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Infinite possibilities-A writer's guild

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Tags: Writing, Writer, Writer's Block, Critiques, Friends 

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Moment in Time

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When you smile I..
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broken_91

PostPosted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 2:17 pm
Note: I wanted to get some of my silly drabbles up here, so yeah. I know, first person in this context is weird. Work with me people. I'm putting this up for all your amazing reviews on my 'Schoolyard Horror'. You like this, I'll write some more.

I crawl into bed, slowly shifting my weight up and nearly falling into your chest, off balance. Finally getting my feet up off the floor, I slide under the sheet and murmur a quiet ‘I love you’ before settling in.

Eyes closing, I tuck myself in against your frame: on my side with an arm across your middle, holding you to me. My cheek rests nearly on your shoulder, tucked under your chin like I was born to fit there.

Sometimes I wonder if I was. Born for you, that is. Part of me knows this is silly and that the answer is obvious; I should stop doubting myself. I was. Deep inside I know that you feel the same way.

Slowly drifting off, moonlight dribbles in through the window, rain pattering lightly against the pane. Every now and then, a break in the clouds lets it shine in across our legs.

Breathing lightly against your skin, I unconsciously squeeze my hold around you and snuggle in against you. Murmuring softly in my sleep, I change my position so that I nearly lie on top of you: fingers moving just under your side and turn my head so that I have my ear against your chest.

I talk in my sleep some times. Just so that one can hear me but never understand unless they can read the movement of my lips. Often forming words about you and I probably.

You move under me and I slip away from the fog of sleep that was pulling me into a deep sea of dreams. Slowly finding my body and regaining thought, I turn my head over, one blue eye opening and finding your gaze upon me, guilty smile flitting on your lips.

Once again I’ve caught you watching me sleep. Then again if I didn’t always drift off, I would watch you too. Sometimes I can manage though, listening to your heart beating for me. Feeling the steady lift of your chest as you take in my and my air.

Slowly inching forward, I push against the bed with my hands and lift myself up, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to your lips. Responding, you run hands up my sides and slide them around to hug me. Everything about the moment is easy, slow, time dripping by like a leaky faucet.

Pulling back, I manage to resume my position across your chest, letting your arms encircle me. Smile turning up the corners of my lips, I close my eyes once more and tell you to go to sleep.
 
PostPosted: Thu Oct 05, 2006 4:18 pm
I moved the Angels stuff to the Works in Progress subforum. Sorry about that, kiddos.  

broken_91


KirbyVictorious

PostPosted: Thu Oct 05, 2006 6:12 pm
>.<

Three-word responses rock. *squee*

I love. Muchmuchmuch.  
PostPosted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 10:19 am
Yay! This is great. You have managed to write a happy love piece that makes the reader feel the love between the two. (Happy love pieces are hard enough to find nowadays, let alone good ones like this)
Don't worry about the first person thing. I think it gives a more personal feel to it. It makes the readers put themselves in the story, rather than just watching it.
Great job, and keep posting!  

Dry Elbow KITTENZ


Rosealean

PostPosted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 4:53 pm
I really liked this, you could really feel all of the emotions running through it. It was very, very good. I hope you keep posting! ^_^  
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Infinite possibilities-A writer's guild

 
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