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Home on a Saturday night--
How sad can you get? Is that not the very definition of lonliness?
Well, let me see...
I had almost reached for the dictionary when I realized what I was doing. There will be absolutely no school-related work or mental labor of any kind, oh no there won't. I hastily replaced the dictionary.
So...now what?
Just because I felt like it, I turned on some music, picking exactly the right song.
Home on a Saturday night, with all your doors locked up tight, I won't be thinking about you baby...
Hah, so perfect. Except I had no one to think about.
Sometimes I felt perfectly content with my rather lonely life. And sometimes--like now--I felt...well, lonely. And that's the truth; I never lie. And it's definitely no lie that no matter how much I hate it, I'm still home on a Saturday night.
There are a million things I could do. I could do everything on the list of verbs that is within my physical capacity, and legal. But I had to cross-reference the real possibilities...no car, no friends, no life. I was so bored that I ran a Google search on "things to do."
Possibilities...seemingly endless.
I added in a few factors and clicked the button.
Nothing.
I lost patience with Google pretty quickly.
I think I'm being whiny, but I honestly don't care. I have nothing better to do, after all. There's only the rivaling cats, my sterio, and my computer. And for modern technology, that thing sucks. It can never cure my writer's block, my lonliness, or my heartbreak.
I feel like I'm waiting for something. For my parents, maybe? Or for my so-called friends to get ahold of me, or for my cell phone to break the silence with its cute and obscenely loud ring?
I chose that one on purpose. I think it was just for this particular night, this one Saturday where I feel completely alone.
I'm not waiting for anything, really. Not for my writer's block to give up, or for inspiration, or for some anime to come on TV. Not for my parents, not for my cat to come inside, and certainly not for you.
No...I don't even know why this is directed at you. I absolutely hate you. If I had one wish, I would wish that you would walk away and never look back at me, so I could never again lose myself in your carefree eyes. Because when I found myself again, there was never anyone around.
...I guess I'm not as honest as I thought.
I can say I hate you, but I've never hated anybody before.
It's dark, and I don't even know what the hell is coming out of my computer. Maybe I should turn on a light...
I like it dark. After all, what's more entertaining than letting your worst fears manifest themselves in utter darkness? But them, if I turned on the light, it would still be there.
Lonliness.
I'm home on a Saturday night, and I still love you. I miss you, and I wish you would come and save me from my lonliness.
After all, I never lie.
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