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| What do you think? (Harshly honest, please) |
| You're good. |
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53% |
[ 7 ] |
| Could use a little work, but not bad. |
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46% |
[ 6 ] |
| You shouldn't be writing poetry at all. |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
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| Total Votes : 13 |
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 Posted: Sun Oct 15, 2006 4:46 pm
Hello once again. Hey, I'm Emma. I don't have many poems to post for ou all, but I'll post what I can. I hope you like them and whatnot. PLEASE give me constructive criticism, I'd love it. Be as harsh as you see necessary. My first poem will be up shortly.
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Posted: Sun Oct 15, 2006 4:48 pm
Stop
Please stop.
I know you don't mean it,
but stop.
Stop being so happy when
I'm constantly torn in two.
Stop laughing and joking around
with me, knowing I'll follow suit.
I can't handle it anymore.
Stop being such a good friend,
it only makes it that much harder.
You're only driving me over this cliff.
Stop wondering what's wrong and
wishing I'd be okay again.
It only kills me more inside when
I can't tell you anything.
I can't afford to let it slip,
I'd die before that happens.
That may very well be the case.
Stop making my heart beat faster
when there's nothing I can do about it.
Stop saying how great I am when
I clearly disagree, instilling me
with a painful false hope.
Stop invading my thoughts,
as though it's where you belong.
Stop making me love you more,
when that choice is terribly wrong.
Stop this fear building inside me,
the fear of ever losing you.
I won't go through with that;
I can't lose you, I'll die.
And so you can't know, because
the only thing worse than losing you,
is being hated by you.
The day you find out is
the day I am lost to an
eternal loneliness and heartbreak.
So stop.
Before you push me over the edge.
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Posted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 1:59 pm
from the sound of it you like however it is, but can't tell them...a fiasco would follow apparently...I can relate to the feeling, and I've written a poem similar to it with the same thoughts in mind...although I can tell you now that yours beats mine flat out...
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Posted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 2:03 pm
Yeah, that's pretty much it. Hopelessly in love with said person and nothing I can do about it. Thanks for the compliment, though. Hopefully I can uncover one of my previous poems for you guys to read. That or I'll write another, but haven't had much time. Thanks again!
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Posted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 2:06 pm
haha your welcome...I think all of us has been in that place...you care about someone so much...but if you tell them it ends everything...that's pretty much where I always am...so yea I completely understand what your saying in the poem...
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Posted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 2:08 pm
chaos_incarnite91 haha your welcome...I think all of us has been in that place...you care about someone so much...but if you tell them it ends everything...that's pretty much where I always am...so yea I completely understand what your saying in the poem... Uhh... yeah... I was that way with Stephanie for THREE YEARS... but now we're engaged. SO... yeah... mrgreen
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Posted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 2:08 pm
Love the poem! I feel the same frequently. When you say you've written a poem similar to that, Chaos, is it one I've read?
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Posted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 2:10 pm
it's those three I haven't posted yet...*looks away* I don't know if I can ever post those. The person has a gaia and might find out...
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Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 12:10 am
Okay, I've tried my best to write some things, but I couldn't actually finish any of my poems. I started a few, and one or two may be able to stand alone as is, but I feel something is missing. I'm going to post them anyways to see if they are decent as they are and whether its worth finishing them in the first place. I want as much constructive criticism as you can all offer. Thanks!!
You're the Death of Me (title susceptible to change)
You keep asking what's wrong.
Such an innocent face.
Your voice dripping with care.
I can see how it's hurting you,
To not know what's killing me.
What do you want me to say?
"You"?
I try so hard to act normal.
To just get through each day
Without you getting upset over it.
How difficult to hold this smile,
When I only want to die.
But I keep up this tiresomce act,
For you.
The Decision Wasn't Mine
You can't choose who you love.
I know that.
But I should have had a choice.
It's not fair.
Why did it have to be someone like you?
Perfect in every sense.
But unavailable in the same way.
I can't help it.
This Cycle
It hurts.
It hurts so bad.
I need someone to make it stop;
But none of you can help,
When you don't know what's wrong.
And I can't tell you,
As much as I'd love to.
You wouldn't understand.
I know how you hate that
I make myself bleed, but it's
The only way to ease the pain.
In essence, a paradox.
A torturous cycle I'm
Dangerously stuck in.
Oh! What I'd do to make it stop!
But I know it never will.
Ack, I know how much they suck. I need some other kind of feeling to write about, but how when it's all I feel? Anyways, hope you guys either like it or can tell me what's wrong with them. Maybe your comments will help me finish them. *shrug* Who knows?
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Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 9:32 am
"The Decision Wasn't Mine" seems like a saying that my mom has: "There are some people so nice, so perfect, so genuine, that you want to hate them...but you can't hate them." In response to this I usually just say, "A real paradox."
You want a choice even though you can't have it.
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Kharne Bloodhowler Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 1:17 pm
they don't suck...but they are missing something...I hate it when I can't name what it is don't you? I have to say, You're the death of me is one of my faves...
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Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 7:58 pm
Okay, I kinda threw something together, and I think it's horrible. Not in and of itself, but because I'm stuck in one train of thought and I keep repeating myself. It seems all of my poems seem to center around the same thing, and for that I'm sorry. It does get tiring to read such redundance. I can't help it at this moment, but I'm trying my very best to get some other kind of inspiration and produce something worthy of all of your time. So here's the latest. I hope it doesn't bore you, as it may very well.
Love and Angst(not sure about the permanent title yet)
Love
I’ve experienced it before.
Or what I thought was love.
So what’s so different this time?
Why is it accompanied by
Pain instead of happiness?
That’s what you’re wondering right?
What could be so bad about
Loving someone the way I do?
What could cause the kind
Of suffering I can’t escape?
I’m not sure, you tell me.
You all don’t seem to understand.
It wasn’t my choice to fall in love.
I don’t want this, I hate that
It’s come this far, become this deep.
However, my heart begs to differ.
I’ve tried so hard to control it,
To make it just disappear in thin air.
To believe it isn’t true, that its
all been made up. But now I know
I’m utterly, hopelessly, horribly,
In love.
Such intense feelings appearing
From both sides of the spectrum.
How can love be combined with
the worst feeling I’ve ever had?
Nothing makes sense anymore
and I loathe myself for this.
How can I have become so
Infatuated with someone I can’t
Possibly ever have...or want?
That is why I wish for pain
Of some kind to take away this
Feeling of despair, confusion, and angst.
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Posted: Sun Oct 29, 2006 4:21 pm
Angel Of Death
My angel waits for me
In the shadows,
Dressed in black.
Skin smooth and pale.
Hazel eyes staring,
Ready to change
In the blink of an eye.
They burn into my soul,
Sometimes with love,
Or furious with rage.
Doesn't make a difference.
My angel has me twisted
Around a slender finger,
And doesn't know it.
My angel tortures me.
My body, my mind.
Feeding off my thoughts
And my every desire.
Fulfilling some while
Contradicting others.
My angel doesn't know that
Whatever I am subjected to,
I love every damn second.
I can't get enough, be it
Harsh words, tight ropes,
Blades and scars, as much
As gentle, tender touches.
My angel has my heart.
My angel is a ghost.
There one moment,
Gone the next, leaving
Me wanting so much more.
Killing me through and
Through with each touch,
Each warm breath, each
Word uttered from those lips.
Draining my strength and
Determination, eating at
My will to live, leaving only
My want to please my angel.
I live and will die for my angel.
My angel of death.
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 5:26 am
I read through some of your poetry and they have a great tone to them. Especially your first one.
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 5:01 pm
Thanks! I'm glad you like them. I'd post more but I haven't written any in a while, I can't find a lot of them (just moved), and those I did, are not to be shared. But as soon as I either find one or write a new one, I'll be sure to post them for you all to read.
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