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 Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2014 5:04 pm
It was disheartening, the realization that he hadn't received new intel on any additional artifact fragments in several months. Kenner didn't have much in the way of testing materials for the students of Amityville on an average day, and sending scarelings on dangerous missions to retrieve such items had been good practice for them and lucrative for him. Also, much to his surprise, he enjoyed proctoring exams, even when he was hungover or only watching from a distance.
After pondering possible testing scenarios for a day or two, an idea finally struck him as he nodded off in the middle of a Wheel of Misfortune marathon.
A game show.
He was going to put someone on a game show.
Well, not literally. They would just be going through the motions, of course. But that didn't mean it wouldn't be fun. For him. Kenner grinned even now as he waited outside the creepeteria for the lowly Snot he would transform into a beautiful, beautiful Knob.
He didn't know what this Helmut ghoul looked like, so he had fashioned a temporary sign out of an old box, hoping she would find him.
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Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 9:05 am
The world had lost a great deal of meaning to little Helmut, who had started to go about life as if it were a great big, horrible chore. Xavier had been missing for what felt like weeks now - though really only a couple days had passed - and she was greatly missing her friend, who had up and vanished without a trace.
She was probably over-reacting, but this was the first time it had ever happened to her, so deep down she felt her over reaction was more than justified.
When she showed up at the cafeteria that day, she was at her worst. She had chosen to wear her most ragged, dirty clothing; her hair was so messy and unkempt it had sticks in it, and her face had smears of dirt on it, that was probably actually cookie crumbles at one point. Life was unfair, and she was apparently wallowing.
But she stopped when she saw a box with 'HELM' written on it, and paused long enough to read the 'UT EXAM' underneath it. Helm ut exam....Helm ut exam....Helmut exam? An exam for a Helmut?
"...I'm a Helmut." She squeaked out quietly, pointing at herself with a tiny black claw. "D-do you mean me?"
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Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 9:52 am
"If you're Helmut the Wendigo Snot, then yes, you are the Helmut." He grinned at her, or perhaps he was just smiling at life in general. The expression never seemed to leave him. Kenner looked her over, noting how disheveled she was, but thinking little of it. Lots of kids around here looked like they'd just burst out their graves on their best days. Still, she seemed rather quiet. Better to ask than continue on as if he hadn't noticed anything.
"You okay? Ready to earn your Knobhood?"
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Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 10:11 am
"...Oh!" She piped up, looking surprised and still pointing at herself. "That's me!" Though it would have been obvious by now, of course. The ghoul stared at him wide eyed, but never met his eyes; she was actually very firmly focused on his nose, because that was a lot less scary than looking someone in the eyes.
But when it came to her state of being, she dropped her gaze to the floor.
"no I'll be fine!" She tried to sound as chipper as possible, because it wouldn't be right to drag a teacher into her worries. "A-and yes! I'd like that!" It would be a distraction at the very least, and not to mention the idea of being allowed to take her exams was incredibly exciting. It meant that she was getting somewhere, and getting stronger - and when he came back, he'd be proud of her! She was sure of it!
"Wh-what kind of exam is it?" If it was one thing she hadn't heard anything about, it was the exams.
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Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 12:45 pm
Hm.
He hadn't ended up with the sharpest of faculties after his death, but he didn't need good hearing to see her lack of eye contact or notice her brief hesitation, even if he'd missed her outright no. He couldn't deny that she was enthusiastic though, despite her presumably unrelated troubles. Kenner shrugged a tiny shrug. He wasn't the damn school guidance counselor.
"It's a fun exam!" he announced, bouncing on his bare toes before deciding never to do that again. "The beginning might be a little..." he wiggled his hand in the universal sign for 'so-so,' "...but the end bit's very showy. Running and jumping and confetti and candy and stuff. Sound good?" Not that it mattered. He was going to make her do it anyway.
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Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 3:16 pm
"Fun?" Helmut squeaked back, too excited to actually speak up. "I...I like fun!" And distractions. She liked those too. He was promising her fun after a little bit of just okay fun! which was still more than acceptable to her. Especially one little important part...
"There's gonna be FOOD?" She gasped, clasping her hands together in a way that suggested she wasn't only excited, she was completely won over - the beginning could be horrible, terrible torture so long as she got something to eat at the end. Lots of something's to eat.
"WHERE DO WE START?!" She cried out, bouncing a little bit on her toes and staring up at him with complete reverence. Food.
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Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 7:58 am
"HERE!" Kenner said, the ghoul's enthusiasm more contagious than he had anticipated. He cleared his throat. "We start here. And... there will be food." He was intrigued by her reaction, until he dimly recalled what her species was all about. Made sense, he supposed. "I shouldn't have said candy, I guess, but food will be present! Okay. Stay right there."
He backed up a few paces, pulling a microphone and a small stack of index cards out of his back pocket. He then upended the 'HELM UT EXAM' box onto one end, ignoring the jingle of metal that accompanied the movement, and placed his cards on the box's new top. He made a show of turning on the mic, but nothing happened. Luckily, Kenner could be plenty loud on his own.
"Boils! Ghouls! Scarelings of all ages! The Helmut, Wendigo Snot is taking her Knob exam! Giveheraroundofapplauseeee!"
Passing students continued strolling by, largely ignoring the proceedings. One ghost did turn their way eventually, raising a fist and letting out a supportive, WOOOOOOOOOOOO!
"For each question you get right, you'll get one half of a pendant of life." He reached in the box, holding up her prize. "You also get two tries per question, because... hm. Just because." He doubted 'because you look about as helpless as roadkill' would be a comment well received by any teenager.
"Ready?" He didn't wait for her reply.
Question one:
In which country did Jack first assemble
his legendary sandwich?
A. Poland
B. India
C. South Africa
D. Chile Quote: She can guess twice in one post, or make each guess separately. I'll reply as quickly as work allows so we can get past the questions today wheeee
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Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2014 1:33 pm
"...H-here?!" Helmut parroted, though not as loudly, and perhaps a little more nervous. The ghoul looked around wide-eyed as he started to announce her exam to all the passer-bys, and the single ghost that paused was like a whole stadium to her, which made her pull her jersey up over her nose sheepishly, curling her feet inwards as if to make herself as small as possible, which wasn't hard.
And then, suddenly, he lost her.
Her confusion went sky rocketing, and her retreat into her clothing was way more obvious as she had it up to her eyes now. Jack's Legendary Human World Sandwich?! What was that?! Was it important? They didn't cover that in class! Ooou but she wanted a pendant of life, she just had to have one! But this subject... and those places? Were they even real? Where the heck was Poland? Or Chile? Wasn't that a food?
Helmut started emitting a low, droning pitched noise in her distress.
"U-UMMMMMMM..." She squeaked out, to buy herself some time. "--B? or...C...." She trailed off, guessing both in one shot just in case.
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Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2014 7:29 am
"That's..." Kenner checked his card. "Wrong. Both answers." He flipped to the next one. "Sorry! Next question!"
Question two:
How was his original sandwich layered?
A. mayonnaise, lettuce, salami, ham, turkey, muenster, mustard
B. mustard, muenster, mayonnaise, salami, turkey, lettuce, ham
C. turkey, ham, mustard, mayonnaise, muenster, lettuce, salami
D. muenster, salami, turkey, lettuce, ham, mustard, mayonnaise
"You seeeee the answer, don't you? It's so very easy to seeeeee." Kenner was up on his toes again, even though he'd promised himself he wouldn't. The ghoul seemed about ready to keel over, which spurred him to move along more quickly rather than deal with the reality of trying to comfort her.
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Posted: Mon Sep 01, 2014 8:51 pm
Helmut pulled at her little face, letting out a quietly distraught whine, and then tried her hardest to focus in on the next question, which seemed to continue with the whole sandwich thing which, sadly, was not something she was well versed in.
She shook her head quickly to his question, making herself smaller as he loomed impressively on his toes, and uttered another squeaky guess in the dark:
"A...or...C...?"
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Posted: Tue Sep 23, 2014 1:55 pm
"Yes! Good."
Okay, fine. Even he wasn't this deadened to the distress of others, especially when they were small and squealing. He dropped back onto his heels, then took things one step further and sat in the grass.
"You're doing very well," he stage whispered.
Question three:
Who stole the sandwich, prompting the Sauerkraut March of 2008?
A. Dr. Pepper
B. Kid Rock
C. J.K. Rowling
D. Shaquille O'Neal
Dear Jack. Even he didn't know what half of the things he'd just said meant.
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Posted: Thu Sep 25, 2014 8:13 am
...She got it? SHE GOT IT! Helmut let out a happy squeak, but did her best to not go overboard - after all, one victory didn't mean she won the war. Or exam, as it were. But as the next question was asked, her eyes glazed over once more in the common way students did when they were faced with a test they didn't study for.
"UHhhhh...A or D?" You couldn't trust doctors and people whose names rhymed that much! Her logic was sound. Sound.Smerdle omg don't even worry! <33 AHHHH THAT HELMUT IS SO CUTE LOOKIT HER TINY GUN she gon shoot u in the foot
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Posted: Thu Sep 25, 2014 9:56 pm
He wanted to hop to his feet again, but Kenner resisted, nodding happily instead. "Yes! The Sauerkraut March was instigated by this... Shaquille human... apparently. They called it the Shaq Attack." He wondered who had made up these questions, what they were on, and if he could get some before clearing his throat and continuing.
Question four:
Upon Jack's reacquisition of the sandwich, which ingredient was missing?
A. salami
B. mayonnaise
C. lettuce
D. bread
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Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2014 8:13 pm
"Shaq...Attack...?" The horror dawned slowly on her face. "Th-that sounds...it rhymes." She whispered low in conspiracy; if something was enough to rhyme, it was horrible. It spelled trouble...or sounded trouble, she couldn't remember which. Partially because she couldn't spell rhyme to begin with.
"SALAMI." She shrieked, not even going to try a second guess - because without meat, there was no point in a sandwich...and if she were to do a Shaq Attack on food, she'd go for the meat first.
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Posted: Wed Oct 01, 2014 7:43 pm
"Hm. Yeah. It does." If he bothered to think about what he was saying, he would find it was pretty horrifying, but Kenner was more concerned that she had gotten the question wrong. Well, no one was watching, right?
He crumpled card number four and shoved it into his pocket.
"Right! Two more to go! And I'll ask them at the same time, so pay attention." It made sense, in a way. They both had the same lettered answer.
Question five:
Where did Jack obtain his replacement... uh... salami?
A. Australia
B. Denmark
C. Panama
D. Japan
and
Question six:
Following its disappearance, how long did the sandwich remain lost?
A. 10 years
B. 40 years
C. 60 years
D. 294 years
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