[FIN] Who Will it Be?

[BlackFireKitsune]

Anxiety and fear, along with looming dread, kept Abel company for the rest of the day and well into the evening. When at least he did sleep it was fitful at best, and his diet starting the next morning consisted of coffee and cigarettes; the night before it had just been the latter. He couldn't eat anything, how could he? How could he stomach anything when he felt like the moment he tried, it would just come right back up?

Zevran had texted him at some point and it sounded like his friend wanted to come over - he couldn't blame him wanting to spend some time somewhere warm, given the fact it would only get colder outside - but he just.. he couldn't do it. He could barely keep himself together, there was no way he could even attempt to have company like this. Zevran would come over and he'd know immediately that something was wrong, something that Abel couldn't tell him about, and he'd have to try to explain without explaining or just let him sit and wonder what the ******** was going on. The blond wasn't inclined to do either of these things, so as much as he disliked denying his friend, he did so with an apology. Maybe some other time soon?

Maybe sometime when his life wasn't falling to pieces all around him while he remained trapped in a corner, unable to escape or try to put himself back together. Maybe sometime when he wasn't creating a hole in the floor with his restless, anxious pacing. Maybe sometime when he wasn't going outside to smoke every half hour to try - and fail - to calm himself down.

Maybe sometime when he wasn't so positive that someone would die soon, and it would be entirely his fault.  

[TawnyAngel]

Work was still something he had to go to even with the feeling of doom hanging over them. He would have preferred to stay home and keep an eye on Abel but he'd already had time off recently when his arm had been broken and Valour had been lost, and then after Sasha had dumped him he just hadn't been able to face it one day and... Yeah his sickness record was looking not great so he went to work anyway but he left Swift, Aurelia, and Melody at home to be more company for Abel and his pokemon.

Sort of luckily he'd had an early start so he was able to leave early too and got back while it was still light. When Sonia let him in - he assumed after carefully checking who he was - Abel was pacing pretty much as he had been this morning.

This had to stop.

Once he was inside and had a coffee to warm up from the cold flight back on Scully Taavi fetched out his phone and pulled up his conversation thread with Zev. //Hey can you come over? Can't really go into it but some stuffs happened and Abel could use your company if your free.// Zev usually seemed to be free, he still hadn't figured out what the blond did for a living. At this point he kind of felt like he might not want to know.

_______________________

When he'd texted Abel earlier on Zevran had in fact been heading to the store to buy food, because he had assumed the answer would be yes. When it wasn't he found himself at a loss, had Abel ever refused his company before with anything other than 'sorry, working'? Not that he recalled, and certainly not recently.

Feeling unreasonably dejected he had sat in a coffee shop for a while but there was only so much coffee one could drink, and a while after he'd finished his third he had taken the hint in the manager's glare and left. It was getting on in the afternoon by now, before long it would get dark and now that November was crawling to a close when it got dark it got really cold.

Just as he was contemplating a lonely night shivering in the darkness of the warehouse his phone buzzed in his pocket; Zevran retrieved it to find a message from Taavi which he had to read over a few times. So Abel said it was a bad time and Taavi said something had happened. s**t.

//Of course,// was the response he tapped out quickly before turning towards Abel's place, though not without a pause in a store along the way.

About half an hour after Taavi had sent his text Zevran reached the level of Abel's apartment on the fire escape, it was a little harder to tell somebody to go away when you were looking at them through a window than it was if they were standing the other side of a door....

He could see Abel pacing, Taavi wasn't in view so perhaps he was on the couch.

What had happened? Perhaps he wouldn't find out, that was usually the case with Abel's problems, but he could certainly provide food and a distraction.... He hoped Abel wouldn't be angry that he'd come even after being told not to.

Rather than allow himself to begin worrying about that Zevran knocked on the window and waved with a warm, if slightly worried looking smile.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

If someone died - and someone probably would - who would it be? Even if he did off the man Alyssa had told him to, she would still ruin his life more than she already had -- but maybe not as badly as she was going to? He was loath to kill anyone on her behalf though, regardless of who they were or what they'd done, but if he didn't and she just did whatever she wanted... What if he got rid of her? But then his life would still effectively be over; everyone, his family would know what he'd done, and he couldn't handle that... If he himself disappeared, that would save his own heartache, but what about Taavi? What about his family? His family, who had already lost one child.. But that would leave Alyssa to keep doing whatever she pleased. Maybe if he...

The sudden knock startled him out of his thoughts - and his pacing - and he turned that startled expression towards the door. Sonia noticed Zevran at the window, however - she wasn't in too panicked a state that she couldn't notice more details than 'someone knocked; it must be the door' - so she padded over to push the window open to allow him entrance.

When no further knock came from the door and was instead followed by a window opening, Abel turned his less startled, more puzzled - and vaguely distressed - face to see why the window... Zevran? Why was he... "What're you doing here?"  

[TawnyAngel]

Oh, well, that wasn't exactly the greeting he'd hoped for. Abel had told him not to come though so he supposed he shouldn't have expected a warm welcome.

"Ah, hello," Zevran said with a slightly nervous sounding laugh as he stepped in through the window. "I was-"

"I asked him to come over," Taavi cut in, sitting up on the sofa and rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. After a busy day at work and very little sleep the previous night he'd been trying for a nap to shake off the exhaustion but it hadn't worked. "You're just wearing a hole in the floor there Abel and I thought... if I told you I'd asked him to come you might tell me to tell him not to come after all, so I didn't tell you. Sorry." It looked like Zev had brought food too, he didn't much feel like eating but he needed to and Abel did too.

"Thanks, Zev," he added to the unusually anxious looking blond.

"Ahh... yes, of course," Zevran replied to Taavi but he quickly glanced back at Abel again. "I brought food and drink," he said hesitantly as he started to slide the window slowly closed. Part of him wondered if perhaps Abel would be angry enough at him for coming here unasked to push him back out through the window, open or otherwise, Abel had never shown such violent tendencies.... But you never knew, and he would much rather have the option of ducking quickly out of the half closed window if he needed to.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

And now Zevran looked uncertain and hesitant because he'd had to be an a**, and--

And Taavi had invited him over, that was why. Abel turned an uncertain expression to his friend; he wanted to be upset, but he could never be upset at Taavi of all people, but he hadn't wanted company and now he had it, and what was he even going to do--

"I'm not," he started to argue as he cast his gaze down to the carpet, which did indeed look just a bit more worn than it had the previous afternoon. Abel frowned. "I'm just.. I don't know," the blond finished uncertainly as he ran his hands over his face. He didn't know what to do; pacing so much was wearing him out but it wasn't. His body - his lungs - rebelled, but he had far too much nervous energy pent up, with whatever Alyssa was planning he couldn't just sit around, he couldn't do nothing -- and yet nothing was all he could do from the inescapable cage he'd trapped himself in.

"It's fine," he said after another moment or two, though it wasn't clear whether this was to reassure his friends or himself, "it's fine. That's fine. I'm uh, I'm not hungry though," he added as his hands lowered a bit, and he aimed an apologetic look at Zevran.  

[TawnyAngel]

Maybe he shouldn't have asked Zev to come over after all.... No, even if he didn't really want it right now Abel definitely needed company. "Sorry," he said again, because even if he thought he'd done the right thing doing something that Abel hadn't wanted made him feel bad.

___________________________

Zevran visibly relaxed and closed the window the rest of the way, shutting out the cold early evening air. While he didn't look nervous anymore he looked more worried than he had before, what had happened to put Abel in such a state and what could he do about it?

Zevran removed his boots and crossed the room to Abel. "I will not try to make you eat," he said quietly, reaching up to brush the backs of the fingers of his free hand over Abel's cheek. "A drink though?" he suggested, lifting the bag in his other hand a little to indicate the suggestion further.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Taavi apologizing made him feel worse; all he did was try to help. Normally he thoroughly enjoyed Zevran's company, the fun conversations, witty retorts and shameless flirting - among other things - so it only made sense for Taavi to ask for help to make him feel better.

Except this wasn't something that he could just feel better about. He didn't like it, not any part of it, and the only way he saw it ending was poorly. No matter what happened or how it played out, it wouldn't be good. It couldn't be. "Don't apologize," he said instead with a quiet sigh and small shake of his head. Taavi was too good a person, too good a friend; he didn't deserve him at all. "Please don't apologize."

Zevran, too; he didn't deserve him either. "Ah... Thanks," the taller blond murmured as he curled his fingers around Zev's wrist and gently pulled his hand away from his face. He absolutely did not deserve any of their kindness, their concern... "I'm.. not sure. Maybe?" His brows furrowed a bit as he debated having alcohol. Getting drunk would pass the time, would make it easier to deal with things for the present -- but it also meant getting drunk to the point of possibly talking too much, or rational thought. What if Alyssa came by when he was drunk? What would he do then?

...what was he going to do?

"...maybe one drink," he ceded uncertainly. Would he be able to keep that down though?  

[TawnyAngel]

Taavi just barely managed to bite down on another 'sorry', Abel didn't want him to apologise for apologising. Instead he said; "Uh, shall I put on some music or something?" It was too quiet. It was quiet sometimes of course but this was a different quiet, it was a choking dark quiet not a peaceful one.

__________________

Oh.

Zevran allowed Abel to move his hand without protest but he did brush their fingers together before he dropped his hand back by his side. "One drink," he agreed, "and music sounds good. Why don't we all go into the kitchen? Taavi you can-" he had been going to say 'help me cook' but that was a little difficult with one hand. "-find us some glasses and ice please?" The phrasing was a little awkward but he could probably get away with it where a native speaker could not.

"Oh, sure," Taavi agreed, hopping up from the couch and heading quickly into the kitchen.

While he hadn't exactly expected Taavi to go so quickly, Zevran was quick to take advantage of it. "Is there anything I can do?" he asked Abel softly.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Music, he didn't care about music right now. He didn't want to go into the kitchen right now, he didn't want anything right now except for this whole chaotic ******** to end. To end well, which it wouldn't.

And then Taavi was gone, leaving him alone with Zevran -- and there was Zevran, asking a completely innocent question out of concern. "No," Abel replied promptly without even thinking about the answer he gave. His face contorted to one of pure distress and uncertainty, of fear, but the hopeless pleading Taavi had seen the day before was gone completely. There was nothing anyone could do, nothing at all. All he could do was suffer and wait for her to come back -- and then suffer some more. "There's nothing you can do. There's nothing I can do, I don't-- ********.. s**t."

His anxious pacing immediately resumed.  

[TawnyAngel]

Nothing he could do, and nothing Abel could do. From the pacing it seemed like something that was going to happen rather than something that already had, but what? Abel looked so hopeless, afraid, and full of pleading for a solution where he didn't believe there could be one. Had he been threatened?

"I will not allow anyone to harm you," Zevran said vehemently, stepping into Abel's path and putting a hand on his arm so that the taller man might look down at his face; jaw set, amber eyes intently and intensely focused on Abel's face. "Whatever is happening I am on your side, even if you believe there is no hope and nothing to be done. I am your man without question, or need for explanation." Nobody had ever treated him so well as Abel had, he did not deserve such kindness but he was glad of it, and he would be twice damned if he didn't do all he could to repay it.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Abel abruptly stopped in his pacing - he had to, lest he walk straight into his shorter friend - and looked down into the determined face. It took him a moment or two before he could think of a response. "I'm not worried about getting hurt," he said, though 'harm' was such a broad term. Would Alyssa selling him out be harm? Almost definitely. Too bad he couldn't really stop her; stopping her would have to mean killing her, and that would have the same end result either way. There really was no way out of this without hurting someone. Multiple someones. "It's not what I believe, it's a fact. There's nothing anyone can do, not me or anyone else. I can't do anything - I can't do anything - except just ******** wait until something happens. Whatever it is." He still didn't know, but he couldn't just stand around and do nothing! ...but that was all he could do.

He pressed his hands to his face, shoved his fingers through his hair in renewed agitation, and turned to pace more. That was literally the only thing he could do, after all; pace around hopelessly, restlessly in his cage.  

[TawnyAngel]

Perhaps something could be done whenever whatever it was happened? If he just had even a notion of what it could be maybe he could say something more comforting. "Well then I will wait with you," Zevran replied after a pause. Abel would need to eat at some point and to drink, something other than alcohol that was. Taavi would be aware of that too but he was not exactly famed for being forceful or insistent on anything, unless it was that he wasn't insisting on something.

As though summoned by a thought Taavi stepped back into the room and cleared his throat, just because he was feeling awkward and stressed for once rather than to make sure he wasn't about to interrupt something. "I got glasses and stuff," he said, putting them down on the table and then turning to Zevran, who was already passing him a bottle of vodka and one of soda.

"Oh, um, thanks," he said as he took them both in one hand by the caps, lucky he had a good grip. "So I'll just... pour them in here shall I?"

"Si, thanks," Zevran confirmed as he headed for the kitchen. "I will start cooking, for whoever wishes to eat."  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Even though he appreciated Zevran's support - appreciated the hell out of it, and Taavi's too - his mind was clouded by the thoughts of how he didn't deserve either of them, and such thoughts held his tongue, kept him from voicing his appreciation. Not like there was much point anyway, not when his life was pretty much over. What would they think of him? What would his family think? He continued his anxious pacing with renewed misery.  

[TawnyAngel]

Taavi poured three pretty generous measures of vodka into the glasses and topped them up with ice. "Here," he moved to intercept Abel's course and held out one of the glasses, "drink this and... I... I don't know just drink it I guess." Wasn't a lot else they could do but wait to see what Alyssa would actually do.

In the kitchen Zevran laid out all of the ingredients and turned on the oven before scrubbing the sweet potatoes and starting to cut them into fry-shapes. Usually he would enjoy this, or at least be in anticipation of the eventual meal, but his mind was too consumed with worry for any such thing to take hold. Something was wrong, Abel was afraid of something, and he couldn't help. He had to help.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Abel halted again as Taavi interrupted his pacing this time, and he accepted the glass with a tired sigh. "Thanks," he murmured softly. He was so tired of this, of all of this, of how helpless he was, how he couldn't do a damn thing but wait... "I don't know either." He cast the glass a brief, rather dubious look - would he be able to keep it down? - before he shrugged internally and took a sip. Oh, yep, that fell into his stomach like so many rocks; he'd have to be careful of how much he drank, and hopefully he'd be able to keep it down...

Eventually the smell of cooked potatoes and sizzling meat wafted throughout the apartment, and Abel felt so guilty that the smell made him feel a little ill. No, there was no way he could stomach anything more than the glass of vodka he'd already finished.