Welcome to Gaia! ::

Infinite possibilities-A writer's guild

Back to Guilds

This is a writer's guild where all can gather for feedback and advice on all mediums of writing. Plus it's a great place for conversation. 

Tags: Writing, Writer, Writer's Block, Critiques, Friends 

Reply Infinite possibilities-A writer's guild
Fester Love

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

May I ask for your...
  ...opinions?
  ...suggestions?
  ...opinions and suggestions?
View Results

Kattie

PostPosted: Sat Oct 07, 2006 2:16 pm
"Where is he!?"

Queen of Decadence was quickly pacing around her house. The tapping of high heels was echoing. Her "toy" was nowhere to be found. She was getting nervous. She was walking around her bedroom, then she sat down in an armchair, frowning. Then she dropped her head and started to tap her fingers on a hand-rail. She wasn't only angry now, now she was also distressed.

"We know what happened to him", she heard her bodyguard's voice and reared her head. The man continued. "We found letters from some woman. They were supposed to run away together. We don't know the place of his stay yet", he said.

"Find him", she said quietly but audibly. "Find him and take him back home."

The bodyguard bowed and left, leaving the Queen alone. She bit her bottom lip and dropped her head again. She was sitting still for a while, then she stood up again and began to walk around, murmuring something to herself. At last she stopped. She was standing like that with her head dropped, not even wiping off the tears that were going down her cheeks.

Her bodyguard people caught him when he was driving somewhere at night down empty streets lit by street lamps. They tied him up, threw on the back seat of the car and drove to the Queen's house. She was sitting in her armchair, beautiful and dolorous, waiting for news.

"We caught him", her bodyguard proclaimed.

The Queen livened up immediately, though it was barely noticeable. Her lips arched in a slight smile and she held her eyes.

"Perfect. Chain him to the ceiling in his cell. I'll be there in a moment", she said in her mellow voice.

When the man left, she took off a hook a big and thick whip. Her "pet" deserved a punishment. She laughed and went to the dungeon.

Hanging, chained to the ceiling by his wrists, he heard the sound of high heels, a deliberate, dignified pace, typical of the Queen. At last the door opened, creaking slightly. He turned his head as much as he could to look at her. She was beautiful as always. He held his breath at the sight of the whip in her hand. She walked around him to look in his face.

"Did you think you would escape?You miscalculated. My people will always find you. I'll tell you honestly, you got in pretty large straits. What for?Was it really this bad?You had a free hand, you could do almost everything you wanted, you weren't held on a leash...I gave you my feelings...", she traced a gentle finger down his cheek. "And yet you decided to leave it all...not caring about my feelings...", she subtracted and sighed. It was hard for him to look at her now. She looked as if she really was sorry because of what happened. "You deserve a punishment", she said after a while, frowned and slapped his face, then stood behind him and unrolled the whip.

He heard a swish and then he felt a painful lash on his back. And then another and another one. It lasted for some time, till the Queen adjudged it was enough. She rolled the whip and put it aside. Then she took a leather collar with a metal ring. She faced her unfaithful "pet" again, putting the collar on his neck. She smiled rapaciously.

"You didn't like relative freedom, so you won't have any freedom at all now!", she said and laughed like a Succubus.

The second part of "Queen of Decadence", inspired by two songs by Schwarz Stein: "Queen of Decadence" and "Fester Love". Feedback of any kind would be most welcome as always. heart  
PostPosted: Sat Oct 07, 2006 6:20 pm
O.o

Oooh, I like.  

KirbyVictorious


Xahmen
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Sat Oct 07, 2006 7:07 pm
A tad dramatic, I like your portrayal of the "Queen", she seems like a royal b***h.  
PostPosted: Sun Oct 08, 2006 6:27 am
Heh.. I think the piece overall could use some editting. Yes I know, fear my responses.

I think the piece had a good plot line for something this short.. but her emotions fluctuated much too fast and her Bodyguard seemed to have much too easy of a time finding the 'toy'. Your dialougue at the end was a little.. unhuman. I know you wanted it to be like that.. but I think you may have gone maybe a little too far.

Sorry if I came off too hard again..
 

broken_91

Reply
Infinite possibilities-A writer's guild

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum