I need someone to talk to

[Celebiest]

In December, my mother told me that my grandfather had cancer. I spent my Christmas holidays crying my eyes out and feeling helpless.

over the past few months, I've watched him grow weaker and weaker with each visit. And it hurts me so bad seeing him like this.

Recently, I've been told to prepare myself for when he finally passes away, and now I'm just terrified.

When someone dies when you're a child, it just seems so much less painful than when you're an adult...  

[Niarah]

emotion_hug My condolences for your grandfather not being in a good way, I lost an uncle to pancreatic cancer about 8 years ago and remember needing to take random restroom breaks at work and such because I'd randomly think about it and start crying.
~*~

I think it's a little easier to deal with people's passing as a child because you're still in a rapid growth phase of your life, and there's so many new things to learn as you go that your kid brain is more distracted with non-sad things. Trying to remember when one of my grandfathers passed from a heart attack when I was still in grade school, I feel like the whole situation was a bit of a blur. I understood death in only basic terms then, that "this person isn't here anymore and we're all sad."
Hitting college/work age and having relatives pass, I feel like it's been harder because my brain is now more preoccupied with my own place in my family and the world, along with a greater amount of time spent understanding connections between people. Also as an adult, one likely has a better grasp of mortality in general (beyond a simple definition) and the ripple effect it has on those left behind, compared to when you were little. Perhaps getting older tunes you into/involves you in the collective sadness of those affected, rather than just your own developing sense of it?  

[Celebiest]

Grandpa just passed away on Tuesday and everything still feels like I'm caught in between a blur and a bad dream.

Do you know how horrible it is to listen to one of your aunts screaming at the men from the funeral home to give her father back as they carry his lifeless body out of the house?

I've seen and heard some things in that house that are going to haunt me for the rest of my life.

I was looking through old pictures of him, and every single one of them that has him just feels like someone twisting a knife into me over and over again.