[PRP] Old Ghosts (Keeper x Flawed)

[Ryuukishin]

Was he doomed to remain in the past?

The morning sun dappled his back as Keeper trailed after his companion beneath the canopy. The thoughtling was not unfamiliar to him; it came and went as it pleased, unannounced, and Keeper had long since given up on trying to keep it tethered. It was a wild thing: let it do as it would, and he the same. He was not some fool to be bandied about by the whims of a rodent not even a quarter his size—he was not compelled to obey. And yet, every time it passed, he followed. He could not help it. It bore too strong of a resemblance to her.

"What is it, my Beloved?" he murmured, his voice too quiet for the thoughtling to hear. "Have you found something?"  

[Lirilei]

Flawed had managed to get himself completely twisted about on where he was at, thanks to his foxbun companion. Repeat had been chasing some small thing, that it obviously didn't like, and it left Flawed half exasperated with his furry companion.

He was also exasperated with himself, he tried to keep careful track of where he was, and where he was going, and in chasing after the foxbun, he'd gotten himself off usual paths, and into an area that bore little resemblance to what he was used to being around, and yet... something niggled at the back of his mind. He pushed the thought aside.

There was crashing in the brush, Repeat tearing after the small creature again, and he sighed. "Repeat, just leave it." he sighed, even as the Thoughtling decided to start dancing around his hooves. "Would. You. Go. Away." he lifted his hooves one after the other trying to dance away from it, and it just wasn't working. So he started off at a quick pace, the little thing, seemingly following, darting around and he shifted directions, trying to shake it.

Repeat seemed to be coming his way again, at least he thought it was Repeat coming his way, he was so busy trying _not_ to step on the tiny creature, he wasn't paying attention to where he was going!

Ryuukishin

 

[Ryuukishin]

Lirilei

As if on cue, the thoughtling darted away. Keeper followed, but he could not traverse the undergrowth as easily with his size. It took a few moments for Keeper to clear the bushes, and by then the thoughtling was out of sight. His breath caught in his throat, and he pelted forward—only to run headlong into another.

The disbanding of his tribe had left him with a lot of time on his hooves—perhaps too much time—and he'd taken to traveling. By now he was used to arduous terrain and unexpected scenarios, and he displayed his skill by proceeding to fall flat on his face. For a moment, there was only silence.

"I apologize," he said, getting to his feet and rubbing his smarting nose with a knee. The thoughtling settled between his forelegs with something like a laugh in its twinkling eyes. "I was..."

He trailed off, eyes widening at the familiar scars along the buck's side. "Flawed? Is that you?"  

[Lirilei]

Ryuukishin

Flawed hadn't expected to be crashed into like that, far from really so it was no wonder he went toppling to the ground, legs all akimbo and his heavily scarred neck and side visible to the other.

Repeat for its part sat there sniffing at a patch of grass and nbibled away as if this was an every day occurrence and there was nothing to be concerned about. Far from of course, but who knew with foxbuns what they were thinking.

He was barely righting himself and preparing to get back up on his hooves, when he heard his name being spoken and he froze, blood going cold, and his eyes quickly shifted upward, staring up at the buck above him.

"K-K-Keeper...?"

The stutter was something not present when he'd been taken in by Keepers tribe, and had only surfaced as he'd grown up. He was both startled to see the other male, and almost terrified. He had tried his hardest to avoid anywhere that would bring him near Keeper. Though he knew the rest of the tribe was dead so why would he have stayed in one spot? It was likely to have happened sooner or later, this meeting. Flawed felt he'd have preferred later. Much, much later.  

[Ryuukishin]

Lirilei xx

It felt as if his heart would burst. Did Flawed truly hate him that much? Was that why he'd run away, so long ago?

"I... I'm sorry." He thrust his nose under the thoughtling and eased it onto his head, wondering why, why, why did it bring him here? "I'll go."  

[Lirilei]

Ryuukishin

Those two words made Flawed's heart twist painfully, and he was shaking his head even as he scrambled to his feet, anxious to ensure Keeper didn't go. "N-no please don't go!" words a rushed exclamation.

"D-don't b-be sorry K-keeper. Only one who sh-should be sorry is me." well he was the one who's run away so long ago after all.  

[Ryuukishin]

Lirilei xx

Keeper blinked. Flawed had grown much since the last time they'd seen one another, and he had to tilt his head back to consider the buck's full height. How much of Flawed's life had he missed?

His voice was soft when he replied, his eyes gentle. "Whatever for?"  

[Lirilei]

Ryuukishin

Flawed looked down at the smaller acha a moment trying to figure out just what to say, and how to say it.

"F....for running away... leaving..." he swallowed hard, his head dropping as he looked at Beloved a moment.

"F..for...for living...when she d...didn't..." his voice dropped even more. The little critter looked so much like Keeper's daughter it was hard to look at it.

But really, he'd always felt beyond guilty for surviving the bear attack, when everyone else hadn't. That he'd survived the mauling. A part of him had always wished he'd died and Keeper's daughter had lived.

He always felt he was a painful memory for the buck, he couldn't subject Keeper to his presence when he was strong enough to leave. So he had.  

[Ryuukishin]

Lirilei xx

Keeper felt his spine go rigid. The thoughtling looked so little like him that many assumed his affection was attributed to endearment than nostalgia. Of course Flawed would see the resemblance—they'd played together, been friends—and he was a fool to let himself forget.

He turned aside, the thoughtling clinging to his horn with a squeak, feeling like he'd been caught red-handed. It'd been years. They both knew that the dead never came back—that fancying such hopes would, inevitably, lead to disappointment. Shouldn't he have been able to let go?

But his dwelling would be saved for later. This time, he could be here for Flawed.

"Oh, Flawed," he murmured, winding his neck around the buck's. (The thoughtling glanced at Repeat before jumping from Keeper's head to Flawed's.) "It was never your fault."

He stepped back, not quite meeting Flawed's eyes. "I always thought you left because of me. I know... I know I wasn't the best caretaker." He'd looked after the wounds of course, but the ministrations were mechanical, and he regretted being so distant at a time when Flawed would have needed guidance to help process the experience. He shut his eyes, reliving the shock at returning to their shared den to find only a flower, and the anguish at being unable to locate a stumbling, just-barely-healed colt. He knew the Swamp provided—that chances of survival for a lone foal were greater than that of other creatures, perhaps—but a larger part of him feared he had allowed his wallowing to take the life of the only other survivor.  

[Lirilei]

Ryuukishin

Repeat was unamused by the Thoughtling on its head, but it didn't shake the small creature off, and instead let it stay while it stood passively by, watching the two bucks with some curiosity.

Flawed was surprised by the embrace, though he returned it, his own head coming to rest against the older buck and he let out a soft, trembling puff of air. This was hard, seeing Keeper again after so long.

Though it was shock that had him stumbling back, nearly kicking his foxbun in the butt, though it scampered off a few hops, Beloved taken with in its actions, and he was looking at Keeper with a more than surprised expression.

"Your fault? H-how could it be y-y-your fault? I l-lived...I wish I hadn't....for so long. That... she d-did....thought...you re-resented me...so I left....I didn't...I didn't want to hurt you anymore."

He'd left, to be kind, in a way. Because he was too young to understand everything going on. Of course he didn't know leaving was the worst possible thing he could have done!  

[Ryuukishin]

Lirilei

The thoughtling chirped and put a claw on Flawed's hoof.

"It wasn't your fault," Keeper simply repeated, holding the buck's eyes. He once thought it might have been his instead.

Keeper still remembered the disappointment he felt at being tasked to collect an herb, notorious for its pins and the fact that it thrived upon rot. It was not only tedious, but he would have to bathe afterwards as well, and the longer he was engaged, the more he would miss the tribe's festivities. Though they had a fixed territory, many of their number were missionaries, and it was not often that they could all come together. What were the odds that he would be the only member outside the territory when the great bear attacked?

When he was finally able to comprehend what happened, he'd been at war: a part of him envied the deaths his tribe faced; he resented that they could die with conviction, abandoning him with no purpose. Another part argued that his presence would not have affected the outcome. It had taken him a long time to understand that he was not to blame, because there was nothing he could have done. He had been entirely powerless to change anything.

Guilt or impotency. He didn't know which was the heavier burden to bear.

"The bear had been imprisoned and starved," he continued. Trying to find meaning in his tribe's death had led him to discovering the bear's origins. "It could not have been swayed from its anger."

He tucked the buck's hair behind his ear and turned away with a sigh. "Perhaps I was angry... I was not quite myself then." It was as if he'd felt everything and nothing at the same time. He could only imagine what it might have been like for the younger Flawed the day his body mirrored his name; his pain had been physical as well as emotional. It was a relief to know that the experience hadn't twisted Flawed as it did the bear, and that his intentions for leaving had been kind, even if misguided. "But that was on me, Flawed."  

[Lirilei]

Ryuukishin

As he listened to those words, there was so many emotions running through him. Surprise, elation, sadness... it ran the gamut, and his heart hammered away painfully in his chest, stomach twisting and churning as certain things became clear. He'd never had to leave, like he thought he had. He could have stayed here, the entire time and then...

Well who knew what then.

He likely would not have ever met Echo, and due to her Cave Yell, the thought of the buck made him smile a moment, though the idea of never having met him, tore that smile away from his face just as quickly a cold dose of reality splashing him in the face.

By leaving, it had shaped his life good and bad both, and given the good he had now, he felt it out weighed any bad he might have faced in his life, still occasionally faced in his life.

He stepped closer, and he rested his head along the older bucks neck a moment, and he breathed out softly, his voice soft, and slow. "I'm glad... to know the reason behind it all. To know....well what your mind was going through at the time... much like I'm glad I could tell you how guilty I felt I lived when she didn't... and how sorry I was I couldn't do anything to ease your pain." his own, while excruciating, had been physical, not emotional though that would come to pass. Still. It was different.

"And now...it's behind us. We know one another's truths...and that's important." oh it was. He breathed another note as he stepped away, and there a tentative "I....well my leaving left a lot of marks, good and bad....and well..." he lightly pawed at the earth with a hoof.

"Would you come with me to meet some of the good?" his voice was quietly hopeful.  

[Ryuukishin]

Lirilei

Keeper read Flawed's face with an emotional turmoil of his own. If he had been scorned, he could not have blamed the buck. If the news had been swallowed with resignation, he would not have been surprised. Even if Flawed had been relieved, Keeper could have understood. But when Flawed's gaze settled, it seemed almost happy... no, more than that: it was as if he had accepted all that had happened, the highs and the lows, and had released himself from the binds of the latter. It was as if he had found peace.

Flawed embraced him then; Keeper stiffened in what might have been surprise, but not a fraction of a second had passed before he returned the gesture. When Flawed exhaled, he did, too. He felt light—lighter than air.

"I... I'm glad as well," was all he managed to say. He was still overcome by emotion, first on reuniting with Flawed, then on seeing how much the buck had grown. Flawed had healed better than he'd ever dared to hope; it was as if they'd passed a veil, and though the world stayed the same, it was seen through different lens. Here was the other survivor, no longer stationary in his mind's eye, but moving on... moving forward.

"The good?" His voice was more hopeful than cautious. Then, "Yes," he said, breathless. "Yes; I'd like that very much."

Awestruck, he joined the buck at his side, and the two left together.  

[Lirilei]

This was a level of closure he'd never really understood he'd needed in his life till he had it, and suddenly everything felt so much better to him. He felt a little more at ease. It wasn't his fault, in the end. He'd never had to leave. It might not have been the best closure to some, but to him it was exactly what was needed.

The question made a low laugh come from the younger buck. "Very good, in fact. There's Cave Yell..." there was a warmth to his tone that was unmistakable. "...and his twin sister Echo." more warmth there. The twins, were definitely special to him, that was obvious.

"They welcomed me into their family, accepted me, flaws and all...and have been helping me to accept them as well....and now...well you'll see when we get there. It's a bit of travel, but I think it'll be worth it."

Ryuukishin

And now, I'll get the thread started for the three of us!