors have since collapsed down into the dome below, yet they still hold enough structural integrity to allow for rooms to exist. The entrance to this abode is on the northern and southern sides, each door now off its hinges, rusted steel doors that bear the etched symbol of the Land of Fire.
tab Grass grows in all places, with weeds that have become not unlike trees in height and girth. The several floors of the building are open to viewing, though many rooms have collapsed altogether into rubble or have been holed up into dens for monsters and animals of the oddest variety. Odd noises come from all shadows, echoing into empty hallways that seem to lead to odd places, and light never seems to go further than the edge it casts.

______________N e a r b y tab L o c a t i o n s ||
tab • Western Battlements → The Hellwrought Forest ► Southwest about twelve [12] miles
tab •

______________K n o w n D e f e n s e s // D a n g e r s ||
tab • The doors once stood strong, but time has warped the hinges, causing it to fall off and to the ground. However, this did not stop the crafted abilities that the doors possessed. Any chakra touching it is immediately stopped, absorbed into the doors themselves.
tab • The obsidian is a form of defense against all forms of heat. Built utilizing the lava itself compressing the earth, only god-like fire could blacken the obsidian itself. In this case, that means no fire can escape the building, nor can it be destroyed easily.
tab • The inside of this building is populated by an odd form of sentient creature, seemingly made of living magma. They defend it with ferocity should anyone try and force their way past the steel doors.

______________U n k n o w n D e f e n s e s // D a n g e r s ||
tab • Something controls the sentience, almost like a hive mind. Should anyone try to communicate with it, perhaps a peace could be brokered. Yet force will most certainly be met with force. What could this odd source be?

______________R u l e s ||
tab • Ensure that everyone writes, in their posts somewhere, what floor they are on. The tower, for the moment, cannot be accessed, while the dome itself can be used. Four floors to the dome, remember!
tab • Anyone trying to use fire or lightning to damage the walls will do absolutely no damage unless it is considered S+ - rank, in which case it merely burns it. No physical attack unless S - rank can harm it.
 

[Lanfaer]

_______________The Narrator Whispers... ||

tab
tab The walk through the Hellwrought Forest took you through some sort of drug trip if you had to describe it in any way. Having to run from some sort of raccoon like beast with human baby faces screaming from where buttholes would normally be, followed by the "face" of the raccoon bearing the head of a spider that vomited something that looked like green silver on the other side, was definitely not the highlight you were looking for. This was followed by some rain in the distance that something didn't seem to appreciate since it unleashed all sorts of hell in the form of screaming moments later. It faded as you continued on, and now?
tab Now you're in front of some really, really old Dojo.
tab The place seems ancient, with black stone that looms six to seven floors in height at your best guess. That was also assuming the person who built it just didn't like high ceilings, but that is difficult to tell from where you stand. The area around it is where your eyes are primarily drawn, however, since the grass, blacker than sin, smolders in some places without the black grass wilting or submitting to the natural function of the world. Where you stand is at the beginning of a path of white cobblestone leading towards from the front "door", which is missing, one of six in total arranged in a semicircle on your side. For the moment the place is completely silent, other than the hungry flames being denied their grassy dinner. Too quiet, in fact, since you're pretty certain lives within the building, what with the flickering light somewhere within that looks to be of a violet color. You coulda sworn you saw shapes a moment ago, too.

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[Dopy Grimes]

Oh ho your favorite mischievous oni I mean Kaguya is back to take you all on a merry adventure against the ravaged and ultimately abandoned lands of what was once the shinobi world! Will he discover the true meaning of life now that he is on his own? Will he tame the land under his grip or will he become a cannibal warlord bent on nothing but satisfying his own need for blood, violence, sex and drugs? The latter seems much more interesting but development is nice as well and I do wish to see the boy grow. "No one cares what you think this is my story, not yours so ******** off man!"

"Jashin ******** hell man get off my boat!" Chet shouted while wacking away comically deformed raccoons off of his boat. And then very loud screaming ensued. "OOOOOOOOOOH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOD WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY THOOOOOOOOOUGH?" And slowly it faded away leaving Chet in silence as the boat rolled on through the land. That was until he broke out into a sad song.

"Scar tissue that I wish you saw
Sarcastic Mister know it all
Close your eyes and I'll kiss you 'cause
With the bird I'll share
With the bird I'll share
This lonely view
With the bird I'll share
This lonely view

Push me up against the wall
Young Kentucky girl in a push-up bra
Fallin' all over myself
To lick your heart and taste your health 'cause
With the bird I'll share, this lonely view

Blood loss in a bathroom stall
Southern girl with a scarlet drawl
Wave goodbye to ma and pa 'cause
With the bird I'll share
With the bird I'll share, this lonely view

Soft spoken with a broken jaw
Step outside but not to brawl
Autumn's sweet we call it fall
I'll make it to the moon if I have to crawl
With the bird I'll share, this lonely view

Scar tissue that I wish you saw
Sarcastic Mister know it all
Close your eyes and I'll kiss you 'cause
With the bird I'll share
With the bird I'll share, this lonely view"

Suddenly the boat stopped in front of what Chet assumed to be an ancient temple of doom and temple of doom meant loot. "I want loot baby." He said licking his lips and deactivating the boat. On his feet he casually observed the place without really paying any attention to detail. The flickering lights and shapes all flew right over his head. The boy was pretty dull. Unless something meant to harm him then he'd feel an unease far too familiar to ignore. "Mom I'm home!" He shouted.

 

[Lanfaer]

_______________The Narrator Whispers... ||

tab Silence from within, but also a hostility that bordered on manic that radiated with incredible intensity. Yet as you stand there taking it all in like the fool you are a little head is poked out from a doorway, the head completely covered in blackened steel and with arms that glisten like smoky glass. The hostility isn't from this thing, but it sure as hell is coming from something behind it, but for the moment the thing watches, doing nothing.
tab Then the air erupts next to you.
tab Fire billows up from the black grass, sending flames in the shape of flower petals to fall from the sky in a rain of flaming, hot death! Or, rather, it would be, were they not really, really small and more shocking than frightening. Perhaps a distraction? Except, nearby another erupts out of the earth, sending flaming petals upwards and then down upon the blackened grass below. This grass laps at the flames and glow with an internal flame before they, too, die out completely.
tab The creature continues staring at you, however, no more than three feet high, before it finally steps into full view and reveals it is almost entirely covered by black steel from head to toe, except at the arms and hands. These were exposed and seemed to be made of that same black, shiny substance, with hands that looked like crab claws...except with three fingers on either side of the "claw". It does nothing but watch you from behind the helmet with eyes hidden behind black glass, same as the flesh.

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[Dopy Grimes]

Lanfaer

You never start a line of dialogue with, "damn" but that was Chet's immediate response to the overwhelming presence of hostility. "Oh s**t!" Were his next words! Chet Oni a true poet as always. "******** you man easy as s**t while you're...Where the ******** are you?" Chet asked yet he would get no specific reply. His surprise came from the dramatic display of flames dancing about.
The creature who had made his presence known had aroused much less of a surprise from our unlikely hero. "Yeah, I've seen worse just a couple minutes ago pal that ain't gonna scare me." He shouted from across the room trying to beat the sound of the flames. He turned around and crouched to fiddle around his back pack looking for something to use against his new apparent foe. "I mean he ain't even attack me yet so why should I fight him?" Have you gone dull? It's what the people want! "What people?!" The readers you fool!

Pardon me it seems things got mixed up in the last paragraph let me rephrase the past event. Chet was not surprised in the slightest by the flames actually he enjoyed the heat while its glow showed the demon ferocity waiting to be unleashed from within him. The sight of the new opponent only made his eyes hungrier for more violence. His words were "I hope you got insurance for pyrotechnics cause I'm about to make you sit on those flames you doofy looking thing." His voice was emaculate! Fearlessness incarnate. "Now go!"
Wait stop. "Go SHELF ELF!" Chet please you're ruining everything. "FIGHT FOR YOUR KING!" And just like that, Chet placed the small elf on the ground and waited for it to slay the beast.

 

[Lanfaer]

_______________The Narrator Whispers... ||

tab The Shelf Elf landed with a thud, immediately stood straight, raised its middle finger in a one handed salute, and said "Bite me, bucko!" before looking at the little man in the distance and doing the absolute unexpected: throwing its hands over its head, shrieking "Where's my shelf?!" and sprinting at it waving the arms around about it in some sort of interpretive dance.
tab The figure look at the elf for a moment before unleashing what could only be described as the cry of something that clearly banged a kettle with too much hot water and a car engine. Flames erupted from its mouth as it screamed, its hands streaking out behind it as it ran into the building and slammed the door shut behind it. The thing that had not known malice before knew it now.
tab And the elf stopped at the half way point, turned with a cheeky grin, and chortled viciously. "He never knew what hit hiiIIIIIMMMMMM!" The screech followed as the jet upon which it stood unleashed fire underneath it, sending the little hellion into the sky, jingling all the way. Would he come down? Probably, though for the moment he was bupkiss.
tab As for Chet, it was apparent to him that the things inside were hostile, buit..something else. There was something there, a type of malice that was mixed with someone else, something that felt...wrong. Weird? Whatever, one of those two.

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[Dopy Grimes]

Lanfaer

Chet blinked a couple of times at the scene that had just played before his very eyes before looking to the side at seemingly nothing and saying, "are you seeing this too?" He asked before looking at the elf ascend. So far, Chet really liked the elf's attitude and could not wait for further shenanigans the two would make together but the evil emanating from the room in front of him set his humor levels lower than usual. "Mr. Elf Man get down from there. We got some a** to kick." Chet announced before rustling through his backpack. "Ah yes. Here we are." He said before raising a box of odd looking cookies. He ate them without a moment's hesitation. His body would immediately begin convulsing as if he was oding on some hard drug. Thick fur would cover his body making him look feral. Once the transformation was complete he got up as if nothing had happened. "OH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He shouted before sprinting towards the door. He caught the elf during his fall without stopping and dove kicked the door in an attempt to open it.

 

[Lanfaer]

_______________The Narrator Whispers... ||

tab The door sticks hard, being made of steel, yet even with that your brutality rings it like a gong. Instantly the hostility increases, and with it...a sound.
tab Crying.
tab From inside there are sobs and the unmistakable sounds of fear induced panic. From where you stand you can hear their cries, and the sounds of orders being given within. The steel door that serves as the entrance is dented from your impact, but even as you watch the metal bends, warps, and pops back into place with an audible ping.
tab The elf sits upon your shoulder after your reckless save, pointing into the room with that mischievous grin. "Those things are scared shitless! Trust me, they smell worse than you do!" A disgruntled look passes over its face as it realizes how crappy its jokes really work.

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malavaes

 

[Dopy Grimes]

Lanfaer

"SON OF A b***h" Chet shouted as his body flung backwards. His voice slightly more demonic than usual. "I turned into a ******** gorilla for no reason. Shiet" He continued while the elf made obnoxious jokes on his shoulder.
Jokes that Chet himself found amusing. "Hehe good one Elfman." Chet stated while thinking of a way to get past the door and ignoring the screams of the innocent. "I don't get what the ******** is happening, bro. I get this feeling we're surrounded by demons but at the same time I hear kids crying WHAT THE ******** IS GOING ON?!" And to add more to his confusion from the pits of hell flames would erupt beneath his feet opening up a gateway to the darkest pits of damnation. "YOOOOOOO WHAAAAAAAAT?!" He shouted trying to get rid whatever was clawing at his feet. Dark matter wrapped around them until it all vanished in one singular flash of light. "Woah." Chet mumbled looking at his new pair of shoes. "Swanky." It seemed the universe still wasn't done giving the idiot random things. "******** you!"

Chet took a different approach this time around in order to get inside. "OPEN UP YOU LITTLE SHITS I JUST WANNA TALK TO YA!" He shouted banging on the door with his right hand.

 

[Lanfaer]

_______________The Narrator Whispers... ||

tab As your fist smashes against the wood and the sounds of your meaty appendage thuds loudly within the screams grow louder, followed by a pattern of clicks and guttural groans that seemed to serve as their language. It was like nothing you've heard before, and yet the elf on your shoulder throws back it's head and unleashes a battle shriek of laughter. "Trolololololol!" Why it sounded like a yodeling malcontent was anyone's guess, but it sure as hell seems to be enjoying itself, rocking back and forth like a madman while it's little green and red hat whips around and smacks him in the chest before repeating the process against its back. It took a deep breath like a man on his last breath before roaring with more yodeling screeches. "The way they describe you is great! Maaaaaaan, they called you a shite skin, something about the white, crusty leavings of an afternoon siesta!"
tab Potential racial slurs aside, the screaming seems to die down for a moment before the metal grows a fair shade of dull russet, followed by the scent of something barbecuing.
tab It may or may not be your hand. It cannot be confirmed.

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[Dopy Grimes]

Lanfaer

Chet frowned at the elves taunting. "You wanna go back up into the ********' sky, Elfman?" He asked bluntly before turning around and walking back towards the entrance. "I'm sick of this place. This world is way too ********' weird for me to be stuck here dealing with child monsters." He announced while stomping away.

 

[Lanfaer]

_______________The Narrator Whispers... ||

tab The elf looked slightly miffed, and by slightly, I mean its face is bright red, his breath comes quick, and his ears and curling into horns. But then, maybe it was just a trick of the light, for it lays a friendly arm on your neck since it's so incredibly thick compared to him that it's impossible to truly hug and speaks, it's town conversational despite the words. "Seems my joke's fallen as flat as your face, but you might wanna reconsider. Those kids? There's adults. They're scared. Think, monster man. You ain't them. You're something they've never seen. How I know? Well, they're screaming it." Thinking quickly, reaching back and burying his hand up to the wrist in one oversized ear, he turned it this way and that, unleashing an ungodly squeaky noise before continuing with a wince. "I can speak it. Maybe we can turn them into bonafide badasses, and get you your own army. What say you, eh?"
tab
tab
tab

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malavaes

 

[Dopy Grimes]

Lanfaer

Now if we only look at the brief history of Chet in this harsh new world he and myself included- "you don't count" Chet would so rudely interrupt to point out. But I'd like to consider myself a- "shut the ******** up and keep on narrating holy s**t" Anyways like I was saying. In this harsh new environment WE find ourselves in, Chet has so far done one insane thing after the other and honestly had no intention of stopping. The idea of getting himself high was gone! There was no need for chemical thrills when the world around him constantly kept him entertained! And that would become a problem for sure later on. One thing was certain, however. This new world fit him perfectly!

While making his exit the Elfman managed to make Chet stop and ponder on the notion of having a small possy of demonoid beings at his heed. I use the word possy because Chet could never and would never want to lead an army.
But a possy sounded much cooler and hip wouldn't you say? "You're not cool shut the ******** up." Oh...Anwyays the boy stopped and rubbed his chin for a while. The change in the Elfman's tone would go completely unnoticed to Chet. "You had my curiosity Mr.Elfman now you have my attention." He announced in an odd accent and with an incredibly odd face. "It's a reference!" He shouted as if that made any sense whatsoever.

Chet walked back to the door with the Elfman still on his shoulder. The moment he stood face to face with the door he picked up the Elfman by the neck and stuck his face against the door...Gently. "Alright Elfman do your magic."

 

[Lanfaer]

_______________The Narrator Whispers... ||

tab Nose pressed to the door the elf had to consider that the steel looked mighty fine from up close. Yup. Top notch stuff. Probably tasted like top notch steel. Wait, what did that even taste like? Well, better not to ponder. Finally, at last, he opened his mouth with a snarl and began making the same noises Chet had heard earlier, except this sounded more authoritative. There was silence on the other end, so the elf repeated himself, this time with more force, and better yet, more asskissing sweetness, almost like he as ordering them to eat his chocolate star for all they were worth. Finally, at last, there came a small noise in the back, and the elf sniggered meanly. "Gotcha, ya little crabcake!" The tone came with it a small whisper of glory, and what may have been a forked tongue, though whether old-Chetterbox noticed would be up to the man on his shoulders. The other one. The not-sexy one. The lame one.
tab Opening his speaking hole one more time the elf continued speaking, this time using oily words to try and get them to open the door. For the moment they didn't seem to comply. Finally with a growl he explained in annoyance. "They think you're some crazy monster, Chethead. What you want me to tell them to make them open up?" To be fair for them, Chet was more than a bit crazy, to maybe they could just smell it on him.
tab
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malavaes

 

[Dopy Grimes]

Lanfaer

Chet's mind wandered off while the elf spoke with the beings behind the door. I wonder what I could do with a possy of my own. Holy s**t I could start up my own mafia like the one that punk Deniio used to run back home. I wonder what happened to him. As a matter of fact what the ******** happened to everyone.
Oh s**t that reminds me. I don't know where the ******** I am...Woah. Maybe I should find out later. Man I'd kill for a twinkie right about now. s**t and where the ******** are my horns? And why don't I feel sage chakra anym-What's sage chakra? It's like my memories are fading. Maaaan I got ******** up last night that's for sure holy s**t. My mafia will be called 'The Kingsmen' hehe sounds badass. Or maybe the 'Boyz Skwad' nah nah I'll think about it. Chet would snap back to reality as the Elf told him what the beings behind the door thought of him. He had several thoughts on what the Elf had said. First being.
"Alright Elfman first things first. You call me Chethead again and I'm using your intestines as shoelaces for my new Jordans. Second, I am a very crazy monster. A crazy party monster and don't you forget it. Third, you don't need to translate anything. I'll convince them. Just tell them I'm going to sing to them the music of my people. I am not a monster they should fear I am the monster they should respect. HIT THE LIGHTS PEOPLE." Chet would place the Elf back on his shoulder and clap his hands in a dramatic pose. Music would begin playing. What was Chet?

"Miss me with that bullshit
You ain't really wild, you a tourist (a tourist)
I be blackin' out with the purist (the purist)
I made a hundred thou', then I freaked it (I freaked it)
I made 500 thou', then I freaked it (I freaked it)
I bought a '87 for the weekend (the weekend)
This ain't what you want, this ain't what you want (what you want)
This ain't what you want, this ain't what you want (what you want)


And it's like that, lil' b***h
MVP, I don't get no sleep, no, I don't like that, lil' b***h
Bust that open, I want that ocean, yeah that bite back, lil' b***h
Do it bite back, lil' b***h? Need two life jackets, lil' b***h
I ain't gon' hold you, I ain't gon' press you, never control you
I ain't gon' front you, keep it 100, I don't know you
Boss like Top Dawg, bossed my life up, crossin' over
Stutter steppin', got a Hall of Fame in all my posters
I've been ready, my whip been ready
My b***h been ready, my clique been ready
My s**t's been ready, my check's been ready
My shot's on full, that's Armageddon
I got pull, I hope y'all ready
My tank on full, you know, unleaded
I gotta go get it, I gotta go get it
I gotta go get it, I gotta go get it
My name gon' hold up, my team gon' hold up
My name gon' hold up, my team gon' hold up
My shots gon' fire, my team gon' roll up
Ménage-à-trois, my queen gon' roll up
I hope y'all ready, you know I'm ready
I reign all day, you know, confetti
I gotta go get it, I gotta go get it
I gotta go get it, I gotta go get it, skrrt


Miss me with that bullshit (bullshit)
You're not a gang member, you's a tourist (a tourist)
I be blackin' out, I be blackin' out
Bought an '83 Cutlass for the weekend (for the weekend)
I got a hundred thousand, then I freaked it (then I freaked it)
I made 500 thousand, then I freaked it (then I freaked it)
I put a Rolls Royce on my wrist, oh ******** his baby mama, tryna sneak diss
I took her to my penthouse, then I freaked it (then I freaked it)
I haven't made my mind up, should I keep it? (Should I keep it?)
I got big dog status, it ain't no secret


LA DI DA DI DA, SLOB ON ME KNOB
PASS ME SOME SYRUP, ******** ME IN THE MAW
LA DI DA DI DA, ******** THE LAW
CHITTY CHITTY BANG, MURDER EVERYTHING
b***h, I'M ON A ROLL, AND I PUT THAT ON THE GANG" Chet would go on with this for a while. And do not let the lyrics fool you. The boy would dance whole heartedly during his little perfomance even though the beings could not see him from behind the door. When he was finally finished and panting he said, "so what'd they think? Dope right?" He asked the Elf. Depending on the elves answer he may or may not be used as a battering ram to get the door open. "I think I really sold it this time around yknow?"
He asked with an innocence befit for a child.