[FIN] Drowning

[Suudonym]

When Luke left the bar, he was surprised by how much his balance betrayed him. He'd had some sort of understanding that disorientation went along with alcohol, but it seemed he had underestimated the effect; his limbs were heavy, and nothing was quite as straight as it was supposed to be. He had planned to go home by Pidgeot, but at this point that hardly seemed like the intelligent choice - just because he could survive falling from the sky didn't mean he wanted to do it all the time. Calling home for a ride was... honestly, too embarrassing to consider. And so he released Tartarus from his pokeball and grasped the spike protruding from his shoulder, relying on the Aggron's steadiness to make up for the absence of his own. The technique was effective, but progress was slow, and unfortunately Luke was left with a great deal of time to consider all of the things he had been hoping not to consider.

He had gone and done it now. He had used the punch he had been saving, even if only verbally. The familial relationship he had hoped to repair was by now far beyond saving. On one hand, he doubted it was in his best interests to repair his relationship with that man. A father who considered him a tool could hardly be called a father. But at the same time... that was the last of his family. His only connection to his home, his last link to his mother and sibling. He supposed that probably didn't really mean much - it wasn't as though they had only recently grown distant - but it was still immensely, impossibly heavy.

And in the same breath that he rejected his father's expectations, he rejected the place his brother had left for him and the name his mother had made for him. At this point, it well and truly felt like he was walking away from the family, even though that had never been his intention. It felt like he was forsaking everything, and it made him feel sick. ...Well, maybe that was in part to do with the drinks, but still.

A part of him argued that he had a family in Kodo, comprised of the dear friends he had found there, as well as of Rosie and her uncle and cousins. It wasn't as if he was cutting himself off from everything and everyone, but it was still so... what, exactly? It wasn't as if his father would have suddenly realized the error of his ways and turned into some paragon of paternity. He doubted the man had even planned to go to his own son's wedding. But nonetheless it reeked of failure.

Maybe it was childish, but he missed his mother. Or, perhaps more accurately, he missed the feeling of support and acceptance. He wanted to go home - he very badly wanted to go home - and it was a mix of relief and burning misery that he finally returned, just barely biting back irrational tears.  

[Blood_Goddess]

On a good day, Rosie usually liked to be in bed by this time, especially if she planned on waking up relatively early to start the training the next day.
The house was empty, and quiet, most of her pokemon had gone to sleep by now, and she probably could if she tried, but Luke had not come home yet, and she was starting to notice just how much better she slept was he was there.

He had said he would be out training today, she was glad he could get the time to do that now that he wasn't stuck doing a job she hated, and it wasn't unusual to be out this late usually, where her concerned lied was with the way he had been acting the last couple of days, he didn't want to talk about it and last she had seen him, he didn't look like he was feeling any better.

Trying not to worry about it too much, Rosie ended up not going to sleep, and was instead sitting at her desk, the room illuminated only by the screen of her computer as she clicked around the news and continued to read up on the work special ops did.
Eventually, she heard the door opening from down stairs, causing her to sit up and listen.

Yup, someone was definitely home,
"Luke?" She called down, making her way out of her dark room and to the top of the steps so she could look down onto the entrance way.  

[Suudonym]

He returned Tartarus to his pokeball at the doorstep before pulling the door shut behind him, leaning against it heavily. He raised an unsteady hand to his eyes in hopes of clearing the bleariness enough to move around the house and see where he was going. Rosie's voice gave him pause, the sound dismantling his brittle defenses, and his hand fell uselessly to his side, hot tears on his face despite all efforts. Through some miracle he forced a reply, "Yeah."  

[Blood_Goddess]

She smiled when she saw he was home, but she wasn't even half way down the steps when she noticed that there was something wrong.
"Ah- Whats wrong?" She asked with increased concern, hurrying down the rest of the steps to find him looking miserable, so much so that he was crying.  

[Suudonym]

He shook his head, moving a hand to hold the opposite wrist. "Nothing," he said, his voice small and weak. "Not anything, really, but..." He bowed his head, clumsily seeking and failing to find the words that could provide some kind of explanation. "...But it still feels awful."  

[Blood_Goddess]

It really didn't look like it was nothing, and if it haddn't been for what happened yesterday she might not have been so certain it was nothing. For now all she knew was that he was crying and it broke her heart to see him still so upset over... it had to be something.
She reached out for him, gently brushing her fingers over the tears on his cheeks. "But you're crying." She said, though clearly that was obvious.
It was then that she started noticing the heavy smell of alcohol on him, and she blinked a couple of times in realization of the smell. "Did you drink something?"  

[Suudonym]

He nodded once. "It's supposed to be something about forgetting, right?" he reasoned, the hand at his wrist closing around the fabric of his sleeve. He shook his head again as his shoulders trembled with the effort to contain himself. "It's a lie though. It makes it worse."  

[Blood_Goddess]

Her mouth fell open slightly, as if she intended to speak but didn't quite make it.
At first she wasn't sure what to do with that news, especially now with the understanding that He had drank to forget. She understood how dangerous that was, and for Luke to get involved with that?

She could just hope that what he followed up with was the realization that it made it worse.
"Oh Luke." She said gently, trying not to sound as scared as she felt.
Whatever she felt on the subject wasn't going to matter tonight anyway, he looked a complete mess, and she needed to do something.
"Trying to forget? Is this about yesterday?"  

[Suudonym]

He nodded once more. "I ruined everything with my father. He doesn't really... care about anything to do with me anymore."  

[Blood_Goddess]

So it did have to do with his father. blue eyes widened a little, though her brow furrowed with it "because you quit that job?"  

[Suudonym]

"Because I said I won't do politics," he amended. "Because I don't want to take his place someday."  

[Blood_Goddess]

"Oh no..." Rosie said in a small breath,
She honestly wouldn't have thought that his father would do something like that, not that she didn't think he was a hard man to get along with, but she really hoped that he just... down somewhere in his heart that he cared about Luke.

With really nothing she could say at the moment, just wishing she could help him not cry, that he wouldn't feel so bad, bad about his dad, bad enough that it would drive him to drinking.
She tried not to start crying herself as she reached her arms around his neck to offer to hug him. "I'm so sorry."  

[Suudonym]

He leaned his forehead against her shoulder, shaking silently save for the occasional sharp intake of breath. In a way, he couldn't understand why he was crying. He didn't think that he was mourning the loss of his father; when it came down to it, he had already lost his father long, long ago. The first rational theory he could find bypassed his thoughts entirely to leap directly to his breaking voice, "I just wish it wasn't always my fault."  

[Blood_Goddess]

"Its not your fault." She said gently, loud enough for him to hear as she tightened her arms around him and hugged him closer when she could not feel him shaking.  

[Suudonym]

"It always is," he contradicted, barely thinking about anything he said. "Even when I don't know how, it is. Somehow, every time." He moved his arms to raise them around Rosie, his hands at her back. "I hate this feeling. It feels like when Asch died."