[FIN] Adapting to Change

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

Since he had been released, Izaya had made note of the soonest of Aulus' karate classes that he could attend without it clashing with his new work schedule. When the traitor showed up in his trainee uniform, though, he did not at all expect to see the scarred agent's arm replaced with a mechanical one. At first he'd thought it was some sort of illusion, but he quickly came to realize that this was not the case. What in the world had he missed during the months he had been stuck in the brig?

Though his thirst for information had lead him to the mission reports he had frequented in the past, he found that his new freedom as a Rocket experiment didn't override his limitations as a Rocket traitor. The library and internet were still accessible to him, but Rocket intel in general did not seem to be. His only source in regards to that seemed to be word of mouth, which meant that if he wanted to know things like what had happened on the last raid he'd meant to go on with Aulus, he would have to ask the agent himself. But after their previous conversations had deviated so much from what Izaya had intended, he wasn't sure he had the courage to do so. Perhaps he didn't even have the right to know.

Keeping his head down, he tried to remain in the back of the class as he followed instructions, hoping to be overlooked as just another newbie trainee. His lack of depth perception was taking its toll, though. A couple of times he accidentally knocked into others nearby, but he did his best to apologize and continue with the lesson. If he was lucky, maybe he could just pass himself off as being clumsy.  

[TawnyAngel]

It would be fair to say that Aulus was a little distracted that evening but distracted or not he was quick to spot an unfamiliar figure at the back of the class. Seen as they didn't seem keen to introduce themselves in front of the whole class however he decided to ignore them for now, he'd speak to them privately afterwards.

It was only a couple of minutes later that, as he eyes ran over the figure again, Aulus actually looked at the skinny trainee's face. Well, there was a turn up for the books! Demoted, hu? And where had the pest been all this time, now that he thought about it he hadn't seen him in months. It was all Aulus could do avoid grinning and carry on with the class, oh yes he was still going to call the new trainee aside after class. Priceless! What had been the last straw he wondered? He supposed he could try asking Faleen but he doubted he'd get anywhere there, maybe he'd find out from Izaya himself? Perhaps.

Part way through the class a pale grey-blue Sawk in a pink gi trotted into the room and started helping out with demonstrations and correcting technique here and there. Eventually he made his way around to Izaya; he smiled and gave an encouraging nod; "Saw!"  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

If Izaya noticed Aulus' awareness of him, he gave no indication. He was far too busy trying to keep from making an even bigger fool of himself than when he could see just fine. He hadn't even realized that was possible until now. If simple karate lessons were this difficult for him to follow without bumping into people and objects on his right, how would this affect his parkour?

s**t, would he even be able to do that anymore now that he had trouble judging distances? Not to mention how hard it would be to dodge objects, fists, and whatever else was thrown his way from now on. Was this karma?

Hearing someone speak up, Izaya briefly abandoned his concerns and raised his head to see a peculiar fighting-type pokemon dressed in pink. Well...if those were clothes. Who knew with those strange humanoid-looking ones? Interesting choice of color, but perhaps the decision hadn't been its or its trainer's to make.

He wasn't sure how to take the smile and nod at first - after all, they were from a pokemon - but quickly responded with a small smile and a nod of acknowledgement back. Regardless of how badly he was doing, both as a student in the class and an individual in a criminal organization, it seemed someone still appreciated his effort to try. It was nice, even from a non-human creature.  

[TawnyAngel]

The class rolled on, and eventually it rolled to a close. Aulus gave a few last thoughts, acknowledged a grunt who'd been progressing well - clearly she'd been doing her homework - and dismissed the group. "Go on then clear off until next time, except for you," Aulus turned to Izaya and pointed a black metal finger at him. "You can stay to help me and Rose clear up the mats." This was going to be interesting!

Rose immediately picked up a couple of the large mats and started to drag them to the storage cupboard but Aulus turned away from the departing class - putting his back to Izaya - and headed to the bench to grab his bottle of water. Now, the million dollar question was this; was Izaya going to try to piss him off today? Well the answer to that was obvious, he was Izaya so of course he was. The thing to do was keep his cool, not give the little skidmark the satisfaction of getting a rise out of him. He could cope with that, forewarned was forearmed and how much harder could it be to keep his temper with Izaya than it was with Clancy for example? Surely not that much.  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

Realizing he was the one being indicated at the end of the finger, the man in the trainee uniform stiffened. Damn it. Well...maybe if he hurried, he could clear all the mats and get out of there before any words were exchanged.

So who was Rose...? Oh, the pokemon in pink. That made some sense, he supposed, but he wondered if Aulus had been the one to name him. Going to Rose's side, Izaya followed his example and tried to drag some of the mats to the storage cupboard.

Since Aulus was headed for the bench, maybe he hadn't meant to interact with him after all. Maybe he had just chosen someone at random to help with the clean-up without noticing who it was he'd picked. Just a few more mats to take care of and then he could ask to leave.  

[TawnyAngel]

What, no smart comments? At all? Goodness! What could possibly have caused such a change in attitude? Whatever it was he hoped it had hurt. Aulus smirked to himself, his back still to Izaya, and took a long drink from his water bottle. Once suitably refreshed he put it down, turned, and headed towards where Izaya and Rose were dealing with the mats. "Okay so indulge me, what was it you did that crossed the line and got you tossed back into a red uniform?" he asked lazily as he grabbed a couple of mats. "Does this mean you're back in dorms as well?"  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

At being spoken to, Izaya winced. He continued his work, keeping his head low and avoiding the other pair of red eyes as he responded. "There were a couple of lines," he said, struggling a bit with the mats. As if he hadn't been puny enough before, his lack of a proper diet and exercise during the months in the brig had depleted his body mass even more. After just having managed to make it to the end of the karate lesson, it was all he could do to keep from falling over in front of the agent.

"The first was because I had the stupid idea to try to ditch Faleen once I was allowed to go out for the first time in months. I wanted to check on someone and I didn't want her to be around when I did because I worried said someone would embarrass me," he sighed. "That little stunt landed me in hot water. But shortly after, my ex-partner tried to make me mega-evolve one of my pokemon even though she knew I couldn't do it. Not only did I not have a strong bond with it, but I hadn't the first clue about how a pokemon mega-evolved."

His pent up frustration that he'd kept to himself for months ended up flowing out of him in a rush. "She told me to try anything, but it was like she just wanted to watch me fail. In the end I didn't do enough to satisfy her and they deemed me a danger and a traitor to Team Rocket." He shook his head. "Because she, Faleen, finally gave up on me and considered me 'un-trainable', they decided I was a traitor. It still dumbfounds me."

He took a moment to catch his breath from both talking and dragging mats. At last he wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his glove and continued. "We found out we're very different people with different ways of doing things. She prefers to be simple, direct, and to-the-point whereas I prefer to questions things so I can be sure of details and specifics.

"I guess it came to the point where she thought I was making things more complicated than they needed to be, but that's how I've always worked. I can't be asked to do things without knowing the limitations of how I'm allowed to go about doing them." He huffed, chest heaving. "Otherwise...well. You already know I tend to overstep my boundaries. But I don't think it's fair that our incompatibility led to what was supposed to be my termination." His past transgressions, though...those probably justified things enough.

Thaaat was enough talking for the moment. If he didn't stop before they'd finished putting everything away, Izaya was certain he'd pass out. Still, though, the question about the dorms surprised him. Why did Aulus want to know? How had he even been aware that Izaya wasn't in them in the first place? Someone other than Adam had noticed his absence...? Well...he had made quite a show of being determined to accompany the agent on the mission involving the Galactic ship before he'd been detained. Perhaps he had realized Izaya was missing because of that.

Wait...the mission...that metal arm...were they connected? He stopped moving the mats, paralyzed by a sudden thought. "...Did you lose your arm during that mission?"  

[TawnyAngel]

"What?" Aulus stopped dead and gave Izaya an incredulous look. "Faleen did that? Seriously? Bloody hell, and that was the final straw? Because you couldn't do something that nobody had told you how to do?" Wait, a traitor? But he was still walking around! So far as he'd always been told traitors ended up dead not demoted and also, what? "What did she think you were going to do, pull the answer out of your arse or something? Divine it from the spirits of the water? Do an interpretive dance to active the power within? And untrainable? Doesn't sound like she tried very hard at least when it comes to mega evolution. I never thought I'd have something in common with you but if that's the whole truth then consider me dumbfounded too."

...And Izaya looked terrible, and now he thought about it Izaya's performance in the class had been terrible. Izaya was a lot of things but he wasn't clumsy, he should have realised before regardless of his own current preoccupied state of mind. And Faleen had decided Izaya was a threat and a traitor because he hadn't known how mega evolution worked. ********, if that was a crime then quite a lot of people he worked with were guilty of it! Okay so there was plenty of other stupid s**t on top of it but what? Maybe he'd been right back- when had it been? Well whenever he'd lost his temper at Faleen, she really was nuts after all apparently.

And... and hadn't they had this conversation? Down in the gym, he was sure... Izaya had walked in while he was training and they'd discussed the mission. They had. Did he not remember? What the hell had happened to him? What was it that Team Rocket really did to 'traitors'?

Aulus scowled and gestured to the bench. "Sit down before you fall over, I don't want to haul you to the infirmary. Once you've done that maybe you can tell me just what is it they do to traitors that affects their memories? We had this conversation down in the gym months ago, I asked why you hadn't been there and... was that around when you ran off on Faleen then?" He vaguely remembered Izaya saying that he'd done something to disappoint her by not being a good boy and so he hadn't been allowed to go. "But seen as you seem to have forgotten, yes I did," Aulus shrugged, "the ship blew up, some crazy Galactic overloaded the engines. Hu. Perhaps that explains Faleen being highly strung enough to brand somebody a traitor for not being able to do something rather than bloody well helping, she was practically drooling on the engine." Oh there was every chance Izaya was lying of course, he'd have to see if he could find out more from a different source, but... Mmh, well whatever have led to it he still didn't understand how Izaya could be both alive and branded a traitor.  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

It was nice to get things off his chest, but Izaya certainly hadn't expected Aulus to agree with him. No one else had. After all, he was a trouble-making lowly grunt and she was an obedient, high-ranking Rocket. But come to think of it, Aulus had fought with Faleen before, hadn't he? Maybe it was because those two didn't get along either that he was able and willing to see Izaya's side for this situation.

Whatever the reason, the agent's voice incredulity caused the other man to crack a small, broken smile. Not his usual one, either; this one was a true glimpse of his inner feelings. He looked away lest the other think he was smiling for some other reason. "An Executive Agent, Lucas, heard both our stories, so it wasn't entirely one-sided. But I thought for sure he would understand." He shrugged.

"Maybe her argument got more weight because she's a higher rank. I don't know. And maybe she was just looking for an excuse to dump me after all the other s**t I've pulled. I guess I can't blame her there. But after the outing thing, I was really trying to do as I was told, so it frustrated me that even my best seemed to amount to nothing." He did as he was bade and sat, leaning an elbow on his knee and massaging his temples.

"Oh...yes. Right, you had a stump back then... Sorry, I must have forgotten. Isolation and time in the brig did a number on me, especially after the time I spent in solitary confinement thanks to the League. And...I don't know...they did something to my...head." Ah. Red flag. "I don't think they messed with my memories; that's probably just me. But..." A man's smiling face came, unbidden, to his mind. "...An executive named Ben arranged it so that I could live if they used me for some experiment they were doing." Izaya nervously ran his hand through his hair. He wasn't dragging mats anymore, but sweat still continued to drench his face.

"I think that man's a sadist, because he assigned me to a project of Faleen's without telling either of us. Anyway, the experiment involved a surgery. After that, vague as the woman is, she wouldn't give me specifics; only that I wasn't allowed to know what they did to me, try to find out, or have anyone else find out. I assume it's alright to say they did something, though. If not, I guess I'll be dead the next time you see me." He laughed weakly.

His expression contorted as Aulus reminded him what had happened on that mission. "Maybe..." he murmured. "Maybe I would have been able to help if I had been there. I'm sorry, Aulus. I really wish I could have, horrible as it was."  

[TawnyAngel]

An experiment. Human experiment. He would wish that fate on a couple of people in the world and Izaya would certainly have been among them once but now he wasn't so sure, he-

He was sorry? Izaya was sorry? "Hu?" What? Was he serious? Aulus' brows knit in a suspicious frown. "You're sorry? Are you messing with me?" Usually Izaya went in for teasing, trying to rile people up or at least that's the side of him he'd always seen. Perhaps solitary confinement had changed him, or perhaps whatever had been done to him was responsible. Or he was just playing a new game, that was also very much on the table of possibilities. And Lucas had been involved in the decision to do whatever it was too, perhaps had made the final call? Somehow he wasn't surprised, he'd never liked the guy, and he was an Executive now? Perhaps it was a different Lucas. This Ben character was a new one though, sounded like the sort you'd rather not get acquainted with if he hadn't even bothered to tell Faleen what was going on.

"Rank does count for a lot around here so I suppose her word would have more weight," Aulus continued after a pause with a shrug of his shoulders, he supposed it held true in a lot of walks of life though. "What brought you to my class though? I assumed you'd turned up to mess with me again, seems not? Or if you are it's flying under the radar at the moment so you might want to amp it up a bit."  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

"Heh...I'm not sure I could if I tried, at this point," he answered. "Aside from your resilience to me and my current situation, I wouldn't want to, either. That's why...before, I told you one of the ways that I work. I did that because I wanted to show you that you could trust me; that since I told you something about me, you would see that that was one less thing I could use against you. But...I guess I must have given you the wrong impression, because I think it just made you more wary of me than ever." He smiled helplessly. "Again, though, my past actions and reputation probably had something to do with that. So, sorry for that, too."

He sneered softly at Aulus' last comment. "I believe I told you once before that I respect you, agent. It's not just because of your skills or abilities, whether as a Rocket or a person in general. I feel like...you don't take your relationships with others lightly. That you don't easily make friends, but once you do, you're very loyal. I envy that."

Izaya counted on his gloved fingers. "Hayes, Jerome, Tambrey... You seem to be really close with them and trust them. Maybe that's because of the mission when you all got captured by the Galactics or maybe it's a combination of things. But I've...never really allowed myself to be friends with anyone like that and I admire that you've been able to let other people in. Even when you know better than most that having such attachments can be seen by others as just having more 'weak spots'."

He leaned back wearily, bracing himself against the bench with his arms, and closed his eyes. "I don't have that kind of strength or courage. I know I'm hated, and with my personality and work as informant, I deserve all the hate I get. But if there were others I held sentiment for and made it known, they could be hurt because of me. That's not something I'd like to risk, especially after this incident years ago when one woman attempted to have my sisters kidnapped so she could torture them in front of me."

Stretching his neck, he lifted a hand to rub the back of it. "Of course my intentions aren't purely noble. Besides the chance that others might take advantage of my sentimentality, there's also the possibility that the people I might come to care for might turn on me themselves. That's why it's easier for me just to keep everyone at bay by making them my enemies. At least that way I know what to expect from them." Sitting back up, he opened his eyes and focused them on the scarred agent's mechanical arm. "I'd...prefer not to be hated by you, though. If at all possible."  

[TawnyAngel]

Riiiiiiight. Aulus raised an eyebrow slightly, he did remember that part of their previous conversation vaguely but that didn't mean he necessarily believed it or believed what he was being told now. Some of the stuff Izaya had been saying he could find out more about, maybe discover how much truth there was to it all, but when the grunt- the trainee was talking about his supposed feelings and motivations there was nothing concrete to look into. Frankly he wasn't at all inclined to believe that Izaya meant a word of what he was saying but he couldn't figure out what the game here was. Getting angry certainly wasn't going to uncover it - and there was nothing to get angry about right now anyway - but perhaps playing along to a certain degree might? Well he couldn't see the harm.

Aulus took another deep drink from his water bottle, pondering his response for a few moments before speaking. Izaya was slippery, he didn't want to go giving away anything that could be used against him if the skinny b*****d was playing games here. "That would be a fair assessment on your part re: my personal relationships. You know what they say, those who get horribly tortured together stay together," he said dryly with a slight lift of his shoulders.

Why was Izaya sharing personal information with him? Was this more 'trust me'? Was the little story about his sisters even true? Quite possibly not. "You know I used to think like that as well, that trusting people was a risk I didn't want to take. Now though I'd say it is worth trusting people, but only people who've earned that trust. There's still a chance that one of them could stab me in the back but," another shrug, "I don't think it's very likely." Not very likely at all, in fact the possibility never even crossed hid mind these days. It was amazing the difference it made to have people in your life you genuinely trusted not just to have your back but to... to... well yeah, to just be your friend, to look out for your feelings not just your skin.

And speaking of feelings was that Izaya's 'game' here, was it as simple as not wanting him to hate him? "I certainly hated you at one point, not sure right at the moment though; I haven't really thought about it." A traitor certainly didn't need extra enemies so maybe that was it. And did he hate him?... It was a bit hard to hate something so pitiable so maybe not but he wasn't going to rush into saying that....

Hu. Aulus' brows knit in a thoughtful frown that, as ever, looked rather vicious on his hard scarred face. "And you say you've never allowed yourself to be friends with anyone but weren't you and Alia friends?"  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

The labeled traitor smiled uncomfortably at Aulus' dry humor regarding having been tortured together. It was peculiar how such hardships brought people together, but he also knew it wasn't always that easy to make such close friends. Trials such as those certainly exposed more of what people were made of at their core; what their true colors were. That didn't necessarily mean others would like what they learned about said core and colors, though. Some people were just selfish cowards through and through. Like himself, probably. But that had been before Aila.

Izaya snorted. "It may not be very likely for you," he mused, "But I'm not sure I could afford that sort of faith in other human beings at the moment. I think you're forgetting the part where the trust has to be mutual in order for the friendship to work." He sighed heavily. "I've been under the assumption that mutual trust is what's needed to put the 'team' in Team Rocket, but that also might be why I haven't found it so easy to integrate into this organization even after five years. I'm too scared."

The man furrowed his brows. "What still astounds me is that even though someone you cared about was actually used against you, you still don't seem to regret having friends. You said you feel it's worth it. But is it really?" He looked up into Aulus' scarred face, his eyes searching the other man's expression. "Is it really worth all that pain and trauma you endured; are still enduring? Worth the damage you've been suffering even years after?"

The mention of the agent who recruited him caused Izaya to tense and avert his gaze again, this time redirecting it to the floor. "That...that was a mistake," he said after a minute, seeming to have difficulty with the words for once. "I was a coward then, too. She had kept insisting she was my friend, but I didn't dare believe her. Not until she proved it by trading her life for mine."

He shook his head. "I don't want a repeat of that. It's made me more wary of friendships than ever. I don't want anyone to - to feel like they have to prove something to me before I'm able to trust them or else the only people I'll end up being able to trust will be dead ones.. Friends...they seem nice to have, but..." He forced a laugh with his shaking voice, trying to hide the way it was cracking. His eyes were still trained on the ground so it was difficult to tell if the salt drops that fell from his face were still sweat or something else. "I can't have nice things. I always end up breaking them, whether on purpose or accident. So...isn't it just easier to pretend it's always on purpose?"  

[TawnyAngel]

O...kaaaaay. So either he was being messed with or his time in isolation had seriously changed Izaya, or - he supposed - he was just being shown a different side of the guy? Veeeeeery different. What the hell was he supposed to make of all this?

When Izaya finished speaking Aulus remained silent, weighing up his response and also how to word that response. Eventually he said; "Yes it's worth it." It was a good start he felt. "I wouldn't say that mutual trust is needed to fit in here though, I wouldn't trust most people as far as I could throw a Steelix at least on a personal level. I suppose you do have to 'trust' people professionally but that's hardly the same thing." It was deeply, deeply disturbing that he kind of sympathised with Izaya; he'd not trusted anyone when he'd come here, not been able to even consider it, and it had been pretty miserable.... Waaaaait, so had Izaya figured that out? Was this all a big act to get his sympathy because Izaya was purporting that they were alike in some ways? It was certainly well within the realms of possibility, he didn't doubt that the informant could make his voice shake at will.

"And you can pretend that if you want to," Aulus continued with a lift of his shoulders. "It's your life, if you don't want to take risks like that then that's your business.... And I strongly doubt she did it to prove anything to you, proving anything was probably a long way from her mind. When you care about somebody and they're in danger you don't do a lot of thinking, you just act to protect them if you can." The twisted combination of burn scarring and skin grafts across his back attested to that but he wasn't going to say that aloud....

Was Izaya crying? He couldn't tell, and he wasn't sure if he cared on way or the other. Still. Aulus sighed softly and signalled to Rose who was still dutifully putting away mats. When he had the Sawk's attention he tilted his hand towards his lips and then jerked a thumb at Izaya. Rose frowned for a moment before brightening, nodding understanding and trotting towards the water dispenser.

"So I suppose you have a choice," Aulus continued. "You can sit there and say you can never have nice things, wallow in self pity and so on or you can try to do things differently. You've been given a second chance at life, apparently, so you might as well use it." He was damned if he knew why anyone would want to be friends with the little p***k but Aila had and he'd liked Alia so there had to be something to the guy he guessed.  

[lZAYA ORlHARA]

Hmm...trusting people on a personal level versus a professional level. That meant trusting them to do their job, right? But to trust them to do that meant one had to be sure they believed in what they were doing and to know for what motivation. Aila and Faleen may have truly believed in Team Rocket...but people like Hayes or Jerome?

If they had some other alternative, some choice that allowed them to achieve their ultimate personal goals by abandoning the organization, wouldn't they have? Perhaps he was over-thinking this, but it was because it was all connected to Izaya that he had trouble separating the different sorts of trust.

Acting to protect someone without thinking? Is that what she had done...? "So what do you do to keep them from doing that?!" If that was true, then it was worse than the informant had thought. That meant he had less control than he'd hoped over people who stubbornly insisted they cared about him. "Is the only way really to make them hate you? It's just...so hard..." He didn't want them to hate him...but what if the only way to keep them from getting hurt for his sake was to hurt them emotionally himself?

Ugh, Arceus, what a mess. He needed to clean himself up and take a shower. This was disgraceful. He cleared his throat. "Pardon me. I'm probably just still affected by whatever they gave me for pain meds or side effects from being in the brig." He got up, still trying to wipe or perhaps hide his face with his gloved hand as he headed toward room's exit.

"Yeah...you're right..." he murmured as he went. "But even if I wanted to do things differently...I don't know what the hell I'd do. It's probably fine just keeping things the way they are. ...But thanks for listening."