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The following has been written by me for my final exam paper "Personal Reflection of the Game Design Fundemental course"
-=PR GDF=-
When I first started GDF, I was so happy. My eyes were filled with watery tears of sadness as I started to realize that no one liked me. I was labeled by most of the students around me as 'Emo.' This term describes a highly emotional person.
"Hey Emo" one would say.
"Hi" I would reply, with my head down.
"Blah blah blah" and the worthless hatred spewed from their mouths would taunt me.
I say my thoughts are in a balloon rather than a box. This balloon is red, and is shaped like a dog by some clown that tried to kill me. My thoughts are like the helium, and this little red dog would float all the way up to the top of the sky of random absurdness, opposed to the ground of rationality. The birds of curiosity would siren their voices and I would follow.
"So is it possibly to do such and none?" I would ask many times in different forms.
Birds can not talk though, so many of my questions were left unanswered. Though because of the massive majority of classmates stain me with neglect, I resorted to have my dog float through storm clouds of conceptions and ideology. By doing so I was introduced to a brand new thing, understanding. With this under my thoughts, I would hold standing with my classmates, or at least I would pretend to myself I did.
"Hey I gots' a thought for you to hear!" I would exclaim, along with my thought.
"What? Who pushed Emo's random button?" I would hear, after I finished vocalizing my idea.
This would lead me down the spiraling path of quietude. At least until I had my next amazing idea. During this time I would force myself to devote time to hear the thoughts of others.
"Blahdy blah Blah ha de da," any person around me would say in the most boring and robotic tone ever.
"I'm sorry that idea seems too unprofessional and childish," I would say nicely, as feedback for my peers.
"Well, Emo you're stupid" they say, while halfway through I would have an emotional breakdown.
"WHY!!!!!!!!!!" I would scream to Snuggles quietly.
I do not own a very strong shield, or a reliable sword. Therefore, approaching these conversations, I can not be defensive or accusatorial. Allow me to inform everyone that swords actually hurt, and everyone else seemed to have the Deluxe edition Excalibur.
Focus requires commitment of completion. That is a lesson, no a fact of life. Upon hearing the babbling of my peers on my pieces, I would improve on what they claimed to be wronged. This essentially shoved my red dog in a pet carrier on the ground. With my body and mind not grounded by the rules of diction and context, I could now focus on appropriate wording and sentence structure. I afforded time to execute any and all portions of my works. I could mold my being around a goal in time.
"Brian play with me," Snuggles would chant from on top my bed.
"Sorry Snuggles, I have to finish writing this character description," I would emphasize.
"You don't love me anymore!" as Snuggles would grab a piece of conveniently placed glass shard and attempt to cut his fur wrist.
This event would happen for every assignment, but because Snuggles is a teddy bear he can not die. Though I can say it is much more difficult for my to focus, than I make this sound. For example, sometimes Snuggles can sometimes offer to play some videogames. If I were standing with my group I had a problem, because I get nervous. I would resort to goofing off a lot, to make it appear I was happy-go-lucky.
Every time there were to be a group meeting, I would hope I could be left alone to a writing assignment. I do know that I have a trouble with modern organization and proper context. When it came with working with my team, I feel that I was the weak link of a strong chain. Aaron is a strong leader; Mike became our analyzer; Suni attempted to carry the weight of the PowerPoint; Benny made sure that no idea was left unchecked; I was a random guy that no one really enjoyed talking too. At group meetings I sat in a ball with my teddy bear, Snuggles, and we watched as everyone else buzzed about.
"Buzzz," would chirp one member.
"Buzzy Buzz Buz," would be the reply of another.
"Stop talking like bees" Aaron would say, as I would cry to myself because I couldn't make bee sounds and join in properly with the other members.
With Mike's help I was able to identify my true strength as a writer, post-modernization. He pointed out on my writing style as unique, of course with a steamed tone of "I hate you" behind it. This obviously meant that I had to change my writing into the writing style he and everyone else was using at the time. While this made our final documentation prettier, it failed in originality!
When timers run closer to zero, people get antsy. So while our clock got closer and closer to the time of our presentation, my group became beasts of organization. Their sharp talons of do-it-this-way, and fangs of Brian-just-do-it-this-way-stupid, cut into my flesh and ripped me into a new person, but only for a short time.
"Brian look up!" said Aaron.
"Brian use vocal inflection!" said Mike.
"Brian project that horrid voice!" said Benny.
"Brian make eye contact!" said Suni.
I made a promise to myself to follow all their requests, I wanted to make their dreams of getting a good grade become a reality. So after we have decided on an appearance scheme for our group, we departed from Aaron's home. Now all we could rely on was a hope we could nail the presentation the next day. That night I had dreams of choking. The next day, I was unlucky.
"Thank you, I am Aaron, and next up is Brian to talk to you about interactivity" Aaron said.
At first I picked up my head. Then my voice became an inflection, like my face in a mirror. Next I roared my voice louder, like the kitty just born. Finally I attempted to make eye contact. What a mistake. I felt the sweet feeling of pain rush into my stomach, as I peered into the first person's eyes. By the time I look into the second person's eyes, my heart rate is pumping faster. The third creates cracks in my tone. The final person had made me say one thing
"Thank you, I am Brian and Benny is next," shooting myself with a gun made from my imagination.
This just destroyed a few foundations of our presentation. And without my worthlessness, my group would of gotten an even higher score. But even with my lack of goodness for the group, we still managed of getting the highest score in the class.
I like to pretend I have had a very good attitude in this class. I know that only applies in the scope of how I let my classmates visualize me, because on the inside, the singling out of myself hurt me. I did not allow this to keep me back though.
"You can't keep me back silly!" I would say to my peers.
"SHUT UP EMO!" They would scream, because I would say that out of place.
I have changed into a sadder person. I cry watching a TV show for children or listening to a song about sadness. When I am around other people though, I now hold a more positive mask. In that way, I have grown in a good way. I am a better liar.
"Snuggles, time to go home!" I would say as I started finishing this paper.
"Great, I'm ready for some Spaghetti-Ohs" Snuggles would reply.
Then I saved this on my USB, and put it on my teacher's computer.
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