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I feel motivation fading away. I stare at the replies I knowingly owe and just deflate. A fairly standard issue in a lot of role players, I’m sure, but this bothers me.
And… I think I have an explanation. I could be quite possibly be placing the blame on this issue to excuse my laziness so I don’t feel so bad, but there’s no way to be certain.
Either way, I feel like this is a thing I need to share.
I have a sister (shocking!). Two actually, but we’re focusing on the oldest, M, at the moment.
M has been happily married to her husband, J, for about ten years. They have three beautiful children. J is in the military, the Navy to be exact, and is currently ranked as a Lieutenant. He’s doing very well, and is very well… Hrm.. well groomed by his superiors, because he is an intelligent man full of potential and they know this.
Unfortunately, J is a very busy man. He’s been more or less running the entire nurse’s station at the Naval Hospital in Guam for past three years that he and the family have been stationed there. Pair this heavy work load with his introvert nature, and M (who is an extrovert) is becoming quite unhappy. But they managed.
Until recently.
*heavy sigh*
…M is claiming… A lot of stupid s**t we know isn’t true. We know how she is and how he is, but she seems to think we’re all stupid/born yesterday. M wants a divorce, so she has to make up all these stories to justify her reasoning, because we all what it is. She can’t stand that he’s busy, that he’s so quiet, that when he goes to official business parties he doesn’t get s**t faced but instead keeps himself proper and sober so his superior officers won’t look down at him. Heaven forbid he stay proper.
*one more sigh*
…There’s a lot of bullshit I do not want to explain. I simply can’t. Not only is this very personal family matters, but it sends me in to fits of anger and depression because I am just so god damn tired of this.
…
Back to my point.
M is coming home this Saturday with the three children. I am not looking forward to this.
Everyone but me has voiced their displeasure and has made M well aware they do not support her in this bullshit divorce. I haven’t said anything because she does not really speak to me, but I know for a fact she will be hunting me down to whine, b***h, and moan at me about this divorce like I am a supporter even though I am not. I could - should - voice my stance on this divorce, but I cannot. I am a meek, spineless individual who cannot stand up for herself because I’ve been beaten down every time I try in this family. I’ve found it better to just shut the ******** up, even if it hurts.
M has a horrible parenting method with her children. She’s extremely indifferent, rude, and cold towards them. Because of this behavior, I tend to be stuck with them, either by them wanting to hang out with me because their mother almost wants nothing to do with them, or because she’s dumping them in my lap because she wants to do something else. Don’t get me wrong, I love these kids, they’re great. But being around them all the time takes it’s toll on me and I am not their mother. I am their aunt. I don’t want full responsibility.
With the last point in mind, my sense of privacy is almost doesn’t exist. My comfort zone is shattered because at any moment I could have the kids running in my room, wanting something, or M wanting something from me. I am a creature who likes to be left alone. That simply does not happen when they’re home.
M and I butt heads a lot about how things need to be done around the house. Mom and Dad trust me to take care of things whenever they’re gone, year round, but whenever M is home she just assumes control over everything and proceeds to do everything wrong. When I tell her I have it handled, she doesn’t need ******** up everything do anything, she’ll always turn around and telling me I’m doing wrong. Despite the fact I’ve been doing this s**t for at least four years without any complaints from Mom and Dad or problems. But no. I’m just the family moron. I don’t know what I’m doing or talking about.
…I think I’ve listed everything.
…So, yeah. I have a boat load of stress coming and I don’t know how long this is going to last. Normally, M spends 2 months with us and then proceeds to go home. But since M is angling for a divorce, there’s a possibility I may be stuck with her even longer. If that is the case… I hope I learn how to function comfortably again.
So… if I’m slow. I’m sorry. I’m just losing myself in a s**t ton of stress because M is coming home Saturday and I would rather pull out of my teeth without pain killers and a pair of pliers then deal with the s**t storm that is coming with her.
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