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 Posted: Fri Sep 01, 2006 1:50 pm
Another dream. This is the third one taking place in the cold, partially covered with snow, room, where there is nothing besides a blue carpet leading to the throne in which a pale-blue haired elf girl is sitting, crying blood tears. Her extreme, disconsolate sadness, caused by something unknown to you, always makes you wonder and you feel restless after waking up.
From the beginning you are aware that something new will take place. On the wall behind the throne appear the words WAITING, LONGING and HURTING that the elf wrote with her tears in the previous dream. But she isn't sitting in her throne. You look around, wanting to find her. You notice her at last. She's standing, facing the wall and almost melting with it, in a pose that shows tension. You come across the room to take a look at her once again, knowing she won't look at you as always. She's still crying, but not as mournfully, at least it seems so. The girl seems to be thinking deeply about something. In one moment she apparently makes up her mind. She wipes her tears off with one hand, sniffs a couple of times and stops crying. She shudders, embraces herself with her arms and looks around, as if she just noticed how cold it is in the room. She comes up to the windows and closes them one by one. After closing the last one, she stands still for a while. She slowly turns around to face you. She blinks, apparently surprised by your presence, but then smiles. You think she looks really beautiful with a smile, while she comes up and embraces you. Her hands are cold, but you are sure that they will warm up soon, she's been sitting in cold for a very long time. Meanwhile she lets go of you, comes up to the room's door, opens it and gives you a sign to follow her with her hand, then leaves. Not knowing what else you could do, you follow her.
It turns out that the room, where the elf was sitting, is located in a huge castle. She leads you to the front door. As you stand at it, the girl makes a motion with her hand, wanting to open the door, but suddenly stops, unsure. She's been sitting in an enclosement for so long that she's afraid to leave it now. Seeing it, you take her hand and squeeze it gently, wanting to cheer on her. She looks at you, smiles gratefully and opens the door.
You leave the castle. The weather changed, it doesn't snow anymore. The elf covers her eyes from the sun with her hand. She seems to be happy. Finally...
This time you wake up peacefully. Before your eyes you see the elf's delighted smile in the moment when she covered her eyes from the brightly shining sun. You don't have to be worried about her anymore. Her suffering has finally ended...
This is the last part of the Dreams series, written in March. Feedback would be more than welcome, as always. heart
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Posted: Fri Sep 01, 2006 3:35 pm
Oh crap, there were more parts before this one? Didn't realize I was reading the final one till the end... I'll go find the other ones and read them later.
Overall, it was pretty interesting. My first thoughts were "Jesus, an elf girl. Like the Chatterbox in a format I can read" But it got pretty good as I read on. It can be dangerous to write in the second-person perspective, though you seemed to have a good grip on it.
Not bad at all. I look forward to more!
Quick summary: Sad and cold.
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Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2006 1:48 am
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Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2006 6:51 am
This.. was a wonderful conclusion to this seires.
Only lines that seemed to catch me at an awkward state was this one..
"You come up to her to look at her. She doesn't see you, as always."
It seems a little.. Young.
And seems to short to flow correctly with the rest.
A possible rewrite for that line could be something along these lines..
"You come across the room to take a look at her once again, knowing she won't look at you as always.
But all in all
The thought behind this whole seires
Was excellent.
3nodding
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Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2006 7:32 am
Thank you so much, I'll correct it. ^^
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Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2006 12:03 pm
Re-read and it works nice.
3nodding
Glad to have helped.
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