Welcome to Gaia! ::

Infinite possibilities-A writer's guild

Back to Guilds

This is a writer's guild where all can gather for feedback and advice on all mediums of writing. Plus it's a great place for conversation. 

Tags: Writing, Writer, Writer's Block, Critiques, Friends 

Reply Infinite possibilities-A writer's guild
Pesky Girl

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

"We're all mad here."
  Oh...that's cool.
  But I don't WANT to go among MAD people! :gonk:
View Results

]Impetigo[

PostPosted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 5:19 pm
“I can take any picture, any snippet of words, and make a story.”

These were the first words out of her mouth, and I hardly knew how to handle them.

A freshman, one I had barely acknowledged moments before in class, was talking to me, saying that sentence with ease. I didn’t know what to say in response, and she was looking at me with such expectation.

“Um…that’s nice, I guess.”

“Are you a sophmore?” Her head tilted to the side, inquiring with those big green eyes. I grimaced in their stare.

“Erm, junior, actually.”

“Cool! I was only a year off.” She smiled in content. She probably would have had the smile on her face even if she was two or three years off. Even if she had guessed correctly. I nodded, then continued on my way to the cafeteria, wishing I had a different companion.

“So, whaddya think of Ms. Jones?”

“Well, um, I guess she’s okay…I had her last year.”

“Oh? Are you re-taking the class, or did you have her for a different subject?”

“Retake. I’m failing.”

“Really? I LOVE her class, and it’s only the third day!” Her expressive eyes shone with excitement, and she did a little dance right there in the hall, books clutched to her chest, right in front of everybody. When someone made a despairing remark, she simply smiled sweetly in their direction.

My dignity slipped down a few notches. Here I was, a perfectly respectable junior, completely male in everything, with a keen resentment for anything and anyone not in my field of interest, and this little freshman girl (although ‘little’ seemed hardly appropriate for a girl who was 5’9”in height), with a scrawny frame, hunched shoulders, flyaway blonde hair, and a sweatshirt three times her size, was chatting away with me like I was one of her gal pals. Like we were the ‘bestest of buds’!

Next thing I knew, I would be eating salads with her and gossiping about guys. I shuddered, and tried to lose her in the crowded hallways. No luck. She was persistent.

“Do you have any pets at home? I do. I have two cats and a parakeet. My cats are named Isaac and Spike, and my parakeet’s fondly known as Bob. I had a pet dog, but he passed away not too long ago. I was raised around him; in fact, he was the older one. So, do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Do you have any pets?” Again with those probing eyes! The girl was a pest AND nosey, that was plain to see.

“No. I had an ant farm for a while, but I fried them in the end.” Not really, but she didn’t have to know that. Maybe she’d leave me alone now that she knew I was a brutal ant slayer.

“I’ve always wanted to try chocolate covered ants. Is that bizarre? I’ve just always wanted some, ever since I heard about them. But no way would I try those dried crickets! Did you know that crickets can become infected with this parasite known as a hairworm? The parasite slowly possesses the cricket’s body, leaving only it’s head and brain. Then, it forces the cricket to head to the nearest body of water, and drowns it; the hairworm comes out of the cricket now, and goes to mate with other hairworms. That’s just gross, right?”

I blinked. How did she breathe while talking that fast? I could never do it. Neither could any other person I knew. She wasn’t human! I couldn’t even remember her name, and already I knew that this girl was an alien species.

As if she could read minds, the girl jumped, and apologized.

“Here I am blathering away, and we haven’t even been properly introduced. My name’s Calantha, but you can call me Callie. It’s Greek, so no worries with trying to pronounce it.”

“Derek.”

“Nice to meetcha!” Her spritely eyes glimmered with a sort of exuberance, and she swiftly put out a hand. I stared at it as if it were some kind of nuclear bomb.

“To shake, silly. Since we’ve just been properly introduced.”

Slowly, I took the hand, and went through the motions of shaking it.

“You have a very loose and unprofessional grip, ya know that? I took this one class two years ago…Career Decisions, it was called. You were graded on the sort of handshake you presented…the one you would use for an interview. Not too pushy, not too limp. Goldilocks style, as our teacher would say. Anywho, you can tell a lot about a person by the way they shake hands.”

I glanced at Callie out of the corner of my eye. And? Wasn’t she going to go on about how I seemed utterly disinterested with what she was saying, and how my handshake reflected upon that? Nope. Not a word, although she did stare up at me in a funny way.

Finally, we reached the cafeteria. I muttered something about meeting up with some friends (yeah, right!), and scurried off, leaving her by the entranceway. Soon she was engulfed in the crowd of bodies, and I was off.

I got my lunch from the vending machines, and sat at one secluded table in the corner. I opened my can of Pringles, and began chewing, before wondering why it was so quiet. I mean, I heard the background noise of all the rest of the student populace, but near me it was oddly silent.

It was the absence of her chatter. I had quickly, over the space of a few minutes, grown used to it, and missed it.

Why? Callie was a pest. A know-it-all. A little nerd who loved school.

Still…her chatter was addictive.

When I found Callie, she was sitting on her own. Completely alone, friendless, that was what she was. I cleared my throat, and she looked up at me.

She smiled, spritely eyes a-glow, and I sat down next to her.

“So…what was that you said about hairworms?”

And she was off.

---

sweatdrop Just a snippet really. I'm not sure if I like these characters, but I liked the idea at the time. They're kinda contridictory, but I like the idea of opposites attracting. It's not like Derek falls in love with Callie, but more...in like. He's the brooding, silent loner, and she's the bubbly brain. A match made in heaven! xd

This story is to a snippet, as a drawing is to a sketch, so...FEEDBACK APPRECIATED!
 
PostPosted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 5:33 pm
That was amazingly indepth.
You are excellent dialogue writer, and the thoughts the main character feels are shockinly human; a mixture between contemptment and admiration.

I would love to- no, I demand that you write more of this.

It kind of connects with me because I'm both of them at the same time; the kid who wants to be left alone all the time (Derek) and the person who just wants to socialize becasue we see "witty people" as cool.
It's kind of different ya know; all we usually see here is my stark realistic and twisted s**t, and other people's "out there" stuff, but this is shockingly realistic.

I envy you're talent at writing dialogue.
I hope to see a lot more out of you.  

Xahmen
Vice Captain


Oukow

PostPosted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 5:42 pm
I have nothing to say since Zahmen said everything.

I would also enjoy to see more of this too.  
PostPosted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 5:59 pm
Zahmen
That was amazingly indepth.
You are excellent dialogue writer, and the thoughts the main character feels are shockinly human; a mixture between contemptment and admiration.

I would love to- no, I demand that you write more of this.

It kind of connects with me because I'm both of them at the same time; the kid who wants to be left alone all the time (Derek) and the person who just wants to socialize becasue we see "witty people" as cool.
It's kind of different ya know; all we usually see here is my stark realistic and twisted s**t, and other people's "out there" stuff, but this is shockingly realistic.

I envy you're talent at writing dialogue.
I hope to see a lot more out of you.

Wow...thank you!

Really, I find dialogue easy! I simply place myself in the character's position. What I would say if I was in their stead. Of course, it's harder to write dialogue for a guy, but not too hard.

It's those transition sentances I have trouble with. stare
 

]Impetigo[


Xahmen
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 6:04 pm
Now you, read the Dialogue tryout and tell me if it sounds forced please.
DO EET domokun  
PostPosted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 6:11 pm
Zahmen
Now you, read the Dialogue tryout and tell me if it sounds forced please.
DO EET domokun

DONE EET!!! domokun  

]Impetigo[


KirbyVictorious

PostPosted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 6:34 pm
Yay! I love. heart  
PostPosted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 7:55 pm
Heh. Looks like I came to late to say anything that hasn't already been said, but here I go anyways.

I liked the ending. It was amusing and I enjoy amusing things. The fact that he got his lunch out of the vending machine- so realistic! I loved that. Your characters were pretty well planned out, but I would have liked to see some more details about how they acted towards each other earlier in the day if you continued it.

^^ That's all. Oh, and if I didn't miss this, what does Derek look like? I'm cuuuuurious.
 

broken_91


]Impetigo[

PostPosted: Mon Oct 02, 2006 6:45 am
broken_91
Heh. Looks like I came to late to say anything that hasn't already been said, but here I go anyways.

I liked the ending. It was amusing and I enjoy amusing things. The fact that he got his lunch out of the vending machine- so realistic! I loved that. Your characters were pretty well planned out, but I would have liked to see some more details about how they acted towards each other earlier in the day if you continued it.

^^ That's all. Oh, and if I didn't miss this, what does Derek look like? I'm cuuuuurious.

O__O FORGOT ABOUT DEREK! *dies*

Umm...tall, like about six feet, since even Callie (5'9'') has to look up at him. He's kinda like the dude you hear Miss Cleo tell ya about: tall, dark, and handsome. He's got black hair, blue eyes, and a darkish complexion. He's not very sociable, so he doesn't really have a girlfriend, but as you can imagine, he has plenty of girls crushin' on him.

sweatdrop That's about it, really.

If you want more, maybe I could write something from Callie's angle... biggrin
 
Reply
Infinite possibilities-A writer's guild

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum