Reminiscing (Sunsweet, Sacred, Streams of Silver)

[Anhelisk]

Sun's Sweet Embrace sighed as she struggled through the brush, round and cumbersome. The normally sleight, dainty doe felt anything but as she followed her muskie through the swamp back home, on one of her long, circuitous paths through her tribe's borders, hoping that she'd find something she'd been waiting on for some time.

She'd been happy for the company, growing up. Sacred was a strange, and awkward, sort of filly– probably due to being so coltish, if she was to be honest with herself– but she was a wonderful friend and had always been there for her when she'd gotten into scrapes or found herself lonely. Sacred had taken a shining to her early-on, for some reason or another, and they'd been fast friends since, and she'd come to accept her few, small quirks– like her stammer, and her shyness, and the way she tended to trail around behind her instead of forging her own path....

She didn't mind it, not really. It was just part of who Sacred was, and she was a very good friend. They'd grown up together, and she couldn't have asked for a more constant companion, except maybe Dapple. But then again, hadn't it been because of Sakes that she'd met her familiar?

Even then, as a growing filly, Sacred had been besotted with her. Suns sighed again, seizing a stray branch in her teeth to turn it aside. She really should have seen it coming.

 

[Anhelisk]

She was the single most beautiful thing that Sacred had ever seen. Dainty, spry, and pale, with a long, elegant tail that trailed behind her if she didn't hold it up as high as she could, and a short fringe of hair that covered her face, with the most delicate markings in soft gold and glowing greens. She couldn't help but be enchanted by the sight of her, one spring day... and couldn't help but follow along behind her in her wanderings, trailing like a lost puppy.


Sun's Sweet Embrace turned as she heard a branch crack loudly behind her, caught the movement of another form. It was another kin– and a rather diminutive one, at that! "Oh. Um... hello!" she said, staying where she was. "You don't have to hide! I'd like to play with you. I'm Sunsweet– Sun's Sweet Embrace!" the strange doe replied, practically rearing up on her legs with how she was fidgeting and hopping.

"O-oh. I'm sorry. I'm... Sacred," she replied awkwardly, stepping forward with some hesitation so her counterpart could see her. The dappled doe closed the distance between them with confident hops and bounds over the mangrove roots, moving to nose in at the one who'd been stalking her, with no apparent concern on her face.

"It's okay! You're really small, like me– is there something wrong with you?"

Sacred was flabberghasted. She'd been teased gently for being ungainly, and growing too big, too fast– she'd never been accused of being too small. "No! I'm just not grown up yet."

The smaller filly seemed to consider that for a couple moments, before losing apparent interest and nuzzling into the fluffy start of what her father promised would be a flowing mane someday if she took good care of it. "So that means you wanna play extra much, right?"

Sacred blinked. "Um, 'very'"

"Very?"

"...'that I want to play very much'," she corrected– before being startled by a squeal and a gentle hit to her haunch.

"Tag, then! You're it!"

"Wait, um–" she started, startled... before she caught herself. It didn't matter whether she'd been trying to correct her– she did want to play, very much, and play, she would! No time left to waste with the growing distance between them, the taller, lankier doe started chasing afterwards.

 

[Anhelisk]

The games of tag, and hide-and-seek, and so on, lasted until after the sun had set, and the glowing green gems of the fireflies came out, and it was too dark to see her new companion– and she followed her home to a series of caves, and a sheltered thicket with soft grass and a light breeze. They formed a fast friendship, after that. The solitary doe, who'd lived most of her life until that point wandering on her own, was welcomed into the tribe by Sacred's grandparents, and there was never an adult too far when bruised knees and scrapes were to occur.

Life with parenting was certainly one to adjust to. Not all fights were supervised, however, as they were left largely to themselves so long as they didn't bother the dragons and didn't wander off, and even the best of friends had their own fights, sometimes– even though neither of them was usually particularly confrontational.

 

[Anhelisk]

"I'm not a colt! I'm a filly. A doe," Sacred insisted, voice high and shrill. Sunsweet rolled back onto her haunches, taken aback by the sudden reaction– they'd been playing, and she'd simply stated what she'd thought to be the obvious....

"Oh. Um... I thought–" she stopped abruptly as Sacred cut her off.

"You thought wrong. Sometimes does are born like I am, and I know me best, okay?" It was obvious that she was agitated– passionate, even, about this. For the first time, the doe was asserting herself– even acting aggressively– and the smaller doe didn't like feeling like she'd done wrong. Sunsweet’s ears dropped even lower--for once, she was the one of the pair who felt hesitant, uncertain how to proceed.

She didn't meet her new friend's gaze as she replied. "Okay. I'm sorry."

Sacred... hadn't anticipated such a sudden shift. "Okay," she echoed, a little uncertain of where to go from here. She scraped her hoof in the cave’s dirt floor, lifted it, set it back down again. "You... you really don't have to be. Sorry, I mean. I just... I don't like people telling me who I am." What a strange thought. Sunsweet looked up, meeting her friend's blue, blue gaze.

"Oh. Okay. I wasn't trying to, I just thought... that does and fillies were just... something you could tell, but I didn't think about it." It seemed so simple, that it didn’t need thinking about.

"That's why you don't need to be sorry. You know better now," Sacred said. It was as simple as that, she'd been taught: Once you knew better, you didn't have to feel bad anymore– you just needed to learn from the experience and do better the next time.

 

[Anhelisk]

Most of their fights had been similarly short– with one correcting the other, or running off and avoiding the other until an apology was given. Invariably, they were sorted out within a couple of days– even though those days felt like fragile, painful eternities. In the end, they just seemed to strengthen the bond between the two does. As important as their fights were, though, there were better things to think about. Ones that didn't ache, make her think of the words they'd shared before they had parted for good. Sacred had always been generous, and giving, and one particular time had had the smaller doe both stunned and delighted by her generosity.

 

[Anhelisk]

"We're here, now. You can open her eyes!" she declared, excited and impatient to see her friend's delight. And oh, Sunsweet did not disappoint– Sacred couldn't help but look proud as her friend stopped, her expression stunned, at first, then blossoming into one of sheer delight. Sunsweet couldn't help but skip a little in excitement, looking delightedly at the way their little tails were already held stiffly up, and at how they were all-but clambering over each other in their haste to suckle.

"Ohhh, look at the puppies!"

The silvery doe beside the new mother offered a gentle smile. "Do you want to take a closer look?" Streams of Silver asked her granddaughter's friend. "You can come say hello– just be careful, and don't make too many sudden movements."

"Oh, can I? Can I really?" Streams of Silver smiled, nodding as the filly carefully stepped forward, coming close enough to nose at them before carefully folding her legs under herself, and curling her tail around. "They're so wiggly!" she exclaimed softly. Sacred couldn't help herself– she cut her great-grandmama off in her excitement.

"She said you could have one!"

"Wh- what? I– I can have a muskie? Truly?" She stared for a moment at them, before turning to face Streams of Silver.

"You can," she replied, now that she had their attention. "I offered a pup to Sacred– this one here is a runt, and she'll likely wean early, and need extra help, but she said that you would want her more." How sweet of Sacred to offer this opportunity to her– how generous! Streams was glad to see how her youngest great grandfoal was shaping up– she'd doubtless be a wonderful addition to the tribe when the time came, if that was where her passions lay.

"She looks like you, too! See? All white, with some black?" It was a bit of a stretch, but by the way that expression on Sunsweet's face lit up even more, her friend didn't care.

"Thank you, thank you so much. I promise I'll feed her, and, and chew her food for her until she can do it, and I'll play with her every day, and–"

"Hush, now, you two. You'll disturb them." The doe's mouth snapped shut, and she put her muzzle down, while the motherly doe smiled sympathetically. "She's not ready to leave her mother yet– why don't the two of you go play?"

 

[Anhelisk]

And that was that. A few weeks later, the pup was weaned, and under Streams of Silver's guidance, Sunsweet began the task of feeding and training her– and giving her plenty of love and affection. Sacred stayed involved, too, and it wasn't too long after that that she attracted the attention of an older Muskie, and was given the opportunity by her grandmother to begin training her, herself. It was like a revelation, working together like this on helping train their familiars under their grandmother's tutelage, and they traded jokes back and forth on occasion that raising foals couldn't be much harder.

Some things, the small revelations– passed entirely without announcement or ceremony. At the time, it had seemed such a quaint revelation. Now, well... Now Sunsweet couldn't help but wonder if things wouldn't have been better if she hadn't just been less interested... or more quiet about things.

 

[Anhelisk]

"I... I think I like girls."

Sacred blinked at the sudden comment, looking up. "Who doesn't?" she asked, looking a little perplexed. "I... I don't mean... like, in the way that I like boys. I think I like girls."

"Oh." Sunsweet watched her friend's expression resolve into an almost hesitant one. "Me, too."

 

[Anhelisk]

That had been the end of the conversation, for all that Suns had tried to salvage it– and had also marked the start of something that neither of them could stop. Sacred had begun acting awkward around the slighter, smaller doe, and nothing Sun's Sweet Embrace could do seemed to do anything at all to help the growing rift between them. The banter, as it was, stayed more or less the same, but they seldom touched. Sacred seemed to be... hesitant, in a way she hadn't been before, and Sunsweet wasn't certain how to fix it. Maybe a gift, of some sort– something to prove without words that she was still the same thoughtful friend that she'd always been?

 

[Anhelisk]

"Um, Sacred?"

"Yeah, Suns?"

"I made this for you. Um... to... to say thank you. I know you've always loved your mom's feathers, and...." She scuffed a hoof against the ground, looking down and away as her friend stepped forward.

"Oh, Suns... they're beautiful. How did you–" "I got Echo to help, it's no big deal–" "Of course it is! They're wonderful. Oh, help me get them in my hair?"

Sunsweet stepped forward, carefully moving to pick up one of the ornaments from the turtle shell, and started fussing. "Lean your head down a little more– you're so tall, it's lovely, but inconvenient." Sakes grunted, but obliged, staying still as her hair was tugged this way and that, until Sunsweet was relatively certain that the ornaments wouldn't come out very soon. Self-conscious of her handiwork, Sunsweet stepped back, and fidgeted. "We can ask 'Cho for a hand from Labyrinth later. They're a bit crooked, but–" but Sacred was already swinging her head around gently, eyes trained on the fluttering things.

Her voice was quiet and intense as she responded. "I love them." It made something in her flutter pleasantly to hear it. 'You do?" "Of course I do, Suns. Thank you!"

 

[Anhelisk]

She would never forget the beatific smile on her friend's face, that day. Things got easier, after that– they weren't so distant any more, and Sacred's seeming awkwardness around her was fast fading. Finally, they were back to how they had been– laying together, sharing tribe gossip, or just ranging around the borders of their lands, making sure that nothing was awry. Spending their days together was wonderful, and the doe couldn't imagine any better way to spend things. It had seemed only natural, at the time, that things would blossom from there.

 

[Anhelisk]

It came out of nowhere. "Suns... Sun's Sweet Embrace– I love you." At first, Sunsweet didn't know how to respond. They were friends– good friends, best friends– and she wasn't sure whether she felt anything more than that.

On the other hand, though, she couldn't imagine wanting more than friendship with anyone else. Really, what were her chances of finding someone better, and more loving, more caring and friendly and exuberant than her charming Sacred? What could be more wonderful than making her friend happy?

She smiled back, leaning in to bump her shoulder against Sacred's side. "I love you too, you big doof."

With that, she set off to a canter, leading Sacred off on a merry chase.

 

[Anhelisk]

It wasn't until a couple days later that the regret started to sink in. What had been nice– and novel– and exciting... had quick lost its charm, and while her newfound lover seemed very happy to be involved, Sun's Sweet Embrace could not say the same of herself. Sacred was a wonderful doe, and a great friend, but crossing this line of intimacy disagreed with Sunsweet... and it was making her feel uncomfortable, given how enthusiastic Sacred was to be sharing in a physical relationship with her, and how little interest she felt in reciprocating. She couldn't keep it hidden forever– and she couldn't deal with the burden of guilt at keeping it quiet– but still, some part of her held out hope that, given time, she'd be more interested, herself.

Things didn't go south until Sacred started to notice.

 

[Anhelisk]

"I get it. You don't want to talk about whatever it is, and you don't have to. But when you don't tell me what's bothering you, and all you say is that everything is fine, it starts to bother me." Suns started to take a breath in, intent on insisting, again, that things really were okay, and that she didn't need to worry.

"I feel like I've done something wrong."

That stopped her dead in her tracks. She hadn't! It was Sunsweet's own fault. And... and there really wasn't any way to say it without having to say it– and it needed to be said. "Look. You're a great friend, Sacred. I like you a lot. I just don't know if I'd be... interested... in the sort of mateship you're looking for."

"Please, I... it's not just about that. I just want... to make it work. We can make it work." She didn't like the sound of desperation that crept up into her voice, but she couldn't help it– her throat felt tight. But before she could continue, she was cut off.

"Goodness, Sakes. It's something important to you– something you want, and you should find it. I gave it a go, and you're sweet, and I like you, but... it just... I don't think it's going to work."

That was it, then. No point continuing to belabour the point. Sacred took in a sharp breath, then let it out. "Fine, then." She turned, starting to walk away.

"Sakes, I–" "I need some space!" There was no arguing with that. As much as Sunsweet wanted to follow, the doe would respect her friend's wishes.

 

[Anhelisk]

Maybe she'd have acted differently, had she known that would be the last time she saw her, at least for a very, very long time. Maybe she should have followed– done what she could to reassure her. Maybe she could have done something to keep her from disappearing like she had. She was too far-gone, now, to go on a trip– not and know that the sacs would be laid in a safe place, where they would be guarded. No, it was best to stay here, and let their family take care of them. All the doe could do is wait, and keep looking– staying near the Seekers' home in case her wayward friend chose to return.

She was startled from her reverie as a nose nudged against her haunch– it was Streams of Silver, coming up to lean in against her side. She nudged at Sunsweet's side until the melancholy doe turned to face her, before quietly speaking.

"Come back to shelter, Sunsweet." She tried nudging her again, but the small doe stayed put, expression one of distress.

The older doe gave a small sigh, and pressed in a little more firmly against Sunsweet's side. "She won't return any quicker if you stay out in this weather, I promise you.

"Come now, before you catch cold." Her adoptive grandmama was right– she could wait back at home just as easily as she could wait here. She turned around slowly, and started plodding homewards.