99 Words: Schoolyard Horror

[broken_91]

This was a thing I had to do for English a little while ago. I heart it.

Schoolyard Horror:

Blood spattered the ground and the child hit the pavement with a sickening crack not too much later.

I hovered to the side, watching with disgust.

Coiling back from the shoe that created a sickening crack on impact, the child grimaced and clenched a fist, slowly picking himself off of the ground. The others squealed in delight and knocked him down once more, cat calling as they ran off, wiping their hatred on their trousers.

They say color pigments don’t make a difference among children.

The horror is still here. Like a broken record, it plays on.  

[Oukow]

I really like this one...I don't know why... blaugh  

[]Impetigo[]

wow...this piece was really...wow.

I liked it. I can't really respond in great detail now, but I really liked it. You're a great writer!

For some reason, I love this one bit: "...wiping their hatred on their trousers."

:shrugs: 'Tis painfully poetic. Oh, the irony...  

[broken_91]

Heh, thanks guys. I like to play with my words ...a lot.  

[Spastic waffles]

They say color pigments don’t make a difference among children.

Lovelovelovelovelove tihs line. Along with the trouser one.

Great story. Sad, but great.  

[citcat299]

Wow, I absolutely loved it. It really resonated with me as I was badly bullied as a child. This poem I wrote called 'Child In The Mirror' is very much related in my eyes.

Child in the mirror,
Insubstantial,
Are you really there?
Lost inside their lies,

You have lots of friends,

The ones that throw tanbark?
And cheer when you run away,
The ones that hide when you come out to play?

He died in peace,

The rose you placed in his frozen hand,
Blood seeping through his blue veined fingers,
The poem you wrote,
The first poem you ever wrote,
Did they lie to you?
Did he die in pain?

You look beautiful,

Dance in your empty circle,
10 feet wide,
To the music of their mockery.
Destroyed by their indifference,

You’re special,

Slapped in the face,
Goaded beyond endurance,
Blamed for wrongs you never committed,
Betrayed by anyone you ever trusted,
As though you couldn’t hear or see them,
Sneering triumphantly
When they stabbed you in the back.

Alone in the library,
Advanced beyond your years,
Wizened by pain,
Naive in your isolation.

Laughing children playing a game,
You’re the victim,
A necessary sacrifice,
Dead child walking.  

[Elf of the Shadows]

'The horror is still here. Like a broken record, it plays on. '

This line is my favorite!!! I'm not sure why, it just is. I really enjoyed this piece!!!!  

[Rosealean]

I really really liked this!! ^_^ I thought it was amazingly, well written!! Bravo!! *applauds*  

[Gomenroia]

Awesome. What was the assignment btw?  

[broken_91]

Ninty-nine word short story with a plot as well as descriptions.  

[Xahmen]

Seeing s this isn't the first comment I shall respond with this.

-clap clap clap clap-  

[Tak-Jak]

wiping their hatred on their trousers.

They say color pigments don’t make a difference among children.

The horror is still here. Like a broken record, it plays on.


When you write lines like that, they should be pointed out and praised as much as they deserve. Very good diction throughout this whole piece. The story lines was true.. but saddening. Really would like to see more.  

[citcat299]

citcat299

Wow, I absolutely loved it. It really resonated with me as I was badly bullied as a child. This poem I wrote called 'Child In The Mirror' is very much related in my eyes.

Child in the mirror,
Insubstantial,
Are you really there?
Lost inside their lies,

You have lots of friends,

The ones that throw tanbark?
And cheer when you run away,
The ones that hide when you come out to play?

He died in peace,

The rose you placed in his frozen hand,
Blood seeping through his blue veined fingers,
The poem you wrote,
The first poem you ever wrote,
Did they lie to you?
Did he die in pain?

You look beautiful,

Dance in your empty circle,
10 feet wide,
To the music of their mockery.
Destroyed by their indifference,

You’re special,

Slapped in the face,
Goaded beyond endurance,
Blamed for wrongs you never committed,
Betrayed by anyone you ever trusted,
As though you couldn’t hear or see them,
Sneering triumphantly
When they stabbed you in the back.

Alone in the library,
Advanced beyond your years,
Wizened by pain,
Naive in your isolation.

Laughing children playing a game,
You’re the victim,
A necessary sacrifice,
Dead child walking.

Except yours is heaps better. biggrin  

[broken_91]

^^;; Thanks..  

[Helena Frenzy]

Awesome job!

I would pick out a favorite line, but I love all of them and how they go together so wonderfully.

You said so much with so little words,again, awesome job.